BHAGAWAN SATYA SAI BABA- THE LOVING MOTHER

[Guest guest]

described this particular aura as white and pink of the colour of love. When

bhajans were sung in the prayer hall, the white and predominantly pink aura

turned golden, the colour of the sun and then into an expansive blue, and the

boundless energy of creation. And we know that blue colour is also symbolic of

love. Professor Varoneshky saw in the eyes of Baba diamond like brilliance.

Though Varoneshky is a Catholic, he felt convinced that aurawise, Sri Sathya

Sai Baba was God, the primal source of love. Indeed Sathya Sai Baba was the

very quintessence of Love. Many other devotees of Baba have also had the

experience of witnessing the halo surrounding the face of Baba. We have already

noticed in the earlier chapter how John Scher, an American devotee, witnessed

the pink and bluish halo expanding and spreading all over the sky and the

faraway horizons. Sri Sathya Sai Baba has said: I am the embodiment of love

and love is my

instrument mine is love that is pure, free, selfless and unconditional. And

further he has said: Sai is infinite love. It is this love that pervades and

appears in the entire universe around us. This love is seated ever in your

hearts. The universe is Sai. You are Sathya Sai. Love is my form, truth is my

breath, and peace is my food. My life is my message. Through constant

reiteration of this love, he has clearly and transparently demonstrated both by

precept and actual practice that he is the living configuration of love that

only God can be. He is the kind of love that surpasses in magnitude and

intensity the love of one thousand mothers. Sai Baba has declared explicitly

that Love is God. It is love that transfigures and transubstantiates everything

and binds all into one volume. Sai Baba has made some extremely precious and

beautiful and memorable

observations that are truly reminiscent of the teachings of Jesus Christ

and offer concrete and tangible suggestions for mankind to live by. For

instance, he says: God is the source of all love. Love God; love the world

as the vesture of God, no more, no less. Through love you can merge in the

ocean of love. Love cures pettiness, hate and grief. Love loosens bonds. It

saves man from the torments of birth and death. Love binds all hearts into a

soft, silken symphony. Seen through the eyes of love, all beings are beautiful,

all deeds are dedicated, all thoughts are innocent, and the world is one vast

kin. And here is another practical and easy way to work for the expansion of

this universal love to attain the bliss of attaining God: Love for all

should spontaneously flow from your heart and sweeten all your words. The best

spiritual discipline that can

help man is love. Foster the tiny seed of love that clings to me and mine. Let

it sprout into love for the group around you and grow into love for all

mankind, and spread out its branches over animals, birds, and those that creep

and crawl and let the love enfold all things and beings in all the world.

Proceed from less love to more love, narrow love to expanded love. And

furthermore, the practice of expanding the love rhythmically to embrace all and

every sentient thing and the recognition of sparks of the same divinity is the

end of all spiritual exploration. Baba says: When you know that you are but

a spark of the divine and that all else are the same divine spark, you look

upon all with reverence and true love. Your heart is filled with supreme joy

and the canker of egotism is rendered ineffective. Man is seeking joy in

far-off places, in quiet spots, not knowing that the spring of joy is in the

heart,

the heaven of peace is in himself. Love is God; God is the embodiment of perfect

love. So he can be known, reached and won only through love. You can see the

Moon only with the moonlight. Such facets of the divine diamond can be seen

and realized through intensive study of all that Baba has said in his

discourses and vahinis. But the important and crucial question is the

apprehension and true understanding of the secret of Baba's extreme love and

its redeeming, transcendental power. That is to say, divine love and its

eternal radiance and transforming power can only be experienced because as

Professor Gokak, the renowned Indian English poet, has said in images of

poetry, ... But divine love is the naked majesty of midnight stars It is

an infinite and luminous downpour That fills all your being To the very cells

of the body... Divine love descends on you

As from the Milky Way And more and more, the more open you are. It upholds

your sail on the ocean of being And is the chart(er) of uncharted seas Human

love is the fire of the body That created man in the image of man. It is the

sallying out of the self to self. But divine love is the light of the heaven

That recreates man in the image of God. Sri Sathya Sai Baba has declared that

his love flows to everyone, to every sentient thing of the universe. In fact,

it is this love that sustains the universe. He says, 'If you take one step

towards me, I shall take a hundred steps towards you. If you shed one tear, I

will wipe a hundred tears.' His love is selfless and without any condition.

'Love is my very nature,' he says. The greatest attribute of selfless divine

love is that it is not bound by the fetters of attachment or craving for any

return. It is universal as

well as impersonal. In the words of Professor Gokak, 'Baba's love floods the

vast spaces of the soul. Although it is marked by supreme detachment, it

irrigates the arid heart that it may burst into bloom. It is beautiful itself.'

Further, Professor Gokak says: At an informal meeting, one of the group asked

Baba, 'Swamiji, what is the secret of the' cure that many afflicted persons

experience in your presence Baba said simply and instantly: 'It is my

experience that I am one with every sentient thing, every human being. My love

flows out to everyone, for I see everyone as myself. If a person reciprocates

my love from the depth and purity of his heart, my love and his meet in unison

and he is cured of his affliction. Where there is no reciprocation, there is no

cure...' Baba's love knows no frontiers. It overflows all boundaries. Like the

universal sun it shines on all, whether they be sun worshippers or owls. Sai

Baba as the single flame and still centre holding the universe in his palm is

the fountain of love, pure love. He is indeed a symbol perfected in love. God

who is SatBeing Awareness-Bliss, can also be fairly described as a symbol

perfected in love. Human love is generally fragmentary just as the finite human

consciousness itself. 'Who, if I cried, would hear me among the angelic orders?

That was the dilemma before Rainer Maria Rilke, the modern German poet. Torn up

and disconsolate at witnessing the great conflagration during the second world

war and assailed by thousand and one doubts and distractions he mused over the

human condition and had a true vision of the essential human frailty and human

lot. He felt as never before that human consciousness is finite and fragmented

in the extreme. But there is another kind of consciousness that is undivided

and complete. Rilke saw a series of visions at Scholos Duino. Plagued and

tormented by the insufficiency of the human

condition, the poet set out to capture that elusive and beautiful vision of

supreme felicity as represented by the angels, the lovers and all those who

have gone to the world of the dead. Similarly, human love is broken, transitory

and fragmented, and the central thrust of the pilgrim soul is to aspire for

divine love as also for the final merger with the Eternal Absolute, SatSai Baba

in some of his letters and poems, addressed to the beloved students of Sri

Sathya Sai College of Arts and Sciences, has urged them to move into another

intensity and merge themselves into Him. He says in one such poem: Live ...

live ... live in perfect accordance With My laws, and wonders will ensue. Let

old memories well up in you From my subconscious in you... Old patterns...

Old forgotten patterns and thoughts. Now plunge them into the Ocean of Light

Burn them from the

Consciousness So that you may be True emblems of my Being. Right now

visualise my burning Flame Rising higher and higher As it burns through

you... It is a flame that is cooling Cleansing and healing; That soothes the

hidden sorrow... And leaves you calm and quiet. Test in my Love Let all that

you have been through In your many lives up to this day, Melt away in my

redeeming Light. Children of My Being Dissolve your sorrows and fears in me.

Let me efface all your Karma Come back into my Consciousness, which is your own

true consciousness Let your petty human consciousness fade away, right now, when

youcome to me, who am your inner self. You are my own radiant Glorious Self No

longer separate from me Melt with Me, merge with Me.. Become

Me. It is great poetry as it represents the true voice of feeling and the depth

of highest kind of ardour and love which are the hall­marks of the Divine. As a

Professor of English literature, this author feels frankly and candidly that it

nearly transcends all existing monuments of devotional poetry that he has

known. In the greatest of devotional poets, from Dante downwards to Milton,

Donne, Herbert and Vaughan ... to Mira, Tulsidas, Hopkins to T.S. Eliot, the

motivating force has been the prayer and the supplication of the meditating and

the praying mind to voice the spiritual aspirations of the poet in apt and

adequate metaphors of poetry. Most of such great poetry has either been

devotional or else visionary, tenuous or abstract. But here is another kind of

poetry, not penned by the aspirant praying for the one barely prayable prayer

for the one Annunciation, divine grace and mercy from that Ocean of Mercy. It

is the blessing and grace of

the Divine exhorting the devotees to merge with Him and become Him. In this

sense, it is the fullest gift of grace and love that mankind can ever hope to

realize. This is a burning example of what Divine Love can be and how it can

confer salvation on the spiritual aspirant. In another beautiful prose passage,

Sri Sathya Sai Baba explains and points out the plenitude of Divine Love: My

dears, Sai is Love. He is compassion and kindness itself. He is ever dwelling

in the hearts of you all. To trust him means freedom from all anxiety, fear and

doubts. He is you, all-in pall. When you have a Lord of the Universe to depend

upon why should you be afraid or anxious about anything? His great assurance

should always sustain you ... The Almighty Lord of the world is seated in your

heart, is the sole doer. You are mere puppets. Let him make you dance as he

wills. Yours is not to question 'Why? Difficulties and worries are not due to

outside

causes. They are due to a mind not surrendered unto God. With love and

blessings, Baba In another beautiful and memorable poem, Baba voices his

great love for the students and uses resilient and functional imagery of a rare

sort. The sense of complete oneness or unity of the human and divine could not

have been better expressed than in the following lines: The bird with you,

the wings with Me; The foot with you, the way with Me; The eye with you, the

form with Me; The thing with you, the dream with Me; The world with you, the

heaven with Me; So are we free, so are we bound; So we begin and so we end;

You in Me and I in you. Sai Baba, as we have seen, is the repository of love,

the perennial comforter of bruised and torn hearts. He knows the agitation of

every mind. One may wonder,

who, then, devised the torment, Love? No, the torment is the fruit and

consequence poem of G.M. Hopkins where he voices his tone of desperation and

anguish at not receiving the divine comfort. He voices his agony in his

characteristic style: No worst, there is none, pitched past pitch of grief,

More pangs will, schooled at at fore pangs, wider wring, Comforter, where,

where is your comforting, Mary, mother of us, where is your relief? Hopkins

voices his sense of anguish and desolation. But in Sai Baba there is the loving

and caring parent who is always beside his children. Baba has said: I am always

with you, behind you, beside you, in front of you, in your very heart. And

furthermore, he says: You shed one tear and I will wipe a hundred from your

eyes. He also assures mankind that God is ever ready to help man in calamitous

time and clime: God is the nearest, the dearest, the most loving, the most

eager companion for man. Not only this, Sai love is so powerful, expansive and

intense that guards and protects all those who reciprocate his love and

surrender to him. This love is, in nature, both protective and redemptive. In

another beautiful poem, Sai Baba gives positive assurance to his beloved

children that he is always with them: Dear, dear loved one You ask: How will

you know when I am near you? When on a sultry night Everything is hot and

still The first cool breeze Brushes your cheeks I am caressing you Think of

Me. When the pangs of hunger are satisfied And loneliness is pierced by

happiness Think of Me. When I sprinkle your face with rain And wash the

earth; the dry brown leaves The first smell of clear rain I am cleansing you.

Think of Me. When pain dissolves And fear disappears Think of Me. While

steadfast eyes are horrified By the cruelties of life The first glance of the

silent setting sun I am comforting you Think of Me. Then you ask: How will

you know when you are near me? When pain becomes unbearable You smile And

you love Me. When I take from you Your most cherished possession On the

first loss of your sight Darkness envelops you And you love Me... For

everything you see, hear, smell, taste or touch belongs to me. So how can you

give to me what I already am but your love? And that I gave to you before time

began as your sole possession. When you return it to me, then you will know you

are truly mine and I will dissolve your sorrow and happiness into me. That....

being me, I will place you

in Bliss forever for I love you and think of you constantly. From your most

loving Father. Sai Baba being both the Divine father and mother, the creator

and the preserver he is always with us sustaining our love for him. And we love

him because he first loved us. Thus, we come to the inevitable conclusion that

Sai love is many a splendoured thing, which like a sunbeam gives life and energy

to all. And like a rainbow it is compounded of many colours. It has multiplex

dimensions and can be fully absorbed and assimilated if one is ready to receive

it. Its sure and most remarkable manifestation takes place only when the

positive and negative poles of electricity meet in unison. This analogy of the

electric current has been given by Sai Baba himself when he explained to Mr.

R.K. Karanjia how the miraculous cures, remote controlled surgical operations,

rescue of the devotee from drowning and other such critical situations overtake

the

devotees. The effect of Sai love is exquisitely comforting and

far‑reaching and its limit is the sky itself. Baba's love is greater than

the sum total of the love of a thousand mothers. At the same time one cannot

understand the magic and alchemy of this love and its boundless transforming

power unless one has experienced it oneself. In this context, it may be fair to

quote here the statement of Professor V.K. Gokak. When questioned by the

representative of Movement Newspaper in America how living with Sai Baba so

closely for many a year has affected his own character and being, Professor

Gokak said: M.N.: I have heard you say that living so close to Baba you

sometimes can get 'burned'. To what does it refer? Gokak: It means that he is

all perfection. In that light around him, no iota of untruth can survive. No

insincerity can have any place around him. But we are imperfect; that is why we

are human. In our dealings with him we will try

sometimes to impose that imperfection on him without our knowledge. He is very

sorry for us because he knows that we are going to be burned...but if one

understands what is happening that it is the impurity that is being burned, and

then one can understand it all right. Plus, there is Baba's game ... While this

is happening, his love is still there ... It still flows to the person. This is

what saves and heals him ... You are on the top of a volcano ... As Baba has

been saying 'The nearer and dearer you are, the greater are your chances of

getting burned.' Professor Gokak has given a personal testament saying how

Sai wrought a miracle, bringing about a sea-change and transformation in his

emotional life. A poet that he is, Professor Gokak says that his personality

was an adamant rock that prevented the waters from flowing out. His

predominantly intellectual make‑up, spirit of detachment, restraint,

poise and central control of emotions

prevented him from giving vent to his feelings. He says that the living contact

with Baba took him from the arid desert of impersonality to the vast expanse of

emotion. It seemed as though Baba had cut a little of that adamant rock to allow

the fertilising waters of love to flow. That is what Baba did for him without

his knowing it. At this stage, the present author, who had known Professor

Vinayak Krishna Gokak for a number of years, nearly thirty years, can very well

testify to the change registered in the personality of the learned professor and

an eminent intellectual of the country. Having worked with him at the Indian

Institute of Advanced Study, Simla where Professor Gokak was the Director, and

again at Prasanthi Nilayam where he was the founder Vice Chancellor of Sri

Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, the author had numerous occasions to

perceive the soft, tender, warm and affectionate nature of the late Professor.

Indeed, the gush of the fountain of love and

jets of its energy came out unhindered from the inner spring of his heart.

Another reference and grateful acknowledgement to Baba for bringing about a

change in the nature and world-view by the impact of Baba on his personality

and character has been made by no less a person than Dr. Samuel Sandweiss. He

says in answer to the following question: Question: Dr. Sandweiss, you

described in your chapter on psychiatry a new element that Sathya Sai Baba has

added to your understanding of human nature that of divine love. Can you tell

us a little bit how that's affected your work in the United States? Answer:

Baba's love touches us at such depth and with such intensity that one can only

describe it as omnipresent, unconditional, boundless, divine. It is his

greatest gift to us, a gift that transforms the devotee and I'm sure will

transform the world as well. My first experience of this love was so profoundly

moving that I saw in it the

basic force, which supports and sustains us all. Since then I have come to see

my life's work as trying to purify my own capacity to love, to express this

love with those who come to me for help and to help modem day psychotherapists

come to know of this love that heals all illnesses. ... Perhaps I can begin by

describing the impact and meaning of my first experience of Sai love.

Throughout my personal and professional life, I had been searching for peace of

mind, how I achieve this for myself and help with its achievement by others ...

Although many patients were brought through crisis and felt better emotionally;

there was still uncertainty, worry and unresolved sufferings in their lives.

Still unanswered were such basic spiritual questions as 'who am I in the

vastness of this infinite universe? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my

life? How shall I lead it? I could see that Western psychiatry had no answer.

Neither my patients nor I had the deep sense of

peace and protection in our lives that one would hope to find a closer

relationship with a loving, caring God. This may be considered to be a very

revealing, convincing and vital statement of Sai love not only for its impact

on the personal level, but also for its therapeutic value. Dr. Sandweiss goes

on to describe his feeling of ecstasy and bliss on receiving the shaft of

sunlight that Baba's love indubitably is. He says: One evening after hearing

Baba speak to his students I retreated dejected and almost broken. I stood a

great distance away from him, many walls and many people separating us. I was

in the moment of my greatest pain, attracted by Baba's greatest vitality, love

and sheer beauty yet wanting to retreat ... I pictured myself being a penniless

outcast ... As I stood, steeped in this dark cloud of pain, I looked up to find

the most precious, tender healing light of love I had ever witnessed. Baba came

directly to me, smiling tenderly

and playfully capturing me in the radiant light of sheer bliss which sparkled in

his eyes. I was immediately immersed in his great joy and happy beyond measure

.... He reached out and gave me a small piece of candy but the spiritual gift

was immeasurable. What an immense revelation to me; his understanding of

another being deeper than anything I'd ever realized before. In an instant he

showed me he was nearer to me than my very breath, that he actually resided in

my heart, and, what's more, he responded to my pain. He had waited for the

moment when I would be ready to understand and accept. In this tender, intimate

act of compassion, I saw the glory of his omniscience and omnipresence, the

mighty transforming and healing power of his unconditional love. And he wanted

nothing in return. The personal experience of Dr. Sandweiss is no longer

personal; it is the externalization of the innermost realization in the

internal castle of the mind, the awareness of a love

that is truly like a boon and a blessing. It fertilizes the groundswell of one's

urges and apprehensions to soar highter and still higher and to purify and

expand one's love beyond self. Baba has said in his own inimitable way: Love.

Love alone can bind you to others and to God, who is the embodiment of love.

Love knows no fear, no anxiety, and no grief. I am love. I shower love.

(Sathya Sai Baba) Perhaps, it may not be out of place at this point, when the

glory, the splendour and the majesty of Sai love, which is mysterious, unique,

infinite and unknowable, to relate some of the deeply felt tremors of that love

which this author has come to realize during the moments of his calamitous

torments and sufferings and how soothing, sweet and comforting can this love be

in which one gets fully immersed with the whole soul alive and have a fair

glimpse of divine love. The author would share some of the

contours and magic of Sai love and for this purpose a narration in the first

person may be necessary and desirable for the simple reason that only within

the texture of subjective presentation can the immediacy and urgency of an

intimate journal be properly communicated to others. Such an account may fairly

be described as a personal testament. I lived a, more or less, lucid, calm and

serene existence in my adolescence and early youth. I was noble and idealistic

and loved people as loving was my innate and original impulse. I was full of

the milk of human kindness. Deeply attached to my family of parents, brothers

and sisters, I was ever ready to make the maximum sacrifice for them. An

emotional and loving temperament was my greatest acquisition and strength. This

was at the source of my kinship with people. Coupled with this, I was endowed

with a creative imagination that expressed itself in my creative writings in

Hindi short stories, to be more

precise, and at a comparatively tender age while I was studying English

literature at the Bachelor and Master's level, I had the privilege of being

known all over the country in the field of Hindi fiction as a promising young

writer. My short stories appeared regularly in prestigious magazines and

periodicals of the country and they were taken note of by general readers and

critics alike. By the time I graduated with honours in English literature and

joined the master's course as graduate student in the same subject, two

collections of my short stories had been published. And there was no turning

back; the sky seemed to me to be the limit. And then dame Fortune smiled on me

and I was awarded a teaching Fellowship of substantial value from an American

University and I spent nearly two and one‑half years at the university

and was awarded the degree of doctor of philosophy in English. My doctoral

dissertation on T.S. Eliot's later poetry was highly commended by the

examiners ... so much so that my major professor said that I was the best

student he had ever had. And another German Professor was simply lyrical in my

praise. He gave me a testimonial saying that 'Krishna is a poet, not the kind

of poet who writes verses. He is a poet who sees the simple in its inexorable

complexity and the complex in its tantalizing simplicity. He will be an eye and

a voice to his people. Whoever will be kind to Krishna will receive the

blessings that come from a noble mind and a beautiful soul. He is an honour to

his country and a source of pride for all men.' I experienced the warmth, love

and admiration of all my fellow students, teachers and the President of the

University, which filled me with ecstasy. I was truly on the crest of the wave.

Back in India, I was in for a phase of disaffection and disillusionment. I was

baptized in pain and suffering and even the Gods who love honest and sensitive

men put me on the wheel of fire. My

efforts to get a good position in the universities failed and I felt terribly

sad and disconsolate. What was worse, the very base of my life, my family posed

many a problem for me. My only daughter, Rashmee, showed symptoms of the

terrible disease schizophrenia when she was a teen-aged student in the high

school and I knew for the first time how unnerving and tragic the whole

situation can be. Life, then, became a blazing inferno, a cauldron of fire

where I had to dance in measure like a dancer. My very existence, safety and

work were threatened, for there was no knowing what would happen the next day.

Rashmee was very unwell. She raged and raved and it became increasingly

difficult to contain her or to keep her in the house. I took her to all the

major psychiatric clinics and sanatoriums of mental health, but there was

absolutely no relief whatsoever, and the tender plant that she was, withered

and there was no end to the withering of flowers. It was at this time that I

sincerely prayed to some super power to terminate the torment and save the life

of my beloved daughter. At that time I was serving as a Visiting Fellow at the

All India Institute of Advanced Study, Simla, where Professor V.K. Gokak was

the Director. As he knew about my problems, so he sincerely advised me to pray

to Sai Baba. It is he who can cure her. 'Look, Professor Sinha, yours is a

difficult problem in which none else but God can help. It is a dilemma which I

myself had gone through. My daughter, too, had mental weakness. I kept her at

home and had to pay the price. I was away to the United Kingdom on a short-term

assignment as Visiting Professor at Leeds University. One morning when I was

going to the university to continue my lecture on Indo-English Literature, I

got that dreadful news through a cable from home. My crazed daughter, poor

girl, had jumped down the well in the compound of my house and had thus ended

her life. It was a tremendous shock but assuming that

work is worship, I proceeded to the university and somehow delivered my lecture

with a broken heart. There is nothing one can do but bear the onslaughts of

outrageous fortune. The other alternative, though it may sound extremely

callous, even heartless, is to put your daughter permanently in a lunatic

asylum so that you can live in peace. This is a pragmatic approach and

perfectly logical and practical. But I know it is easier said than done. Of

course, Sai Baba can cure her by his Grace. Why not take a chance? Professor

Gokak whispered in a sibilant voice. However, the situation took a turn for the

worse. Rashmee suffered yet another setback and lost her balance altogether. I

got alarmed and felt that I would lose her in the hilly terrain of Simla with

deep ravines and precipices. So I had no option but to resign my post

prematurely and rejoin my post at Bihar University, Muzaffarpur. Soon a

research student, Miss Shelia Prasad, came to see me and offered me a

coloured photograph of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 'Sir, I am aware of your problem.

Please worship Sai Baba. He is an ocean of mercy. He will listen to your

prayer, I believe! Thus, there was the beginning of the end of my problem. The

visiting card of Baba poured in the shrine and fragrant aroma of vibhuthi

appeared on the pictures as well as on the floor. The whole house smelt of a

strange aroma and excitement was high. My ardent desire now was to visit

Puttaparthi and to seek the blessings of that God incarnate who walks the earth

in human form. But where was the wherewithal, the money to undertake that long

trip? But Baba had a different design for me. His calls are strange and unique

and when the right time comes, even Karma has to be burnt out. Another research

student of mine, a lecturer in a women's college, had submitted her doctoral

thesis on the poetry of Wallace Stevens, under my direction. I had put

Professor Narasimmaiah of Mysore

University on the panel of examiners. Although he had given his approval to the

thesis, he declined to travel way up north to conduct the vivatest of the

candidate; rather he suggested that the test could be arranged at Mysore itself

should the administration of Bihar University agree to it. The Vice Chancellor

of my university was pleased to sanction the holding of vivatest at Mysore. And

in the summer of 1973, 1 proceeded to Mysore along with my wife and daughter.

The candidate and her husband also accompanied us so that there was good

company. After the vivatest was completed, we made our maiden journey to

Puttaparthi and waited tensely for the darshan of Baba. Swami went straight to

the women's section in the darshan line and picked up my wife and daughter for

a personal interview. And Baba asked Rashmee, 'Where's your papa? Call him.'

Words fail to describe that momentous interview which was bound to have a

lasting impact

on me and initiate me to the world of deathless devotion and ardour without end

and love unlimited. Baba took me to an ante room below the stair and looked at

me with his eyes brimming with love, 'Ah, what a suffering!' I remember, there

was so much of feeling and concern over my lot and that of Rashmee. I instantly

broke down and tears gushed forth from my eyes. 'Swami, you know everything. Now

I have come to you.' Baba smiled serenely and said, with great assurance in his

voice, 'Don't worry. Swami will set right everything. She is mentally weak, but

she will gradually improve. Give her the vibhuthi in a tumbler of water. She

will be all right.' We knelt at the lotus feet and holding the packets of

vibhuthi emerged out of the interview room to the open field lit up by the rosy

beams of the setting sun. I felt comforted and radiantly happy, and said to

myself, 'there must be some merit in your life that after so much of suffering

and parched landscapes of

your life, Baba, like the benevolent God, has sent you rain. His words never

fail. Be assured that Rashmee will recover from her ordeal and be whole

subsequently. So, cheers!' I mused: hadn't my cup of suffering been full? And I

grieved and grieved and cried in total anguish and ceaseless torment. I wondered

if there was some super power in the cosmos that could bring me relief like

sunlight on a broken column. And I had waited all these years of crucifixion

and baptization in pain for the advent of a ray from the supreme which could

open up for me the new vistas and avenues of hope, faith and love. I returned

home with a new sense of faith, hope and love. It was now heartening to notice

a gradual and certain change in the mental condition of Rashmee. She was calmer

than before and took special keenness in reading books about Sai Baba and

performing pooja in the shrine and usually getting ecstatic and thrilled

whenever she noticed traces of vibhuthi, kumkum

and turmeric on the photographs. And what is more, she often reported that she

had seen Sai Baba in her dreams. She was quiet and fairly composed and her

usual tantrums of the previous months were now a thing of the past. Everything

seemed to be going on pretty well and I came to realize that I had found a new

anchor for my soul, something to live by. A new awareness had dawned upon me

that of faith. Tender bud of faith, hope and love seemed to sprout and both my

wife and myself lived in continual enchantment and feeling of security. But

Baba had ordained yet another test for us so as to help us perfect our will in

his will. During my outings I used to take Rashmee along with me so that she

could feel mentally refreshed and see places. In one such outing, a mishap

overtook us. I had an official conference at Magadh University, Bodh Gaya.

Rashmee was sleeping on the terrace of the bungalow where we were staying. At

midnight, she screamed as though she had a

nightmare and rushed towards the stair. She took a false step in the waning

moonlight and fell supine on the level ground below the open terrace. It was a

calamity; she was rushed to the medical college hospital where X-ray was taken;

a hairline fracture in the first lumbar was detected, requiring immediate

hospitalization and three weeks' complete rest on bed. The orthopaedic surgeon

who treated her, expressed his apprehension that her condition was alarming and

may ultimately lead to permanent paraplegia. However, we waited and prayed to

Sai Baba to redeem the situation and shower his grace on the unfortunate girl.

There was nothing else that we could do in the situation. I took a long leave

from work and nursed the patient amidst fluctuating moods of hope and despair.

After three weeks, the surgeon allowed the patient to go home and use an

orthopaedic belt around her waist and take regular walks in the open air. He

told me that he was amazed at the improvement in the

patient's condition and wondered how it had come about. Very soon we were back

toMuzaffarpur where the doctor of doctors, our beloved Lord Sai Baba, took the

entire responsibility of the patient. By virtue of his omnipresence he arranged

for profuse supply of sacred ashes. All that we did was to place a piece of

paper in front of his photograph in the worship room and he did the rest.

Vibhuthi gathered in thick cluster inexhaustibly and it was administered with a

glass of water at least twenty to thirty times in twenty-four hours. And the

result was astonishing. The improvement registered on the patient was

phenomenal and X-ray plates now showed complete healing and her movement and

gait became nearly normal. It was indeed a miracle of love, the like of which I

had never seen before. As a consequence of this, our faith in, and love for Baba

deepened and increased a hundredfold. My wife particularly joined the local Sai

Samiti and attended Majans and

participated in other social service. At her behest weekly Majans were held at

our residence in which a large number of devotees were present and the many

miracles continued taking place. Large footprints of Swami appeared on the

stairs and the entrance routes and exit doors. The fluorescent tubes were aglow

on their own and the scent of jasmines floated in the air. On one occasion, a

mysterious visitor in the guise of a demented woman came to the prayer hall and

after the bhajan was over, she went out and faded in the thin air on the street

going out of the campus. Messages also appeared mysteriously in the shrine and

in one such message there was a direction penned in green ink to the author to

write a book on Swami. All these phenomena were beyond my comprehension,

plunging me in a state of enlightened mystification. And finally, I came to the

only conclusion that Baba was surely and truly divine ... the very embodiment of

love. What he had

done for Rashmee was something, which only the divine parent could do. Not that

Rashmee was completely normal mentally; she still was excessively emotional and

flew into rage at the slightest provocation and always wanted to have things her

own way; but by and large, life was peaceful and we enjoyed a session of

serenity and pinned our faith in Swami's words that she would recover in good

time. His love was in action and had fertilized the very ground of her

consciousness. She read all the books on Swami with great relish and regarded

him as her saviour. She always kept on insisting that she be taken to

Puttaparthi for the darshan of her saviour. However, there was yet another

reversion in her mental condition in the year 1977, and this time in the hotel

room at Bangalore. Rashmee was tired and fatigued on account of the long

journey and did not eat and sleep well. As soon as we booked a room at Kapila

hotel, she started fretting and fuming

unnecessarily and ran out of the room and rushed to the crowded streets. It was

difficult to restrain her. I was utterly hopeless and disconsolate and was at

my wits' end. It was night time. There was heavy traffic on the streets and I

feared if Rashmee could save herself from being crushed by a car or a truck

plying on the road. At that time, help came from an unexpected quarter. At once

a driver stopped his tonga and accosted me. I told him about Rashmee and her

present mental condition. He offered to render all possible help. He persuaded

Rashmee to sit on the tonga and took her to a hospital. I followed him on a

scooter. The doctor on emergency duty advised me to take her to the Institute

of Mental Health, which was located twenty kilometres away. Again the tonga

driver offered to accompany us. He left his tonga at the hospital and

accompanied us in a taxi to the famous Institute. I thanked him very much.

Rashmee was asked to wait in the

ladies' waiting chamber so that she could be admitted into the Institute on the

morrow. The doctor cautioned me to keep strict vigil on the patient so that she

might not run out, a possibility that often happened in the case of deranged

minds. I made her sleep on an empty bench and waited outside in the verandah.

But sleep and fatigue got the better of me and I lapsed into temporary sleep.

When I woke up and cast a look I was stunned to find that the bench was empty

and Rashmee was not there. I made a frantic search all round the premises and

even looked for her in the sprawling verandah and adjoining lawns and even

across the street and tree-lined avenues and gardens nearby. But there was no

trace of Rashmee anywhere. I reported the matter to the doctor on duty, but he

was of no help either. 'Didn't I warn you to keep a vigil on her? Now what can

I do? Please go out and report the matter to the police station. There is one

round the corner. Maybe, they will manage to get

hold of her. You should have been careful/ the doctor said in a sulky and

accusing tone. My heart beat faster and my mind seemed to reel. Tension filled

my bloodstream. Many dark and gloomy thoughts crowded my brain. 'Shall I ever

see Rashmee again? What chance was there to locate her in the desert wilderness

of the metropolis? Swami, I had brought her for your darshan and blessings ...

and she has been lost and that too in a state of schizophrenic attack. But your

will will be done. Please have mercy on her and save her from possible disaster!

I thought and voiced my prayers to Swami. I returned to the hotel where

Rashmee's mother was anxiously awaiting our arrival. She looked askance at me,

but I could not utter a single word. Sensing that I was dazed and in a state of

shock, she asked with concern, 'Where is Rashmee? Where have you left her?' I

sobbed and sobbed unable to speak a word. But after a while I composed myself

and related to her how Rashmee

disappeared from the waiting chamber in the Institute when I temporarily lapsed

into sleep. She consoled me and said gravely, 'It is not your fault. It's all

her karma and her fate. But do not worry. For those who have no refuge, there

is Swami to take care of them. His love for Rashmee has always been

demonstrated and I have no doubt in my mind that he would protect her this time

as well from any calamity. Let us go to Whitefield rightaway! She said in a warm

and resonant voice which seemed to ring with firm faith and conviction. When the

day dawned and the golden rays of the sun wove patterns of red and vermilion we

were on way to Brindavanam, Whitefield with one member less. All our thoughts

were now centred on Swami. We reached Brindavanam and waited in the darshan

line. I scribbled a note hurriedly praying Swami to intervene, and handed over

the note to Swami when he came near me. He cast a glance, which seemed to

caress me as though waves

and waves of sympathy rolled over to me at least so it seemed to me. When Swami

returned to his bangalow and the bhajans started we sat all through the

session, thinking only about Rashmee and her sad plight. Time passed. We did

not even care to have the morning tea or breakfast and even at lunch we did not

feel like taking any food. It was an Ash Wednesday for us. How could we think of

taking any nourishment when Rashmee was not with us and she might be hungry,

desolate and without protection? She was my daughter lost, the favourite child

so near and dear to me and the prospects of her recovery seemed very dim

indeed! We could not even summon the courage to get back to the hotel and brood

over the consequences of what had happened. Doubts assailed my mind once again.

Swami had blessed her and had promised to set right everything. But in spite of

improvement in her mental condition for some time, there had been a reversion

landing her in a difficult situation

when her safety and well-being has been threatened. So, we remained at

Brindavanam for the whole day and attended the evening darshan and prayer. But

nothing pleased us and we desperately prayed to Swami to do something and soon.

When the shadows of the evening lengthened and dusk spread its inky mantle on

the streets, buildings and the facade of the horizons, we reluctantly boarded a

city bus and alighted near the Railway Station. Once again, gloomy thoughts

gripped our mind and tears trickled down our face. As we moved slowly towards

the crowded street near the Kapila hotel, we saw a swarm of people crossing the

road. And we recognized a form resembling Rashmee in the melee of the unfamiliar

crowd, as she came closer, there was no doubt. It was she-Rashmee, My beloved

daughter. Was she the long lost daughter of King Pericles in Shakespeare's

Winter's Tale. Feeling surged in our hearts and tears of joy welled up in our

eyes. I fondly embraced Rashmee. She

looked tired and was coughing. 'Where had you been last night and the whole day

today?' I asked her in a numb voice. 'I was with Sai Baba,' she said

enigmatically. 'O.K. you must be feeling hungry. Let us go to the cafe across

the road. We shall have some coffee and talk,' I told her. Seated in a secluded

cabin of the cafe, I ordered some snacks and coffee and felt a deep sense of

repose now that the precious and lost member of the family was with us. She

looked fairly quiet and composed as though the delirium and the hysteria of the

previous night had subsided. 'Now tell me, dear, what happened when you slipped

out of that waiting hall?' Rashmee said something that was truly amazing. She

said: 'I ran out of the hall because I had the impression that it was a

hospital for mad people. And I was very angry with you because I suspected that

you would leave me here alone amidst mad women. I was terrified and ran out.

I walked out of the hospital and came on the desolate street. There was no

traffic and no one was walking on the street. I found a park adjacent to the

road and entered it. I found a bench and slept on it. Early in the morning at

day break I was aroused by the piercing rays of the sun falling on my eyes. I

remembered that I had none to look after me; both my mother and father had left

me alone and conspired to put me in a hospital for mad women. So I sobbed

spasmodically. At that time a fakir, wearing a loose gown and a cloth tied to

his head, came near me. He asked me tenderly, 'Why are you crying, baby?' 'My

parents have left me. I have to go to Whitefield to see Sai Baba. Can you tell

me how to go there? Can I get a bus to Whitefield?' I asked him. He thought for

a while and said, 'You have not taken any food. You must be feeling hungry. Come

with me. I will take you to an eating-place and put you on a bus back to the

place where your parents are

staying. They have not left you; rather they are worried about you.' He bought

some ground­nuts for me and took me to the bus stand. I asked, 'Tell me,

father, who are you? 'Have you been to Shirdi? No? Come some time. I am always

there/ he whispered. 'But I have to go to see Sai Baba at Whitefield. Which bus

will be going there’? I enquired. 'Think that I am Sai Baba. First go to the

place where your parents are. They are greatly concerned about you. Then you

can go to Whitefield/ he advised me. Rashmee continued, 'I reached the Railway

Station and for the whole day I have been wandering on the street. Papa, I must

tell you the fakir looked very much like that saint whose picture is in our

worship room at Muzaffarpur 'You mean Sai Baba of Shirdi? 'Yes,' she nodded. It

was a night of rejoicing. Next morning I took the bus to Brindavanam, Whitefield

and waited for Swami to

come. He came out and moved gracefully. The whole sky was lit up with the purple

and pink aura and the sky seemed to become orange. He came straight to me and

paused for a while, then he smiled faintly and whispered, 'So you have got her.

Are you happy now?' He sailed ahead, leaving me in a state of trance. It was a

message of joy, perennial joy. Here was the loving and caring God ever ready to

help us in the hours of our need, all-knowing and omnipresent. His love for

Rashmee has again and again been manifested, the positive poles of the electric

current meeting the negative one. As years have passed, Rashmee has shown steady

progress towards normalcy. But for that temporary reversion at Bangalore, there

has been no more disturbance in her mental poise. It may be said that Rashmee's

life is full of Sai love and it has taken her out of critical situations.

Another instance of Sai love can be related when in 1990 Rashmee had some

recurrence of pain in the spine

and she was really miserable. Sitting in the darshan line at Prasanthi Nilayam,

she was awaiting the arrival of Swami. It started raining very heavily. Many

devotees thought that it was an ordeal by water. In another sense, it was a

downpour of divine love, at least so it proved to be for Rashmee. She was

praying to Swami: 'Swami, how can I bear this pain in my back? ... I do. not

want to live in this condition ... either cure me of this or take me to

yourself for eternal rest...' There was commotion in the line as Swami came to

the devotees on a car. Many village maids had thronged the place and as Swami

approached, they rushed towards him. Rashmee, who was in the second line, was

flung down by the terrible rush of rustic women and fell on the feet of Swami.

Swami assisted her to get up by giving her a prop and in the process placed his

palm on the affected spot in the first lumbar and spoke to her softly, 'Do not

harbour such gloomy thoughts. Life and death are

not in your hands. Be happy and full of ananda always ... Swami is always with

you. Remember...' Rashmee felt from that moment onwards that all her pain had

vanished and she had regained her physical and mental well-being. It has been a

miracle of love. From these examples, it becomes apparent that the love of Sai

Baba is the greatest boon on earth that one can hope to acquire. It is a

transcendental sunbeam that illumines the whole soul of man. Thus, Sai Baba,

more than anything else, is a symbol perfected in love. This love operates

continuously and on all levels. It was in the year 1985 that I relinquished my

position as University Professor and Chairman, Department of English,

University of Bihar after the completion of my term of service and joined the

University of North Bengal on a similar assignment. But again, Swami had some

definite plan for my future and I was one of the few fortunate ones who were

asked to serve at the lotus feet. On the

fifteenth of July, 1985, 1 joined the most coveted and prestigious position as

Professor and Chairman, Department of English, Sri Sathya Sai Institute of

Higher Learning, a deemed university of which Bhagwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba was

the Chancellor and Professor V.K. Gokak, the founder Vice Chancellor. I found

the maximum level of satisfaction working at an elite institution where work

was akin to prayer and the challenges were exciting. I have had the privilege

of working at many universities at home and abroad, but never before did I

witness such devotion and discipline, such an atmosphere of peace and

tranquillity and such a silken bond of love and affection permeating the campus

life. Swami was there to oversee the whole programme and loved to meet the

teachers and students with a good deal of frequency, addressing them on

spiritual themes and transmitting the electric waves of pure love. The teachers

sat on the front verandah in front of the mandir in the

mornings and evenings and Swami was easily accessible to everyone and he spoke

to them whenever he liked to do so. There was always a sense of nearness and

intimacy and Swami's invaluable counsel was available for the asking. All

seemed to bathe in the effulgence and radiance of divine love. Life was all

this and heaven too, and I felt that such singular good fortune of being so

near to the Lord of the Universe must have meant great merit in one's so many

earlier incarnations. At least I felt so and realized that such sweetness

flowed to me that I was blessed and everything about me was blessed. It was a

feeling of oneness and belonging to the whole creation, nature, living objects,

the earth and the sky and the entire cosmos. Time passed although I lived in the

sempiternal regions of the timeless. And then the time came when one finds

oneself on the threshold of illumination more illumination, and has the

epiphany of a rare kind standing at the frontier of life and

death. On the eleventh of January 1987 1 was face to face with death and

oblivion. I suffered a stroke leading to left-sided monoplegia. I had left my

quarters to proceed to the annual sports meet of the university colleges at the

Hill View Stadium. It was a very important function and Baba was to inaugurate

the function. It was dark in the morning and after a night of disturbed sleep I

was moving on the busy street, tense and uneasy. Some kind of fever sang in the

mental wires and my head was heavy. When I passed by the gate of the College of

Arts and Sciences, I remembered that I had to pick up some important papers from

my office. So, I turned around and came to my office in the building. My head

seemed to reel for a moment and I somehow steadied myself and went to the

toilet to wash my face and sprinkle some water on my head. It was then that I

felt a severe numbness in my left limb and fell on the floor. I lay unconscious

in that condition for a while; then the

instinct for survival made me exercise my will. The first thought that came to

my be­numbed mind was to send earnest and eager prayers to Swami. 'Swami, you

are the absolute sole Lord of Life and Death. I have no lust for prolonging my

life except to dedicate it to your service. I have still many promises to keep;

so I do not want to sleep forever, not at any rate in the roomless toilet. I do

not fear death and oblivion but I have some promises to keep and to make myself

worthy of your love. You are omnipresent. Will you pull me out of this desperate

situation? At this stage, I decided to exercise my will and using my right limbs

I crawled slowly up to the lavatory door and unfastened the latch. Now I was on

the verandah and could see the entrance gate of the college, the green

shrubbery, the red and pink flowers and the vast blue expanse of the sky. The

effort was too much for me and my energy was sapped. I reclined on the floor

and fainted. My head was spinning like

a top, and my nerves were on edge. I do not remember how long did that swoon

last, but I was aroused from my slumber by a voice: 'Sir, what's happened? You

look so terribly unwell. Can I help you? 'Do please. It seems I've suffered a

stroke. Do please run to the Hill View Stadium and inform my colleagues and my

family. But first bring a rickshaw and take me to my quarters. I want to rest/

I muttered in a feeble voice. The young man disclosed his identity saying that

he was an assistant in the college and when he was passing by the college gate,

he heard a voice directing him to go to the college. 'Don't worry, I'll soon be

back with a rickshaw,' he said. He was very helpful and took me to my quarters,

When he left the room, I lapsed into sleep and lost all sense of time and space.

When I opened my eyes next I was lying in a cabin in the Sathya Sai hospital

under the shadow of oxygen mask and saline water was being injected through my

veins. I saw

my wife and daughter, both standing near my bed and anxiously looking at me.

When I opened my eyes, the doctors came towards me and asked 'How do you feel

now? There is nothing to worry; your B.P. has come down. You will feel much

better tomorrow. Now do try to sleep,' the superintendent of the hospital said

: I have a faint recollection of the goings on in the hospital on the first two

days. When I was sufficiently stable and my mind was beginning to be alert, I

asked my wife all about it. I was told that my condition had gone on

deteriorating in the afternoon and the blood pressure was still rising. The

attending physicians were all at sea and hardly knew what to do. They suggested

that my wife and daughter should rush to the maiidir and speak to Swami when he

came near them in the darshan line. Swami came in the evening to the sick room.

He looked intently into my eyes for a long time and withdrew quietly. My wife

entreated him to have mercy

and save her 'sohag' (marital state). Swami raised his hand as a gesture of

benediction but he did not speak a word. However, the visit of Swami proved to

be salutary. By night, the blood pressure registered a fall and eventually

became normal. The film of haziness before my eyes was dispersed and I was able

to see clearly. I could speak fairly audibly. I beckoned my wife to come near me

and told her, 'You look so anxious and disconsolate. But there is no need to

worry. Swami will take care of me, believe me.' 'Yes, we have been sending our

anxious prayers to him day and night/ she whispered. 'I know ... I know,' I

mumbled. On the fourth day after the attack, I was feeling reasonably well,

although left limbs were immobile and I lay limp on the bed, unable to sit up

or stand. A terrible paralysis had overtaken my nerves and there was nothing I

could do about it. In the morning of the fifth day a visitor came to my cabin

and introduced himself

as a male nurse from Canada. He told me that he was of Indian origin and was

settled in Canada and that Swami has asked him to attend on you and help you in

your daily chores. He sponged my body with a towel, shaved me and helped me

change my clothes and took me out on a wheel-chair to the terrace outside where

I found plenty of sunshine, fresh air and a sense of openness and happiness.

After many a day I had seen the blue expanse of the sky, the teeming vegetation

and heard the sweet and soothing melody of the birds. I cast a lingering glance

at the domes of the temple and the huge regal building of the university office

located at the top of the hill. In short I felt a sense of oneness with the

world of nature and experienced a new upsurge of life within me. Mr. Gopal, the

compassionate male nurse from Canada, proved to be a very good companion. He was

warm and affectionate and what is more, he was a very good devotee of Swami. He

told me 'You are very

lucky, brother Sinha. Swami is deeply interested in your welfare and quick

recovery. He has given the doctors a piece of his mind and is not very happy

with their initial response and reaction to your critical state. But he has now

entrusted me with the job of seeing you and keeping company. He has asked the

Vice Chancellor and the colleagues and students of your Department to be with

you in the nights so as to provide relief to Mrs. Sinha. I want you to do me a

favour. When Swami comes to see you next time, do have a word put through on my

behalf. This is my only wish to come back to India and serve at the hospital. If

Swami is pleased with my service to you, he may call me here. So, do please

commend my case. I shall ever be grateful.' Since I had already developed a

soft corner for him in tiny heart, I assured him that I would do all I could at

the right time. During my illness, all my friends and acquaintances came to see

me at the hospital to

enquire about my welfare. I was overwhelmed by their fine gesture of affection

and their interest in my well-being. Sambhavna, my granddaughter who was

studying at the Sathya Sai Primary School, could not come as the Lady Principal

thought that the child would be greatly upset to see me in my present condition.

Sambhavna was a favourite child of Swami. She had a congenital defect in her

heart that required open-heart surgery for plugging a hole in the heart. I had

prayed to Swami to cure her and he regularly gave her vibhuthi and once when

she was down with fever, he had taken her to the hospital himself on his car.

The principal of the school used to tell me that the child was really fortunate

that she had earned the grace of Swami. The Vice Chancellor, Dr. Saraf, was a

regular visitor to the hospital to see me and always expressed his confidence

that Swami would see to it that I would soon be all right with the blessings of

Baba. In fact, everyone in the campus

was watching my condition and was feeling gratified that Bhagwan Baba, who was

an ocean of infinite mercy and compassion, would not forsake me. And, assuming

the serious­ness of my stroke with blood pressure touching 220/110 mark, worse

could have happened, heart failure or cerebral haemorrhage, but Swami had sent

timely help and had taken control of the whole situation. Now my condition

was very much stable and I was more alert and hopeful than ever, and talked

intimately with my family members, doctors and visiting friends and students.

The only limiting factor was that there was yet no return of power to my

paralyzed left hand and leg. But Mr. Gopal took me out on the wheel-chair to

the terrace and I spent longer periods sipping tea, reading a book or just

talking to Mr. Gopal about life in Canada. He advised me to go in for

physiotherapy at a good centre so that the return of power to the affected

parts may be hastened. There was no

facility for physiotherapy at the Sathya Sai hospital during the eighties, and

it did not seem practicable to go over to Bangalore for that exercise. My son,

a Reader in Economics at Magadh University, came to see me, but he could not

get a longer leave from his university to be able to accompany me to Bangalore.

So, it was decided that I should go back home in Bihar and take intensive course

in physiotherapy. But before I left, Swami once again sent word that he would be

visiting the hospital to bless me. One morning, word went round that Swami's car

had arrived and that Swami would soon come up to my cabin. The Superintendent

and other doctors waited in my room. Presently, the orange-robed figure of

Swami appeared in the room. He came near my bed and cast a caressing and loving

glance at me for a few minutes. His eyes met with mine and it seemed to me that

beams of love and only love fell on me and I was on the receiving end. There

was no immediate effect except the

dawning of a feeling of well-being as though my burden of karma had been lifted

by a divine miracle, the cleansing ray of celestial love. Swami spoke in a firm

voice: 'Professor Sinha, I am very happy with you ... very very happy! You need

not worry. You'll be all right and in good time. You have still to do a lot of

my work...' I was on the crest of waves of joy at that moment and felt not only

happy and sublime, but also very proud of myself. And the words of my German

professor in the United States echoed in my mind: 'You are so noble and tender

and proud ... You are a poet and God loves the poets already!' And now I was

experiencing that supreme continence of affirmation coming from the mouth of

God himself. I was bathed entirely in the white radiance of divine love. And

for a moment it seemed to be that one's sufferings and afflictions, even

physical undoing and crucifixion are all for the best because they take one

several steps closer to God, even

force the divine to bring about the wished for transfiguration and consummation

and union by love. As suffering alone had been the ground of my beseeching all

my life, I was not surprised that God had heard the voice of my calling and had

rushed to my rescue and preservation. I remained in a state of dizzy rapture for

many days and the tender, loving words of Swami continued to ring in my mind: 'I

am very happy with you ... very very happy. You have still to do lots of my

work...' On the fixed date of departure, Swami sent word to Mr. Kutumba Rao to

arrange a car to take me and my family to Dharmawaram Railway Station and he

also expressed his desire to see me at the time of parting just after the

morning darshan in the field in front of the mandir. It was Mr. Gopal who took

me on the wheel‑chair to the centre of the field. Most of the devotees

had departed and the field was comparatively less crowded. Swami walked up to

me. He looked at me

lovingly and with perfect serenity and love. He waved his right hand and

clusters of thin white vibhuthi came into his hand. He rubbed the z0huthi

gently on my left arm and leg and gave me some to eat. I was unable to control

my emotions and looked on tenderly. Words seemed to fail me. I knew that the

hour of separation had drawn near. Swami had called me to serve at the

university for three years, but even before the termination of that term,

sickness had forced me to leave. Now I shall be thousands of miles away from

him and would suffer the agony of separation from my divine master. What could

I tell him now? Then words rushed to my mouth and I said faintly, 'Swami, what

about Sambhavna? Should I leave Sambhavna here at the school? Should I take her

back with me?' 'Better take her with you since you will not be here/ Swami

said. Then, showing a pen, he asked me, 'Is it yours? 'Yes, Swami,' I assented.

But it was hard for me to understand how

he got my pen. Maybe while he was applying vibhuthi on my forehead and the left

hand, my pen might have fallen down and he had picked that up. But it strikes

me as a symbolic act. He had said I still had to do lots of his work and I

surmised that continuing with my job at the university was not possible in my

present state of health and there was hardly anything else, much less community

work or social service ... could come under my purview. But my mind was as keen

as ever and my intellectual prowess, sensitivity, vision and insight remained

as sharp as before even sharper with the acquisition of mellowed perceptions

and transfiguring force of divine love. I could perhaps devote the remaining

years of my life in my creative and critical writings and maybe, I could write

my memoirs about Swami, the assignment which he had ordained for me way back in

1973 when in a mysterious message appearing in the worship‑room he had

directed me to write a book on him. Now

that he has made me a humble instrument to write not one but three books about

him. I think it is the culmination of my modest work, and the trilogy, for

whatever it is worth, will be an offering at his lotus feet if not a coronet to

adorn the head of the glorious and beautiful Lord. Here ends my personal

testament which may be of some interest to the readers. At least, it gives me

immense satisfaction to record my intimate personal experience of Sai love. At

the same time, divine love, which has no beginning, middle or an end, flows for

ever and impregnates the parched soil of our hearts with a new efflorescence of

tender shoots of faith, hope and love. Here is the poem in its supreme beauty

and glory: Walk the earth with your heads held high. Your spirits soaring

Your hearts open to love And believe in yourself and God within you Then all

will go well. The earth is a manifestation of

My Being Made out of my life! Wherever you look, I am there Wherever you

walk, I am there. Whomsoever you contact, I am that person I am in each, in

all My Splendour. See me everywhere. Talk to me and Love me, Who am in

each.

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