The art of dealing with people

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human being is a special, individual personality, always ready to defend his ego

against all enemies. That is why you cannot treat people as machines. If you are

on good terms with yourself, you are on good terms with others. Ego-hunger is as

universal and natural as the hunger for food. Ego of each person needs respect

approval and a sense of accomplishment. A starved ego is a mean ego.When

self-esteem is at a high level, people are easy to get along with. When

self-esteem is at a low ebb, trouble comes easily. And when self-esteem gets

low enough, almost anything can become a threat. To that person a critical look

or a harsh word can seem like a calamity.Develop the habit of paying at least

five sincere compliments each day and watch how much smoother your relations

with others become. Help others to like themselves better and satisfy their

hunger for self-esteem.Making people feel importantNever make the mistake of

assuming that

just because someone is successful or famous, they have no need or feeling of

importance. Courtesy and politeness are merely ways in which we acknowledge the

importance of the other person. Little things that are apparently unimportant

actions can have such tremendous consequences in the field of human relations.

Remember that it takes only a small spark to start a fire. And little things

you do and say can set off a chain reaction.If you want to make a good

impression on others, the best way is to let them know that they impress you.

You should know when to correct others. Ask yourself: does it make any real

difference that they are right or wrong? Don’t try to win all the little

battles! If nothing else is involved except the person’s ego, why

bother?Controlling the actions and attitudes of othersDealing with others is as

though we are standing before a mirror. When we smile, the person in the mirror

smiles; when we frown, they frown;

and when we shout, they shout back. Knowing this you can control others’

emotions to an amazing degree. When you find yourself in an explosive

situation, lower the tone of your voice and keep it low. This will literally

force others to keep their voices low, too.It is a sad but a true fact that

many of mediocre ability get further than those who have outstanding talents

because they know how to control their actions. Watch your walk; your physical

actions express your mental attitude. See someone walking with head and eyes

down and you are looking at a pessimistic soul. Use the magic switch of a

smile. Everyone is blessed with a cute smile. It’s just a matter of letting it

out. If you are not using your smile, you’re like someone with a million in the

bank and no cheque book.Attracting people Those who accept and like people just

as they are, have the most influence in changing others’ behaviour for the

better. Approval means something

more positive as it goes beyond just tolerating faults and find something we can

like.You can always find something to approve of in others. It may be something

small and insignificant. Seek things out, praise, and watch people glow! The

word ‘appreciate’ means to raise in value. Stop and consider how others are

valuable to you. We all want to be recognized for our own unique worth. Start

using the triple ‘A’ formula for attracting people.Learning to communicate

effectivelyOne thing successful people have in common is the skill in using

words. Earning power and word skill are so closely tied together that you can

safely expect to increase your earnings simply by increasing your word power.

Small talk is necessary to get the wheels of conversation turning. Realizing

this will enable you to start a conversation even with a perfect stranger.Get

people to talk about themselves. Try warming up the other person with words

like “Where are

you from? What do you think of our weather? What business are you in? These

questions get the others talking about themselves. They break the ice as they

see that you are interested in them. You don’t have to search for a topic of

mutual interest. You start them off on the one topic they are expert

in…themselves.You are a human, too, and it is natural to be tempted to talk

about yourself. You want to shine; you want to impress others. But you will

rate much higher in others’ estimation if you turn the conversation to them

rather than to yourself. Others will have a much higher opinion of you.We make

sarcastic remarks hoping that others will recognize our cleverness. Teasing and

sarcastic remarks are both aimed at the self-esteem of others, and anything that

threatens the self esteem is a dangerous business, even when done in

fun.ListeningOliver Wendell Holmes wrote, “To be able to listen to others in a

sympathetic and understanding

manner is perhaps the most effective mechanism in the world for getting along

with the people and tying up their friendship for good.” Successful people

encourage others to talk, and to keep on talking, while keeping their own

mouths shut. You increase their self-esteem by this; for everyone likes to

think that they have something to say that is worth saying.Convincing

othersWhen someone opposes our ideas, we take it as a threat to our ego. We

become hostile and try to ram our ideas down our opponent’s throat. This is not

the way to win. The only way to win an argument is to get others to change their

minds in a friendly way. Tell someone their ideas are stupid and they will

defend them forever. Use threats and they simply close their minds against your

ideas, regardless of how good they may be. There is only one way to get an idea

accepted — by suggestion. Try to slip an idea into someone’s subconscious, more

or less

unnoticed.Giving praisePraise gives us new energy and new life. All you have to

do is to give sincere praise to someone each day, and notice how it helps them

to do better. If someone does you a small favour, show your appreciation and

give them credit by saying ‘thank you.’ If there is someone who irritates you,

begin looking for something for which you can compliment them. If they bite

your head off, maybe they have nice teeth. So, compliment them on their

teeth.Criticizing without offendingThe word ‘criticism’ leaves a bad taste in

our mouths. The real art of criticism is not to beat others down, but to build

them up. It is not to hurt feelings, but to help people do a better job.

Criticism must be done in absolute privacy. The mildest form of criticism in

the presence of others is likely to be resented. Preface criticism with a kind

word or compliment. Make criticism impersonal; criticize the act, not the

person.By pinpointing your criticism to their actions, you can pay them a

compliment and build up their ego at the same time: “I know from past

experience that this error is not typical of your usual performance.” Remember,

to call attention to an error once is justified, twice is unnecessary, three

times is nagging. Your goal in criticizing is to get a job done, not to win an

ego fight.Skill in human relations is similar to skill in any other field, in

that success depends on understanding and mastering certain basic general

principles. The one successful way to get the things you want from life is to

acquire skill in dealing with people."Gurur Brahma Gurur VishnuGurur Devoh

Maheshwar;Gurur Shakshat ParambramhaTashmai Shri Gurur Veh Namah"May the

Merciful Sri Sai Baba always shower His grace on us and our families and remove

our problems and anxieties by giving us all - strength , goodluck, success and

happiness

with peace of mind.Sai bhakt,Deepa Hdebu7366

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