Life is a ring of suffering only till you fail to forgive.

[Guest guest]

Om Sai Ram!

So many of us carry the pain of betrayal in our hearts and thus succeed in

loosing our true selves..We find ourselves trapped in a ring which we ourself

create to hide our weakness and in a way punish and torture ourselves for some

one else's mistakes.. One betrayal makes us think that no one else is worth our

trust. One betrayal makes us beleive that no one is worth our true love. We

forget to forgive and go on with our lives that soon make no meaning..We want

to be who we used to be and smile like we used to, with out any tensions or

grief in our hearts but how is it possible?,- when we ourselves become our

biggest enemy..In trying to hurt and never forget the people who have been

responsible for causing us pain, we burry our true selves in that pain and thus

feel the hurt each day and each hour and each minute of our life. We expect our

loved ones to pull us out of that ring but no one in this world can fight the

enemy whom we ourselves

create in us..The enemy with in us does not let us trust the person who often

tries to help us , so even if our loved ones do try-- they will never

succeed..We are the only ones who can forgive ourselves and others and thus

free ourselves from the ring of pain and misery....

WHY WE DO NOT FORGIVE????????

1] We entertain thoughts of revenge. We carry thoughts of hatred because we

blame others for the bad that befalls us. This illusion seems comforting. It

does not require us to take any responsibility and allows us to judge others

without letting ourselves be judged. It gives us a chance to be the object of

sympathy and approval of others.

2] Fear that the other person may continue with his unwanted and irrational

behavior if we forgive. It is a baseless fear. There are more chances of a

person understanding the foolishness of his action in the calm waters of

forgiving silence than in the disturbed state of reactive behavior. Your

hatred, on the other hand, may make his behavior look justified to him. So, if

you really want him to change, practice forgiveness.

3] We expect others to behave the way we want. This may be unreasonable but it

can actually happen without any resistance, provided we surrender the desire

and let people behave the way they have learnt to behave and let things happen

the way they are bound to happen. We should be grateful to the universe for all

that is happening to us. This is what is programmed in our best interests.

4] We hold grudges. We refuse to accept that all that is happening to us is a

result of the seeds sown by us, the way we process the behavior of others and

respond to any stimuli that we are exposed to. No one else is responsible for

our unpleasant experiences.

5] Fear of being labeled as weak, dumb and timid. We think forgiveness is an

excuse for escapism, inaction or cowardice and only those who cannot fight

believe in forgiving. But there is an obvious difference between fearing and

forgiving. Yes, there are people who disguise their fears as forgiveness. But

your decision to forgive will not turn you into a coward. Moreover, why should

we be ashamed of admitting that we cannot fight? There is no virtue in fighting

or being able to fight. I don't know why we make heroes out of people who fight.

It will do this world a lot of good if, instead of fighting for some principle

or the other, people start living them.

WHEN YOU FORGIVE ::::::

You do no one but yourself a favor. Not being able to digest the wrong that a

person has done to you is your problem, not his. It is hurting you, not him.

Mounting evidence now suggests that not forgiving others may get you gallstones;

if the problem pertains to the spouse, the stones form in the kidneys instead.

The ensuing emotions and anger may involve back problems depending on whether

the lack you feel is in emotional or material support.

If you have unrealistically high standards of judgment which make it difficult

for you to forgive, your nagging nature may give rise to complicated medical

problems relating to liver and other digestive organs.

ANATOMY OF FORGIVENESS

When you hate somebody, you allow the other person to hurt you and control your life .

Wrongdoers are like villains through whom the story's lessons surface .Our

distress at others' behavior reflects our own inner turmoil .

When you carry on with your grudges, you not only allow the other person to hurt

you, but also let him control your life each moment you are affected by his

thoughts.

You help yourself suffer less. When you accept others, you no longer experience

the hurt that goes with judging them.

You realize the divine truth. Bad experiences occur in our lives because we need

to learn from them. Learning to own up everything that happens in our lives as

our own doing and hence not needing to forgive anybody else for them is one

such lesson.

Sometimes I thought ill of those whom I considered unjust and insensitive. But

later, I realized that they were like the villains of a story who, at the cost

of being disliked, help us understand certain lessons that are conveyed through

the plot.

"Usually, we attract people who represent that aspect of ourselves which we

would like to repress but which we have not yet integrated" . In fact, whatever

shocks and disturbs us in others beckons us to look within and correct the same

thing in our own behavior.

In Sri Yukteswar's ashram in India, a student once complained that his peer

should not be allowed in the ashram because his behavior was not befitting a

sanyasin or renouncer. Sri Yukteswar replied that such a student was necessary

for the complete training of the students. One who manages to remain a sadhu or

mendicant only when he is among sadhus is yet to become one.

You are everyone. To view others as separate from us is a misperception of the

world. Forgiving others is the only sensible thing you can do when others try

to treat you contemptuously—it is not merely a lofty concept. It is easy to

understand intellectually that separateness is merely an illusion. But we need

to feel this truth with our heart to be able to live it.

You give love. Every time we react to others' unjust behavior, we let the values

we stand for surrender to what we dislike the most. This results in reinforcing

the behavior we dislike and deny ourselves the possibility of receiving better

behavior from them in the future.

Once, a holy man noticed a scorpion struggling to come out of a pond in order to

save its life. He immediately reached for it with his bare hand to save it. The

scorpion, however, bit him when he picked it out of water. The holy man, in

spite of the pain, did not drop the scorpion.When asked why he did not throw it

back in the water when he was bitten, he replied that the scorpion was not

separate from him in spite of its different nature. What the scorpion did was

natural to it. How could he, then, behave contrary to the nature of a holy man

who is supposed to feel and express love for all beings?

How can the scorpion in us ever know and learn a different response if its sting

is always returned with a sting? A man who has experienced only hate cannot give

love. We can give what we have within us.

LEARNING TO FORGIVE ::::

Trust that you can forgive. Events unfold in our lives the way music unfolds in

the hands of a perfect conductor. Don't resist it. Trust, surrender and let it

happen. Purify your desires into intentions. Be grateful for all that you have,

all that has happened to you, since every experience leaves you stronger and

wiser.

Stop blaming. It becomes difficult when you are attached to the idea that the

world should run the way you want it to. "He did not inform me properly", "He

cheated me", "The doctor was careless", "They played politics against me"—these

may appear to be honest statements. However, in truth, they only display our

distrust in the perfection of this universe and feed on the illusion that not

higher principles but chance, opportunism and anarchy rule and people can get

away with anything provided they are cunning enough.

Be responsible. Send away anger. Feel it and watch it go. See what is and don't

compare it with what you think should be because everything is already the way

it should be.

Start giving. Remember, whenever and all that we give, we give to ourselves.

Giving makes forgiving easier. When we decide to give because that is what we

are born for, our focus shifts to giving instead of expecting. The more you

think of what should have been yours but for the dishonesty of others, the more

you will draw such happenings to your life.

Don't pretend. We often think we have forgiven without knowing that resentment

is still smoldering within our subconscious. Real forgiving, in fact, means

never feeling the need to forgive. Deepak Chopra writes in his book Ageless

Body, Timeless Mind that you can forgive others when you release your own hurt.

The more complete your release, the more sincere the forgiveness.

"Act. Don't react." Accept others' actions. Love your enemies. Gradually get

into the habit of doing it every time and for everybody.

Forgive yourself. You are angry with yourself because your actions resulted in

what you perceive as a failure—since your results are contrary to your

expectations. In the absence of such expectations, you will not have any reason

to be angry with yourself. So accept yourself. Allow yourself to commit mistakes

to learn from them.

Life is a prison of suffering only till you fail to forgive. When enlightened

beings such as Buddha or Nanak, founder of Sikhism, point towards our

suffering, they only do so to remind us that our natural state is eternal bliss

and that we should liberate ourselves from this self-imposed imprisonment. For

those who learn to love and forgive everybody, life again gets back on the

rails, taking them on a unique and eternal journey of love and bliss.

 

May the Merciful Sri Sai Baba always shower His grace on us and our families and

remove our problems and anxieties by giving us all - strength , goodluck,

success and happiness with peace of mind. Sai bhakt, Deepa H debu7366

 

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