REACH OUT TO ELDERS

[Guest guest]

REACH OUT TO ELDERS

By relying on your own cleverness you missed your way; a guide is always

necessary to show us the right way in small or great matters. (Sri Sai

Satcharitra Chapter XXXII)

Once while visiting an old age home, a resident asked me to join her for an

evening cup of tea. While making tea, she looked at me closely and asked:

"aren’t you Tina Munim?" When I nodded my head in the affirmative, her face lit

up. The joy and elation I saw in her eyes moved me and changed my perception of

the elderly.

Now I regularly visit homes for the aged; those are my special moments. My

elderly friends tell me stories, and tell them mine, and we share tales of

life’s little joys and sorrows. To them, I am not Tina Munim or Tina Ambani. I

am just another human being who wants to be a part of their life. There are

times I come back elated; there are also times when I feel completely

disillusioned, overwhelmed by stories of neglect, abandonment and desertion.

Would I want to be 60 and have no one to share my life with? We all need to

think about this.

How caught up we are in the daily grind! We go about our daily routine; doing

chores, chasing deadlines, and taking care of all that seems urgent and

important. The frenetic pace of our lives has made us obvious to the needs of

the elderly who live at a significantly slower pace. Deep down, none of us

consciously plan to be insensitive to anyone, least of all to our parents. It’s

just that we began to take our elders for granted.

I think my desire to work with the elderly stems from an unfulfilled need to

have spent more time with my parents, who are not there with me today. Maybe

that’s why I bonded easily with my father-in-law in so many ways. He filled the

vacuum created in my life by the death of my own father, who I lost at a very

young age.

I have two sons. I understand the challenges of being the perfect mother. Each

time I find myself struggling to be a better mom, I deeply miss having my

mother by my side. I miss her insight and her wisdom on simple every-day

struggles of life, wisdom that helped her bring up her nine children so

fabulously.

As I grow older, I realise that the answers I’m looking for are right there with

family elders. My mother-in-law has them, as did my father-in-law, as did my

parents. During tough times both Anil and I miss the valuable insight my

father-in-law brought into our life. We could always rely on him to show us the

way.

Today, I thank God everyday for blessing of my mother-in-law, who brings warmth

and stability to our lives. When I have to step out for engagements, I know my

children are safe in her care. She will instill in them the same sense of

ideals and values she did in her children.

Often the smallest gestures are the most meaningful – like thumbing through a

collection of old photographs or stamp collection, or listening to stories from

Ramayana from an elderly person. Simple things that are so easy to do and cost

nothing. Sending your parents for holidays may be easier than spending an hour

each with them. The harder gift to give is the gift of yourself, the gift of

your time, taken out of hectic schedules and daily pressures.

Life has taught me to look at families holistically. I have grown to recognise

how beautifully interwoven our lives are with the generations before and after

us. It makes me marvel at the Indian tradition of joint families, a tradition

that so pragmatically ties together lives of family member over multiple

generations, creating so many threads of sharing, influencing, caring and

enriching each other’s lives.

So reach out to elders in your family. Spend time with the elderly, it will put

you in touch with your soul. With greater caring and sharing, we will find

ourselves being nudged into an upward spiral of spiritual and emotional

completeness.

(Written by Mrs. Tina Anil Ambani in Times of India, 01-10-2003)

 

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