My Journeys to Parthi - 2

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The Sai Spring (A little of wordly winter before that....)

 

And then, I entered BITS, Pilani, one of the prestigious educational institutes

of India. Far from my home, a free land. Where I live by myself, surrounded by

more and more young blood, both male and female. Various people with varied

ideas and impressions about life, all budding, in formative stages. It was

definitely not conducive for my spiritual growth but Swami has already taken

control over my life. Though some delays might happen according to my Karma, He

would not give up on me.

 

I forgot Him for 3 complete years. I did have an idea of how he wants young

students to be. I did know that He wants youth to have only minimal interaction

as required between male and female. But you know, how a universtiy would be.

 

Slowly a kind of take-it-easy nature creeped into me. Knowingly or unknowingly,

I was getting influenced by what the media, in particular the cinema taught.

The company I had, created impressions in me that the most important things for

human survival in the world are wealth, beauty, worldly intelligence and power.

Quite a long time has been wasted in equipping myself with those superficial

values.

 

Three years, I had been whiling away, without attending classes, gossipping and

chatting, watching movies and brooding over life....lol. However, because of

the fact that Swami has given me a reasonably good analytical power, I have

been able to maintain good performace in academics, though I did not take them

seriously. But thats not important. I was pathetically poor on spiritual plane.

Spirituality is implementation. And that I wasted two hours in choosing what

shoe I need to wear for a weekend party shows how much I was lagging. What to

do? The cinema taught me that.

At least, that is what I chose to learn from it. That you need to take care how

you look, how you speak and how you appear rather than what actually you think

and feel. You might actually entertain the worst possible thoughts within, but

if you can make up an excellent speech with a smile of corporate confidence,

well, that is what the damn world is impressed with. I was a always a good

actor and all my histrionic skills came to use in building up those false

images of myself.

 

But deep within, I knew I was becoming a slave of my senses. That I have been

running far away from my reality and weaving layers and layers of hypocritical,

short lived ornamentations over myself. I just did not care to listen to it. I

had been rarely attending Bhajans. At least if I attended them regularly, I

would have dropped a tear when my reality touched me suddenly and involuntarily

while uttering a Name of His in some Bhajan.

 

And then, He thought it was time to teach me how to make use of human life. The

most common thing that occurs to human beings at an age of 18 occurred to

me.... The creativity in me, the poet in me dreamt of love....ya, personal

love. (Well thats what the cinema meaning of love is!)

 

It resulted in poems, stories, very nice. The best thing about it is it helped

me to get rid of my indolence. I started attending all classes with new joy.

There was a sudden change in me, which everyone noticed. I was simply happy and

making everyone happy... ya what the movies show about personal love is not

completely false......lol.

 

I learnt to bear and smile, cheer and sacrifice. I tended to believe that it was

the purest feeling a human being can ever have. Though the results it fetched

were greatly useful at that moment, there was an obvious fallacy in my

assumption that it is the greatest feeling. I were to learn what true love is,

very soon because of His ultimate Compassion.....That when something creates a

feeling of attachment and expectation, fear and grief, it is not love. It is

just selfishness guised very cleverly under the mask of pure love!...Call it

motherly love, brotherly love, husbandly or wifely love, when a relation is

named so-and-so and is thought of in physical/mental terms, it becomes

temporary. I dont say it is wrong. It is a step, but not the final step. Not

the ultimate bliss. Not complete. Not eternal.

 

And as expected, He gave His first touch. A fear entered me....whether all this

dream of mine would ever be true. What about my future, my education, job and

these dreams of love? It was just impossible to imagine that I could ever live

without getting what I wanted.

 

I went back to Parthi after a gap of three years. I was In dilemma, in doldrums.

I lost all my hope over future. The fartherness from my own reality, that I have

"toiled and achieved" over years has scared me to the utmost. I just sat in

Darshan with one hope. That He would not reject me. That He would accept my

tears of penitence as true.

 

"Lord! You have clearly instructed not to indulge in world, in unnecessay

contacts. Yet I failed to follow Your words. Would You now forgive me? You

would, if You are God as You have declared." I prayed and started writing a

letter to Him. I wanted to ask for three things - to better my academics, to

grant me a good job and the love of my life. You know, these three things

appeared as the basic necessities for my existence...

 

But Swami is not easy. My friends, the very sand of Prasanthi is redeeming. It

is not usual soil. It is the soil trodden by the Lotus Feet. We do not realize

but the vibrations in the air of Prasanthi are simply irresistible. They rip

you of all the desires one by one slowly, until you are remained with just one

yearning, to be able to Love Him purely. As I spent a day in Parthi, (had only

distant Darshans on that day...), I was thrown back to myself. I got myself

back. Yes. Can you believe what I worte in the letter finally after entering

Parthi?

 

"My dearest Swami,

 

Give me true spirit of living, true spirit of work and true spirit of Love.

Guide me at every moment of life.

 

With Love,

A spark of You."

 

I was holding this letter and sat in darshan line. I told myself, "If He is God,

He would take this. I am asking for no selfish thing, no worldly thing. So, He

should take it."

 

And I got token number one. I sat in the first line. He came to me. He took the

letter. That was the best moment in my life till now.

 

I strongly believe life is essentially the sum of a few worthy moments, those in

which you are immersed in bliss eternal. Rest all are trash and pure waste of

time. If we can spend all the moments in Divine Consciousness and dedicate all

acts to Him, all the moments and acts, however simple and small would become

the ultimate moments. Otherwise, they are just moments which add no value to

the life, no purpose to my existence as a human being. That moment He took my

first letter marked the beginning of the true moments in my life.

 

It is not even a bit of exaggeration if I tell you, the person who stepped out

of Darshan hall that day was different from the person who enetered an hour

before. It is useless to try to describe how He works on you during those few

Darshan moments. It is known only to the soul.

 

In one Darshan, He showed me that what alll went on was to make me realize the

utter uselessness of every other entity in the world than LOVE. Love Divine.

Love of God. Love of Swami. Love of Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And that is

it. That is the only thing which keeps this world interesting. A reason worthy

to consider, for leading a mortal life.

 

The next day, I sat on one of those benches near the sheds. That is my favorite

place during evenings. I just sit there, and nothing will be there in my mind,

except a strong feeling of bliss. I will still be cognizant of my surroundings,

and people around. But they all appear to be His messengers. I will slowly

explain what sort of ground Prasanthi is to me. The people who come to

Prasanthi come from various places for their own purposes and their own

problems and desires. But from my persepctive, they are teachers. Little little

teachers, His messengers, His media. Every every every Prasanthi trip, every

person I meet there taught me a lesson. Such was the rate of imparting

knowledge that Swami has maintained during my Parthi trips. Unbelievable. I can

cry every time I think and recount those experiences...such was the thrill they

gave me.

 

The next day I sat on a bench, and wrote down how I spent all my three years in

BITS. How I wasted them merely without trying to listen to His Voice that has

been constantly ringing within me. I simply wrote it down, I was not really

intending to give it to Him. But somehow I kept it in the book I carried to

Darshan Hall without my knowledge (5 years back, they allowed books inside

Darshan Hall.).

 

Only a little before He arrived, I realized I brought that letter with me. And

also, I was again in line number one! "Swami wants to re-assure me by taking

this letter too?", I wondered. He came.

 

He stood before me taking letters from everyone. I was holding mine in my hand.

It had all the mistakes that I did. I was simply ashamed to give it to Him. If

it were out of ignorance, that I committed mistakes, it is pardonable. But what

about these that I committed knowingly?

 

But my friends, Swami's Compassion is just beyond what all we think. We praise

Him so much, but to understand it is beyond our capability. He stood there even

after all the people finished giving letters to Him except me! I took it as a

sign that He wants me to give it to Him! I gave it. He took it.

 

Well, what can I say? That was just more than what I expected for the trip. But

you know...Swami is like that. He always proves your expectations false. Only

later, over more and more trips, I was to realize that everytime He gave me, He

gave me beyond all my expectations.

 

That trip was the first turning point in my life. Which bought confidence in me,

not just regarding future but everything. I could feel in it in my blood. His

assurance by taking the letters gave me all the courage to believe that I can

transform myself. I realized that I am here to give, not to take. To deliver,

not to expect. That I was really not wrong about love. Love is great but it is

just that the objective should be none other than the Indiranatha, the Consort

of Indira, the Ultimate aim of all the entities, living and non-living in the

universe, and that alone it can give you what all you want. An infalliable

source of bliss.

 

I was back in college. There were surprises among the people who knew me, both

closely and distantly cuz I am a soul in love in the truest sense...haha. Order

was back in my life. In no time, I became the service co-ordinator of Sri Sathya

Sai Seva Samthi at college and was the major leading singer (when the veterans

were absent ofcourse....). Narayana Seva and Bhajans, a wonderful mixture of

medicine to treat me back to spiritual health.

 

With minimal efforts, I have successfully secluded myself from all the

activities and discussions that made me worldly. At this time, I became

strongly interested in music as well. What else? Thoughts of Swami and music

became the major components of my daily life from then.

 

I am sorry for making the account a little personal. I felt it was all

interleaved and I could not draw a clear line of sepration. I promise the

future episodes, will not be like this. Cuz from then on, I have started

cognizing Swami's Hand behind every that little thing that happened in my life.

 

May the thoughts of Swami make our lives truly lively.

JAI SATHYA SAIRAM

 

PS: Was just reminded, thought I would add this. One prayer I had during my

first Prasanthi trip was, "Swami, when I meet my true love, it should be the

sweetest moment of my life. Please grant it to me." And He granted it

immediately. I met Him and had that sweetest moment of my life. Not just once.

Again and again. Every single time in Darshan. I met my true love for this life

and forever.

 

Yesterday, I called my mothers sister and she said, "Chinni, you called up last

Wednesday, but you did not wish your mom, it was her birthday...even I forgot

to remind you!"

 

I replied, "Ya, I forgot. What to do? I forgot to wish you too on your birthday

this year!"

 

The she said, "It is ok even if you dont wish me, but you should have wished your mom."

 

I replied, "Nope. She is no way special than you."

 

She did not agree. "Mom and dad come before everyone else."

 

I replied, "Pinni, in the circle of love for a Sai devotee, there are only two

levels. In the first level, is Swami. Everyone one else come in the second

level. There are no other multiple levels or sub-classes in the second level.

Slowly these two levels should merge too. I love you as much as my mom, not an

iota less. And so, kindly forgive me for the two equally grave mistakes that I

have committed this year..:)"

 

When you fall in Love with Swami, there is only one "special someone" in your

life. And that is Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Rest all are just reflections

of that One.