My life is my Bhaagavatham

[Guest guest]

Sairam sister Meera,

 

Thank you for your kind reply!

 

What you said is absolutely true. Because of Maya (illusion), everything that is

learnt disappears at the very moment we need it. However, there is one trick I

feel will help us a lot.

 

During the times when things go well for us, when we have no real hardships,

instead of ignoring Swami, if we can develop and strengthen our personal bond

of love with Him as much as possible, that will come to our rescue in times of

pain. Isn't it?

 

In so many romantic movies, I see one particualar recurring scene. At first, the

hero and the heroine spend a wonderful time together, loving each other

passionately. Then somehow one of them behaves in a way not expected by the

other and they break up.

 

Once they break up and start staying away from each other, all the memeories of

the wonderful times they have spent together haunt them. They find it extremely

difficult to keep cherishing their own egos. They find it impossible to stop

thinking of the other........they finally fall back into each other's arms.

 

Here, we see clearly that it is the 'bond of love' that they have developed by

being together, spending time with each other, thinking about each other that

has helped them to become one again.

 

Similarly when things are going well for us, if we chant Swami's Name

incessantly, and think of Him, read His Leelas and do as many Satsangs as

possible, lot of memories develop. The intimacy increases and our bond with

Swami becomes one-to-one and personal.

 

Then, when hardships fall on us, initially we might get angry with Swami, and

avoid looking at His photo, (Swami quoted this action done by devotees in one

of His Discourses. He said, "You say Swami is God when things go well for you,

but when you are not happy with the way things are going in your life, you turn

back My photo

"...lol.........)

 

Initially we might get angry with Him. But the bond of Love that we have already

developed with Him will not allow us to stay away from His thought for long. The

fragrances emanating from those sweet memories, the fun and frolic we had with

Swami, all the joy that He has poured on us everytime we asked Him, we thought

of Him, will bring us back to Him.

 

It helps a lot to keep a chronicle of every small miracle that Swami does in our

life. It is a word from my personal experience. From past three years, I have

every single Leela He has done to me, every single dream of mine in which He

has appeared, recorded to the minutest detail. In fact whenever I get a dream

of Swami, the first thing that I do after getting up and realizing, is to go

and jot it down on some paper. I will again make a fair copy of it later when I

find time.

 

I have made three daries from the past three years, which I call them "My

Experiments with Baba" (Once when Sri G.V. Subba Rao garu asked Swami if we can

call our understanding of Swami's actions as our 'experiences', Swami said No.

He said we should call them 'experiments'.) So, I have given this name.

 

Everytime I feel that Swami is not caring for me, I open one of those diaries.

They tell me how much Swami has done for me, is doing for me and will be doing

for me. Everytime I feel low, I open one of those diaries. Invariably, by the

time, I close them I breathe out a relieving sigh. I feel the warmth of His

presence.

 

In fact when I read all the three diaries at a go, I can clearly see the

connection between every single incident that has happened in my life. I find

meaning in every episode - good or bad in my life. I can clearly see how

painstakingly He has designed my life for me. I can visualize what lead to what

and where I am.

 

One letter He has taken from my hand during Darshan, 5 years back in which I

asked Him, "Swami! Be with me and guide me at every step of my life". I can

tell you with my hand on my heart - that He has fulfilled it to the letter. If

I had not written down each incident, I probably could not have discovered this

strategy of Swami which is behind every single incident that is happening in my

life.

 

There is no greater Bhagavatham for each one of us than our own experiences. I

dont think any book or person can inspire us, convince us more than our own

personal experience.

 

You read on some website or book that Swami has cured cancer of some person. It

might fill you with awe but does it feel more sweeter than one small little

Leela He has done for you on one random day?

 

How times have I run in joy and told my mom, about a tap running suddenly or an

urgent phone picked up as soon as I started chanting SAIRAM!

 

I clearly remember one tiny but so sweet incident. One day I was at home, my

little sister is not well, weak and taking rest on bed. I was sitting in

corridor and reading something. All of a sudden she came running like a wind

to me. She was gasping heavily and was all smiles. She was not able to speak

because of the gushing emotions.

 

I allowed her sometime to control her feelings and speak to me.

 

She accounted to me thus:

 

"Annayya! You know what? you know what? The computer was not working from past

one week, you know it right? Today our dhobi's daughter Kumari came to me and

asked me, "Hey archana, you talk about your Baba and say that He is God. Can

you show me His photos or videos?" I very much wanted to show the videos of

Swami's miracles to her but I knew the computer was not working. Somehow, I

thought I would give it a try. I said, "SAIRAM" aloud ONLY ONCE and then I

switched the computer on! It's working!!!! Even Kumari is filled with wonder at

this miracle.

 

Swami has responded so immediately, Annayyaa!!!!!"

 

My heart filled with indescribable joy and peace seeing her innocent love and

faith in Swami. It's a very tiny thing, I know. A rational mind will find so

many other reasons for the computer getting switched on. But can any other

reason than the thought that Swami has made it work, give her so much joy? So

much joy that you gasp and gasp in bliss, So much of bliss that you choke and

are not able to speak out?

 

I could clearly see that she was blessed to be able to love Him so innocently. I

could see His Grace shining on her head. This is Grace. This is blessing. To be

in love. To be in child-like joy taking Swami for granted.

 

I have noted down every single word of her clearly in my diary.

 

People take videos and snaps of every single event of their growing children -

1st month birthday, 1st year birthday, 2nd year birthday, the first day he

walked, the first word he spoke etc etc. All those snaps and videos make them

more and more bonded them to their children and tie them in the physical

relations much more strongly.

 

My diaries, my jottings are not such. They make me close to Swami. They take me

away from worldly relations. They remind me that Swami is my closest friend and

that nothing else is as worthy as Him, that no one has ever loved me as much as

He did. That no-one else is worth shedding a tear than Him.

 

OK....what I wish to say is:

 

The key is to see that the relationship we have with Him is stronger than any

other relationship or desire. We need to spend time with Him, it is only then

our relationship with Him develops. Otherwise, if we simply while away the good

times, the bond with Swami would be fragile and susceptible to every small wind.

 

This is the reason that appears to me why people say regularity is needed in

Sadhana. If the prayers are not regular, if we think of Swami only when we have

time and not make time everyday for Him, the relationship, the passion for Him

will only be so-and-so.

 

After realizing this, I have been doing Namasmarana daily without fail (one good

thing that I started after more than 5 years of knowing and being in love with

Swami!)

 

I am literally searching for every small pretext to think of Him and talk to

Him. I am trying to involve Him in every activity of mine, no matter if it is

pleading or requesting or complaining or quarrelling. The only aim is that I

need to spend more time with Him than anyone else....lol.....

 

I have seen many of my old friends getting more closer to their new friends just

because I have not been in touch with them for a long time. That used to hurt me

a bit, to see him giving more importance and talk more about others than about

me. But that's natural when I have not spent enough time with him of late.

 

So, this makes clear for me, that I should never loose in touch with Swami. For

that I need to spend more and more time with Swami.

 

I think I have yapped enough....

 

Sister, regarding the Annamayya Kirtans, I am giving below the names of few

singers, who I feel sing "knowing the meaning" well and with Bhava. There are

many others also, but I haven't listened to them.

 

- M. Balamurali Krishna

- Bala Krishna Prasad

- SP Balasubraminam

- MS Subbulakshmi

 

If you are a Telugu, it is not a problem. In case you are not, the important

thing is to get a book or someone well versed in telugu who can explain to you

the exact purport.

 

As you know, the songs of the three composers, Tyagayya, Annamayya and Ramadasu

are so myriad in their variety - you have songs suiting all moods. Whether you

are in joy or pain, frusutration or faith, fear or complacence, you have songs

which negate all the effects and get you back to your original blissful self.

Into the feeling of oneness with Swami. Back to form. To make you ready to

plung back into the daily material life.

 

On the lighter side....in case you have some irritation in eyes, or some kind of

eye-infection, these songs help a lot - by the end of one hour listening,

without applying any cleaning liquids, they clean your eyes thoroughly with a

rain of blissful tears

 

I shall try to get the exact names of the cassettes and their companies.

 

JAI SAIRAM

Have a Sai-filled day!

 

PS: What a beautiful name you have got sister! Meera! Sai Krishna is happy

 

On 9/29/05, Meera S <keep_smilingg_26 > wrote:

Sai RamThe message 'Pain- Hammer of God' was really inspiring. It helps to view

things in a better perspective. But even if all this makes a lot of sense now,

somehow, it never comes to our mind when we are being really 'hammered'.Maybe

its like the curse given to Karna (Mahabharatha). All the theories learnt fail

to come to our rescue when we are in dire need of it :-)

Please tell me more about Annamacharya Kirtans. Ive one rendered by MS

Subbalakshmi. Whose rendering is better? Where can I find the best Kirtans?

Love and prayersMeera

[Guest guest]

Samadhi...

 

If I could happily use the holy word 'samadhi' also as a term to explain the

divine ecstasy that keeps one in high vibrations of heavenly energy, I would

say that your words, your pure heart and soul expressed into words make me feel

a sweet 'samadhi' of smiles and Grace...

thank you for alllll this contemplation you bring to me !

SAIRAM, SAIRAM, SAIRAM, SAIRAM........ OH, SWAMI.... =)

 

Jai Sai Ram !!

2005/9/30, Sai Sandesh <saisandesh >:

 

Sairam sister Meera,

 

Thank you for your kind reply!

 

What you said is absolutely true. Because of Maya (illusion), everything that is

learnt disappears at the very moment we need it. .....

[Guest guest]

I was happy reading your mail. i felt as if i am living again with my experiment.

One day I will narrate my experiments. ( My love for Swamy / Swamy's love for me )

Sai Ram