When you knew He loved you more than you did....

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On 8/31/05, preitam preitam <preitam > wrote:

 

If He has a small space in His heart.....

 

SAIRAM Preitam!

 

What you wrote was wonderful. I am ready to die even for that one moment when

Swami lets me know He loves me. In fact this perfect reciprocation of Love, we

can expect only from Swami...none else! For He is verily GOD. Isn't it? :-)

 

There is a beautiful scene in a Telugu movie called "Annamayya". It is the life

story of the one of the greatest devotees, a Telugu poet-composer called

"Annamacharya" or simply called "Annamayya".

 

Just before Annamayya attains Niravana (the Union with His God Sirinivasa), the

Lord Himself appears before him and expresses His Love for Annamayya! Can you

imagine the joy of Annamayya? The scene has deeply inspired me and I wrote it

down in my diary. I gave it below.

 

JAI SAIRAM

Sai Sandesh

This song has been requested by: Sri Venkateswara Swami from Tirumala

OR Music of Love

Actors in the scene:

 

Annamayya - The Telugu poet composer

Srinivasa or Venkateswara - The Lord whom Annamayya adored

Padma - The Lord's Consort

Bhoodevi - The Lord's Second Consort

 

Place: The temple of Tirumala

 

Taking the pile of Talapathras containing his compositions in his hands,

Annamayya started walking slowly towards the temple of Srinivasa. It is the

place; he has given his life for. It is where he saw His most beloved Form, the

mesmerizing Srinivasa, long ago, when prompted by a great sage. He was a roaming

wayward then, sunk deep in the sensual pleasures, following every whim and fancy

of his mind. It is then, one fine day, he dashed against this sage on his way.

The sage asked him: "If the creation itself entices and enslaves you so much,

can you imagine what would happen to you if you witness the beauty of the

creator Himself?"

 

Provoked by his question, Annamayya followed the sage into the temple. Little

did he know, at that moment, that he had stepped into the place where he was

going to spend the rest of his life. He went inside and saw. He could not bear

it. The brilliance, the purity of the Moorthi. It was not a stone that he saw

there. It's the embodiment of Love, his own lost identity that he saw there. He

saw his own reality waiting for him to recognize. He saw there, the One who came

down for him all the way from Vaikuntha and waiting from times unknown to grant

him boundless happiness. "Oh! Oh! How could I not see You all these days?", he

cried. He wept and wept and wept. It cleansed him in and out. For what left his

eyes were not mere tears but all the false and misguiding instincts that he

nurtured in himself till then by his foolish acts. And he was no more the same.

 

Cherishing all those wonderful moments, he walked past in tottering steps. Not

just his legs, his entire body is trembling. After all, 96 years have passed

away after he stepped onto the earth. He is heading towards the temple, just

led by his instinct. As always, his conscience is his only beacon. He felt its

time to quit and that his mission was accomplished. But again, there are doubts

still lingering in his mind...

"Will my work please Srinivasa? Have I done at least some justice to my birth?

What would He say? How would He react seeing my silly songs?"Totally

pre-occupied thus, He did not keep watch on what is ahead of Him. He dashed

against someone. Again! Exactly the same way he collided with the sage who

changed his life, decades ago. All his Taalapatras slipped out of his hand. He

bent down to pick them up. Suddenly, he realized that he had known the touch

earlier. It's the same "touch". The same feeling. He lifted his head up.And the

Lord was standing there. Yes, in His complete grandeur, Sankhu and Chakra

included."Oh! It's a dream... Isn't it...? Yes, it is. ", he told himself,

"Haven't I seen this form earlier? He wouldn't be there after a moment, I know.

It's all an illusion...hmmm..." But....he was wrong. He was still there.

Smiling. What a smile it is! As if He knew him all the while.Annamayya could no

longer contain himself. How can he? The same Form which has been playing hide

and seek with him from past 96 years is now before his eyes. He gave Himself

away, finally.

It is that Form which he imagined and cherished always. It's the same one whom

He played and prayed, blamed and pleaded, chided and loved. The same Form which

accompanied Him through thick and thin.

He managed to speak out, "Swami! Please tell me this is not a dream. Let me

realize that this is not just my hallucination. Oh, my Sweet Swami! Is it with

the same Hand which drives away all the fears that You touched me? Is it with

the same compassionate Hand which rains the nectar of Love on to the devotees,

that You have caressed me? Is it the same chest that I dashed with, which is

head-rest for both of my mothers? Aha! Aha! Never did I expect, my Swami, that

You would give me such a huge remuneration for the songs You made me sing!My

life is done. My dreams are realized. Here, my Lord, take these....the 32,000

sankeertanas. I hope You would treasure safely in Your heart, this small gift

of mine. Wouldn't You?'

Dhaachuko Nee Paadhaalaku Thaga Ne Chesina PoojaliviPoochi Nee Keerithi Roopa

Pushpamulive AyyaHere...treasure these songs...the fruits of my worship to Your

Feet...Here, take these flowers, which speak of Your Grandeur."

The Lord asked..."Oh! So, you are settling the accounts...?""...?""So

soon?""What is so soon, my Lord? It's been 96 years this log has fallen on

earth!"

The Lord retorted, "So what? I shall extend your life. I shall transcend the

laws that I myself have framed and give you a fresh and extra lease of few more

years. Why few more, I shall make it unlimited. What do you say?"

Annamayya smiled, "Natana Soothradhaari! Don't I know your games? I do. I know

all these ladders of desires that you make us climb and the serpents of hopes

that you make us preys to. I know... You are testing to see if I am still

body-conscious? Aren't You, my Govinda?"

"No," The Lord replied, "I am not testing you, I mean what I say.""But...what

makes You ask me like this, My Lord?""The love for your Keertans. Yes. You

stole My heart with Your songs. How can I tell You, how ecstatic I felt

listening to Your songs? One day, in my solitude ...I heard your voice...

Jo achyuthanandha Jo Jo mukundhaaLaali Paramaanandha Raama Govindhaa(The Lord

sings it.)As you sang so, I turned a child and lost myself into a blissful doze

over the Vatapathra."

Annamayya is astonished hearing his tune in His Lord's voice..."Swami...You are

singing my tune??""Not just one...Another day, you sang a beautiful song on My

consorts...It goes like....what is it? Padma! Padma! Remind me the tune

once..."

Padma Devi came forward humming Ksheerabdhi Kanyakaku Sree Mahalakshmikini

Neerajaalayakunu Neeraajanam NeerajanamThe Lord remained silent for a moment,

lost in bliss listening to the song. "What can I give you in return for these

Keertans? I cannot express how much I like them. You don't seem to believe my

words. Do you?" He turned to His consorts again, "Padma! Bhoodevi! Please

explain to him how much I love those Sankeertans..."

Padma resumed, "Yes, Annamayya! To tell you the truth, it is in fact for these

Sankeertans that Swami took the form of a yogi and stood in your way that day.

He guided you onto the right path. On these shoulders which bear the entire

universe, He bore your palanquin!"

Annamayya was about to faint. What can be more blissful than the sweet

realization that what He considered as one-sided love had all the while been a

perfect reciprocation?The Lord asked, "If I let you leave now, who is going to

sing for Me like the way you did?"

What can the poor Annamayya answer, when the One who is the Embodiment of music,

the NaadaBrahma Himself is asking such a question? His heart was too small to

contain the immeasurable bliss the Lord is trying to pour into it by His words.

 

"My Swami! You are the One who entertains the worlds. Did my little tunes

entertain You? Were they so worthy that You remember and sing them back to me?

Do I really deserve this? Enough of it, My Lord! I cannot stand this shock.

Neither my elementary body, nor my human mind is capable of taking in Your Love

anymore....."

So saying, he turned to Padma Devi and Bhoodevi and prayed "Amma! Please request

the Lord on my behalf, to grant me liberation, before I come out of this state

of ecstasy. I am afraid I would fall back. Please, my sweet mother. Please!"

Before they could say anything, the Lord Himself spoke, "No.... These devotees

never heed My words. It is Me always, who has to compromise....All right,

Annamayya, I shall liberate you. But....."

Annamayya looked tensed. "What kind of twist is the Master going to give to my

story now?" He asked himself.The Lord said, "Before I do....Would you sing for

Me once?"

Gone.The poor devotee's mind is gone. It's like a heavy downpour over a tiny

ant. Downpour of pure and unsullied Love. Looking at the Lord while He spoke

those words, Annamayya's mind turned blank. The way Srinivasa asked the

question, the romantic hue of His eyes, and the situation as a whole left him

in a state of unfulfillable longing.

Before Annamayya could acknowledge the Lord's request, Padma and Bhoodevi resent

it. "Yes, Annamayya, would you please sing for us once?"Annamayya eyes were

overflowing, "How compassionate are You, Amma! Can there be anything else I

would desire in this life? You have appeared before me and praised my work. And

now you are commanding me to sing...."

The pure heart of Annamayya burst into one more gem of an impromptu

Keerthana:Idhi gaaka Sowbhaagyamidhi gaaka thapamu mariIdhi gaaka

Vaibhavamminkokati galadhaa

Is it possible on earth to witness a greater penance, a greater affluence?

Certainly, my Swami, I shall sing...And then he sang his last Keerthana.

 

Antharyaami, alasithi solasithi, inthate Nee saranidhe chochchithini...."My

Swami! My Indweller! I am tired, totally exhausted. I pray to You to relieve my

soul of its limitations."

And the Lord lovingly granted him the last boon, the highest bliss – The oneness with Him.