Blessings with Milk & Sugar

[Guest guest]

Sai Ram

 

The article below will help you both on the journey you have begun TOGETHER.

 

Have a wonderfully Happy Journey from I to WE, called marriage.

 

Sai Ram - Be Happy

 

JPAn article on the institution of Marriage

 

 

Milk & Sugar

 

In the seventies, they said a man marries because for everything that goes wrong

- one can't always blame the Govt. In eighties they said – It (Marriage) is a

well. Those who jump into it want to get out and those who are out want to jump

in. Has man indeed forgotten the essence of marriage: its values and the rules

that apply to it.

 

The institution of Marriage has never been so weak, as at the present times.

What can be expected from people whose values have eroded and mere physical

part of the relationship has gained prominence, which wears off sooner than

later. Looks and style have gained over character. Martial sex has infiltrated

to outside marriage and its sanctity. Ego has resulted in superiority complex

in both partners – each earning a fabulous amount even before they got married.

Courts are full of warring couples and their brigade of lawyers.

 

Marriages are failing and collapsing like a house of cards. Is there a way to

check this collapse, this erosion of values?

 

Yes there is.

 

When we realize that the crystal is our hand is a genuine diamond we will

preserve it, but with no value attached it is not taken care of and gets

scattered like glass. Yet, once having lost the diamond in the first place and

ended in a bitter divorce, the second time round both partners try to convert

glass into diamond with more effort, more healing of scars of previous wars

more giving and forgiving and maturity. Why wait for the second chance? Do it

right the first time. Ignorance never was and never will be bliss.

 

In human relationships all our blood relations, be it father, mother, brother or

sister are of prime importance till marriage. The only relation, which is not a

blood relation, but becomes the most important is the husband~wife relation. It

is only ignorance of such subtle facts that are the cause of ever increasing

litigation and divorces.

 

An insight into what our scriptures and shashtras say about marriage can save

many a marriage from the calamity of divorce and the innocent children from the

trauma of broken marriage.

 

Have we forgotten that of all the samaskaaras (acts of refining the human being)

– marriage is the most important. While all other samaskaaras relate to

individual alone. But, marriage involves the relationship between two distinct

individuals who have come together under the umbrella of marriage.

 

Marriage is something more elevated and evolved, than the sensory physical

aspect of man~woman relationship. It is the basis of the family which when

multiplied into infinite numbers forms the world itself. Marriage is a school

where we learn to be refined and cultured moral beings. Marriage unfolds the

spirit within.

 

On a Christmas Day, a few years ago, Sri Sathya Sai Baba explained the

significance of marriage, in a private interview to a couple from the western

world. He said that marriage is like milk and sugar mixing together. “Men are

the milk, ladies are the sugar. Milk by itself is only protein. Sugar by itself

is only taste. They must be mixed together to give both taste and protein.”

 

“We cannot separate milk and sugar. Sugar and water can be separated, but sugar

and milk once mixed cannot be separated. This points to the integral nature of

the marriage bond.”

 

“In Hindu Culture, the wife is called half of the husband. Wife is called

ardhangi.” He told this couple, “This is a sacred bond and it is a promise you

are making to each other because wife is half husband and husband is half wife.

Half plus half in not two but one.” He elaborated, “Marriage is the union of the

mind, body and soul. Before marriage you have complete right over your body, but

now only half of your body belongs to you. The right of the wife is husband and

left of the husband is wife.”

 

Then Baba explained the need for marriage. “When a child cries it is given

sweetmeats. In the same way for human beings (Gods’ Children) who are governed

by senses, God has created marriage. It is for self-control that two

individuals get married.”

 

Baba emphasized another point in his talk to the newly married couple.

“Selflessness is God. The ‘self’ which is selfless is God. To feel ‘mine’ and

‘thine’ is ego. Ego is very harmful. It is to kill ego that the two souls are

brought together. So marriage is a means by which we transcend ego. Marriage

means learning to live with one another. It means that they can learn to adjust

to one another and forget their egos.”

 

“Mutual understanding is forgotten and one tries to adjust.” Baba added – “Real

understanding should be there and mere adjustment is not good. Both of you have

to understand each other. Marriage means your life, whole lifetime together, not

just a few days or a few weeks or a few years.”

 

Baba told the couple, “Love is the chief principle. Without love there can be no

lover. Life is love. Life is God. God is love – live in God. Love lives by

giving and forgiving and self lives by getting and forgetting. Love is

selflessness. Before getting married your love was separate. Now all of your

love will come together and blossom better.”

 

Baba explained the significance of the wedding ring: “Life is like a ring. The

ring is the heart: when that is given, the gift is the heart itself. That is

the sacred bond.”

 

Baba told the couple, “Marriage is not like changing bush shirts. Marriage is an

eternal bond.” Emphasizing on the growing martial discords and divorces in the

West Baba said, “They change their wives and husbands like changing

bush-shirts! Today there is tendency of separation, not coming together. Life

is full of troubles and challenges. We should not separate ourselves because of

these, but rather face them together. Now when trouble comes, even if it is

small, it separates us. That should not be the tendency, one should give one’s

heart to another.

 

All your doubts, about the rules of game – marriage, have evaporated. For those

who are still in a quandary about the rightness of their union breaking action,

Baba, on another occasion has explained, that marriage is coming together of a

man and women to settle their karmic account of previous births. The full

settlement of this account is the natural passing away of any of the partners.

Divorce is unnatural. It is not as per the divine law. It is like carrying

forward the unsettled account and it has to be settled in future births – there

is just no running away from the Law of Karma.

 

Almost three decades ago, on the eve of my marriage, our then neighbour, a very

old couple, late Mr. and Mrs. Iqbal Nath Pandit, called me and gave me this

sage advice. “Son, today you are getting married. We want to tell you three

things. First. Never feel shy to say – ‘I Love You’ to your wife and mean it

from the depth of your heart every time and never go to sleep without saying it

to her. Second. Once you have seen each other (with your eyes the others’ body)

don’t permit any ego to come in between. Third. Irrespective of whose fault it

is (so many things will go wrong) be the first to say ‘Sorry’”.

 

This sage advice helped me in celebrating our silver anniversary – a couple

years ago. Dwell into these three martial commandments – if we may so call them

– as given above. Which marriage does not have its thunders and tornados,

in-laws and out-laws, ups and downs – which marriage does not have its problems

– all of them are full of challenges. Only those marriages in which there is

mutual respect, freedom from ego, unconditional love, forgiveness, mutual

understanding and a sense of commitment will succeed. For the others there will

be the usual sobs and sighs at the breaking of the ‘marriage’ which were

supposed to have been made in heaven.

 

JP

 

 

For devotees of Sri Sathya Sai Baba - Important Announcement.

 

SAI AT - project, to comemmorate Bhagwan Baba's 80th Year of Advent, has been

launched. For details

http://www.sailopics.com/80th_Year_of_Advent/80th_year_of_advent.htm

You can become project members of this memorable project if you have a SAILOGRAM

or SAI SILVER or SAI GOLD or procure one after reading this.

 

Sai Ram - Be Happy