Swami and marriage [replies]

August 12, 2004

"Charlene" <jaisairm

Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:31pm

Re: [saibabanews] Swami and marriage

Sai Ram!

Swami has a lot to say about the institution of marriage. The

following are quotes taken from the book A Compendium of the

Teachings of Sathya Sai Baba:

MARRIAGE

"Marriage is for the sake of pursuing dharma. It is not for enjoying

worldly pleasures.....The same pleasures are experienced by street

dogs. Is that happiness?" SS May 1996 P 121

"In the modern world, youth should know the nature of true love.

Many from abroad mix with persons of the opposite sex, calling them

boy friend and girl friend. If you really love each other, you must

get married and not continue living as friends." SS August 1997 P 212

"The antecedents of families were fully examined in the past before

marital alliances were concluded. But today these factors are

ignored. People are indifferent to family backgrounds, while they

are concerned about *the pedigrees of dogs in dog shows! This

indifference to lineage accounts for the breakup of many marriages

after a short time. This should not happen. Marriage should be a

lifelong partnership." SS Jan 1996 P 14

"Before one is married, one does not know anything about the

attitudes of one's own wife. Prior to the marriage, whatever

difficulty the girl may come across, the husband is not going to

worry about it. But once the marriage is performed, even if the wife

has a small pain or difficulty, the husband also suffers great

sorrow. The truth becomes clear from this example that these sorrows

and difficulties come half-way in our life, and they are not natural

to us."

"Marriage is like milk and sugar. Men are the milk; ladies are the

sugar.....Milk by itself is just protein. Sugar alone is just taste.

They must be mixed together to give both taste and protein.

"In the Hindu culture, the wife is called half of the

husband.....Marriage is a sacred bond and it is a promise you are

making to each other because the wife is half husband and the

husband is half of the wife. Half plus half is not two but one.

"Selflessness is God. The self which is selfless is God. To

feel `mine' and `thine' is ego. Ego is very harmful. It is to kill

the ego that two souls are brought together. They can learn to

adjust to one another and forget their egos.

"Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few

days or a few weeks, or a few years.....Marriage is a training

ground for fostering transensual love. Life is like a ring. The ring

is the heart; when that is given, the gift is the heart itself. That

is the sacred bond.

"Today there is the tendency of separation, not coming together.

Life is full of troubles and challenges. We should not separate

ourselves because of these but rather face them together. Now when

trouble comes, even if it is small, it separates us. That should not

be the tendency, one should give one's heart to another." GA P 140-

143

"Marriage is the joining together or bringing together of a man and

a woman for the sake of progeny. People should exercise discipline

and control in married life. That is why it is said there can be no

glory or achievement without discipline. Before marriage, he is half

body. Before marriage, she is half body. Lady is always left side.

Right side is gent's. The gent's body is always the right side of

the wife. Now you have only one body. In Indian philosophy or custom

this is called ardhangi. (Ardha means half). Wife before marriage is

only ardhangi, half body. Now the left side is joined with the right

side and you are full body.

"In the future, husband's troubles are wife's troubles and wife's

troubles become the husbands's. It is like, if one part of the body

is paralyzed, the other part of the body feels the paralysis. And

so, your wife must feel your pains and you must feel her pains. Both

of your pains are removed by Swami. Both husband should help wife

and wife should help husband.

"Sometimes, it is natural for you to have adjustment and

understanding. First you must understand each other. After that,

adjustment will be easy. First understanding. Second adjustment.

Ninety percent of people try adjustment first. This is wrong way

around. First understanding." VS P 129-130

"Animal qualities mean excessive desires. `I want this.' `I want

that.' Mankind is bound by desires. For example, a young man has two

legs, and he is single. After some time he says `I want to be

married.' Desires start; he gets married. Now how many legs does he

have? He has four. So long as he had two legs, he walked wherever he

wanted. But after marriage, he has four legs; he lost some

independence. After some time, he says he wants a son. Desires

continue; he has a son. Then there are six legs; he is now more and

more bound with six legs. Later he says, `I want a daughter.' Then

there are eight legs. When he has eight legs, he becomes fearful.

Because of fear, he wants to hide. As the number of legs go on

increasing, bondage increases. Where did he get the bondage? It was

the result of desires. Therefore, control your desires. In Vedantic

parlance, this is called detachment or renunciation." SSN Spring

1995 P 17

"Everyone wants to achieve happiness and makes all sorts of efforts

for this purpose without knowing where to find it. He thinks he can

get happiness when he gets a job to earn his livelihood and pursues

his studies only with this end in view. After he gets a job, he is

still not happy. He wants to get married. He marries and sets up a

family. Even then there is no happiness. He wants progeny. He gets a

child. Still he is not happy. He wants promotion so that he can earn

more to maintain his family. He gets it. Even then he is not happy.

And he goes on like that in quest of happiness that eludes him.

Happiness is not there in all these attainments or possessions. It

is only in the heart within. He is himself the embodiment of

happiness. Yet, without realizing this, he goes on seeking happiness

elsewhere." SS May 1994 P 124

"When one chooses a life-partner now-a-days, the first consideration

is paid to external beauty and charm. Next the economic position is

taken as the basis. How rich is he or she? How much does he or she

earn? Questions like, how far they are educated, what is the social

status of the families to which they belong are asked later. Carried

off by mere external frills and foppery, people enter into wedlock,

and get entangled in misery or a destructive family life. The family

cannot be stable if it is built on such a slender foundation. Prime

importance has to be paid to the fundamental requisites of a good

character, high ideals of tolerance and forbearance, love and

service. When beauty fades or wealth wanes, the bond too becomes

less strong." SSS VOL VIII Chap 51 P 266

"Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few

days, or a few weeks, or a few years. Marriage means one's

character. Marriage is not like changing one's bush shirt. Marriage

is an eternal bond. In the Hindu culture the wife is called half of

the husband. She also is called the one who looks to the

righteousness of the household and she is called the one who brings

auspiciousness, everything that is good.

"When a child cries it is given sweet meats. In the same way for

human beings, who are governed by the senses, God has created this

union of marriage so to satisfy them. It is for self-control that

two individuals get married. Selflessness is God. Or, self which is

selflessness is God. To feel mine and thine is ego. Ego is very

harmful. It is to kill the ego in us that two souls are brought

together so they can learn to adjust to one another and forget their

egos. Mutual understanding is very important for marriage. Now

understanding actually is forgotten and one tries to adjust,

therefore the main adjustment problem. Real understanding should be

there and adjustment is no good without real understanding with it.

The most important thing is to understand. Then adjustment becomes

something very easy later on. Both of you have got to understand

each other. Do not think in the past, let bygones be bygones. There

might have been misunderstandings but don't regret over it. Don't

anticipate the future because we do not now

understand each other. After that, adjustment will be easy. First

understanding. Second adjustment. Ninety percent of people try

adjustment first. This is wrong way around. First understanding." VS

P 129-130