To everyone ... just a note

[Guest guest]

Dear group,

 

I am writing because, though I haven't been posting, I have kept up a bit

with the digests.

I was sad to see that the squabbling was still going on, because, as someone

said, and this is true, when Amma was here for Her 2005 tour, She did say

that this digest is a satsang.

I cried a bit at some of it, and also read some very wonderful posts by

Amarnath and GeorgeSon and others, trying to move the group beyond the sand

box.

 

Whatever anyone thinks of me for hightailing it out of town really isn't

important; I really needed a break. I did feel stung by what seemed to be unkind

remarks about Shree Maa and Swamiji, but I would feel the same about unkind

remarks about Amma or Karunamayi or any number of Mahatmas currently walking

the earth. I acknowledge that I had a reaction, and in the best of worlds, I

wouldn't have taken what was said so personally, but this digest has been a

sanctuary and a "home" for me as I have struggled with very troubling family

issues as well as my illness. I have experienced several "flame" incidents over

the course of several years, that have taken place on the digest, having

nothing to do with me personally. A couple of times, I quit reading the digest

for a week or two, just because this wasn't the experience

I wanted to choose.

 

For whatever it's worth, because, after all, who am I (just another bozo on

the bus) is unimportant, I thank and bow to all the folks who reminded

everyone that this is indeed a satsang, and for some, the only one they have.

Does

personal "stuff" get brought up in satsangs in the "real" world? Are there

cliques, squabbling, power clashes, etc.? Of course, and as some pointed out,

these take place even around Amma. However, to those who pled for some

understanding that, within the construct that we call a satsang, it is a good

idea

to hold ourselves to a higher standard, to sometimes bite our tongues, and,

what is even harder, to simply not respond or give attention to anything that

would disrupt our peace of mind or pull us away from the goal, which is

Ammachi.

 

Last night I went to to a retrospective art show opening for a friend of

mine, Zoe Wolfe. Her work, most of it larger than life, which spanned a 50 year

period of time (in honor of her 50th birthday) was unabashedly female ... I

saw all the same art "trends" that I had been through in my own art journey,

but what struck me the most were two posters. Zoe's work is highly

professional, incredible quality. These posters were like something anyone of

us might

create, a hodgepodge of imagery and written words, not even framed. The fact

that she chose to share these, which compared to her other work, were in some

ways not very professional, shows the devotion she has.

 

The posters had a decidedly Hindu bent, with lots of Oms, some painted or

drawn, some stickons from the local bazaar; she had pictures of Karunamayi,

pictures of Ammachi, pictures of Ramana Maharshi, and others. There were Ganesh

and Saraswati pictures that she had just gotten from somewhere and glued onto

the posters. In any case it was wonderful; in some ways, my favorite work of

the entire show. Here were all these mahatmas and deities "sitting" on the

posters together, all smiling, and it struck me that this is the way things

really are. These mahatmas don't care about our squabbling, except in so far,

perhaps, as it is a part of our spiritual journey. Perhaps they'd rather we not

be squabbling, but perhaps they don't even care; it is all part of the

process.

 

I wanted to buy them, and Zoe said, "make me an offer," and I would have,

except there is no more room in the trailer to hang them, and besides, I think

it would be more fun and more enlightening to make my own. She also had the

sweetest sculpture of Ganesha. It was the smallest work in the show. He was l

ying down with a cover over him, looking very happy and serene, with is little

mouse at the foot of his "bed" looking at him with love. I thought, "oh I

wish everyone on the Amma digest and everyone on the Shree Maa digest could see

these.

In art, or at least in Zoe's heart and mind, there is room for everything.

 

My heart holds Ammachi, as Her heart holds me; it also holds Shree Maa and

Swamiji, and Yogananda and Karunamayi and Swami Amir Jyoti (on another plane at

this point), and Swami Satchitananda, and Ananda Mayi Ma, and Ramakrishna.

The heart is bigger than we may sometimes believe; it is big enough to hold

the universe. These mahatmas have no stake in who we choose as our guru. They

are happy we choose to be on this spiritual journey. In many ways, since not

being active in the group, I have felt Amma's presence strong in my life, and

it is as thought She is letting me know I can go over and study with these

mahatmas with Her blessing, but also that She is always here, only a thought or

a feeling away.

 

Perhaps I did mention Shree Maa and Swamiji too often, but I wasn't aware of

it. Many of us talk about other mahatmas here. If I was abrogating some "rule

of thumb," I sincerely apologize. I have missed all of you, and you are in

my heart and thoughts and prayers.

I can't say at this point what I will do, perhaps just stop by now and then

to say hello. As

I have told some people, off digest, that, if I can manage it, I will see

Ammachi this summer.

First I have to persuade myself to be willing to get on an airplane. So I

might go to Iowa, which is where I'd really like to go. Or I might go to DC

because I also desperately want to see my daughter. Since Amma will be in Iowa,

just before DC, maybe I will go to Iowa first and then go to DC and see Her

twice.

 

For any part I may have played in the flame, I am deeply sorry. One thing I

have been learning is that part of being a devotee or a disciple is that one

wants to emulate the behavior of the guru. How does the guru conduct

him/herself? How does the guru worship? How does the guru relate to other

people? The

more I can bring the conduct of the guru (or gurus) into my own life and

behavior, the less I will need to worry if what I am doing is causing offense

to

anyone.

 

Blessings to all ~ Linda

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Mother calls this list a Satsang. When we are praying together, and

sharing together, and supporting each other through life and our

sadhana it is a satsang. When we are bickering and calling each other

pigs we are no more than a bunch of drunks in a bar brawl. In fact, in a

bar among a bunch of drunks this behavior is tolerable. It's what you

expect. When I come to this list it isn't tolerable for me, because when

I come here, to this satsang, I'm looking for inspiration, for peace. I

realize that there are people who don't mind the bickering, who feel

that we can act as we please. That's fine. This child finds it painful.

I have come to admire and to love many members of this satsang. In fact

this is my only satsang, as it is for many others. I hate to see people

I love leave the group because of people acting badly. As has been

mentioned by others, there are other forums where brawling is expected.

Can we relate HERE with a modicum of civility?

Can we behave as if Mother is in the room with us? Because She is.

 

 

nierika wrote:

> Dear group,

>

> I am writing because, though I haven't been posting, I have kept up a

> bit

> with the digests.

> I was sad to see that the squabbling was still going on, because, as

> someone

> said, and this is true, when Amma was here for Her 2005 tour, She did

> say

> that this digest is a satsang.

> I cried a bit at some of it, and also read some very wonderful posts by

> Amarnath and GeorgeSon and others, trying to move the group beyond the

> sand box.