To Sweta on Feeling Guilt

[Guest guest]

Sweta wrote:

 

>> ...Where I work, we did an entire group on guilt. You can find the basic

format for it, if you >> do a search on "guilt" at coping.org. (This is a

great site!)

 

 

 

Dear Sweta ~ thanks so much for sharing this site. It IS a great site, and I

saved it into my favorites.

 

I am keeping my sankalpa to not speak negatively about my parents, but

sometimes it is so hard. Last week I saw my doctor, and she increased my pain

meds

(not the dosage, but the frequency). She asked me if I was still living in

the trailer, and when I said yes, she looked at me sadly and shook her head. I

felt that if she had the ability to help me she would.

 

>From my days in Al Anon, I remember learning that, growing up in alcoholic

families, we learned to accept the unacceptable and that part of our 12 Step

work was to stop doing that. How do you know when it is healthy to not accept

the unacceptable from when the unacceptable is something you are supposed to

accept? This is a conundrum I have dealt with my whole life.

 

As a person for whom spirituality has been extremely important, I always

believed that if I just accepted the person or situation enough, things would

change. But they usually don't. Usually, they get worse. I think maybe the crux

is accepting the person but not the behavior. Although, with my father, it

was only when I completely accepted him as he was, with no expectation of

change, that our relationship was transformed. This isn't going to happen with

my

mother. If I can figure out how to get to the acceptance place, which feels

like Sno White going through that horrid forest where all the trees were

grabbing at her, I may feel better. But it will not change anything with my

mother because she is no longer lucid. Because of her and my stepfather's

negative

judgement of me for being with Doug, we have lost the last few years we

might have had to really have a relationship. My sorrow about this feels like a

bottomless well. Maybe Kali will come and drink it all up.

 

I know this sounds a bit despairing, and I have already re-written it four

times, so I think I'll just let it go the way it is. With only a final caveat

.... I'm not sure what I would do without all of you here. Thank you for the

life lines you've thrown me. Jai Ma ~ Linda