To Bela about feeling guilt

[Guest guest]

Bela wrote:

 

>> Lately I have been feeling a lot of guilt in my life, and I'd like to get

>> some ideas, feedback, and perhaps personal experiences regarding this

>> emotion. I'm not quite sure how to feel about the guilt, and I enjoy

seeing

>> other people's perspectives on spiritual topics.

 

>> I've been making a lot of progress in my life in the past several months.

I

>> had my surgery and have been working on improving my health day by day.

>> I've completely given up drinking (whereas I was drinking perhaps 3-4

times

>> per year on special occasions.) I've stopped swearing (profanity) and

>> talking negatively. I have increased compassion for people (which

continues

>> to grow). I am such a better person overall, as I strive to continually

>>improve myself and become closer to the Divine.

 

>> I have been feeling guilty lately, though, when I am partaking in any

>> activity where I could be doing something more related to worship or such.

>> I adore listening to bhajans, but I also like to listen to my non-bhajan

>> music...It's not necessarily bad music, but it is pleasing

>> to my ears. I feel guilt at times when I choose to play games online,

when

>> I could be doing japa or puja, praying or meditating, etc...

 

 

 

 

Dear Bela ~ oh my :::sigh::: guilt. ARGH I grew up feeling guilty about

everything, and being forced into converting to being Catholic as a pre-teen, I

got a heavy overlay over the guilt

I already had. My guilt was always a very tangible, physical thing ... my

body would feel hot and prickly all over; I would feel like something was

pressing in on me; once I even fainted.

I decided in my late teens that this was not useful and quit going to

church. For a long time

I couldn't have anything to do with spirituality, except the very personal,

spiritual experiences I have always had.

 

I believe that, for those of who are not renunciates, what we must find is

the balance. We all have a purpose in this world, and are needed to accomplish

that purpose. If we can discover that purpose and live by it, then we are

very fortunate. I was very blessed to have a visionary journey where I went to

the Hall of Akashic Records. A big leather bound book, beautifully polished,

floated off one of the shelves and came to rest on a kind of podium. I

stepped up, and the book was open to the page where my soul wrote, before it

took

this life, the purpose intended for this individual named Linda. It was an

amazing experience, looking at the script, and realizing I had written it. Here

is what it said: Love. Love through music, form (art), and vision. Give Love.

Be Love. And, in Love, return to Me."

 

When I look at my life, I see that, despite my pratfalls, for the most part

I have been true to this "mission statement." I also believe that I chose the

abusive home that I chose because it would make coming to Love more of a

challenge, but also sensitize me to be more empathic towards others.

 

Listening to popular music, playing computer games ... okay ... this could

be viewed as wasting time that could be spent on spiritual activities ... I do

the same things, and I don't feel guilty about it. I love music, and for me,

all really good music has truth, and hence, is in someway spiritual.

Sometimes it is just fun, and aren't we here to laugh also? Even Amma takes

"time

out" to play with children or animals, though She is always centered in Her

Being.

 

For me, guilt has no positive purpose. It is not a gauge for whether I am

behaving well or not, because if I feel guilt, it has usually come from outside

myself or because I have taken on expectations for myself that are not

balanced. NO MORE GUILT!

 

If you decide to listen to bhajans instead of other music, that is terrific.

For me it is also terrific to listen to Fleetwood Mac, Keb Mo, Dave Mathews,

Natalie Merchant and others.

I find a lot of truth, and hence, spirit, in much of this music. Even in

writing my own music,

I have always felt it was God/dess doing the writing because it just came

through me, all of a piece, lyrics and melody ... and even my funny songs or my

sad songs have seemed to have a spiritual purpose, though I wasn't

intentionally creating them to be "spiritual." So many times, when I have

played,

someone has come up to me and said, "oh, I really related to that song; I've

had

that same struggle in my life."

 

You've made a lot of changes you can feel very good about. But take that

stick out of your hand and stop clubbing yourself with it. Really. I used to

have one myself. Hugs ~ Linda