Battles with Addiction (was Coffee and the dark side)

[Guest guest]

Dearest Supriti,

 

 

 

Thank you so much for sharing your past addictions with us. It makes my

heart swell to know that you have overcome many of these hurdles in your

life, and so happy to know that you are successfully working daily to better

yourself.

 

 

 

I have an extremely addictive personality by nature, so I have to be quite

watchful of my activities. It’s not so much a problem now, but was a big

problem when I was younger… and less spiritual. I took speed quite heavily

when I was in high school. I now have problems with palpitations and

occasional blood pressure problems. I also react to medicines like a child

does – oversensitive. I have to be very careful with what I take, or I

easily get hyper, sleepy, or end up vomiting. I started drinking when I was

12 and continued that for many years. I started experimenting with pot

after I was out of high school. I was also addicted to pain and pleasure.

I overindulged in anything that would bring about pleasure, and I also

derived pleasure from pain.

 

 

 

I became pregnant at 19… and thankfully, by some sort of miracle, I had not

drank, smoked pot, or indulged in any kind of intoxicants for a month or so

before the conception of my daughter. I had to grow up quite fast…

overnight, literally. I decided, of course, to give up everything while I

was pregnant, and be the best mom I could be to my wee one in my tummy.

 

 

 

After having my daughter, I no longer partied or went to clubs. I only

drank on occasion (perhaps 3-4 times per year), and I’m happy to say I never

touched speed or pot again. I realized, about a year or so ago, that I

needed to fully cut out alcohol of my life. I still only drank every few

months, but each time I did, I would end up sick for a week with a

horrendous hangover feeling. I’d get argumentative, depressed, anxious… you

name it, and I’d feel it intensely. I made my choice to stop drinking

completely, and have not drank since then. I will cook with wine or beer

every now and then, but cook it enough to cook all of the alcohol out of it.

 

 

 

I had a tough time with becoming addicted to people for a while. I’d fall

in love, and stay around, even if the going was rough. I think a lot of it

was due to loneliness and feeling like I was all alone… and craving the

attention that a new relationship would bring about. I’ve broken that

cycle, thankfully, and am happy to be loved by myself, my children, family,

friends, God, & Amma.

 

 

 

I’m even more thankful that I finally woke up and realized that my life

would never get any better until I GOT BETTER. The love and compassion that

Amma radiates gives me such an excellent buzz… I’m certainly addicted to it!

(**)

 

 

 

¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

¸.•´ .•´¨¨))

((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:- ..::Brightest Blessings::..

-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´.¸..•` ..::Bela::..

 

 

 

"Like nectar in the fresh morning flower, let goodness fill you. The heart

that unfolds all its petals spreading the fragrance of goodness is the

choicest offering at the altar of God" - Amma

 

_____

 

Ammachi [Ammachi] On Behalf Of

Omenka Supriti Nnadi

Thursday, January 12, 2006 11:24 AM

Ammachi

Coffee and the dark side

 

 

 

Some two years back I was having symptoms of what I thought was arthitis in

my joints, it hurt to walk, every joint ached. At the time I was a

Starbucks junkie - TRIPLE VENTI MOCHA W/EXTRA WHIP, whole milk, half and

half - every day...

 

I got tired of aching and decided to see if something I was eating was

causing the aches. Intuition. So I eliminated everything except COFFEE and

water for about three weeks. Guess what? IT WAS THE COFFEE! I was

heartbroken because I love coffee, I cannot drink even one cup anymore, it

makes me ache to this day. I have chai everyday instead...and may have to

give that up at some point as well.

 

As a recovering addict to relief from pain/pleasure which included, drink

drugs peyote rotgut gin whiskey bourbon beer sugar sex etc. my experience

has been that the more I purify my body, the closer I get to the divine. In

AA we heard how wonderful it was to detox and how different it was. I did

not believe that at all until feeling Amma's darshan for the first time put

me in a place and time and space that I had never felt in all the years of

addiction.

 

I am addicted to love now. I have to be addicted because that is part of

my nature to do things with gusto. I am so addicted to feeling that rush of

pure selfless love that Amma and we all can give to each other that I am no

longer willing to exist in mediocrity of feeding the fleshly desires. I put

myself on a path that leads to purity of mind, body and spirit, I want to

sing and vibrate on another plane. I am singing and vibrating on another

plane with each step I take toward purity - and I am not preaching from the

pedestal above you people, I am in the trenches of my own SH** singing

away, I am rising above each moment, such small baby steps that one might

see no progress. Each second and each minute move toward purity is a giant

step on another plane...

 

More on the dark side from my teacher - since reading this I describe

myself to me as a Giant Seqoia tree that got really bonsai'd and now

starting to grow again:

 

"Here is some info about the difference between the shadow and the

invader. See what you think...The shadow is something much more intricate

and complex than the invader. The invader is the conditioned lie. It is the

lie that overtakes the truth. There is no substance to it. It does not have

truth at its core. Rather, it is a fabrication - it is fake. It is a joke.

It plays games by gathering peoples fear and inventing games to get perfect

beings to be obsessed with fixing or hating themselves.

The shadow is something different. The shadow does have truth at its core.

Take the example of a bonsai tree. A bonsai tree is shaped, trimmed, cut,

etc. At each cut place, the tree becomes separated from its own inherent

growth patterns - its unique signature that blooms from within. What would

it look like if it had been allowed to grow naturally? And, what would it

take for that tree to GET BACK TO its natural shape? The shadow is what

grows when we are separated from what is inherently true. That truth that is

stifled, hit, abused, teased, made fun of, or ignored, does not go away.

Rather it lives in the dark, and is fed only dark - and loses touch with the

light world. But its life does not stop. It just lives in the shadow. It is

not bad, rather it is a product of its "care." It demands a place in the

life because it is not granted one. It shows up as neurosis, addictions,

illness, disease, a saboteur, a self-destructive pattern, etc. "

 

 

Om Namashivaya - In Amma's service,

 

Supriti Omenka Nnadi