To Bela on families, the ones we don't choose, the ones we do

[Guest guest]

Bela wrote:

 

>> Linda, you really hit home with the above statement. My family, overall,

>> has never approved of any of my decisions in life. I'm always thought of

at

>> the black sheep. I've never been a conformist - I do what I feel is right

>> (not what everyone else is doing)...I recall back several months ago,

when I started

>> thinking about the possibility of me being able to attend Amma's

Detroit-area program

>> this year. I was asking my dad about the area around Detroit...They

started getting

>> curious and were asking why I was asking about the area. I told them

>> simply, "My guru is going to be traveling there in November". Both of

them

>> rolled their eyes... then made some mumbled comment about it being some

guy

>> I'd met on the internet. Calmly I said, "No, Amma is a woman", then I

>> simply walked into the other room.

 

>> Love should always prevail. Whether it be dealing with friends, family,

or

>> spouses/partners...All in all - do what is most comfortable for you. No

one can assess >> your individual situation, as we all have different people

surrounding us,

>> different things expected of us, and so many other variables. But never

let

>> anyone put you down for being different than what they are...simply let

them know that

>> you are who you are... and if they can't unconditionally love you, then it

>> is their loss.

 

 

 

Dear Bela ~ thank you for your very kind words. I have always been the black

sheep in my family too. I think I probably have a target painted on my back,

but I can't see it, only they can, and they are really good at hitting the

mark. It's kind of funny. I wrote this post about a month ago. I expected it to

show up immediately on the Page, and I was having real doubts about

what I had shared. I really feared that I might lose some of my Amma friends.

I even wrote to the moderator to ask if he would refrain from posting it,

but he said the posts automatically get posted. And then it didn't show up. LOL

I didn't know what to think. So my post was out there in cyberspace somewhere

waiting for the right moment to descend into the digest.

 

I think maybe this was actually good timing for me for I am, once again

feeling sadness for being excluded from my family this Christmas. The first

thing

I did when I awoke was to say my mantra and then light all the candles on my

altar. Now I am reading this digest and then

I will get to the next one because, once again, I am behind. Since I haven't

read any further than your post, I have no idea what I might find here, now

that this long lost post has appeared. My trust of the group was what allowed

me to share it. I wanted people to know that, in my own way, I understood

what it is to be the "other," to be subject to discrimination, to fear the

hatred of others. And you are right, not one single person on this planet

should

ever have to feel that way for any reason. God/dess made us sparks of the

Divine Light, each in our own unique way.

 

I thank you for sharing your person experiences with your parents. I'm not

sure whether it was Dr. Phil or Oprah who once said that 75% of all families in

America are dysfunctional in some way. It's hard to believe, but when you

know the abuse statistics (1 in 4 children before the age of 13), you know it's

true. How many of us have felt abandoned or abused or just left out, from

our families, from our communities, from our places of worship, from our

society? So many of us adults are among the "walking wounded," still trying to

heal, still feeling that longing for unconditional love.

 

You are right when you say a lot of it is about control. When I first went

to Oregon, I tried in every way to please my parents; I even went to church

with them and to the Eastern Star (the women's arm of the Masons) with them. In

the end, none of it mattered. I did or said or became someone that didn't

fit with their idea of who I should be, and perhaps that was the real motive

behind their offer to help me ... they wanted to remake me in their image. When

it didn't work, they threw me away again. Most of my life I have lived at a

distance, psychologically or physically. And it worked, partially, I think

because being a workaholic helped me to have that distance by throwing myself

into things I loved ~ my work, my art, my music.

 

Now that I have become so ill, it is harder to distance myself from their

behavior, which is, in a way, funny because one of their main disapproval

behaviors is to simply ignore me, so I feel as if I don't exist. I think when I

moved to Oregon, part of me wanted to believe the fairytale, the fairytale my

mother had perpetuated in the midst of the abuse (let's have a party);

I wanted to believe the fairytale they were handing me that I, really,

finally had a home, and a family that loved me ... and for a little while it

worked. For a little while, I believed. But it changed very quickly and the

veil

covering the illusion was pulled away. And the little girl was lost all over

again, and at a time when I was more vulnerable than any other time in my

life, except when I was really a little girl.

 

So, once again, I am not part of the party, and I have made my own little

party as best I can in my little trailer home. But I do know someone Who gives

the best parties ever ~ Amma.

I do know someone that does not turn Her children away or leave them out,

but embraces every single one without reservation. ~ Amma. And I know someone

Who is still there when the decorations come down and the party winds down ~

Amma. She is our Mother; together, we are all sisters and brothers in the

Divine Family. Jai Jai Ma ~ Linda