Digest Number 1840 Family approval, etc

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya Bela, Linda and everyone,

Happy Holidays!

 

In my personal experience I have found that the people who are the most

critical of my lifestyle choices, i.e.my spirituality, being a

vegetarian, and then becoming sick with what turned out to be chronic

Lyme disease - not a lifestyle choice - but they somehow see it that way

- have been people who have smoked several packs of cigarettes a day,

and have been alcoholics. Seriously!

These are people who have made some of the most unhealthy lifestyle

choices, and they don't hesitate to criticize mine! Like they have so

much control over their lives that they feel they should be in charge of

mine too.

 

One such person has said for over 20 years that all I need is a few

belts of scotch and a good steak. Oh yeah, that will get rid of Lyme

disease.In the meantime this person has such severe reactions to alcohol

that he has to go to the ER when he drinks and has been warned that it

would kill him - but he still drinks! A very wise person indeed, one

whose sage advice should be heeded. I'll run right out and get that scotch.

 

I mean - are these people really in a position to be running the lives

of others?

 

My parents have since passed away, much too young and clearly due to

their own bad habits, but it did get to the point that I had to severely

censure myself to the point that they knew very little about my life.

Any little thing would get them going, and there went the evening, or

Thanksgiving, or whatever.

 

It all comes down to three things: a) in the words of a very wise friend

"what a person says about you says more about them than it does about you."

b) don't let nasty people have such power over you (us, me).

c) take refuge in Mother - She loves us no matter what - and we should

love ourselves the way She does.

I think Amma would agree.

Love you all,

Pranams,

Prasadini

 

Bela Gaytán wrote:

> Linda wrote:

>

> You may decide to wear your Amma pendant on the inside of your clothing,

> next to your heart. Amma will be there, but they don't have to know.

> On the

> other hand, it has become clear to me that if people, one's family, or

> anyone stands in the way of one's spirituality, puts it down, puts you

> down, puts Amma down, trys to make you feel bad about yourself, etc., you

> may indeed have to make a choice to not have any contact with these

> people.

> This is painful as I well know.

>

> Dearest Linda & all,

>

> First and foremost - Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I wish all of you

> the best, now and forever!

>

> Linda, you really hit home with the above statement. My family, overall,

> has never approved of any of my decisions in life. I'm always thought

> of at

> the black sheep. I've never been a conformist - I do what I feel is right

> (not what everyone else is doing), I wear what I like (not what is in

> style), etc. Conformists and people who lean more towards being

> judgemental

> of others see these types of people as attention-seekers, bad seeds, black

> sheep, or rebels.

>

> I recall back several months ago, when I started thinking about the

> possibility of me being able to attend Amma's Detroit-area program this

> year. I was asking my dad about the area around Detroit (we are orig. from

> Michigan and he is has been to Detroit several times). They started

> getting

> curious and were asking why I was asking about the area. I told them

> simply, "My guru is going to be traveling there in November". Both of them

> rolled their eyes... then made some mumbled comment about it being

> some guy

> I'd met on the internet. Calmly I said, "No, Amma is a woman", then I

> simply walked into the other room.

>

> I've learned not to be open with my parents. It's not that I fear them

> outing me or judging me - they do that on their own without any help from

> me. I just don't feel like hearing the negativity that will flow from

> their

> lips. If they outed me, I'd shake their hands and tell them it was their

> loss, not mine. If anyone were to ever out me for reasons that did no harm

> to them, I'd feel the same way. It's their loss, not mine.

>

> Love should always prevail. Whether it be dealing with friends, family, or

> spouses/partners. Anytime anyone wants to out you, or disown you over a

> personal choice you make, I think it is siply ridiculous and close-minded.

> I could understand if it was something that caused harm to them or their

> loved ones (such as phsyically abusing someone), but something like

> sexuality, religion, lifestyle? I'm always baffled when this happens. In

> my mind it's so simple - if you love someone, TRULY and

> UNCONDITIONALLY love

> them, how could you ever toss them aside simply because they are different

> than you? Diversity is what makes us all so unique and interesting... we

> should welcome more of it into our lives, not abolish it.

>

> Personally, I don't openly talk about being Hindu or an Amma devotee

> with my

> family. They know that I am "not Christian", but further than that, if

> they

> want to know what I believe in, they can ask me. I was never brought up

> with any religion when I was growing up. My parents are the type that

> claim

> to be Christian, but in 29 years, the only time they've ever been to

> church

> are for weddings and funerals. As I grew older and more curious, I began

> studying as many of the world's religions as I could. I can remember

> my mom

> seeing some of my Wicca books and making some pretty nasty remarks on them

> at one point in time. One of them being, "You don't want Yana {my

> daughter}

> going to school and telling people you're a witch".

>

> Most people who are quick to out someone or disown them are more concerned

> about what other people will think of them. You have to really pity

> someone

> in that state, where they can't even unconditionally love someone without

> being concerned with how they will be viewed. Parents worry that people

> will see them as bad parents for bringing up a child that turned out to be

> gay, goth, a witch, an unwed pregnant teen, and so on. Siblings can end up

> feeling the same way - they don't want people comparing them to their "bad

> sibling".

>

> A lof of it is about control. They don't like not being able to have any

> control or say-so about what you are doing, the choices you are making.

> They know they will not be able to change your mind. This frustrates them,

> angers them, and they don't want to admit defeat. A lot of these types of

> relationships can improve with time apart - either moving away from your

> family, or simply staying away from them. I'm not saying that running away

> is the answer, nor would be up and mving away without planning or any

> other

> desire to move, than to be away from them... but it sometimes helps. I

> plan

> on moving to Canada when I am able to, several years on down the road.

> Many, many reasons for this, but one of them is to be further away from my

> parents, who live in the same town as me presently. I just don't like

> dealing with them on a daily basis, and we get along a lot better when we

> don't have to be in such close contact.

>

> All in all - do what is most comfortable for you. No one can assess your

> individual situation, as we all have different people surrounding us,

> different things expected of us, and so many other variables. But

> never let

> anyone put you down for being different than what they are. It doesn't

> mean

> you have to become enfuriated if they do... but simply let them know that

> you are who you are... and if they can't unconditionally love you, then it

> is their loss.

>

> Jai Ma and her love for us ALL...

>

> ¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

> ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))

> ((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:- ..::Brightest Blessings::..

> -:¦:- ((¸¸.•´.¸..•` ..::Bela::..

>

> "Like nectar in the fresh morning flower, let goodness fill you. The heart

> that unfolds all its petals spreading the fragrance of goodness is the

> choicest offering at the altar of God" - Amma

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha!

>

>

> ------

>

>

> * Visit your group "Ammachi

> <Ammachi>" on the web.

> *

> Ammachi

> <Ammachi?subject=Un>

> * Terms of

> Service <>.

>

>

> ------

>

[Guest guest]

Dearest Prasadini,

 

You nailed it, sister! I couldn't agree with you more. The people that

have put me down for my actions, religions, choices and such are definitely

the same kind of people that you mention.

 

My mom is the worst, in my case. She abused me physically and mentally

growing up, she's called me names, cursed me out, told me so many times how

I would amount to nothing... She tried killing herself in front of her

siblings when she was 15 or 16 (and her siblings were extremely young to see

this), she pretended to leave my dad several times, and left me home alone

to think I was abandoned... Wow, I could go on and on.

 

Like Linda said about her mom, my mom is, simply put, just nuts. But she

judges everyone. She has to be right about anything (even if proven wrong

in the presence of others, she comes up with some kind of excuse to negate

the truth). She puts on this nice little show to others about being

color-blind to everyone, yet I remember when I was younger and she'd use

racial slurs about me, my friends, and even my dad and his family. She puts

on whatever show is needed to earn the most brownie points with whomever she

is speaking to. It sickens me. I really dislike being anywhere near her,

for the most part.

 

My dad I can tolerate, although he can be annoying, LOL. He is a lot better

when he is not around my mom. But he's very submissive to her, which is

fine, except that whatever she gripes and complains about, it tends to be

what he will vocalize to me... Almost as though she briefly possesses him so

she can get her point across, LOL.

 

I get along with my mom out of pure necessity at the moment. I am married,

but separated, and they do help me out with watching the kids while I work

and such. I also don't want to create a situation where we sever most ties,

but yet the kids are stuck in the middle. I'd never do that to them, as my

parents are good to my kids. But it's the same as you said below, about

learning to censure yourself... One wrong thing said, and my mom blows up.

She regresses and will act just like a little kid. She can't just hold it

in and carry on, she has to express herself, and then ruin everyone's

evening.

 

Just last night, she was ranting and raving about how two of her sister's

didn't send her Christmad cards, as they are mad at her. She starts going

off about how that was fine with her if they wanted to act like snobs. I

asked her, why where they madt at her? She said that because the last time

she went to Missouri to visit them, she went to her niece's wedding, but

didn't go visit those two other sisters. I tried not to laugh, not out of

humor, but the "Oh geeze" feeling laugh that comes up. I asked her why

didn't she visit them - she said she didn't think about it. How can you

visit your hometown, and not think about your siblings, all of them, living

there? My mom just doesn't want to admit that she has been mistreating them

and playing favorites with her other sister. She's upset because she sent

them all cards, and only one sent one back... The one she is on good terms

with. It's sad... And what's even worse, is she really thought she was

better then them. She said, "You know, I thought about not sending them

cards, but then I thought 'I will be the better person' so I did". I bit my

tongue on that one... As I knew any remark to that would just cause

problems.

 

Whew, I rambled there, LOL. I guess you can see where a lot of my problems

stem from, eh? (**)

 

I loved the three things to remember, that you shred, too. I look at them

this way: number 1 is the most important one to remember, number 2 is the

hardest one to sometimes remember, and number 3 is the happiest one to

remember... And KNOW! Jai Ma!

 

¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

¸.•´ .•´¨¨))

((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:- ..::Brightest Blessings::..

-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´.¸..•` ..::Bela::..

 

"Like nectar in the fresh morning flower, let goodness fill you. The heart

that unfolds all its petals spreading the fragrance of goodness is the

choicest offering at the altar of God" - Amma

 

 

Ammachi [Ammachi] On Behalf Of

Michele Doane Greenstein

Saturday, December 24, 2005 12:33 PM

Ammachi

Re: Digest Number 1840 Family approval, etc

 

Namah Shivaya Bela, Linda and everyone,

Happy Holidays!

 

In my personal experience I have found that the people who are the most

critical of my lifestyle choices, i.e.my spirituality, being a vegetarian,

and then becoming sick with what turned out to be chronic Lyme disease - not

a lifestyle choice - but they somehow see it that way

- have been people who have smoked several packs of cigarettes a day, and

have been alcoholics. Seriously!

These are people who have made some of the most unhealthy lifestyle choices,

and they don't hesitate to criticize mine! Like they have so much control

over their lives that they feel they should be in charge of mine too.

 

One such person has said for over 20 years that all I need is a few belts of

scotch and a good steak. Oh yeah, that will get rid of Lyme disease.In the

meantime this person has such severe reactions to alcohol that he has to go

to the ER when he drinks and has been warned that it would kill him - but he

still drinks! A very wise person indeed, one whose sage advice should be

heeded. I'll run right out and get that scotch.

 

I mean - are these people really in a position to be running the lives of

others?

 

My parents have since passed away, much too young and clearly due to their

own bad habits, but it did get to the point that I had to severely censure

myself to the point that they knew very little about my life.

Any little thing would get them going, and there went the evening, or

Thanksgiving, or whatever.

 

It all comes down to three things: a) in the words of a very wise friend

"what a person says about you says more about them than it does about you."

b) don't let nasty people have such power over you (us, me).

c) take refuge in Mother - She loves us no matter what - and we should love

ourselves the way She does.

I think Amma would agree.

Love you all,

Pranams,

Prasadini

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya Bela,

I'm sorry you have to exist in such a crazy situation. It does make

things difficult. I do think, as Sweta said this morning, that adversity

does make us way more compassionate. When I look at some of the people I

have known all my life, it seems that the ones who have never known real

hard times, who have always landed on their feet, are the least

compassionate and have the least "character". I know that is a grossly

sweeping generalization and is judgemental and there have to be many

exceptions. But I think what I am trying to say is that the people I

have known who have had things handed to them, who have always been the

"star" seem to get stuck. And then there are people who are a little

nuts, and although they may make us nuts, we really have to have

compassion for them because they're not all there - and they miss so

much. I would also think they are in a lot of pain, deep down. If you're

nutty and can't admit it and have to always defend your position, wow -

it's like digging a hole you can't come out of.

 

Mother talks about us being rough stones, and by being tumbled against

each other our rough edges are being worn off and we are becoming smooth

gems. So in reality all of these people are our teachers and telling us

a lot about ourselves. If we really could step back and watch the play

that is our lives we could see how we get hooked in. Wow. I guess it all

comes back to doing our Sadhana. It all comes back to taking refuge in

Mother.

Pranams,

Prasadini

 

Bela Gaytán wrote:

> Dearest Prasadini,

>

> You nailed it, sister! I couldn't agree with you more. The people that

> have put me down for my actions, religions, choices and such are

> definitely

> the same kind of people that you mention.

>

> My mom is the worst, in my case. She abused me physically and mentally

> growing up, she's called me names, cursed me out, told me so many

> times how

> I would amount to nothing... She tried killing herself in front of her

> siblings when she was 15 or 16 (and her siblings were extremely young

> to see

> this), she pretended to leave my dad several times, and left me home alone

> to think I was abandoned... Wow, I could go on and on.

>

> Like Linda said about her mom, my mom is, simply put, just nuts. But she

> judges everyone. She has to be right about anything (even if proven wrong

> in the presence of others, she comes up with some kind of excuse to negate

> the truth). She puts on this nice little show to others about being

> color-blind to everyone, yet I remember when I was younger and she'd use

> racial slurs about me, my friends, and even my dad and his family. She

> puts

> on whatever show is needed to earn the most brownie points with

> whomever she

> is speaking to. It sickens me. I really dislike being anywhere near her,

> for the most part.

>

> My dad I can tolerate, although he can be annoying, LOL. He is a lot

> better

> when he is not around my mom. But he's very submissive to her, which is

> fine, except that whatever she gripes and complains about, it tends to be

> what he will vocalize to me... Almost as though she briefly possesses

> him so

> she can get her point across, LOL.

>

> I get along with my mom out of pure necessity at the moment. I am married,

> but separated, and they do help me out with watching the kids while I work

> and such. I also don't want to create a situation where we sever most

> ties,

> but yet the kids are stuck in the middle. I'd never do that to them, as my

> parents are good to my kids. But it's the same as you said below, about

> learning to censure yourself... One wrong thing said, and my mom blows up.

> She regresses and will act just like a little kid. She can't just hold it

> in and carry on, she has to express herself, and then ruin everyone's

> evening.

>

> Just last night, she was ranting and raving about how two of her sister's

> didn't send her Christmad cards, as they are mad at her. She starts going

> off about how that was fine with her if they wanted to act like snobs. I

> asked her, why where they madt at her? She said that because the last time

> she went to Missouri to visit them, she went to her niece's wedding, but

> didn't go visit those two other sisters. I tried not to laugh, not out of

> humor, but the "Oh geeze" feeling laugh that comes up. I asked her why

> didn't she visit them - she said she didn't think about it. How can you

> visit your hometown, and not think about your siblings, all of them,

> living

> there? My mom just doesn't want to admit that she has been mistreating

> them

> and playing favorites with her other sister. She's upset because she sent

> them all cards, and only one sent one back... The one she is on good terms

> with. It's sad... And what's even worse, is she really thought she was

> better then them. She said, "You know, I thought about not sending them

> cards, but then I thought 'I will be the better person' so I did". I

> bit my

> tongue on that one... As I knew any remark to that would just cause

> problems.

>

> Whew, I rambled there, LOL. I guess you can see where a lot of my problems

> stem from, eh? (**)

>

> I loved the three things to remember, that you shred, too. I look at them

> this way: number 1 is the most important one to remember, number 2 is the

> hardest one to sometimes remember, and number 3 is the happiest one to

> remember... And KNOW! Jai Ma!

>

> ¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

> ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))

> ((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:- ..::Brightest Blessings::..

> -:¦:- ((¸¸.•´.¸..•` ..::Bela::..

>

> "Like nectar in the fresh morning flower, let goodness fill you. The heart

> that unfolds all its petals spreading the fragrance of goodness is the

> choicest offering at the altar of God" - Amma

>

>

> Ammachi [Ammachi] On

> Behalf Of

> Michele Doane Greenstein

> Saturday, December 24, 2005 12:33 PM

> Ammachi

> Re: Digest Number 1840 Family approval, etc

>

> Namah Shivaya Bela, Linda and everyone,

> Happy Holidays!

>

> In my personal experience I have found that the people who are the most

> critical of my lifestyle choices, i.e.my spirituality, being a vegetarian,

> and then becoming sick with what turned out to be chronic Lyme disease

> - not

> a lifestyle choice - but they somehow see it that way

> - have been people who have smoked several packs of cigarettes a day, and

> have been alcoholics. Seriously!

> These are people who have made some of the most unhealthy lifestyle

> choices,

> and they don't hesitate to criticize mine! Like they have so much control

> over their lives that they feel they should be in charge of mine too.

>

> One such person has said for over 20 years that all I need is a few

> belts of

> scotch and a good steak. Oh yeah, that will get rid of Lyme disease.In the

> meantime this person has such severe reactions to alcohol that he has

> to go

> to the ER when he drinks and has been warned that it would kill him -

> but he

> still drinks! A very wise person indeed, one whose sage advice should be

> heeded. I'll run right out and get that scotch.

>

> I mean - are these people really in a position to be running the lives of

> others?

>

> My parents have since passed away, much too young and clearly due to their

> own bad habits, but it did get to the point that I had to severely censure

> myself to the point that they knew very little about my life.

> Any little thing would get them going, and there went the evening, or

> Thanksgiving, or whatever.

>

> It all comes down to three things: a) in the words of a very wise friend

> "what a person says about you says more about them than it does about

> you."

> b) don't let nasty people have such power over you (us, me).

> c) take refuge in Mother - She loves us no matter what - and we should

> love

> ourselves the way She does.

> I think Amma would agree.

> Love you all,

> Pranams,

> Prasadini

>

>

>

> Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha!

>

>

>

>

> Mata amritanandamayi

>

</gads?t=ms&k=Mata+amritanandamayi&w1=Mata+amritanandamay\

i&c=1&s=26&.sig=DYRmPW4tjbUZrNprNMY6xw>

>

>

>

> ------

>

>

> * Visit your group "Ammachi

> <Ammachi>" on the web.

> *

> Ammachi

> <Ammachi?subject=Un>

> * Terms of

> Service <>.

>

>

> ------

>