To Bela on To Temba on Learning from Negativity

[Guest guest]

Bela wrote:

 

I grew up with an abusive mother (physically and psychologically).

Although I couldn't see it at the time, it was one of the greatest learning

experiences I could have ever endured. Because of the way she treated me,

it made me the complete opposite when I had my daughter, and then my son.

I've never said anything degrading or demeaning to them... I've never so

much laid a finger on them, EVER. I'm not "Happy" that I was forced to

endure what I did with her, but since I can not change the past, nor can I

blame myself for another person's actions - it's easiest (and most

conducive) for me to look at it as a learning experience, a tool for gaining

knowledge in some area of my life.

 

 

 

Dear Bela ~ this all held great meaning for me. I did not know that my

mother was part of the abuse until I lived with her. Now I am having a very

difficult time dealing with what I experienced. But I agree with you totally ~

the

abuse I went through made me determined that my daughter would never be

treated that way. The only time I slipped was one day when she was out crawling

around in the grass in front of our apartment building in her overalls. All the

other little girls were sitting on steps in pretty little dresses, and I was

getting black looks from the mother. (Well, geeze, if a little girl can't

wear something she can crawl around in and get dirty, what is the point.)

 

Anyway, I was watching her, and then suddenly noticed that she had picked up

a piece of broken glass and was getting ready to put it in her mouth. I have

a deep phobia about swallowing broken glass, so that, with my immediate

Mother Bear response to Amy's action led me to rush over, take the glass out of

her hand and smack her on the hand. I have always felt bad about that, but the

old folk wisdom that says go ahead and let the child touch the hot burner and

then (s)he will learn what hot means. I didn't think that would apply to

seeing what Amy might have done with the broken glass.

 

And your words remind me to look at what I have been going through with my

mother as a learning experience. Somehow, it's a very hard one, but I have so

much love and support surrounding me that I know I will come through it. Last

night I was watching something ... George Stephanopolous, and there was this

woman, Major Tammy Duckworth from the Illinois National Guard. Her

helicoptor had been in a fire fight in Iraq, and she lost both of her legs,

though at

the time, she wasn't aware she had been injured. Even though she opposed the

war, she went when she was called, "to serve my country, my people." She

seemed so strong and at the same time gentle. Now she is considering a run for

the congressional seat that Henry Hyde will be vacating. I hope she wins. But

her courage and determination really touched me and gave me a feeling to put

what is really important on the front burner and all these sad/mad feelings

about my family on the back burner, or maybe in the oven, or maybe in the shed.

: ) Like you said, I can't change a single thing about what happened or

how they continue to behave, though I have a bit of difficulty with the not

blaming myself part.

Reading your post helped.

 

Jai Ma ~ Linda P.S. To the group, I'm up early again today, so decided to

go ahead and read the digest. Blessed holidays to all.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

AMMAs son is so greatful to have read this sister bela.you have touched this

heart through your testimony.isnt that awsome how even your pain with your

mother has even now been used to touch AMMAs son and now he will touch

someone through it .so forth and so on.AMMAS LOVE IS INFINITE,IT JUST WONT

STOP.

 

 

>nierika

>Ammachi

>Ammachi

> Re: To Bela on To Temba on Learning from Negativity

>Mon, 19 Dec 2005 09:50:58 EST

>

>

>Bela wrote:

>

>I grew up with an abusive mother (physically and psychologically).

>Although I couldn't see it at the time, it was one of the greatest

>learning

>experiences I could have ever endured. Because of the way she treated me,

>it made me the complete opposite when I had my daughter, and then my son.

>I've never said anything degrading or demeaning to them... I've never so

>much laid a finger on them, EVER. I'm not "Happy" that I was forced to

>endure what I did with her, but since I can not change the past, nor can I

>blame myself for another person's actions - it's easiest (and most

>conducive) for me to look at it as a learning experience, a tool for

>gaining

>knowledge in some area of my life.

>

>

>

>Dear Bela ~ this all held great meaning for me. I did not know that my

>mother was part of the abuse until I lived with her. Now I am having a very

>difficult time dealing with what I experienced. But I agree with you

>totally ~ the

>abuse I went through made me determined that my daughter would never be

>treated that way. The only time I slipped was one day when she was out

>crawling

>around in the grass in front of our apartment building in her overalls. All

>the

>other little girls were sitting on steps in pretty little dresses, and I

>was

>getting black looks from the mother. (Well, geeze, if a little girl can't

>wear something she can crawl around in and get dirty, what is the point.)

>

>Anyway, I was watching her, and then suddenly noticed that she had picked

>up

>a piece of broken glass and was getting ready to put it in her mouth. I

>have

>a deep phobia about swallowing broken glass, so that, with my immediate

>Mother Bear response to Amy's action led me to rush over, take the glass

>out of

>her hand and smack her on the hand. I have always felt bad about that, but

>the

>old folk wisdom that says go ahead and let the child touch the hot burner

>and

>then (s)he will learn what hot means. I didn't think that would apply to

>seeing what Amy might have done with the broken glass.

>

>And your words remind me to look at what I have been going through with my

>mother as a learning experience. Somehow, it's a very hard one, but I have

>so

>much love and support surrounding me that I know I will come through it.

>Last

>night I was watching something ... George Stephanopolous, and there was

>this

>woman, Major Tammy Duckworth from the Illinois National Guard. Her

>helicoptor had been in a fire fight in Iraq, and she lost both of her legs,

> though at

>the time, she wasn't aware she had been injured. Even though she opposed

>the

>war, she went when she was called, "to serve my country, my people." She

>seemed so strong and at the same time gentle. Now she is considering a run

>for

>the congressional seat that Henry Hyde will be vacating. I hope she wins.

>But

>her courage and determination really touched me and gave me a feeling to

>put

>what is really important on the front burner and all these sad/mad

>feelings

>about my family on the back burner, or maybe in the oven, or maybe in the

>shed.

> : ) Like you said, I can't change a single thing about what happened or

>how they continue to behave, though I have a bit of difficulty with the

>not

>blaming myself part.

>Reading your post helped.

>

>Jai Ma ~ Linda P.S. To the group, I'm up early again today, so decided

>to

>go ahead and read the digest. Blessed holidays to all.

>

>

>

>

 

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