To Prasadini on being with Mother, illness, and keeping Mother within

[Guest guest]

Prasadini wrote:

 

....Hard to believe, but when a few minutes out of bed can flatten a

person.....

For me the key is to eat and rest when I need to. This means that it is best

if you can stay in the same hotel the program is in...When I collapse, I

collapse, and driving would be totally irresponsible, since my brain collapses

too...

One of the biggest problem I am having is with being able to be with

Mother so infrequently, as is your case, and that it is hard to keep that

connection with at least the physical form of Mother...Years ago She did say

that she would be a small white dot at the front of the hall. It's becoming

true! So this very lazy child will have to do more sadhana to keep the inner

connection....being sick for a long time teaches one the futility of worldly

life...but the connection

to the inner Mother takes work. Anyone who has any methods of how to

keep that inner connection - boy, I need them! I really think that's what

it's

going to come down to anyway, with the crowds getting bigger...

 

....several years ago She said that is not what is going on - that it is all

inside. That

She works on us from inside. I think the connection is up to us - and that

is

where I am stuck...

 

 

Dear Prasadini ~ thank you so much for sharing your own very candid account

of your visit to see Mother. It is obvious that so much has changed since I

last saw Her, and Her fortelling that She would become a white dot at the end

of the hall really does put it into perspective, as does Her saying that She

is working from the inside. That makes a lot of sense to me.

 

It concerns me that it sounds like there are no longer provisions made for

people who are ill. Even sitting for an hour in the hall, with all the

stimulation of sounds and sights would cause me to crash. I am not sure if you

have

ever told me what your illness is. If you have I apologize for forgetting,

which is part of my illness, fibromyalgia. But what you describe sounds exactly

what happens to me ... when I collapse, I collapse ... and it doesn't take a

great deal for me to get to that point. When I do, my hubby has to get me up

and steer me to the closest bed.

 

Perhaps because it has been so long since I have seen Amma in the physical

body, I have felt connected to Her on the inside. If you have an old calendar,

putting those big pictures up where you can see them, especially if you are

collapsed, really helps. For me, this digests helps me feel connected to Amma,

and the Prayer Group sadhana. I feel connected to the group and to Amma; we

are all one family. And actually, even though I have complained about it a

bit, our little satsangs determination to just watch Amma movies helps me too.

There is a wonderful meditation in the beginning of the Archana book that I

believe would help; it is Amma talking to you, talking you through this

meditation process, where you visualize Her in your own heart.

 

And I think this group is a good place for us to share our longing for

Mother, for missing the "good old days," which clearly are over as Mother has

become more and more well-known. We do not need to think of this as complaining,

but simply that, as children we sometimes need to let others know we are

crying out for Amma.

 

And, dearest Prasadini, it is very hard for this child to think of you as

lazy. I do understand though. When you have a long term chronic illness, one

that is not going to go away or get better (without Divine intervention, of

course, which I never rule out), there is a tendency, for me at least, to

compare my abilities today with my abilities two years ago, or five years ago,

or

when I was still working. Physically, I am no longer that person ... and

sometimes, it is hard to accept. Sometimes I think if I just "buck up," engage

my

will and "fight" the disease, I will get better. I can attest that this does

not work, at least not with what I have. So I go back around to acceptance,

and to trying to work within the limitations of this body without disparaging

the body.

 

Imagine Amma rocking you in Her arms ... like a little baby.

 

Hugs , Jai Ma ~ Linda