To Linda about being with Mother

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya Linda,

Certainly being around Mother with an illness can be quite challenging,

as with

all other aspects of life!

You don't always have to get a token to get a token - we did that the

first day because

we were late. I don't know if people were able to have darshan more than

once during

this stay - except, of course, during the retreat and Devi Bhava. But

you still have to

wait a long time for darshan, and there don't seem to be provisions for

those

with little stamina. It is so hard for a healthy person to relate to. I

have read

that the stamina for people with our condition is like that of a person with

congestive heart failure - and the symptoms like AIDS patients 6 weeks

from death.

Hard to believe, but when a few minutes out of bed can flatten a person.....

For me the key is to eat and rest when I need to. This means that it is best

if you can stay in the same hotel the program is in, so you can just go

up to your room. In this case we had to leave the property and come back.

My poor husband just carts me around. When I collapse, I collapse, and

driving would

be totally irresponsible, since my brain collapses too. Not good!

For me eating is a real challenge, since the right kind of food is not

always available, and

the kinds of food I can eat is diminishing. It helps to bring along

snacks, etc.

 

One of the biggest problem I am having is with being able to be with

Mother so

infrequently, as is your case, and that it is hard to keep that

connection with

at least the physical form of Mother, because darshan is so rare and the

hall so

big. This is true for everyone. Years ago She did say that she would be

a small

white dot at the front of the hall. It's becoming true! So this very

lazy child

will have to do more sadhana to keep the inner connection. I feel that

my desire

for worldly things is diminished greatly - being sick for a long time

teaches

one the futility of worldly life - it can go at any time - but the

connection

to the inner Mother takes work. Anyone who has any methods of how to

keep that

inner connection - boy, I need them! I really think that's what it's

going to come

down to anyway, with the crowds getting bigger and darshan more

infrequent.

 

It used to be so wonderful to watch Mother play with Her children - and

to be played with

myself. The looks, the gestures - she is so beautiful and charming. But

several years

ago She said that is not what is going on - that it is all inside. That

She works

on us from inside. I think the connection is up to us - and that is

where I am stuck.

 

Pranams,

Prasadini

 

> Dear Prasadini ~ thank you so much for sharing your experience of

> being with

> Mother at San Ramon. All your words seemed like nectar to me. The little

> lights are hard to describe. I have never seen them in actuality, but

> I've seen

> pictures of them, and they are so sweet and lovely. I am especially

> grateful

> that you shared what you were and were not able to participate in

> because of

> your health. When I think of how fast my energy goes and how quickly my

> symptoms spike, I sometimes wonder if I would be with Mother very much

> at all,

> especially with the larger crowds. But your account gave me the belief

> that any

> time with Mother, even if it's only a small part of the overall time

> you are

> there, is worth more than words can say.

>

> I was surprised to hear about needing a token to get a token. Wow...what

> levels of complexity are becoming necessary due to the crowds. How do

> they treat

> sick people now. The last few times I saw Amma, they had me sit in a

> chair

> and then just took me up and pushed me into the front of the darsan

> line. I

> worry about this a bit because even sitting for too long tires me. It

> is too

> weird, this illness. I loved what you said about remembering people

> in our

> group, and then having it expand to the whole world. The same thing

> happened to me

> when I was doing my own prayer seva this Sunday with the list. Before

> I read

> the names, I go through a little prayer to Amma ... "For these names

> that I

> am about to read, to relieve all difficulties, to meet all needs, and

> for

> whatever reason prayer has been asked, I will say the Maha Mrytunjaya

> Mantra 21

> times." But this Sunday, after I said the part about the names on the

> list, I

> went on about friends and family, and it kept expanding outward until

> finally I dedicated my seva to all people everywhere. It is so

> interesting to me

> that both of us did this, probably not at the same time, but still...

>

> Sacred Journey is a wonderful book. I loved it, and it is now a part

> of my

> special library. It must have been very wonderful to meet Swamini

> Krishamrita

> and talk with her. I believe her when she says Mother wrote the book.

>

> Again, thank you so much. Hugs ~ Linda

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha!

>

>

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