Bela's Illnesses & Dilemmas...

[Guest guest]

Namaste Linda,

 

I have yet to be able to meet Amma, but I hope I can meet her very soon!

Detroit is always the closest location for me, but I've never had the funds

to afford to visit there. Perhaps soon!

 

In regards to my illnesses, I have no problem at all sharing a wee bit. I'm

not sure if I necessarily have a primary condition at the moment, but more

of a combination of several problems. I have hypertension, hyper-insulinemia

(insulin-resistance), IBS (as do you), PCOD (Polycystic Ovarian Disease),

and severe anemia. My anemia, we believed, was related to my PCOD, but now

the doctor has realized that it is caused by internal bleeding... we just

have no idea where. My appointment with the gastroenterologist is tomorrow,

so I hope he can give me some kind of information.

 

With PCOD, I am at increased risk for uterine cancer (excessive buildup of

uterine lining in between irregular cycles). The cysts that I have on my

ovaries at the moment are not related to my PCOD. My doctor has told me that

since I had these cysts (much smaller though) when I was younger, and

because I have them on both ovaries, it increases risk for ovarian cancer...

along with the risk increasing for each cyst I have. (At the moment, I have

several, too many to count, on each ovary. Normal ovaries are

walnut-sized... mine are around 8-10cm in diameter, each, due to my PCOD and

the huge cysts inside.)

 

If I was older (I am 29), they would do a hysterectomy. I have two children,

and they would do one now, except that I don't want one - I want more

children one day when I remarry and such. My doctor would do the surgery to

remove them, examine everything inside, and do biopsies... but she says she

can not justify doing this surgery with my blood volume so low, and

decreasing even with me taking iron supplements. So I am hoping, praying....

that I can get this resolved very soon. The anemia makes me drag each day...

I am worn out by doing even the slightest bit of activities.

 

The only downside is that if I am chosen for this new job I interviewed for,

last week... I will be forced to choose between my health and work and

money. Sadly enough, I will have to choose the job. I've been unemployed for

over a year and a half now, and a good job with benefits like this will not

come along again anytime soon, nor would I want to chance it.

 

The reason I say I have to choose, is they have a 12-week training period,

beginning on Sept. 19th. You can not miss any days in this training period

(one is allowed for an emergency, but it is frowned upon) or you are

dismissed. Once hired, around the end of the year, you accrue 1.42 days off

per month... but they recommend that you not take any time off days in the

first 90 days. This would leave me with no vacation days, M-F, until mid to

late March.

 

Unless I can convince the dr. tomorrow to do the exploratory procedure(s) on

me.... like Wed., and get some sort of idea or fix before Friday... and have

my doc squeeze me in then for the pelvic surgery, that would be wonderful!

However, I live in reality, LOL. I know that dr.'s are busy, they have

schedules, and some of them aren't willing to go the extra distance to help

out, beyond what is expected of them. If I could get them to see me on

weekends or afterhour appointments, that would be great, too. But again, I

don't expect that to happen.

 

I hope and pray for some type of assistance from them, in realizing my

dilemma with work, being horribly in debt from unemployment, etc. I'll

certainly post an update tomorrow on what is discovered/discussed. I

apologize if anything above was considered graphic to anyone - it was

certainly not my intention.

 

¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

¸.•´ .•´¨¨))

((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:- ..::Brightest Blessings::..

-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´.¸..•` ..::Bela::..

 

On 9/12/05, nierika <nierika wrote:

>

>

> Dear Bela,

>

> I have not seen Amma for six years, mostly because I am not close enough

> where it is easy for me to go when She comes. I used to live in the DC

> area, and

> then it was very easy. I don't feel that I ever completely turned away

> from

> Amma, but after I moved into my trailer, I didn't even have a place to put

> my

> altar, so I felt very disconnected. And yet, now I know now, I was never

> really disconnected at all. Part of what helped put the plug back in, so

> to

> speak, was finding this wonderful group. I began to feel very early on

> that it

> felt like a satsang to me, and then during Her tour this year, Amma told

> someone

> that our online group is a satsang. She has seen and blessed our prayer

> list

> many times (and I will be sure your name is on it this week).

>

> You never really mentioned what your primary iillness is, but perhaps that

>

> was for privacy sake. Certainly the thought that you might have some

> pre-disposition to cancer is frightening enough. I was told on two

> different occasions

> that I had pre-cancerous cells in my uterous ...and both times they went

> away.

>

> There are a number of us on the digest who are seriously ill. One you

> already know about. My illnesses are neuroendocrine immune disorder,

> fibromyalgia,

> IBS, Chronic Fatigue, and a few other nasty things left over from various

> car

> accidents where drunk drivers pointed themselves at me. There are times

> when

> this puts me in deep despair because of the constant pain all over my

> body,

> the bloating and nausea... I don't think I would be making it without this

>

> group. I have come to understand that Amma sends Her Love to us through

> other

> people as well as giving it to us Herself. And it has been through the

> generosity, kindness, empathy, honesty, etc. from many of the people here

> that I

> have begun to feel more and more connected to Amma.

>

> If you don't have it, I would sincerely recommend getting "On the Road to

> Freedom," by Swami Paramatmananda. There are two volumes, but if you can

> only

> get one, get the first one. Or ... since I am almost done reading the

> first

> book, if you like I could loan it to you. Just send me your regular mail

> address, off-digest, to my email address: _Nierika_ (

> Nierika)

>

> I believe we gather strength from being together. Who was it that said,

> "where two or three are gathered in my name." (rhetorical question) Here

> is

> another bit of wonderment that I have shared with only a few people

> off-digest.

> Since beginning the prayer list, which I coordinate, I would start the

> names

> over every six months. Everyone had input into how the prayer list would

> work

> and what suggestions we would make to people for prayer. And then, when I

> started it over again (this past week), I again asked for input. People

> overwhelmingly agreed that it would be a good idea to start the names over

> on a

> quarterly basis. This would make our last official (Sunday) prayer day

> December 25.

> What is so astonishing to me about this is that many times I have heard

> Amma

> related to Jesus. She Herself has made this connection, and there is even

> a

> book about it at the online bookstore. So what an amazing coincidence

> (there

> are no accidents) that our last prayer day would be Jesus' Birthday (at

> least

> the one that was chosen for him).

>

> A while ago, there was quite a dialog on the digest about Amma's official

> birthday. Few could agree as to the exact date, and then someone told us

> that,

> because of the difference between the Gregorian calendar and the Hindu

> calendar (which makes the date change, year to year), they just picked a

> date for

> the sake of consistency and so that devotees would be less confused.

>

> Anyway, mostly I wanted you to know you are not alone in your worry about

> your health or on its impact on your life. I hope you will feel that you

> can

> write to the digest, or to those others of us dealing with illness,

> off-digest,

> anytime you feel a need to vent or a shoulder to rest your head on.

> Blessings

> ~ Linda