To Sweta on Amma's words about anger

[Guest guest]

Sweta wrote:

 

Amma has said (paraphrased) that when we feel angry, to ask ourselves where

it's coming from.

 

 

Dear Sweta ~ this is a really good idea, and I thank you for sharing

Mother's words. I have a very hard time being clear about feelings, which is not

too

strange, considering the chaos I grew up with. I have been striving, and it

is still hard, to stop, when I have a feeling and think about what it means.

 

More correctly, I should say when I have a reaction. I am pretty clear with

my own feelings. It is when I have a reaction that I am unclear. If my hubby

gets mad at me, and he says all the reasons, which all have to do with me, of

course ... I have a very hard time thinking clearly. My therapist has told

me many times, "other people's behavior and feelings/reactions are about them,

not about you. Yours are about you." Yet the first place I go when someone is

upset with me is: oh, but of course, if only I didn't do this, or if I did

do that, or I stood on my head and whistled, it would be different.

 

People who have grown up with an alcoholic parent will recognize this

conundrum. And even if I am able to stop myself and say, wow ... he is really

mad

at me, and I didn't do anything,

I wonder what is really going on...if the anger keeps coming, eventually, I

will internally agree that I am deserving of the anger and whatever behavior

goes along with it. I know this is really unhealthy, and I've been working on

it my whole life. I believe that Amma is the only therapist who can really

help me sort this out and I get enough opportunities to ask Her help.

Jai Ma ~ Linda