Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Excuse me for bothering the group with something that seems so petty, but if a little bit of prayer can help move things along, who am I not to ask for that little bit of assistance? A little background: I am a stay at home mom. We have two small children. One vehicle for the entire family--it belongs to dad. The kids' father and I are not in a relationship any more--we are now just room-mates, living in the same house in order to give the kids a mother and father and a more stable environment than we would be able to give if we lived apart. He is a practising Buddhist. The St Louis Ammachi satsang meets at the same time as his dharma group on Sundays. The satsang used to meet once a month at the living insights center, which is right up the road from our house and to Tony is an acceptable place for me to go. But they no longer hold the satsang there. Since I have found out about the satsang I have been asking if he would stay with the kids and let me go to satsang (our kids are 4 and 2--sitting still is not within their realm. The 4 yo I might consider taking along--but not the 2 yo--he's much too excitable around people--I'd spend all my time chasing him). I am not asking to go every Sunday. Every other Sunday, so we can trade off fairly. I even reached the point of asking just for one Sunday out of the month. But he seems to have it stuck in his head that him going to his dharma group is far more important than me attending anything--be it satsang or anything else. Basically, the vehicle is his--I am only allowed out very rarely--and usually I only go to the grocery store or to the local discount store. He resents having to watch the kids. I went out to the grocery store yesterday and took my 4 yo old with me. I came home to a flooded bathroom--and basement--because he'd been otherwise occupied with video games while our 2 yo was busy playing in the water in the bathroom. So you can see--I am asking for more than just help to melt his heart and let me go to satsang. :-) But that is where I am starting. I am trying to get a business started where I can see clients at home, but in order to do that I sometimes need to see clients sans my children outside the home in order to get a decent reputation and get people interested. Although he complains about the lack of money in our household, I have watched him consistently sabotage my attempts to make appointments to work on people outside the home--and even inside the home if I have asked him to be around to at least keep an eye on the kids while I am with someone. And I honestly cannot say for sure that he does it consciously either. I have already gone to Amma in prayer and in email and in snail mail about this--several times I am sad to say. But lately it has seemed the harder I try to do things--like go to satsang, or become more self-sufficient, the more he is clinging to me staying here in a bound sort of way. Oh--I am so sorry to go on and on like this--all I meant to do originally was just ask for prayers to help melt his heart enough that I could get to satsang once in awhile. But prayers to help melt his heart and his resistance on all fronts would be a good thing, please. I know he is afraid that I will take the kids and disappear--even though I have sworn over and over I would never do that--not to mention I have no funds to do so, nor a place to run to that I would willingly take my children for any period of time. He says he believes I would never keep him from the children--he just doesn't want me to move far away, is the way he puts it. And I truly do have no intentions of doing either--moving to another state or keeping him from the kids in any way. Other than telling him the truth about what I am feeling and what I am planning--which I do--as often as I can--not that he can hear me when I speak--but still...I do not know what else to do. So please pray--for all of us. :-) We're already on the prayer list--but this not being able to go to satsang thing is really bothering me and I don't know where else to turn. Thank you so much for listening to me though. If nothing else, I feel better for having poured myself out here. Brightest blessings, Tabitha "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.." Anais Nin http://surrenderinthebreath.bravehost.com Mail Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: http://tour.mail./mailtour.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Dear Tabitha: Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I am very sorry your family life is in a bit of disarray. It would be a privilege to pray for you individually. Before writing this I prayed that Amma do everything possible for your Higher Good. Daughter of my Beloved, Guru, please keep faith. Be strong. Amma has heard your prayers. Sometimes She seem slow in response. Amma works on God's time not ours. Always be patient. Have faith, wait, and the Higher Good is sure to ensue. Tabitha wrote: "I have already gone to Amma in prayer and in email and in snail mail about this--several times I am sad to say. But lately it has seemed the harder I try to do things--like go to satsang, or become more self-sufficient, the more he is clinging to me staying here in a bound sort of way." Keep praying Sister!! Pray harder. I have heard it said their is a difference between reading a book and studying a book. When I go home to relax I read the newspaper. Back when I attended Grad School I studied the book. Pray like a Graduate School student. Pray HARD!! Be very patient. It seems the more we EXPECT results from Amma the worse it is. It is as if our DESIRE for fruits punctures the balloon. Just pray and wait. Good HAS TO ensue. Whatever happens hold on to the white sari. Never let go. With Love, GeorgeSon Ammachi, Tabitha Vitale <tabitha_27_vitale> wrote: > Excuse me for bothering the group with something that > seems so petty, but if a little bit of prayer can help > move things along, who am I not to ask for that little > bit of assistance? > A little background: > I am a stay at home mom. We have two small children. > One vehicle for the entire family--it belongs to dad. > The kids' father and I are not in a relationship any > more--we are now just room-mates, living in the same > house in order to give the kids a mother and father > and a more stable environment than we would be able to > give if we lived apart. > He is a practising Buddhist. > > The St Louis Ammachi satsang meets at the same time as > his dharma group on Sundays. The satsang used to meet > once a month at the living insights center, which is > right up the road from our house and to Tony is an > acceptable place for me to go. But they no longer > hold the satsang there. > Since I have found out about the satsang I have been > asking if he would stay with the kids and let me go to > satsang (our kids are 4 and 2--sitting still is not > within their realm. The 4 yo I might consider taking > along--but not the 2 yo--he's much too excitable > around people--I'd spend all my time chasing him). I > am not asking to go every Sunday. Every other Sunday, > so we can trade off fairly. I even reached the point > of asking just for one Sunday out of the month. But > he seems to have it stuck in his head that him going > to his dharma group is far more important than me > attending anything--be it satsang or anything else. > Basically, the vehicle is his--I am only allowed out > very rarely--and usually I only go to the grocery > store or to the local discount store. He resents > having to watch the kids. I went out to the grocery > store yesterday and took my 4 yo old with me. I came > home to a flooded bathroom--and basement--because he'd > been otherwise occupied with video games while our 2 > yo was busy playing in the water in the bathroom. > So you can see--I am asking for more than just help to > melt his heart and let me go to satsang. :-) But > that is where I am starting. > I am trying to get a business started where I can see > clients at home, but in order to do that I sometimes > need to see clients sans my children outside the home > in order to get a decent reputation and get people > interested. Although he complains about the lack of > money in our household, I have watched him > consistently sabotage my attempts to make appointments > to work on people outside the home--and even inside > the home if I have asked him to be around to at least > keep an eye on the kids while I am with someone. And > I honestly cannot say for sure that he does it > consciously either. > I have already gone to Amma in prayer and in email and > in snail mail about this--several times I am sad to > say. But lately it has seemed the harder I try to do > things--like go to satsang, or become more > self-sufficient, the more he is clinging to me staying > here in a bound sort of way. > Oh--I am so sorry to go on and on like this--all I > meant to do originally was just ask for prayers to > help melt his heart enough that I could get to satsang > once in awhile. But prayers to help melt his heart > and his resistance on all fronts would be a good > thing, please. > I know he is afraid that I will take the kids and > disappear--even though I have sworn over and over I > would never do that--not to mention I have no funds to > do so, nor a place to run to that I would willingly > take my children for any period of time. He says he > believes I would never keep him from the children--he > just doesn't want me to move far away, is the way he > puts it. And I truly do have no intentions of doing > either--moving to another state or keeping him from > the kids in any way. > Other than telling him the truth about what I am > feeling and what I am planning--which I do--as often > as I can--not that he can hear me when I speak--but > still...I do not know what else to do. > So please pray--for all of us. :-) We're already on > the prayer list--but this not being able to go to > satsang thing is really bothering me and I don't know > where else to turn. > Thank you so much for listening to me though. If > nothing else, I feel better for having poured myself > out here. > Brightest blessings, > Tabitha > > "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.." > Anais Nin > > http://surrenderinthebreath.bravehost.com > > > > > Mail > Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: > http://tour.mail./mailtour.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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