To Adriane on Forgiving

[Guest guest]

Adriane wrote:

 

I think your case would make anyone angry and hurt-and even feel betrayed.

....I think that we need to be mindful that forgiveness is to relieve our own

hearts. It does not mean we want to allow thieves and abuse into our lives

again. So do protect yourself where you can...Only you and Amma will figure

that

one out.

 

 

 

Dear Adriane ~ thank you for your kind words. I really did not mean to spill

my feelings out like that, not something I usually do here. I think I must

be an abuse magnet because the relationship I am currently in, that I had such

great hopes for, has become very abusive, and I am completely vulnerable

because I can't afford to live on my own; I can't go home ... I have few

options.

I keep trying to deal with the situation by silence, by being a good

listener, but when I least expect it, the yelling and screaming starts, or the

demeaning tone of voice and looks. I have put this in Amma's hands.

 

All I can do is to continue to forgive and understand that forgiveness is a

process. It took me 20 years of work on issues around my father to finally,

really forgive him (he was the primary abuser). When I truly forgave him, I

realized that, in actuality, there was nothing to forgive. He had had his own

difficulties, growing up abused and wasn't able to stop the cycle. The few

years before his death we had a really good relationship. I pray that I can

reach

this with my mother, yet I know it is like peeling an oinion. I think I have

forgiven, then something happens, and my heart is in an uproar, and then I

begin again. I'll know when I've gotten there the same way I knew with my

father, and I pray to Amma that this day will come soon.

 

Jai Ma,

Amma's Baby,

Linda