To Adriane on enlightenment and parents

[Guest guest]

Adriane wrote:

 

Which reminds me of a story in one of Amma's books. "So you think you

are enlightened? Try spending a week with your parents."

 

 

Dear Adriane ~ oh my dear, how very true this is. Goodness. I am glad you

shared it; to have this coming from Amma's own words is really the uplift as

well as the kick in the seat of my pants that I needed. I have been brooding

over the way my parents insinuated themselves into my life (when I was about

49). Because I was very ill, I was also very vulnerable. I let myself be

persuaded to move from my home in Maryland where my daughter also lives, and all

my

friends from 30 years of living, to Oregon to live with mom and stepdad.

 

There was of course, a honeymoon phase where they seemed so glad to have me

there, and I did get a bit better. But problems started showing up right away.

My stepfather would not stop hitting on me, though I asked him over and over

again; my mother was fine with me as long as I was doing what she thought I

should be doing. Then my father died, leaving me some inheritance. Because of

things about my relationship with my mom that are too complicated to even

talk about, I managed to allow myself to be manipulated out of $55,000 of the

inheritance. I did not even think. She was crying; I reverted to my childhood

job of caretaker, and whisk, the money was gone.

 

I have prayed to Amma again and again to take away the bitterness and

resentment I feel toward my mom and stepdad. Now that I have moved away, they

never

call me, though I am still expected to be the dutiful daughter and send

gifts on birthdays and holidays. This year,

I could barely bring myself to send a gift to my stepfather; it literally

made me ill. These people did not need my money. They have all they need, house,

land, cars, boats, an rv, all the belongings that go along with this ... and

I am living in a trailer. Sometimes I wonder how, even if I was stupid

enough to give away this money ~ my parents could in good conscience take it,

knowing what they knew about my illness and that my only income was ssdi.

Perhaps

when the group prays this week, people can remember this and pray that I am

able to let go of this situation and forgive myself and my parents.

 

I spent a year with my parents, and it put into a glaring spotlight just how

unenlightened I am. And I really appreciate you for reminding me by quoting

Amma because I really need to let go and move on. Sometimes it feels as if I

am carrying a heavy burden in my soul. I don't think I have talked about this

here before, perhaps because it shows how weak I have been, but your

candidness and courage to share your dilemmas gave me some courage also. I feel

in

many ways that this group is my true family, for they only seek to help and

lift up, so that we may all rise to even a bit of the Love that Amma has shown

us. Jai Ma ~ Linda