... Queen Bees

[Guest guest]

Rotating the coordinator position is an excellent idea, Linda. But, "Queen

Bees" can get really testy when their power is challenged, or they're convinced

to release some power to a worker bee. This I've witnessed even as a "Queen

Bee" is not admitting to taking power over others. So, I don't know how this

would go over with the currently reigning "Queen Bees." Rotating the

coordinator position would in effect make a system for not letting one's ego

hang onto power for too long. WWKD? I think Kali would do something such as

rotating the coordinator position. Since it's in our highest interest to

surrender to Amma & give Her our egoes, it doesn't seem expedient to continue

feeding a worker bee's illusion of Queenhood, for too long.

 

Jai Ma,

Sweta

 

 

nierika wrote:

 

Kenna wrote:

 

Seems like our hierarchically oriented

minds, unconsciously of course, tend to see Amma as THE QUEEN BEE and we

want to be just like Her.

 

This can be a huge issue in satsang politics where someone, often a woman

but

not always, will do her best to step into the role of Queen Bee in the

satsang. In some cases it¹s a woman who has more experience or expertise,

etc.

In some cases it¹s the one who can sing the bhajans best (very common). Such

a

woman tends to expect the satsang to revolve around her and often does not

incline toward seva (unless it bring her lots of good attention).

 

 

 

Dear Kenna ~ you raise some good points. When I was living in Washington,

DC, I saw this in various aspects of the local satsangs. My sister called this

tendency for someone's negativities to rise to the surface in relationship to

other people in the satsang, "Amma stirring the pot."

 

I always felt a bit uncomfortable about this idea, like Amma was somehow

responsible for other people's poor behavior. I do understand that when people

begin to work on themselves, and especially in relationship to others around

them, their vasanas rise to the surface. Still, it was a bit confusing and

difficult, after I had been helping the local satsang produce its newsletter for

quite some time, that my sister invited me to a planning meeting for Amma's

upcoming tour, and then the "Queen Bee" told her she had to call me back and

uninvite me. Since my own leadership style is to be nonhierarchal, open and

inclusive, I was really taken aback by this. Then, of course, I had the

opportunity to examine my own reaction, but the experience left a bad taste in

my

mouth, and I pretty much withdrew from any involvement with the satsang. (I

have never heard of people being excluded from a meeting ~ one wants all the

ideas and help one can get.)

 

I also had another trying experience with this same person at the Rhode

Island retreat one year. The details are unimportant, but I guess our mutual

karma wasn't over yet ~ we ended up as dorm mates. :::wink wink::: The

difficulty

is, when being spiritual, knowing when to stand up for one's self, which can

often be looked upon as selfish. Yet I remember one video about one man's

journey to India where he met and studied with many different gurus ~ one of

the things that impressed itself most upon my mind was his experience with a

guru who told him that the development of self-confidence was part of spiritual

growth.

 

I am praying that, as we get our satsang started here in Silver City that we

can create a structure that will minimize this Queen Bee behavior. Even

though I have been the instigator of trying to start this, I have no desire to

be

the satsang coordinator. In fact, I have had some experience with groups

where the coordinator position was rotated among the members every few months or

so. This gives everyone the experiene and opportunity for greater

responsibility, without getting it stuck on one person.

 

I am just another bozo on the bus. : ) Jai Ma ~ Linda

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha!

 

 

Ammachi/

 

Ammachi

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

>

> This can be a huge issue in satsang politics where

> someone, often a woman

> but

> not always, will do her best to step into the role

> of Queen Bee in the

> satsang. In some cases it¹s a woman who has more

> experience or expertise,

> etc.

> In some cases it¹s the one who can sing the bhajans

> best (very common). Such

> a

> woman tends to expect the satsang to revolve around

> her and often does not

> incline toward seva (unless it bring her lots of

> good attention).

>

 

In the Toronto satsang there are two queen bees and a

drone (the husband of one of the queen bees). I won't

mention any names, though I don't think they're

members of this group.

 

 

Keval

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya.

 

There's "taking power" and there's "taking responsibility". Many perceived

Queen Bees have taken on enormous responsibility. Often they are the oldest

or only daughter and played this role in their families of origin. Their

challenge is to give up the way they learned to do it from their mother, and

do it the way their Mother does it. Often this means learning to delegate

responsibility and accept help without being too critical of the way the

help is performed. In other words, remembering that there really is only one

Queen Bee.

 

Swamiji made that point in the interview with Aikya. Amma arranges for Her

darling drones to take responsibility and guides them for the good of the

whole and the spiritual growth of the drones. How many times in seva for

Amma have we been asked to do something we have no idea how to do? So we

have to say mantra and surrender to Her and just do the best we can. And in

this way, with effort and Her grace, we grow.

 

Every drone has an ego. There is a wannabee inside each of us. Paulo Freire

said the oppressed are always the worst oppressors. Referring back to

sibling dynamics, the worst Queen Bees are often not the oldest daughters,

but the younger ones who've managed to gain power and have no idea how to

consider the good of everyone because all they've ever noticed was how the

older one had power, without noticing the responsibility she was taking.

 

Sharing coordinator is a great idea in theory. But there are a couple of

problems: the mailing list must be protected from all abuse for the sake of

MA Center's tax exempt status. This is a sacred trust and responsibility

that must be honored for the sake of Amma's charitable activities. Any whiff

of for-profit use and that status is threatened.

 

Someone has to make a financial and time commitment, especially in the case

of tour city hosts. Most of us have no idea just how much the hosts give. We

don't want to know. It's easier to criticize than to take responsibility.

 

Recently the 2 of us who take the most responsibility for our local satsang

experimented with handing over 2 responsibilities: prasad and flowers. At

the last satsang there were no flowers and only one person signed the sign

up sheet to bring those items to future satsangs. By Amma's grace, the 2 of

us will resist stepping in and others will step up.

 

Linda wrote:

 

>Since my own leadership style is to be nonhierarchal, open and

>inclusive,

 

This is my preferred style as well. I'd rather operate as a circle by

consensus. I think the Seattle group might be good at this. Can anyone on

this list tell us? What's been frustrating for me is that every time I've

put a bunch of effort into creating a circle, a wannabee walks in and places

herself in the center and any effort to stop her is viewed by the rest of

the circle as a power struggle between her and me. In fact, she seems to be

saying, "My circle or no circle." And of course, all it takes is one of

these to destroy the circle. So everyone in the circle must be willing to

take responsibility for keeping Amma in the center of the circle.

 

Thanks for having this conversation.

 

So grateful to be Her drone

and to be droning with all of you!

premarupa

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah

[Guest guest]

There is a difference between taking responsibility & taking power, for sure. I

see taking repsonsiblity as primarily serving. Where as taking power can refuse

to share that power, often makes undemocratic decisions that oppose the wishes

of those affected by the decisions & thereby causes a deficit for someone else.

Sounds as if you take a lot of responsibility, Kenna.

 

As for Amma's leadership style, it appears extremely sharing. I think this

because, during various tours, I'll get exactly what I desire. For instance,

once while I was feeling badly about not being asked to do a particular seva, I

was asked to do it just that. Too many of these types of instances have

occurred during Amma's programs for them to be mere coincidences.

 

signed,

a worker bee

 

 

Kenna wrote: "There's "taking power" and there's "taking responsibility"."