Temba's Story--LONG

[Guest guest]

This is a version of Themba's story that he and I worked on a

little. It was intended to inspire devotees to work with brothers

and sisters who are incarcerated. Apologies for length. I post it

so that your hearts can open to this special brother. He has been

homeless the past few days but will be able to stay with devotees

for a while starting Sunday.

 

INSIDE THE CIRCLE OF LOVE

 

 

What I write to you, I write only by the grace of our mother, Mata

Amritanandamayi.

 

There is a world within our world that most people, even those

claiming to be spiritual, have lost touch with or almost completely

forgotten. Right now there is some man or woman, some child of

Amma, who is in a prison cell somewhere, longing to see Amma's

face. Some will die there. There are thousands, if not millions,

of Amma's children in prisons and jails worldwide, who will only be

able to experience the divine touch of Amma through one of her

concerned children. The reason I know how important it is for this

to happen is because I was once myself caught up in a negative

lifestyle and ended up physically incarcerated.

 

I grew up in the west side of Chicago. At the time, East Garfield

Park was the second poorest neighborhood in the country. Though the

neighborhood was poor, the lack of love in my community when I was

growing up kept me spiritually impoverished. It was the spiritual

poverty that nurtured so many wrong choices made by so many,

including me. My father used to remind me that it wasn't white

people that brought garbage into our neighborhood. We did it. We

did is ourselves.

 

Through it all the power of Divine Love continued to search for me.

The power of Mother's divine love continued to follow me. Wherever I

ended up, whether it was a jail cell, or a hospital bed, Mother's

divine love sought me out. I had no knowledge of Mother's

incarnation, however, Amma always made sure that there were always

one or two people who continued to believe in me. I faced death

many times but somehow there was always someone or some presence

there to protect me. When I was incarcerated, there was always a

book, a postcard, a letter, or a person sent into my life to comfort

me.

 

When I was in jail, I felt the remorseful tears of another man

accused of murder. Those tears let me know that God was still there,

even deep within the heart of someone who had taken a life. Amma

was in his heart. This man's tears gave me the greatest experience

of Amma's love, besides Mother's hug and her love in my own heart.

There are thousands incarcerated that don't have anyone and have

never experienced love. To them the outside world does not exist.

Amma never forgot about me and I will never forget about them. When

I almost died in the streets, it wasn't the police that arrested me;

it was Mother's grace that saved me. When I was shot in the chest

and the bullet almost hit my heart, it was only Amma drawing me

nearer to her divine love. The world, and the things of the world,

and most people of the world forgot about me, however, Mother never

did.

 

I know in my heart that Mother wants her children to take more

responsibility in remembering our brothers and sisters who are

incarcerated

..

While doing a prison bid three years ago on Ryker's Island, New

York, I saw some of society's so-called "hardest" men surrender to

the divine smile of Amma from a picture that I had on my locker.

The locker was my altar and my bed was Amma's ashram. I wrapped

myself in a white sheet and pretended to be Amma. In my heart I was

convinced that was what I was supposed to do.

 

I was in a dorm that was full of ex-murderers, pimps, drug addicts,

etc. Not one time was Amma's picture ever disrespected by one of

the inmates. If anything, when they walked by the ashram, they were

humbled. Most of the time, they would gently ask who She was. This

again to me was evidence that God was within them. Over a hundred

men, just through that one picture, were blessed to behold the face

of God, their own true self.

 

After reading one of the Awaken Children books, I learned how to

practice sakshi-bhava, the "witness state." This helped me to deal

with the inhumane prison raids. Sometimes during the raids, I would

get sad because of how the guards would handle Amma's photograph,

but, after the raid, I would look at the picture and find her smile

forever untouched, forever established in that supreme state of

unconditional love. Throughout the prison bid, I was never harmed.

Mother literally watched over me through that photograph. I used to

put apples on my locker as offerings to Amma, and spontaneously

brothers began doing the same thing. That one picture taught me so

much about Divine Love. That picture taught me detachment.

 

This brother who was a member of the street gang, the Latin Kings,

taught me how to make a candle for my altar. We used an apple cut

in half, cut slits in it, partially gutted it, filled it with

Bacitracin ointment, made a wick from a string of sheet, and,

presto! – A candle. My bed was in the center of the prison

dormitory. At night, with the help of that candle, Amma's picture

would light up the entire area. Before I came home, there were at

least eight altars erected in a dorm of fifty.

 

One brother who wanted to kill me through his ignorance, eventually,

because of Amma's patience and love, not only erected an altar, but

also began meditating with me at 5 AM in the morning. I have spoken

with him in the last year and he remembers our experiences as if it

were yesterday.

 

When I first got locked up, it created an intense longing in me to

be with Mother that I asked my father to please send me one of her

books. I had met Amma in New York's darshan and had fallen in love

with her then. I received the book, The Path of the Mother (by

Savitri Bess). In the book was a mailing address for the California

ashram. In writing a letter to the ashram, I didn't know who would

read it. I took a chance. An encouraging letter from Brother

Dayamrita Chaitanya came by return mail. That letter touched the

deepest corners of my heart. I was so grateful that someone took

the time to respond to me. This helped me to forgive myself and I

began to feel loved again. I knew that Amma had not forgotten about

the prisoners and the children in the ghetto. This one letter from

Br. Dayamrita confirmed it.

 

While in New York, prior to going to jail, I went to different

spiritual and yoga circles. I was very inspired by the chanting,

yoga and philosophy, however, most of the time, I was never treated

as the philosophy said that I was supposed to be.

 

This one simple letter accomplished corrected that. That one letter

inspired me to continue sharing Amma's message of Divine Love with

the brothers in prison.

 

I mentioned learning how to practice sakshi-bhava from an Awaken,

Children book. Br. Dayamrita sent me more than twelve Awaken,

Children books, a series which has nine volumes. He sent me books

in Spanish for the Spanish-speaking brothers. There was an Indian

man named Tagi. I taught him about Amma. Br. Dayamrita sent me a

book in Hindi for him. Tagi was so grateful. He taught me how to

say, "I love you" in Hindi.

 

Br. Dayamrita gave me his personal cell phone number. He offered me

money so I could call him. He sent me as many pictures of Amma as I

needed to give to the brothers. . He sent me blessed bracelets from

Amma. He was a brother and a friend to me throughout my entire

stay. There was never an inkling of judgment.

 

I am not more important or more special than anyone else. All the

brothers and sisters, who are incarcerated, like you and I, are

Amma's children. For most of us, we either heard about Amma through

someone we knew or from a spiritual magazine or something similar.

Our brothers and sisters who are incarcerated deserve that same

opportunity. It's not up to us to examine their karma. As her

children, it is up to us to serve them and give them our love in the

best way we know how. While I was incarcerated, the best way I

learned to give love was to connect with people in their hearts, and

introduce them to their Mother. They should have a chance to learn

that there is a living incarnation of God on earth with them. It's

not up to us to figure out what will happen after that. Our only

concern should be love and service.

 

If you send a picture of Amma in a letter to someone and they don't

take to it, so what! They will get to know Mother through your love

and concern for them.

 

Amma has spoiled us to the point of traveling worldwide, hugging

thousands over and over again, wiping away every tear. In this case

all that is needed is a series of consistent letters written from

your heart.

 

A letter for someone who is incarcerated is literally nourishment to

his or her soul. I am living proof of this. A letter for someone

who is locked up is not only nourishment; it can be how God's love

is shown to them. It is evidence that they are not forgotten. I

have seen people desperately line up, hoping to receive one letter.

It reminded me of darshan. One of the saddest things that I saw

when I was in jail was watching someone not get a letter who was

expecting one.

 

Circle of Love Inside is currently writing to seven brothers in

Rockford, Illinois, including one named Michael C. Moore. Michael

has been given Awaken, Children books. He shares Amma's message of

divine love with men in the Winnebago County Jail. Michael writes,

 

I be talking about Amma to everyone but I try not to give too much

at one time. My thing is not to make the person choke, but to give

them just enough to make them think. The thing is to be gentle with

people because some people are really damaged inside.

 

Michael reads the Qu'ran and has Bible studies with the Christians.

He just put himself in "the hole," in isolation from the general

population so that he could get closer to Amma in solitude. Michael

is facing life in prison. He has been accused of killing a man. I

never asked him what the truth was. I never cared. All I knew was

that Amma's greatest attribute is forgiveness through unconditional

love. Michael wrote me and told me that he wrote to Amma and asked

her forgiveness.

 

The first letter that I got from Michael made me cry like a child.

While I was crying and absorbed in Amma's love, I realized that in

that moment I had no concern for myself, only Michael. The letters

I was receiving from Michael and the other brothers were healing my

heart. While I was so driven to give Amma to Michael, I realized

that Michael was giving Amma to me.

 

In November 2004, on Devi Bhava day in California, Aikya Param

received a letter from Michael and she shared it with devotees that

evening. Michael wrote,

 

"Since I've been in here, my father died and my aunt. I found out

my mother and grandmother have cancer. My mom has to get fixed next

month by some doctors. Through all this I still feel good because of

Amma, and I know she is God. …

 

There was a time when I was scared to do any time in the joint,

but now I look at myself as a leaf. Wherever God blows me is where

I will be. It doesn't matter to me that much anymore. If I go home

or I don't, I just want to give love to everyone for the rest of my

life."

 

Lots of people laugh at me. Lots of people feel sad for me because

I'm locked up for this murder case, but I feel that my life has just

begun because I have acknowledged God within me. The time I've

spent in this jail is not wasted. Time well spent is not time

wasted at all. God is so wonderful.

 

In all I know nothing. All I have to offer is (Amma) love. That's

all.

 

I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or a philosopher. I'm just a person who

wants to help people. I want to help the poor and the sick. I

don't want nothing in return.

 

Aikya said, "These words in Michael's letter will carry me for

years. His faith in Amma was stronger than my own was when I

received that first letter."

 

Br. Dayamrita is sending Michael a letter that was blessed by Amma's

hand and he is sending a set of Awaken, Children books for the

brothers who are in jail with Michael.. Besides writing letters,

volunteers for Circle of Love Inside have visited both Michael Moore

and Carolyn King, one of our sisters who is on Death Row in

Pennsylvania. Up until our visit Carol had not had a visitor for

years.

 

It doesn't take much time to write a letter. Five minutes of your

time could change the life of someone who is incarcerated in the

same way that first letter from Br. Dayamrita has changed my life

and inspired me to share Mother's love with others. As devotees of

a Mother who has never ceased in loving us, now we can reach out to

our brothers and sisters who are incarcerated. I pray that, while

doing this, our hearts will be saturated with sympathy. I pray

that, while doing this, we become so absorbed in her love that we

forget we are doing anything. I pray that this service brings each

of us closer to the goal.

 

Oh Amma, it is you who gives every child unconditional love. Oh

Amma, your will is perfected through the selfless service of your

children!

 

Om namah Shivaya!

***********************

 

Aikya