How to change?

[Guest guest]

Hi Rudiger

 

My name is Alexander, a devotee from the UK. I would like to respond

to your email since it reminds me much of my own struggle.

 

I really agree that "faking" having fun and being joyous is not the

thing. As a human we all have depths of feeling and even sorrow that

we often shield from ourselves. It is good to enter these areas.

Not to stay there, but to pass through to deeper aliveness. The

trouble with acting joyous is that we prevent ourselves feeling our

full humanity. It is good,in my understanding, to feel fully sad,

full angry, fully everything. And then, when we fully feel what is

boiling within us, we pray deeply for mother to see and love us, just

as we are. We feel Ammas love right in the middle of our full "muck-

ness". That is the thing!

 

 

This is what has worked in my experience -

 

Yours, a brother in Amma

Alexander

 

 

Ammachi, Rüdiger Lange <ruedigerhlange>

wrote:

> Hi,

>

> I'm going to Amma since some years, and a lot of things have

happened.

> But some of the old faults are VERY resistant to change (and coming

up very strong after seeing Her)

> But how can I change? just telling myself to think positive, be a

loving grown-up person doesn't help much.

> I'm often acting like a child, caught in the dichotomy of beeing

good or being bad and my outlook on life is bit boring, not much joy

in it - seems like joy is foreign to me.

> But just acting like I have fun and joy - that can't be the thing.

>

> Ruediger

>

>

>

> Gesendet von Mail - Jetzt mit 250MB kostenlosem Speicher

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your answer,

I somehow understand, that accepting ones feelings and living thru them must be

the way, but I fear getting stuck in in, and this tendency of living a boring

life is very persistant.

 

Maybe The point is , I make it interisting through my failures, when I'm acting

without awareness or like the 'bad' child. This thought came this moment.

Awareness is a big issue with me, quite often I simply don't see things,

corresponding to my eyesight getting worse (macular degeneration).

I often pray for help, but I think learning awareness you have to do yourselve.

 

Just thought of a dream, where a voice told me to be patient! I think I still

need a lot of patience.

 

Ruediger

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

> Dear Ruediger.

> Namah Shivaya.

>

> Thanks for joining in our conversation.

>

> Sometimes the changes can be very subtle and gradual.

> After seeing Amma since 1987, after some years one day I realized that I was

> often wearing a scowl that I would put away in company. After some years one

> day, I realized the scowl was gone, even when I was alone! This gave me a lot

> of faith in Amma. I have also seen the changes in others, including my own

> husband. Always before he would be very resistant to going to see Amma, though

> he would always be glad he went after we got there. This year before the

> Michigan program, he exclaimed that he wasn¹t feeling that resistance; he was

> feeling glad to go.

>

> Amma¹s miracles come in all forms.

May Her bliss invade your heart the way water inevitably wears down

a stone.

 

In Her amazing grace,

premarupa

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

In my experience living in an ashram for three years, at some point

in one's spiritual journey, we all need to stop. Whether

that "stop" is through meditation, or living in an ashram, or

suffering illness that limits your ability to distract yourself with

your usual escapes, everyone will "stop" at some point.

 

After stopping, all the mental "stuff" you have avoided looking at

will arise. This may include very strong emotions, often nasty

ones, that you didn't want to feel or acknowledge when they first

arose. Such is the punishment for denial, eh? Better to face your

hateful thoughts when they are fresh than see them in a great pile

at once.

 

For instance, in the ashram, whenever I sat to meditate, I would

become furious. This went on for 6 months, every day. Of course, I

thought everyone else was having beautiful saintly meditations until

I checked with them. Everyone had his/her demons. Each ugly sprite

had to dance in front of us until it exhausted its pent up energy.

 

During this phase in the "stopping," students are encouraged to

develop "sakshi bhava," the attitude of witnessing. Just watch the

thoughts and let them pass like clouds in the sky. Most of us were

very eager for the passing of these ugly chunks of mental garbage.

How much easier to look at the bad as well as the good, when it

happens, rather than storing it for later, for deathbed agonies

perhaps.

 

If you can learn to "watch your mind" and not give its antics more

energy, these goblins will pass and not come again. It's

challenging to do but well worth it.

 

In Amma's love,

Aikya

 

Ammachi, Rüdiger Lange <ruedigerhlange>

wrote:

> Thanks for your answer,

> I somehow understand, that accepting ones feelings and living thru

them must be the way, but I fear getting stuck in in, and this

tendency of living a boring life is very persistant.

>

> Maybe The point is , I make it interisting through my failures,

when I'm acting without awareness or like the 'bad' child. This

thought came this moment.

> Awareness is a big issue with me, quite often I simply don't see

things, corresponding to my eyesight getting worse (macular

degeneration).

> I often pray for help, but I think learning awareness you have to

do yourselve.

>

> Just thought of a dream, where a voice told me to be patient! I

think I still need a lot of patience.

>

> Ruediger

>

>

>

> Gesendet von Mail - Jetzt mit 250MB kostenlosem Speicher

>

>