Guest guest Posted December 4, 2004 Report Share Posted December 4, 2004 Namah Shivaya Iswari, You had a pretty amazing experience. A little preview, perhaps? It reminds me of a chapter from the book "Amma and Me" by Monoharan. He had repeatedly asked Her for Samadhi. One day he woke up and saw everything as God, with no separation between Him and other objects, all was God By the end of the day he told her it was too much, and She returned him to his usual state. "Amma and Me" is another really good book. Very interesting, humorous. Jai Ma! prasadini ammasiswari wrote: > > Ammachi, superblu7@a... wrote: > > What does it really mean to surrender to Amma? what does that look > like? > > It must look different for everyone, and different for the same > person, at different times. > > > I'd like to hear everyones thoughts on this... > > I found this peice of writing to be very touching, and I see myself as > > sitting on the riverbank, seeing the river (Amma) but not plunging > in, feeling > > afraid sometimes, sometimes wanting to run away, and sometimes > feeling the cool > > breeze and touching the water with my toes. > > I feel like I've plunged in, but am still sometimes struggling against > the current. still > sometimes afraid to be still and let the river (Amma) carry me. I had > a really intense > experience in MIchigan. The first night there, I prayed to experience > Amma's true > nature...and, well...be careful what you pray for, because you never > know what will > happen! Although I'd registered this intellectually, I didn't truly > *get it* that asking to > experience Amma's true nature is also asking to experience the true > nature of the Self. > > Every year, I've started to naively think that perhaps I'm beginning > to understand > something about Amma...and every time I'm with Her, I realize what I > see is only the tip of > the (infinite) iceberg. An unusual thing happened this year, in > Michigan. I was almost > unable to physically see Her. Her energy was so strong for me that it > actually obscured Her > physical presence, for me. Although I love singing bhajans, I couldn't > sing this time. Every > time the bhajans would start, I would fall into a deep meditation. > Although my eyes were > closed, I was so attuned to Amma's energy. Every so often, my body > would get a jolt and > rise up, and my friend sitting next to me later told me that these > movements perfectly > corresponded with the times that Amma threw Her arms up in the air, as > She sang. > > Throughout the retreat, my concepts of Amma (and myself) began to fall > away, one by > one, until I was left, on Devi Bhava night, with absolutely *no* idea > or form to which my > mind could cling. I have never felt such fright in my life, especially > when She arranged it so > that I had to spend most of the night by myself. Simultaneously, I > couldn't tear myself > away from Her, and, yet, there was no "I" and no "Her." Nothing, and > everything, just > *was*. I realized how afraid I was to be alone, in pure consciousness, > where there was no > specific thing onto which my mind could grasp. I cried that night, > before Her, for hours. I > felt like I was dying. I felt my ego, my individual consciousness > dissolving, and... > > I began to understand why so many traditions speak of G-d being > veiled, because most > people would not be able to look upon G-d and live...or at least and > not go insane! ;-) > > I wasn't planning to ask Her any questions this time, but I was so > overwhelmed by fear that > I wrote Her a note, and gave it to Her, when my husband and I went up > for darshan, > basically saying, "I'm scared. How do I go on?" Dayamrita Swami had me > stand behind Her > for more than half an hour, while I waited for Her answer to my > question. Finally, he > turned to me, and said, "Amma says, 'Don't worry.' She says, 'Be > spontaneous.'" At first, I > thought to myself, "What? That's it? That's *all* She has to say to > me?!?!" I noticed a spot > on the stage next to a friend, just behind Amma's chair, and I sat > there for awhile, and > reflected. I realized that I was starting to feel an increasing, > deepening sense of peace. > > She was telling me to trust Her, to trust my Self, to trust this > process, to go with the > flow...and, really, to be still, and let Her carry me, to the ocean of > pure consciousness. It's > been a gradual process, letting go of this fear...but during this > week, I've felt my > experience shift from a place of darkness and turbulence to a place of > light and peace. > > But, oh my goodness...how exhausting was all of that struggle?!? ;-) > > Afterward, I wondered...what next? How do I integrate this experience? > Is this just some > peak event that will fade away and be forgotten? Or will I go deeper? > But I think whoever > posted those words of wisdom about surrender meaning to exist in the > present is right on! > > Floating along in Amma, > Iswari > > > > > > Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! > > > Sponsor > > <http://us.ard./SIG=1291ulu7d/M=298184.5639630.6699735.3001176/D=groups\ /S=1705075991:HM/EXP=1102218809/A=2434971/R=0/SIG=11eeoolb0/*http://www.netflix.\ com/Default?mqso=60185400> > > > > ------ > Links > > * > Ammachi/ > > * > Ammachi > <Ammachi?subject=Un> > > * Terms of > Service <>. > > > . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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