(was: Ugliness etc)

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya.

 

Erica, owing to the burgeoning size of the post, I have deleted it

entirely, but will reply to 3 points from your last reply.

 

1. 'Burn up the ego' is correct. The metaphor of the ripe fruit is

incorrect here. In fact it is the opposite. The fruit will apply to

the bliss emmanating from the sadhana. The comitted sadhana is what

helps you 'burn the ego'.

 

The metaphor to compare the ego would be a 'tumor'. Although in the

case of a tumor, you weed it out (or maybe burned too using laser

technology).

 

I agree with you; supressing the ego is nonsense and a waste of

time. no point doing that. Also think burning it up makes for a

better paradigm.

 

2. Spiritual commitment

> I guess I do not have the same ideals about spiritual commitment.

 

I did not understand what this meant... are you saying that you

don't feel the need to be committed to spiritual life, or to Amma,

or is it something else? Anyway, it does not matter what your answer

is (meaning I won't be judgemental about it), but because I did not

understand it, I can't help you too.

 

3. Seva during retreat.

Seva during retreat is an entirely different animal than seva during

programs. During the regular programs, I do seva when I feel

comfortable only; I make sure I don't get pushed into it.

 

The whole concept of a retreat is to expose you to all aspects of

spirituality as envisioned and instructed by Amma. Seva is one of

them. So, there are no qualms about doing seva then as I have

accepted their control over my time for the next few days. So seva,

whether the prescribed minimum or more than that (usually more), is

ok by me.

 

I suggest if you have issues about retreat seva, then you must talk

to Amma about it directly; she will listen and advise best.

cut through the crap and get to the core, babe!

 

Jai Ma!

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya,

 

It seems like almost everyone I know has experienced negativity when they are

around Mother at one time or another. I think it is a combination of a lot of

people

in a small space, personalities clashing against each other, as they are apt to

do, and of course, Mother working on us.

 

I won't go into the details of how I feel I have been unfairly treated at times

around Mother, and I am sure that there are times when I have been rude and

offended

or burt other people's feelings without even being aware of it.

 

There was one day though, when I was so longing to be in Mother's presence and

basking in Her serene, divine love. What happened instead, for no apparent

reason,

was that I spent my entire time around Mother, within 15 or 20 feet of her,

HATING everyone. I would look at one person I knew and think horrible thoughts

about

that person. I would look at a person I had never seen before and run through a

whole scenario of what a jerk the person was. Never even SAW the person before.

Then

I would look at Mother and feel that She must really be mad at me for the really

ugly feelings I was spreading across the room, over HER children. Then I went

back

to hating the world in general, and especially the people present. I mean HATING

---- like poison. If I truly had any power, they would have all dropped dead.

And I

was really getting off on it.

 

I later left the hall and I was cheerful and happy and positive.

 

Then I realized that Mother had been bringing up those feelings that I didn't

even know I was capable of.

 

Before I went back again I asked Mother to please let me not be that way, and

enjoy HER. I had a wonderful time and loved everyone.

 

The last time I was with Mother I would look at the people around me and almost

cry because I loved them so much. I really wanted to hug them. "Oh, that guy

does

seva all the time, he is such a great devotee", "that little kid is so cute, I

want to hug him", etc.

 

I think that sometimes, especially around Mother, we are not in charge of our

feelings at all. Not that we don't have to be mindful and responsible for our

thoughts

and actions, but we are puppets, after all. As She says, "you do not have a

thought that does not come through me".

 

It's an icky thought, but as She says, it is just Mother lancing our boils!

 

At Her Feet

Prasadini