A devotee's prayer

[Guest guest]

so i have this little watch with Amma's face on the front. and every time i

check the hour, Amma's face is smiling back at me and i am reminded of how

quickly time goes. thus, no writing for two entire weeks! honestly now, why

would you want to sit in front of a computer when you can sit in front of the

Divine Mother instead?

 

arrived here to amritapuri on the 31st, and immediately understood why that

voice in the back of my head was telling me to leave mysore on the 30th. the

31st was the last Devi Bhava celebration before the birthday event, and She

didn't want me to miss it! there were many trials to get here --- an all-night

train followed by an all-day huge monsoon downpour, and 3 room changes. we are

4 people crammed into a 10 foot square concrete room; this ashram is jammed with

devotees. some don't even have beds to sleep on. the first week here was quite

calm and relaxing by ashram standards, but from what i hear, over the last week

and continuing into the next, between 100-200 international devotees alone

arrive daily. we'll be something close to 2000 by the time the birthday

festival is upon us. it's mad mad mad i tell you, but fabulous. the energy

swirling around here is intoxicating.

 

there's been a few special festivals while i've been here. Ganesh Chaturthi is

a festival honoring Ganesha, the elephant God who removes obstacles, very good

for new beginnings. the whole ashram paraded a clay Ganesh idol around the

grounds and along the seashore, chanting and dancing the whole way, and then

eventually the idol was immersed back into the sea, the source from which it

came. then about a week later it was Onam, or kerala's version of thanksgiving.

it's so appropriate that i'm here, since i have so so much to be thankful for in

the past year. we sang with Mother and She got up and danced for us. (what an

incredible moment for me, to see Her dance!) also Amma fed the entire ashram

and guests and Ram, Her 5-year old elephant, lunch (which took about 3 hours).

 

i'm in a fairly regular rhythm now, and i really have been able to dive more

deeply into my practice. when i first saw Mother, i vowed to Her that i was

ready to accept whatever more She wanted to give me, and it's been a wild ride

as usual. I took the new Integrated Amrita Meditation course my first weekend,

and i have actually been able to sit consistently and for longer periods since

then, which is a great accomplishment for me. this is the answer for me to go

deeper. it makes simple, perfect sense, as concentration and meditation are

further limbs on the 8-fold path.

 

Mother said something about Guru some days back that i think you might find

interesting. She said She does not negate any spiritual path, or ask us to

change the way we have chosen. Her purpose is to push us along our chosen path

more quickly. That's essentially what She does for me, fuelled by an

inexpressible amount of love.

 

lastly, i just wanted to address how intensely we were all praying here during

the 2-year anniversary of 9/11. on that morning, once i remembered what day it

was, suddenly i felt a rumbling in the pit of my stomach. i went to the temple

where Mother was giving darshan (personal blessings) and as i looked at Her, i

started to cry. i cried for about 4 hours straight. it didn't even feel like i

was in my body at all, but my body was overcome with pain and suffering. when i

got in line for my own darshan, i was shaking so badly that the women working

pushed me to the head of the line to see Mother. as She was holding me, i sank

into Her arms, weeping. it felt like i was having darshan for all of new york

city. She held me twice, stroked my back and arm, and whispered to me that it

was ok. and i know what She meant. i know She meant I was ok, but more

importantly, all those lives lost are also ok. they are with Her, in a peaceful

place now. then that feeling of pain left as quickly as it came, and i was back

to my old self, just completely exhausted. it really felt like i was a magnet

for the feelings everyone was experiencing back home, and when i was being

hugged, i gave it all over to Amma. and that's just one of the more intense

things that happened to me over the past few weeks, believe it or not!

 

so for those that have been concerned about whether or not i would be coming

back at all from this experience, you will be relieved to know that Amma also

sent me a very loud and clear message that She wants me out in the world, doing

my work. so i will be home as scheduled. one thing i've realized over this

past journey is that not everyone can live on an ashram, and it is truly some

people's responsibility to take these teachings and share them in order to keep

as many lights burning in a world that now seems to be filled wth darkness. i

am honored that Amma and Guruji think i am strong enough, capable enough, to

shoulder that responsibility.

 

i will try to write once more before i head home, but if not, see you in

october.

 

much love and many prayers,