Meeting Amma ........Continued......

[Guest guest]

We then arrived in Chicago. There were so many people that I am so glad I was

able to go to such a small town before this. I sat in the hall staring again

hour after hour. Absorbing every moment I could. Knowing it would be over too

soon. I did some seva. Most of us were not able to get darshan on the first

night. So we just gloried in her presence. It was enough for me. Then as I was

sitting up close she looked RIGHT at me and gave me the BIGGEST radiant smile

ever and jutted up her chin at me. My friend had this done to her hours later

and she realized that was our darshan from Mother sense we couldn't get an

actual hug. My friend even said she FELT like she just had darshan. The next

morning I again sat in her presence as much as possible. My heart in totally

grief knowing this would be the last day. I volunteered to work more seva and

was able to do the holy water. I was so excited about this. I told Mother that I

would let her choose my seva. Well then the guy told us that he

needed two of us to go to the "overflow" tent outside. I screamed inside my

head NO! I'm not going. One girl raised her hand and then he asked again. No one

would raise their hand. I then thought this is your choice Amma is this really

what you want? He asked again and I finally gave in seeing this as Mothers

guidance. I was heart broken that I wouldn't get to do the holy water inside. I

felt like the privilege was taken away from me being able to do it for the first

time. It didn't matter this was what Mother wanted I didn't argue. So we cleaned

and put new table cloths on got all the necessary things ready which took quite

a while. Then people started to arrive. I finally felt happy that I was outside.

We then distributed the holy water to all the people. I notice the sky looking

like it was going crashed down in a whirl wind of torrential rain. As Amma

stared the "cleansing" the rain broke down in sheets of unrelenting rain. Some

ran in. Some stayed in the tent. The rain went

where it wanted. All over the holy water and us, and the TV equipment. I just

stood back and started to smile really big. I was loving every moment of it.

What was more holy than nature's own water? And what was more holy that nature

cleansing us? I started to laugh. I along with one other girl were the last

people to go in. We didn't leave until long after it stopped. I felt

rejuvenated! It was beautiful and a bit terrifying! I looked like a drowned

rat!! LOL After that I just sat in the hall for sometime again transfixed on our

Divine Mother, hour after hour. Never tiring. Thoughts going through my head.

Starting to weep for what I didn't want to see. The end. I cried out over and

over "Don't leave me Mother, Don't leave me I can't live without you!How can

you leave your own daughter behind!Please let me come see you next yearLet

me have the money to come and see you" Don't let this be the endPLEASE

Mother!!Let me be able to see you again" I was begging. I was in

utterly deep sorrow. I cried over and over again. It was such GRIEF! Ten

thousand times worst than a broken heart! I felt lost. A child without her

mother. I knew the truth, that she was always with me, always inside me. Never

leaving me for a moment. But it didn't help the process. It was then my turn for

darshan, close to the end. I went up crying in helplessness, repeating, "PLEASE

don't leave this daughter behind!How can you do thisLet me be able to see

you again" I was again gently pushed into her loving embrace and started to weep

again. She gave me her hug. Then let go and gazed into my eyes with a smile and

gave me a squeeze with a really big "humph". She knew. It was reassurance. She

would always be there. I walked off the stage weeping uncontrollably and tried

to find a place in privacy. (Which I did not) So I sat in a chair by the doors

just crying. I was suppose to go back and relieve the line attendant but by the

time I got myself to "somewhat'' presentable, she

already knew I was emotionally unstable to help out. So she told me she had

someone else and that it was OK. So I went to sit and gaze on her and cry for my

Mother whom I finally got to meet after waiting for eternity. Cherishing every

small moment with her. Every blessing she gave to me. She then left through the

crowd after the ceremonies were finished. I brushed her hand as she past. A

silent goodbye.

 

 

It was such an UNexplainable experience that has TRULY changed me inside and

out. I can never explain this in words. It left such a DEEP impact on me. I am

still most humbled by it all. I still have her Divine love within me, feeling at

peace. I hope to never lose this feeling. It was so wonderful to finally meet

some of my sisters after talking for over three years!! You are all SO wonderful

and good. I TRULY feel like you really ARE my family. I would like to give a

special, special, thank you to all of you who helped make this happen for me.

There is NEVER, EVER going to be a way to repay you for such a BEAUTIFUL gift!

NEVER. I thought of emailing you all individually but my computer is SO slow it

would take MONTHS to email all who donated! I hope you all understand how

important it was to me. How blessed I feel to have you all reach out with no

questions asked. Only to reunited me with my Mother. It is most humbling.

PLEASE, PLEASE understand what a DIFFERENCE you have all made

in my life. No matter how big or small. An encouragement here, a loving letter

there, a phone call, an inspiration. It all mattered to me. I hold all you and

this precious experience SO dear to my heart. There really are no words in ANY

language to say thank you. I think that with what you made this girl feel in her

heart is worth Mother taking all your karma away! I pray for her to bring you

all to liberation!! I must agree on someone telling me about the synchronicity

of being around Amma. As soon as I had a thought on something, a person, place,

or thing, BAM! It was right in front of me. It was like being in a dream.

........And so..... there you have it. A rare and precious gift. That will never

be forgotten. In this life or the next. A child finally reunited with her

Mother. Counting the days until I can gaze at her face again. Counting the days

until I can be embraced into her arms. Counting the days to once again see her

radiant eyes and beaming smile shining down on this

lonely daughter. She is all I ever think about. All I can cry for. I have no

desires for anything else. Everything reminds me of her, a smile, a child, the

rain, the clouds, music. Everything. I leave you with these songs, a very small

expression of what I feel.

 

There is something that I see

In the way you look at me

There’s a smile, there’s a truth

In your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

Could it be this is where I belong

It is you I have loved all along

There's no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved all along

There were times I ran to hide

Afraid to show the other side

Alone in the night without you

But now I know just who you are

And I know you hold my heart

Finally this is where I belong

And it is you I have loved all along

And no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

It is you I have loved all along

Over and over I’m filled with emotion

Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled with the sweetest devotion

As I look into your perfect face

There's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved

It is you I have loved

It is you I have loved all along

 

Pardon me

If I've been acting strange

I haven't been myself lately

What you see

Is a person rearranged

Someone affected me greatly

And I've got so much to say

Ever since Amma looked my way

Gonna raise my voice like thunder

And leave the world in wonder of the change

The change inside of me

Everyday

I'm taking in the view

Of her glory around me

I'm awake

And I have been made new

By the one who has found me

Words just can't say enough

When all I feel is love

It's nothing less than a miracle

Your name I praise, because this change

Inside of me is so beautiful

 

 

Take this world from me

I don't need it anymore

I am finally free

My heart is spoken for

I praise you

I worship you

Covered by a love divine

Child of Amma

To hear you say

"This one's mine"

My heart is spoken for

Now I have peace

That I've Never known before

I find myself complete

My heart is spoken for

You have taken what was lost

And made it fully yours

By you who spoke to me

Now I am spoken for.

 

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

 

Ever at Amma's Lotus Feet,

Robin