Meeting Amma

[Guest guest]

Namaste!!!!!!!!!!

 

I could NEVER thank you all enough for helping such a wondrous experience take

place within me. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!! Mother has TRULY answered prayer after

prayer these past few weeks. I found out the woman who is also a devotee and who

I was to drive with LIVED in the SAME TOWN as me! We TOTALLY hit it off right

off the bat. Two pea's in a pod! She really made me feel relaxed and welcome. I

was so nervous driving up to meet my DREAM OF DREAMS!!! I kept thinking "Man

this is going to feel so weird, I don't know these people, their customs are

strange, just really worried about the whole thing. When we arrived I started to

really shake uncontrollably. I just kept thinking I can't believe this is

happening, I CAN'T BELIEVE this is happening. It was like a mantra. I was

meeting a woman who I had meditated on as GOD for over three years!! It was too

impossible to be meeting her physical form. We approached the doors in Iowa,

Fairfield, I walked over took off my shoes, still a ball

of nerves, I walked into the hall and IMMEDIATELY felt at peace, still nervous,

but I looked around and thought...I'm home. These are truly my brothers and

sisters, all so beautiful, everyone of them. Adrian then led me up to get a

glimpse of our mother. Then...... my eyes fell on her and I stared to weep. I

instantly fell in love and knew that she was mine. I understood what everyone

had told me. I never took my eyes from her from that moment on for at least 6

hours straight. I found a seat right away and about three feet away. Just

staring at my mother, hugging child after child. I noticed her BEAMING smile,

her RADIANT eyes, her transparent heart, glowing within and without her. I felt

her compassion, her love, her Divine presence. I couldn't look away for EVEN a

second. I was transfixed. Mesmerized. Humbled. All the while she kept giving me

glances, some quite noticeable, like she was letting me know she knew I was

there. Like she was giving me glimpse of herself so that I could

come to terms with what was happening. It was a dance of getting to know my

mother physically, the way she moved her hand, the way she talked, the way she

laughed, the way she loved. Finally I just had a thought to look up at the

numbers and I had nearly missed my first darshan! I knew it was mother who had

whispered in my ear. I went up shaking and nervous. Not knowing what to expect.

My first meeting with the woman I have called mother for so long, but never met.

Finally I was gently pushed into her arms and all thought had left my mind,

eternal bliss all around me, peace filled me. My heart realized she really was

my mother. She didn't look me in the eye or smile at me the first darshan at

all. It was simply because my mind didn't FULLY and completely accept her yet,

and she knew it. It was her accepting me as I was, whether I accepted her or

not. After that I did some seva, a lot were surprised that I did this on the

first night but it came naturally. When I went back to the

hall I sat for some time just watching. It was then time for her to leave as

everyone was lining up to touch her hands on the way out my friend rushed me out

the door ahead of her to a spot in front. I had my hands in prayer full of

blessed petals. She walked RIGHT up to me started talking to me and had an

ATTITUDE!!! I have no idea to this day what she said to me, but in my heart it

was like "Its about TIME you got here! I was waiting for you long enough!" It

was either that or she was reprimanding me for steeling all her flower petals,

like "What haven't I blessed you enough already?" She then laughed at me touched

my hand and I heard loud and clear in my head, "Its ok" and she walked away

smiling. I was spiraling up into pure delight to have her talk to ME, I felt

like a nobody, WHY would she talk to ME of all people. I realized days later the

answer. I finally understood after everything that we really are each and

individually special to the Divine Mothers heart. She holds us

all close to her breast. No prejudges what so ever, and no one is ever a nobody

in her eyes. The next morning we were told to get there early, I wanted to see

if I could ask Amma two questions. Only 15 people are allowed to ask out of so

many hundreds and hundreds of people. I was amazingly chosen. I asked my

questions and got the answers I needed. Although I didn't fully understand right

away, I came to understand them later. I was so amazed to ask her questions and

have her give ME answers. It was too much. Later in the day someone told me to

come sit behind the guy doing the Kleenex. I was RIGHT there next to Amma, again

mesmerized, I knew it was her doing once again. Just to be within arms reach was

pure bliss itself! My gaze never wavering until hours later. I then received

darshan again and had my mantra along with some picture of her blessed. (I have

lost the pictures already and am praying that Amma sends them back to her

daughter!!!) I then went to do seva and I think she

had left. She left early to rest for Devi Bhava. As I was doing seva I was

cutting veggies and kept looking at her picture. As I was looking at her picture

I felt I very STRONGLY that I was looking at myself. It happened A LOT. It was

like THAT IS ME! Very odd. More odd than deja vu even! We then came back to Devi

Bhava that night and I was preparing to ask for a mantra from her. I didn't

really know what to expect, but was a little nervous so I kept breathing to calm

myself, which worked. I made it up to her and said "Amma mantra?" She LIT up

like a thousand light bulbs, her whole form seemed to change before my eyes. It

was an awesome site. Her radiant smile beaming down at me as she shook her head

really big and said YES! From that moment on I was humbled GREATLY. She had

excepted me as her own. Truly. In my eyes, she took me in under her wing and is

there to guide me into liberation, completely. Her lighting up the way she did

showed me she KNEW how much her "yes" meant to me.

And her acceptance was a HUGE deal to me. I then proceed to get my mantra from

her as she for the first time kissed me and whispered in my ear. It was her

complete acceptance. I was transformed from that point on. Humbled. I then went

to the Swami to learn how to say it and he explained the answer to my first

question. I knew Amma knew this answer would come to me. I then realized how

much care and effort she puts into initiating one of her children and became

even MORE humbled by it all. It was a serious matter to her. And she takes it

very seriously. Not to be thought of lightly. I had no idea at the time the

extent of it all. I could die happy at that point! I had everything and MORE

than I had ever dreamed of before!!! I was in pure heaven! Later that evening I

watched for a while, watching her scratch, cough, drink water, all these very

human things, I kept thinking "This isn't how god acts, why does she do these

things". My mind wouldn't let my heart be. Then went up stares

on the top to fall asleep on the floor for a few hours listening to bhajans. I

woke up a few hours later and came over to the side and looked down at Amma's

face, hours later, her eyes, ever radiant as in the morning, her smile, beaming

brighter than ever. Hours and hours later, no signs of tiredness, NEVER a yawn

the whole time I sat and watched her the entire 4 days. No sluggishness. There

was nothing. It was THEN that it all clicked in my soul. It was then that it all

fell into my heart and mind completely. It was then that I realized fully and

completely and with absolutely NO doubt.....THIS.... was god. It was pure and

simple. Yet it went ever so deep within me. It was THE turning point that put

ALL my faith in her completely. It was then that I surrendered all my soul to

her. It was in that small moment in time that my life would never be the same.

I... would never be the same. She was mine, and I was hers. I then went down

stairs to be near her and was told that I could go up

and take the flowers from her as she handed them to me. My heart swooned with

complete love, I was SO BLESSED and knew it. She wanted me near her at every

moment and she knew I wanted desperately to be near her. I stood behind her

hours and took blessed flowers from her hands, never tiring. Then Supriti came

up to get darshan, my dearest, beloved sister!!! She is so sweet and a true

inspiration!!! I love her dearly. Just to watch her was Divine Bliss, her

singing, her dancing, her talking. She is truly a daughter of mother and a

humbled devotee. To watch the love pour out from her eyes at our mother brought

me to tears. She was radiating with love for our Divine Mother. She hands Mother

a gift, a purse, and tells her its for her friend behind her. Me. Mother then

looks back at me, and hands it over to me. I was in awe. To have our mother hand

over such a special gift from my own sister, was a blessing itself. I opened it

up a day later, not knowing what was inside. It was a cloth

made in vibrant green. Exquisite. Supriti then told me later that it was a

piece of her Sari on Devi Bhava. Little did Supriti know that I had DREAMED

about getting such a piece of clothing in my own hands. Dearest sister you'll

never know how much I adore that gift. I will cherish it all of my days into

eternity. It is so precious to my heart. Thank you.

 

Second Journey to

Chicago to be continued......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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