Kirsten's News from Amritapuri

[Guest guest]

received from Kirsten in Amritapuri, on Feb. 4th:

 

Om Namah Shivaya!

 

Dear Devotees and Friends,

 

So much has happened since Amma returned, I don't know

where to begin! She didn't give darshan for the first

day or two after her arrival, and people said that She

looked quite tired when she arrived. Many places on

the tour had 40k people coming for darshan, more than

ever before. She did come for bhajans the second day,

I believe - and I was able to have my first darshan in

five years on day three (difficult to remember the

days here!)...I don't know if there will be Devi Bhava

before the North Indian tour - probably not.

 

I had been having many stressful experiences just

prior to my first darshan, mainly with "grumpy"

devotees. What I didn't realize at the time these

interactions were arising was that Amma was creating

each event as a catalyst - as while I was standing in

line for darshan, my heart was innundated with waves

and waves of deep emotion....I felt the suffering and

sorrow of everyone I have ever interacted with, a

universal empathy that was so intense, I was sobbing

for four hours straight. My own pain was included of

course.

 

The last time I was here five years ago, I had many

interpersonal conflicts which left me feeling quite

discouraged and turned off from spiritual life. Amma

created some very intense situations recently that

brought this vasana to a head....the tendency to

escape from spiritual life and pursue materialism has

been with me for almost 20 years, and as a result of

these events and the emotional breakthrough while

standing in darshan, I felt this vasana dissolve -

something I had struggled with for soooo long was

removed by Amma in a single darshan (a process She

initiated while I was standing in line waiting for Her

darshan). Since my arrival, I have been crying for joy

and out of deep gratitude on a daily basis. I feel so

very blessed to be here, and to have been given such a

strong desire to do my sadhana (something I used to

struggle with in the past, and which Amma has also

removed!) Amma tried to feed me the prasad but I was

crying so hard that I would have choked on it so she

just touched it to my lips and placed it in my

hand...I didn't stop crying for hours afterwards,

though the tears still come each time I see or think

about Amma.

 

Life here is by no means easy, but I now realize that

EVERYTHING that happens (not just here, but in our

daily lives in our home countries as well) is Amma's

will - even the most seemingly insignificant events

are generated by Her divine will for our growth. What

feels like torture or punishment is in actuality all

part of Her divine play (and the result of our own

past actions, of course!

 

Today is the first "regular" darshan day. Amma has

been giving darshan every day, but generally only for

newcomers and Indians who came to see Her. I am going

to ask Amma for a name today, though I am very timid

with Her so I am not sure how it will happen.

 

The Satsangs have been so inspiring! (we have had

three since She returned from the South India tour!)

She always seems to speak about the very issues I (and

other devotees) have been longing to receive

clarification on. She generally comes around 11:30 or

12pm, does a brief meditation, gives satsang, then

gives darshan to the newcomers/visitors. Yesterday,

Tuesday, was meditation day, and She handed out prasad

(lunch) to each person. The last time (5 years ago) I

experienced this, Amma asked me if I wanted a "big or

small" plate. I said small because I thought She would

prefer me to eat less, but She ended up giving me the

big one. This time, She looked at me and said in a

very assertive tone of voice, "BIG OR SMALL ONE?!" I

shyly answered, "Big?" - covering my mouth with my

hands immediately after, embarrassed that I admitted

my "food issue" (I am a big eater!!!). My

friend/roommate told me she thinks that Amma may be

trying to help me become more assertive and truthful,

as this has been an issue since I arrived (not

speaking my truth/stating my needs, being too

compromising and adapting to others to the point of

neglecting my own needs).

 

There was a 'crisis' 2 nights ago related to a huge

group of "hippies" staying at the ashram. They were

making a LOT of noise singing and dancing in the chai

shop just outside the gate, and one of the head

hippies happens to be one of my roommates (!) Many

brahmacharis (and someone said Swamis?! - or perhaps

those in yellow?) took their names and told them they

had to leave the ashram by 10am the next day, but my

roommate asked Amma personally about this, and Amma

asked her if there was smoking (ganja) going on, and

when my friend said no, Amma told her it was no

problem they didn't have to leave and could sing/dance

after bhajans in the hall inside the ashram. The group

of hippies were overjoyed and very relieved, now

having a positive feeling towards Amma and the

organization. More and more hippies are arriving every

day, sleeping on the roof, staying up late, etc.

 

Well, I must get back to the ashram to do my seva

(cleaning the outdoor sinks after breakfast and

mopping both bathrooms and doing the sinks on the 5th

and 6th floors of the temple. It is sooo easy to

remember God here, when the Guru is right downstairs

or in Her room a few feet away!!! I don't have any

intention of leaving, unless Amma decides

otherwise....

 

Perhaps I will see some of you here in the near

future?!

 

I will be leaving on the North India tour on Feb 11th,

but will try to email at some point(s) along the way.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

 

With love and gratitude in Amma,

Kirsten

[Guest guest]

OM AMRITESWARYAI NAMAH

 

Happy to read your experience, directly mailed from Amritapuri,

Kristen. Blessed man you are. Can you do me a favour Kirs.... Please

tell Amma that Chandran Mon from Dubai conveyed his Love ... She

knows all about my pain.

 

Chandran Mon

Namah Shivaya

Ammachi, "saramj33" <saramj@m...> wrote:

> received from Kirsten in Amritapuri, on Feb. 4th:

>

> Om Namah Shivaya!

>

> Dear Devotees and Friends,

>

> So much has happened since Amma returned, I don't know

> where to begin! She didn't give darshan for the first

> day or two after her arrival, and people said that She

> looked quite tired when she arrived. Many places on

> the tour had 40k people coming for darshan, more than

> ever before. She did come for bhajans the second day,

> I believe - and I was able to have my first darshan in

> five years on day three (difficult to remember the

> days here!)...I don't know if there will be Devi Bhava

> before the North Indian tour - probably not.

>

> I had been having many stressful experiences just

> prior to my first darshan, mainly with "grumpy"

> devotees. What I didn't realize at the time these

> interactions were arising was that Amma was creating

> each event as a catalyst - as while I was standing in

> line for darshan, my heart was innundated with waves

> and waves of deep emotion....I felt the suffering and

> sorrow of everyone I have ever interacted with, a

> universal empathy that was so intense, I was sobbing

> for four hours straight. My own pain was included of

> course.

>

> The last time I was here five years ago, I had many

> interpersonal conflicts which left me feeling quite

> discouraged and turned off from spiritual life. Amma

> created some very intense situations recently that

> brought this vasana to a head....the tendency to

> escape from spiritual life and pursue materialism has

> been with me for almost 20 years, and as a result of

> these events and the emotional breakthrough while

> standing in darshan, I felt this vasana dissolve -

> something I had struggled with for soooo long was

> removed by Amma in a single darshan (a process She

> initiated while I was standing in line waiting for Her

> darshan). Since my arrival, I have been crying for joy

> and out of deep gratitude on a daily basis. I feel so

> very blessed to be here, and to have been given such a

> strong desire to do my sadhana (something I used to

> struggle with in the past, and which Amma has also

> removed!) Amma tried to feed me the prasad but I was

> crying so hard that I would have choked on it so she

> just touched it to my lips and placed it in my

> hand...I didn't stop crying for hours afterwards,

> though the tears still come each time I see or think

> about Amma.

>

> Life here is by no means easy, but I now realize that

> EVERYTHING that happens (not just here, but in our

> daily lives in our home countries as well) is Amma's

> will - even the most seemingly insignificant events

> are generated by Her divine will for our growth. What

> feels like torture or punishment is in actuality all

> part of Her divine play (and the result of our own

> past actions, of course!

>

> Today is the first "regular" darshan day. Amma has

> been giving darshan every day, but generally only for

> newcomers and Indians who came to see Her. I am going

> to ask Amma for a name today, though I am very timid

> with Her so I am not sure how it will happen.

>

> The Satsangs have been so inspiring! (we have had

> three since She returned from the South India tour!)

> She always seems to speak about the very issues I (and

> other devotees) have been longing to receive

> clarification on. She generally comes around 11:30 or

> 12pm, does a brief meditation, gives satsang, then

> gives darshan to the newcomers/visitors. Yesterday,

> Tuesday, was meditation day, and She handed out prasad

> (lunch) to each person. The last time (5 years ago) I

> experienced this, Amma asked me if I wanted a "big or

> small" plate. I said small because I thought She would

> prefer me to eat less, but She ended up giving me the

> big one. This time, She looked at me and said in a

> very assertive tone of voice, "BIG OR SMALL ONE?!" I

> shyly answered, "Big?" - covering my mouth with my

> hands immediately after, embarrassed that I admitted

> my "food issue" (I am a big eater!!!). My

> friend/roommate told me she thinks that Amma may be

> trying to help me become more assertive and truthful,

> as this has been an issue since I arrived (not

> speaking my truth/stating my needs, being too

> compromising and adapting to others to the point of

> neglecting my own needs).

>

> There was a 'crisis' 2 nights ago related to a huge

> group of "hippies" staying at the ashram. They were

> making a LOT of noise singing and dancing in the chai

> shop just outside the gate, and one of the head

> hippies happens to be one of my roommates (!) Many

> brahmacharis (and someone said Swamis?! - or perhaps

> those in yellow?) took their names and told them they

> had to leave the ashram by 10am the next day, but my

> roommate asked Amma personally about this, and Amma

> asked her if there was smoking (ganja) going on, and

> when my friend said no, Amma told her it was no

> problem they didn't have to leave and could sing/dance

> after bhajans in the hall inside the ashram. The group

> of hippies were overjoyed and very relieved, now

> having a positive feeling towards Amma and the

> organization. More and more hippies are arriving every

> day, sleeping on the roof, staying up late, etc.

>

> Well, I must get back to the ashram to do my seva

> (cleaning the outdoor sinks after breakfast and

> mopping both bathrooms and doing the sinks on the 5th

> and 6th floors of the temple. It is sooo easy to

> remember God here, when the Guru is right downstairs

> or in Her room a few feet away!!! I don't have any

> intention of leaving, unless Amma decides

> otherwise....

>

> Perhaps I will see some of you here in the near

> future?!

>

> I will be leaving on the North India tour on Feb 11th,

> but will try to email at some point(s) along the way.

> You are in my thoughts and prayers,

>

> With love and gratitude in Amma,

> Kirsten