Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan this weekend. I have a huge issue of fear of meditation. In the past I have used my work as meditation. To sit in silence was impossible before I met Amma. I was used to chaos and noise and could only study with the TV and the radio going. If things were quiet I found myself listening for danger. Thanks to Amma I can now sit quietly in a quiet room with less discomfort, I do have constant ringing in my ears which is distracting, I have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I will loose control of my body, that I will become insane. My prayer is that my my atomic structure (hard wiring) will become rewired so that meditation will be a peaceful experience. The reason I have problems is because as a child I spontaneously went into a state of "meditation" when I was experiencing severe abuse (physical, mental sexual). Now when I attempt to meditate, I feel only fear and resistance. Has anyone else dealt with this issue around meditation and had success with meditation? I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear I feel. Om Namashivaya - In Amma's service, Supriti Omenka Nnadi Find out what made the Top Searches of 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Dear Supriti, what you experienced as a child was not meditation, but dissociation, a very common response to abuse. I wonder if you have ever asked Amma about this, and about whether/how She would suggest that you approach meditation? I believe that She knows what is best for you and will suggest whatever will help you most at this time in your life (that may be meditation, or a different kind of practice). I know Amma has, at times, actually advised people *not* to meditate. If you will not be near Her to ask for advice, pray for Her Divine guidance. Please don't judge yourself to be a failure if you have difficulty meditating. It sounds like you have experienced a great deal of trauma, and what you feel is natural. If you fear you may lose control while meditating, please do not forget that Mother is always with you. I will pray for you. In Her love, Iswari Ammachi, Omenka Supriti Nnadi <oomenka> wrote: > > Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan this weekend. I have a huge issue of fear of meditation. In the past I have used my work as meditation. To sit in silence was impossible before I met Amma. I was used to chaos and noise and could only study with the TV and the radio going. If things were quiet I found myself listening for danger. Thanks to Amma I can now sit quietly in a quiet room with less discomfort, I do have constant ringing in my ears which is distracting, I have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I will loose control of my body, that I will become insane. > > My prayer is that my my atomic structure (hard wiring) will become rewired so that meditation will be a peaceful experience. The reason I have problems is because as a child I spontaneously went into a state of "meditation" when I was experiencing severe abuse (physical, mental sexual). Now when I attempt to meditate, I feel only fear and resistance. > > Has anyone else dealt with this issue around meditation and had success with meditation? I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear I feel. > > > Om Namashivaya - In Amma's service, > > Supriti Omenka Nnadi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Namah Shivaya Dear Sister, your stories have been an inspiration for me on the list. Thank you. I am praying for you. Do you have any music that you can bring with you to the course that you feel good with....maybe that would help, and maybe you would be allowed to listen to that while you close your eyes and meditate. Also, maybe it would help for you to tell the course instructor about this special difficulty of yours, and work with the instructor about ways to resolve it. You have trusted us by sharing with us, and maybe you could share with the course instructor too. Who is the course instructor? Do you think that it is an idea to email the course insttructor exactly what you have written here ? These are heavy memories to deal with. I have seen how some people are very unsettled with silence, and only can calm down with noise...like the noise of the TV. I saw with my father, while he was dying, how the noise of having the TV on clamed him down. And so, I had the TV on in the room; I did not feel better with it on but he did. I admire your courage. In Amma's Love, Sara In Ammachi, Omenka Supriti Nnadi <oomenka> wrote: > > Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan this weekend. I have a huge issue of fear of meditation. In the past I have used my work as meditation. To sit in silence was impossible before I met Amma. I was used to chaos and noise and could only study with the TV and the radio going. If things were quiet I found myself listening for danger. Thanks to Amma I can now sit quietly in a quiet room with less discomfort, I do have constant ringing in my ears which is distracting, I have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I will loose control of my body, that I will become insane. > > My prayer is that my my atomic structure (hard wiring) will become rewired so that meditation will be a peaceful experience. The reason I have problems is because as a child I spontaneously went into a state of "meditation" when I was experiencing severe abuse (physical, mental sexual). Now when I attempt to meditate, I feel only fear and resistance. > > Has anyone else dealt with this issue around meditation and had success with meditation? I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear I feel. > > > Om Namashivaya - In Amma's service, > > Supriti Omenka Nnadi > > > > Find out what made the Top Searches of 2003 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Namah Shivaya, My prayers are with you and I have faith that if the IAM course was not right for you, you would not be going. I have experienced that Amma is guiding all Her children individually in the right direction. It was very brave of you to share your fears. May you experience the peace that only the guru's grace can give. I too have ringing in my ears. It used to disturb me when I meditated. Actually, I did not notice it much before I started to meditate. I read somewhere that through meditation one could begin to hear the music of the universe. I now choose to view my auditory sounds as those of Mother Shakti. (That may not be what I hear but it makes me feel better:-) Know that you are in Mother's hands, and She will not let you fall. Jai Ma! Omana > Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan this weekend. I do have constant ringing in my ears which is distracting, I have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I will loose control of my body, that I will become insane. > I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear I feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Thank you for sharing with us. I too have a VERY difficult time sitting down for meditation. Now instead of beating myself up for not doing my practices RIGHT, I have decided that maybe my practice needs to be in the world right now, learning whatever I need to learn there and when I need to learn more through meditation, I will be able to sit easily. We are exactly where we need to be, exactly and if that isn't in meditation right now than I am still exactly where I need to be. I do many practices through out the day, contemplation, chanting, japa repetition and being a mother, etc. I have heard old stories of people becoming enlightened through being a householder. I have to have faith that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing or else I just sit and beat myself up. That is my story and I am sticking to it! Blessings to everyone for a wonderful, loving New Year!!! Michele Omana wrote: > Namah Shivaya, > My prayers are with you and I have faith that if the IAM course was > not right for you, you would not be going. I have experienced that > Amma is guiding all Her children individually in the right direction. > > It was very brave of you to share your fears. May you experience the > peace that only the guru's grace can give. > > I too have ringing in my ears. It used to disturb me when I > meditated. Actually, I did not notice it much before I started to > meditate. I read somewhere that through meditation one could begin to > hear the music of the universe. I now choose to view my auditory > sounds as those of Mother Shakti. (That may not be what I hear but it > makes me feel better:-) > > Know that you are in Mother's hands, and She will not let you fall. > > Jai Ma! > Omana > > > Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan > this weekend. I do have constant ringing in my ears which is > distracting, I have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I > will loose control of my body, that I will become insane. > > I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate > successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear > I feel. > > > > > Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! > > > ------ > Links > > * > Ammachi/ > > * > Ammachi > <Ammachi?subject=Un> > > * Terms of > Service <>. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 namaste it sounds if you intuetivly"know" whats drawing your atention from your center I do not know you,nor your past experienses but our devine center is allways in us,it does not need to be trained or developed simply rediscovered. but as you say,we normaly live ofcenter and the way back can be filled of fear and ego maby them both can be wiewed as the same? with that i meen.both makes us identify ourselves with the outer. if you are a devotee of ammachi my friend i do not feel you need to fear the meditation,is for your heart i am sure:) you will be in good hands and hugs be in peace mika >Omenka Supriti Nnadi <oomenka >Ammachi >Ammachi > IAM >Thu, 1 Jan 2004 07:33:54 -0800 (PST) > > >Please pray for me as I am about to take the IAM course in Michigan this >weekend. I have a huge issue of fear of meditation. In the past I have >used my work as meditation. To sit in silence was impossible before I met >Amma. I was used to chaos and noise and could only study with the TV and >the radio going. If things were quiet I found myself listening for danger. > Thanks to Amma I can now sit quietly in a quiet room with less >discomfort, I do have constant ringing in my ears which is distracting, I >have trouble closing my eyes too. My fear is that I will loose control of >my body, that I will become insane. > >My prayer is that my my atomic structure (hard wiring) will become rewired >so that meditation will be a peaceful experience. The reason I have >problems is because as a child I spontaneously went into a state of >"meditation" when I was experiencing severe abuse (physical, mental >sexual). Now when I attempt to meditate, I feel only fear and resistance. > >Has anyone else dealt with this issue around meditation and had success >with meditation? I am feeling hopeless about ever being able to meditate >successfully, I am judging my results as failure because of the fear I >feel. > > >Om Namashivaya - In Amma's service, > >Supriti Omenka Nnadi > > > >Find out what made the Top Searches of 2003 > > > _______________ Hitta rätt på nätet med MSN Sök http://search.msn.se/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.