Account of a Dream: No. 4

[Guest guest]

The dream:

This dream occurred on the afternoon of Friday, 19 Dec 2003 in the

course of an unscheduled pre-lunch (!) siesta. When I woke up the

time was 12.50 PM. It comes more than 2 months after my last

spiritual dream (# 2 in this series of narratives).

 

I am at a satsang. There are people sitting cross-legged on the floor

in a large hall. Nearly all the attendees are sitting facing the

front of the room where, presumably, there is something going on. I

am however seated facing the left. My father is with me and is seated

to my right, facing left as I am.

 

There is one member of the satsang who is sitting some distance away,

with her back to the wall and facing me. Her orientation, like mine,

is perpendicular to the majority. She is a reasonably attractive,

fair young woman. She is bespectacled and dressed in a costume of

some kind. A white dress covers her from head to toe but her face is

not veiled. Metallic coin shaped trinkets in different colors

suspended on chains adorn the rim of her face. I surmise internally

that participation in some stage event is probably the reason for her

costumed appearance.

 

There is a man seated to my left. Viewed from the front of the hall

he would be behind me, but since my orientation is leftward as

already explained, he is positioned on my left. I have an unusually

clear premonition that his presence is hostile, and that he is going

to launch some kind of offensive action against me before long.

Although, within the dream, I appear to be free to study my enemy-to-

be, I don't bother to look at his face. I know that he is out to get

me and nothing else seems to matter. It is as though I have an

internal Geiger counter for detecting malefic influences and it is

sounding the highest level of alarm.

 

There is a sense of foreboding right from the beginning. The

proceedings at the venue wear on, but are indistinct in my awareness.

After a while, the moment arrives. It happens either at the end of

the program or during a longish interlude. The man next to me

(previously identified and hereinafter referred to as the 'enemy')

makes his move. He holds/embraces me around the chest from the left.

His left hand is wrapped around my chest and right hand goes around

my back. It looks like a light embrace from the outside. I

say 'light', because he is still seated apart from me and our bodies

are not in contact except for his hands around my chest.

 

Although this gesture appears innocuous, even friendly, I know

immediately that this is nothing short of a frontal assault intended

to destroy me. As he launches his move, he looks towards the young

woman mentioned earlier. There is an unspoken understanding that this

woman is a silent witness and/or referee to this contest. There is a

mocking glint to the glance my enemy casts on the woman. Not a word

passes his lips but he seems to be saying, "Watch me squash this

little bug."

 

Although, as I said, at the physical level it only looks like he is

trying to embrace me, I realize that he is actually trying to crush

my chest with awesome force. I spot a subtle body emerge from his

physical body and see that it is this subtle body that is the agent

of destruction. He turns on the pressure, applying superhuman force,

the crushing equivalent of dozens of bulldozers. While locked into

this deadly duel at the subtle level, at the physical level he acts

like nothing out of the ordinary is going on and presents a smiling

face to the assemblage.

 

Under severe attack, strangely enough, I feel no fear but am ultra-

alert and composed. I join battle without much ado. Like the enemy, I

also maintain an external façade of calm for people around who may be

watching. However, my response to his crushing embrace is decisive

and equally superhuman. My chest expands with massive force as he

tries to crush it. The expansion is visible to me but I see that is

happening to a subtle body within my flesh body. As the battle

intensifies, and both sides apply increasing force, the subtle bodies

become more and more distinct from the physical ones. From an initial

position of loose overlap, the subtle bodies move on to near total

separation from their physical sheaths. The combat escalates and the

two subtle bodies emerge completely from their physical sheaths. The

subtle adversaries are now vertical while their physical counterparts

are still seated in the original cross-legged positions.

 

The whole scene described so far has unfolded in a matter of minutes.

As we stand, locked in a grim duel it becomes apparent to me that the

enemy, whoever it is, has severely underestimated the prowess of the

entity within me that responded to his attack. I am on the verge of

liquidating him. I sense that the enemy too perceives his imminent

defeat, but he gamely makes a last couple of attempts to turn the

tide. He tries to grab my neck at first, then my head but I am easily

able to defeat these moves. I feel that the time has come for me to

end this battle by terminating him.

 

Before I move to administer the coup de grace, I experience a

moment's hesitation and doubt about the propriety of my impending

action. At that instant, I remember Amma. I look up inwardly to Her

for guidance and grace. I do a rapid prostration to Her in my mind,

chant my mantra a single time, invoke Her blessing and move in for

the kill. At the physical level, my eyes scan the room for a split-

second and come to rest on the face of the woman I introduced at the

beginning of this narrative. She is staring directly in my/our

direction and could not possibly have missed the action but she shows

no outward sign that she has a front row seat to view this movie-

like "Clash of the Titans".

 

I wonder for a moment: Could that woman be Amma in another guise? The

juxtaposition of my internal prayer to Amma for benediction and my

external gaze in the direction of this young woman leads me to wonder

whether it is really the Divine Mother in disguise.

 

The conflict climaxes. I grab the enemy's head, twist and rip it off

his trunk. I throw the head away towards my right. I then pick up the

decapitated trunk and hurl that too in the same direction. I realize

that this sounds very gory, but in the dream, no blood was spilled.

The subtle body of the enemy, though extremely ogre-like is also

somewhat artificial to my touch. It almost feels like a toy. The

battle, however, was all too real in my awareness.

 

The battle is over. I have won. I look at the throng again but there

is no sign that anyone has noticed anything amiss. The woman witness

is still staring in my direction, but there are no signs of

recognition even now from h/Her. My subtle body is still standing. As

soon as I realize this, it withdraws into my physical body which is

still seated cross-legged on the floor as it had been all along. We

are back to square one, it appears. I glance at my father for the

first time. He has not noticed a thing even though I threw my enemy's

giant carcass directly over his head. Everybody else in the room

seems oblivious to the life and death struggle that just took place.

 

I wake up. Upon waking, I realize that I have taken in a large breath

and my chest is actually expanded, being full of air. I exhale. The

exhalation is long and extended in duration, as in a yogic exercise.

I find that I have a fairly good recall of the dream and immediately

try to figure out if it is spiritual. I decide that it is, and rush

to grab a paper and pen to write down the key points before I forget

it all.

 

Interpretation:

I did not have any difficulty in classifying this as a spiritual

dream given the presence of Amma and the extensive symbolism. I don't

recall having ever had a dream before with creatures emerging from my

body, much less doing battle with similarly emergent creatures from

other bodies. In contrast to some of my previous spiritual dreams,

however, I do not have any ready interpretations. Perhaps the

meaning, if indeed there is any, will have to be teased out with

introspection or perhaps it will make itself apparent slowly, over

time.

 

It seems obvious enough that I have vanquished a villain of some

kind. A power within me has quelled some malefic influence that has

been impeding my progress. What is not clear is the precise identity

of the beaten beast. Reflection throws up many potential candidates

but the most promising one appears to be my ongoing struggle to

perform at work. Perhaps the beast that tried to kill me in the dream

is representative of all the negative attributes that are holding me

down, in my professional life, and moulding my mediocrity.

 

I see two broad possibilities:

 

(A) This is just a dream with no supernatural content or implication.

My professional problems may be weighing me down and the dream is an

enactment of my sub-conscious desire to turn the tables. Such a

desire (to emerge a winner) would have to be under the radar, because

at the conscious level I see nothing but resignation and acceptance.

If this hypothesis is correct, I need to introspect more to bring my

deepest feelings in line with my externalities. Either I step up the

degree of my acceptance, or I try to amend the external situation to

bridge the chasm between desire and reality. Fantasy is the bridge

between desire and reality and this dream is nothing but fantasy.

 

(B) This is more than a dream. It is an actual contest between

opposing forces controlling my destiny. The battle and its favorable

outcome were real and not merely symbolic events. The encounter was

mediated by the grace of my Guru (Amma) and involves an alteration of

my fundamentals at the subtle level. As such, it holds positive

portents for my future. If this hypothesis is correct, I should be

able to spot significant changes in my situation over the coming

months. We shall wait and see.

 

I think that the balance of probability favors the first hypothesis

ie. that this is just wishful thinking, an animation movie of my

dormant desires.

 

Epilogue:

In the early morning hours of Monday, 22 Dec 2003, I had another

dream. This one was very short and may not merit individual narration

so I cover it here, in brief. It may or may not be related to the

main dream described before. I have, as yet, formed no conclusion in

this regard.

 

The setting for this second dream is improbable - an athletic track.

The venue is open ground in a stadium. There are lines drawn to

demarcate separate tracks for individual runners. I am on the third

or fourth track from the inside on the straight stretch, usually used

for short races like the 100m dash. There are over a dozen tracks in

all. I am the only runner in the field. I see Amma standing at some

distance, less than 100m away, down my track but roughly before the

finish line. I am running down my lane and towards Amma. Although I

only have a very short distance to cover, the run is anything but

easy. I am making heavy weather of it. I am not panting or

experiencing any obvious physical discomfort but the target seems to

be beyond my capabilities and I stumble rather than run towards the

goal. Amma's presence, ahead of me, is inspiring and inviting and I

hobble forward, finally collapsing in Her arms. She hugs me, standing

up. I feel very, very happy but the sweet feeling only lasts for

seconds before I wake up to Monday morning and another exciting

(NOT!!) day at work.

 

Facile interpretations come easily to mind. I cannot attain the goal

by myself, but with Amma's grace I surely will. What is the goal? Is

it one of the biggies - Bhakti or Mukti? Or is it a tiny goal,

worthier of this worm's humble capacities? My guess is as good as

yours, dear devotees.

 

Previous dreams blogged at

http://www.sulekha.com/weblogs/listingsbyblog.asp?pg=1&blogid=750

 

Om Amriteshwaryai Namah

 

fg