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In a message dated 7/20/02 10:10:10 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Ammachi writes:

 

 

> My thought is that marriage is such a dance it is easy to get out of step

> while in it. Getting out of sync will affect everything. I have been

> married for nearly 14 years and I have 5 wonderful children. I will admit

> with the kids it is hard to sometimes do my practices. I will be doing yoga

> and someone needs me and I have to stop or I go to meditate and someone

> falls or starts a tiff with a sibling. But what I am learning to do (and I

> wish Amma would help householders in this area) is to see the disturbance

> as

> being able to serve God/dess and make it an offering.

>

 

wELL, being alone you get to be much more selfish, that is true. You can

indulge whatever you want and are answerable to no one. A monk who had seven

children told me once, that if you want to make the time to meditate you will

under any circumstances. he could not recommend one way or the other. Yes,

you can be concerned with no one but yourself, which is more convenient,

indeed. But, isnt' it a stunted life, without intimate relation, dialogue

and warmth? Are we all so spiritual that we can do with out that? Or is

that a fantasy of married folk? It is depressing to hear that couples who

had intended to help each other end up stifling each other, and I deeply

wonder if there isn't a certain ironic, pathetic truth to that, that

everything ends up being the contrary of what it purports to be. You want a

relation so you can be more seen and hence more alive, but the mate then

can't see you and confounds you, and so on. You spend so much energy that it

would have been better off undone. It seems that a lot of what people are

saying comes down to a failure to set limits properly. And death and taxes

come to us all, not just married people. It seems, with the right person

that it should be able to be supportive, yet Amma never dwells on that

possibility, always making light of it, with jokes about suffer-ring and

silence-for-thirty-days, etc. nothing is ever said even in the hope that

there could be anything but utter failure in married life, let alone

children. I guess she thinks that we cook better in our own juices, and that

a man and woman can't help getting caught up in folly; but, is there just

folly? Is it an illusion to think one can develop oneself as a man or woman,

perhpas only in relation? I haves me doubts, both ways. Avram

 

 

 

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Seems to me a lot of people close to Amma are married. Gita, who does

perpetual lap seva. And that lady who stands behind Amma¹s couch on Devi

Bhava.

--

 

> In a message dated 7/20/02 10:10:10 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

> Ammachi writes:

>

>

>> > My thought is that marriage is such a dance it is easy to get out of step

>> > while in it. Getting out of sync will affect everything. I have been

>> > married for nearly 14 years and I have 5 wonderful children. I will admit

>> > with the kids it is hard to sometimes do my practices. I will be doing yoga

>> > and someone needs me and I have to stop or I go to meditate and someone

>> > falls or starts a tiff with a sibling. But what I am learning to do (and I

>> > wish Amma would help householders in this area) is to see the disturbance

>> > as

>> > being able to serve God/dess and make it an offering.

>> >

>

> wELL, being alone you get to be much more selfish, that is true. You can

> indulge whatever you want and are answerable to no one. A monk who had seven

> children told me once, that if you want to make the time to meditate you will

> under any circumstances. he could not recommend one way or the other. Yes,

> you can be concerned with no one but yourself, which is more convenient,

> indeed. But, isnt' it a stunted life, without intimate relation, dialogue

> and warmth? Are we all so spiritual that we can do with out that? Or is

> that a fantasy of married folk? It is depressing to hear that couples who

> had intended to help each other end up stifling each other, and I deeply

> wonder if there isn't a certain ironic, pathetic truth to that, that

> everything ends up being the contrary of what it purports to be. You want a

> relation so you can be more seen and hence more alive, but the mate then

> can't see you and confounds you, and so on. You spend so much energy that it

> would have been better off undone. It seems that a lot of what people are

> saying comes down to a failure to set limits properly. And death and taxes

> come to us all, not just married people. It seems, with the right person

> that it should be able to be supportive, yet Amma never dwells on that

> possibility, always making light of it, with jokes about suffer-ring and

> silence-for-thirty-days, etc. nothing is ever said even in the hope that

> there could be anything but utter failure in married life, let alone

> children. I guess she thinks that we cook better in our own juices, and that

> a man and woman can't help getting caught up in folly; but, is there just

> folly? Is it an illusion to think one can develop oneself as a man or woman,

> perhpas only in relation? I haves me doubts, both ways. Avram

>

>

>

>

>

> Sponsor

>

>

> Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha!

>

> Ammachi

>

>

> Terms of Service

> <> .

>

 

 

 

 

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Namaha Shivaya,

 

> Seems to me a lot of people close to Amma are married.

 

Where would we be without the Schmidt's of Santa Fe, the Nair's and Menon's

of Chicago and Chandrika and her husband, to mention only a few of the

couples this child knows to crucial to Amma's programs in the US.

 

>Gita, who does perpetual lap seva.

 

My son told me just yesterday that once when Gita was receiving darshan,

Amma asked her where her husband was and Gita replied, "My husband is in

front of me. (Her husband's name) is in Bombay."

 

> And that lady who stands behind Amma¹s couch on Devi Bhava.

 

Radhika is the wife of Dr. Prem who heads the AIMS hospital.

 

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah

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Namah Shivaya,

 

But, isnt' it a stunted life, without intimate relation, dialogue

> and warmth?

 

By Amma's grace it is certainly possible to have dialogue and warmth outside

of marriage. And the visual contact I've had with dozens of total strangers

while Sufi Dancing has been as intimate as any other experience this twice

married child has ever had (the eyes are the gateway to the soul).

 

Or is

> that a fantasy of married folk?

 

I think it might be a case of grass is always greener. Marriage is a mixed

bag, just like the human beings inhabiting it. I love the custome described

by Rick where you didn't get married until you'd been with the Guru for

awhile. That's what's happening with Amma. Sometimes she directs her

devotees to marry. If you want to marry, how about asking Amma to help you?

 

It is depressing to hear that couples who

> had intended to help each other end up stifling each other, and I deeply

> wonder if there isn't a certain ironic, pathetic truth to that, that

> everything ends up being the contrary of what it purports to be. You want a

> relation so you can be more seen and hence more alive, but the mate then

> can't see you and confounds you, and so on. You spend so much energy that it

> would have been better off undone. It seems that a lot of what people are

> saying comes down to a failure to set limits properly. And death and taxes

> come to us all, not just married people.

 

You're describing a relationship full of unbridled ego and no support from

the Guru. I truly believe Amma put me in my marriage and she supports it. My

ego fights the whole thing, but by Her grace, she just keeps clasping our

hands together and kissing them at darshan and guiding her 2 willful

children according to her divine plan. It is only by her grace that we have

made it this far together.

 

It seems, with the right person

> that it should be able to be supportive, yet Amma never dwells on that

> possibility, always making light of it, with jokes about suffer-ring and

> silence-for-thirty-days, etc. nothing is ever said even in the hope that

> there could be anything but utter failure in married life, let alone

> children. I guess she thinks that we cook better in our own juices, and that

> a man and woman can't help getting caught up in folly; but, is there just

> folly? Is it an illusion to think one can develop oneself as a man or woman,

> perhpas only in relation? I haves me doubts, both ways.

 

Renunciation is stilling the mind. That is no easier to do as a monk than it

is as a householder. Amma knows what is best for each of her darlings.

By her grace, may we all find the faith to accept it.

 

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah

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> You're describing a relationship full of unbridled ego and no support from

> the Guru. I truly believe Amma put me in my marriage and she supports it. My

> ego fights the whole thing, but by Her grace, she just keeps clasping our

> hands together and kissing them at darshan and guiding her 2 willful

> children according to her divine plan. It is only by her grace that we have

> made it this far together.

 

I couldn't agree more. I also believe that Mother put my husband and me in our

marriage, and that it is She who keeps us together. The bottom line is, dispite

all

of the "filler" (my husband's term for Maya or "dust") that distracts us, the

only

true thing in our lives is God/Mother, and our goal to merge in Her. Everything

else is just "stuff".

 

>

> Renunciation is stilling the mind. That is no easier to do as a monk than it

> is as a householder. Amma knows what is best for each of her darlings.

> By her grace, may we all find the faith to accept it.

>

 

Amen to that. We each have our dharma (and karma), and we can't escape it. As

one

who has resisted kicking and screaming many times, this child has finally

learned

this - I hope.

 

Namah Shivaya

Prasadini

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