Swami Kriyananda, from: how to spiritualize marriage

[Guest guest]

"My Guru's Guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar, was wont to give his disciples the

simple words of advice: Learn to behave. Not, on the surface of it, the sort of

suggestion to be quoted as the wise utterance of a great master!...Yet, on

reflection these brief words yield a wealth of practical insight.

 

They speak of, for one thing, to a common failing of mankind: the tendency to

expect others to overlook one's bad behavior, so long as one's intentions are

good. Spiritual aspirants often take the failing a step further, reasoning

somewhat like this: My inner life is Reality, the objective world is only a

dream. So how can it matter how I behave outwardly? If I treat others rudely,

my

behavior is merely part of the dream. Rudeness is all right, provided in my

heart, I love God.

But my Guru [Yogananda] admonished us:

Do not imagine that you can win God's love if you cannot yet win the love of

your fellowman.

 

Our outward behavior, whether a dream or not, both reflects and, in its turn,

influences our inner awareness. As an expression of this awareness, it helps

to focus and affirm it; but as a denial, it dilutes, and may in time even

destroy it.

 

Sri Yukteswar's advice holds especially true for close relationships, such as

marriage.

We are told that familiarity breeds contempt, but more often what it breeds

is an attitude of simply taking the familiar person for granted. A person may

be gracious to the veriest stranger, and yet overlook the simplest courtesy

where his spouse is concerned.

I commented in the last chapter on the fluctuations of human feeling. Love[of

not yet self-realised people] , I remarked, cannot be expected to continue

with unabated intensity forever. Let's face it, there are times when all of us

feel that the world, including our nearest and dearest, is rather too much with

us. Marriage should, I think, be rooted primarily in mutual respect. ...

But respect can develop only out of inward centeredness- a centeredness not

in the selfish ego, but in God: in the divine Self within. Respect can

flourish only where a degree of distance is maintained, and an appreciation of

each

other's right to privacy.

---Couples need time apart from one another even as everyone needs time apart

from the world (in sleep, for instance, or in meditation) in order to return

to the struggle of life refreshed, and with renewed enthusiasm.Only from a

sense of inward freedom can we preserve the creative joy that is the highest

promise of any human relationship.

Remember, you came alone into this world, and alone you'll leave it in

death...."

Jai Guru Datta