Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex:A Real Look at Pornography

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Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex:

A Real Look at Pornography

Finding freedom from porn addiction,

pornography addiction, the effects of pornography

 

by Gene McConnell

Porn & addiction...sex out of context

On a cold, dark night, there's nothing better than a blazing fire in

the fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and

warm. It's safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same

fire out of the fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in

the middle of the living room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It

can burn down the whole house and kill everyone inside. Sex is like

that fire. As long as it's expressed in the protective commitment of

a marriage relationship, its wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn

takes sex outside that context.

Porn - A Big Business

It's a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn't care how.

They'll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy

more. "There were 11,000 porn video titles last year verses 400

movie releases from Hollywood last year...[and] 70,000 pornographic

web sites." (New York Times, May 20, 2001, "Naked Capitalists")

Porn's Image of Sex

One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea

of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part

of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex,

love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex

with total strangers -- people they just met. All that matters is my

satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose body I'm using, as long as I

get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have

anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

What Sex is Really About

Porn's outlook is stupid and shallow. Relationships are not built on

sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context,

like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who

loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your

whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to,

that is what makes sex really great.

Effects of Pornography: The Lies of Porn

You can't learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn't

deal in truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So,

pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience.

Porn thrives on lies -- lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of

other things. Let's look at some of those lies and see just how

badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

 

Lie #1 - Women are less than human

The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute

little animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Penthouse magazine

calls them "pets." Porn often refers to women as animals,

playthings, or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body or

the genitals and doesn't show the face at all. The idea that women

are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

 

Lie #2 - Women are a "sport"

Some sports magazines have a "swimsuit" issue. This suggests that

women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a

game, you have to "win,conquer," or "score." Men who buy into

this view like to talk about "scoring" with women. They start

judging their manhood by how many "conquests" they can make. Each

woman I "score" with is another trophy on my shelf, another "notch"

in my belt to validate my masculinity.

 

Lie #3 - Women are property

We've all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl

draped over it. The unspoken message, "Buy one, and you get them

both." Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women

like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as possible

for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men

think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they

have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be

bought.

 

Lie #4 - A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body

Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs,

whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's

criteria of the "perfect" woman. Porn doesn't care about a woman's

mind or personality, only her body.

 

Lie #5 - Women like rape

"When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Women

are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then

starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and

abusing women for entertainment.

 

Lie #6 - Women should be degraded

Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown

being tortured and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging

for more. Does this kind of treatment show any respect for women?

Any love? Or is it hatred and contempt that porn is promoting toward

women?

 

Lie #7 - Little kids should have sex

One of the biggest sellers in pornography is imitation "child" porn.

The women are "made-up" to look like little girls by wearing pony

tails, little girl shoes, holding a teddy bear. The message of the

pictures and cartoons is that adults having sex with kids is normal.

This sets the porn user up to see children in a sexual way.

 

Lie #8 - Illegal sex is fun

Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex

more "interesting." It suggests that you can't enjoy sex if it isn't

weird, illegal or dangerous.

 

Lie #9 - Prostitution is glamorous

Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of

the women portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls

trapped in a life of slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some

of them are infected with incurable sexually transmitted diseases

that are highly contagious and often die very young. Many take drugs

just to cope.

 

Effects of Pornography: Bottom Line

Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young women and

entraps men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to

their product.

Effects of Pornography: The Power of Images

It's dumb to think that the things we see and hear don't affect us.

We all admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot

to our lives. They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us.

Obviously, good images do good things to us. It's not hard to

believe that bad images can do bad things to us.

Images can also persuade us. Businesses know that if they can get a

persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly

emotional moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. The

advertising scientists are so good at what they do, they can predict

just how much more of their product you will buy if you see their

ad. Sometimes, viewers don't even see the name of the product.

Reeses Pieces paid a huge price just to have their candy shown for a

few seconds in the movie "ET," and sales of Reeses Pieces

skyrocketed. Why? Because the emotions connected with watching that

small boy reaching out to the alien were transferred to the visual

image of the candy. If a split second view of a product -- even when

it's not the center of attention -- can affect people's behavior,

imagine the effect of a movie that keeps your attention glued to the

screen for an hour and a half with sexually explicit images.

 

What are the effects of pornography on a man?

What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong

things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so

polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most

vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are

sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are

becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of Porn

Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come

away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children.

However, some will have some kind of emotional opening that allows

the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies don't mind at

all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great

for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction

into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and

acting out. For porn addicts, I've found that there is another stage

that comes first -- early exposure. Let's look at these stages:

 

EARLY EXPOSURE

Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when

they are very young and it gets its foot in the door.

PORN ADDICTION

You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your

life. You're hooked and can't quit.

 

ESCALATION

You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn

that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.

 

DESENSITIZATION

You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most

graphic porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to

feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.

 

ACTING OUT SEXUALLY

This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out

the images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic

images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive

ways.

 

Porn Addiction: Am I Addicted?

If you see any of these patterns in your life, you need to put the

brakes on right now. Is porn becoming more and more in control of

your life? Do you have trouble putting it down? Do you keep going

back for more?

 

Porn Addiction: What Can I Do?

The first thing you've got to do is admit that you struggle with

pornography. Believe me, you are not strange or unusual if you do.

Millions of men are at various stages in the struggle with porn.

It's really not surprising. The porn industry has spent billions of

dollars trying to snare you. Is it really shocking that they have

succeeded? For some of you there may also be issues in your past,

such as abuse or sexual exposure, that makes porn addiction even

harder to shake. There is only so much you can do in fighting

addiction without help.

You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the

secrecy is absolutely vital. You probably can't escape addiction

without it. That doesn't mean everyone has to know you're

struggling. Pick someone you can trust who counsels men who are

having problems with addiction -- a pastor, youth group leader or

counselor. Someone you can completely trust, feel safe with and has

experience in the area of addiction isn't going to be surprised.

 

Is There Any Freedom from Porn Addiction?

Pornography entraps you with lies. In contrast, God can lead us into

truth. Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my

disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you

free."1 Those who heard Jesus say this were offended and

countered, "We have never been slaves of anyone, how can you say

that we shall be set free?"2 And Jesus explained that people are

enslaved to sin, but that He can set you free.3

Sin not only enslaves us, but it distances us from God. And no one

is perfect. No one is righteous in God's eyes. Instead we're told

that "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to

his own way."4 We all deserve God's judgment and punishment. Yet

God, who is holy and loving, provided a solution for our sin, so

that we would not have to be justly condemned. He personally took

the punishment for our sin on Himself. Jesus Christ, the Son of God,

was tortured and died on the cross for our sin so that we could be

forgiven. Three days later Jesus rose from the dead, just as He said

He would. And He now offers you a relationship with Him. One of the

most amazing statements in the Bible is this one, "If we confess our

sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us

from all unrighteousness."5

 

The Most Important Relationship

In your search for intimacy and love, pornography is an empty

substitute for real love. We have been created by God to have our

intimacy needs met most deeply by God Himself. "For God so loved the

world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should

not perish, but have everlasting life."6 In contrast to the darkness

and destruction that pornography can bring to people's lives, Jesus

said, "I came that they might have life, and have it more

abundantly."7 God offers you his forgiveness through a relationship

with Him. Do you want to ask Him to forgive you and come into your

life? You can tell Him right now. If you need help putting this into

words, here is prayer that might help:

"Lord Jesus, I am aware of my sin, and I know that you are also. I

ask you to forgive me and cleanse me. Thank you for dying on the

cross for my sins. I ask you to come into my life right now and

begin to work in my life. Direct my life as you see fit. Thank you

for your forgiveness and for coming into my life right now."

 

 

 

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I just asked Jesus into my life (some helpful information

follows)...

I may want to ask Jesus into my life, please explain this more

fully...

 

I have a question...

 

 

 

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If you would like further information on dealing with porn or sexual

addiction, you might try the following web site: Authentic

Relationships.

 

To read about a woman's struggle with a pornography addiction, go

here.

 

{1} John 8:31-32

{2} John 8:33

{3} John 8:34

{4} Isaiah 53:6

{5} 1John 1:9

{6} John 3:16

{7} John 10:10

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