Bhagavan In My Life... I.S.MADUGULA

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pages of Life and The Saturday Evening Post. I am not sure any more if I had

heard of the sage prior to that time. I had read about the life and times of

Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda, the latter of whom I had to study in my

junior college for additional reading material. I was generally familiar with

the Hindu way of life and the moral order setforth in the Vedas, based on my

family background and upbringing. But I was not aware that someone had so

recently lived the Truth as revealed in the scripture, re-discovering it all by

himself afresh. I was sold instantly, though Professor Ramachandriah was

not trying to sell me on it. The essence of existence, the very being, seemed

to have been embodied in Bhavan as narratede by the good profeswsor. I was

happy to learn that I, too, could discover my real self by just being myself,

and somehow find the " meaning of life ".

I cannot recall at this distance of time how that initial impact played

out in the immediately fololowing period. Life just went on, as it is wont to.

I graduated, and taught at the university for a spell. Followibng the example

of some colleagues, I was soon obsessed with the notion of going overseas just

to prove to myself that I could do it. There was also the unmistakable desire

to live in the U.S., accompanied by perceptions of a certain lifestyle. This

was eventually accomplished with two negative outcomes: I briefly incurred the

wrath of my teacher who wanted nothing but the best for me, though he soon

generously forgave my transgression; and not much later the feeling dawned on

me that I walked into my own trap from which there was no returning. A

corollary outcome is the ambivalence that I have since experienced about

living in my adopted

land. Several years later, I had the occasion to return to India to reach

when Bhagavan's presence was re-etched on my consciousness, thanks to my late

good friend and colleague, Prof K. Subramani9an. He used to regale me with

stories of Bhavan and his times from his vast personal knowledge. There was

hardly any time when we weretogether that we did not discuss the topic -

between classes, at lunch, during profesional and social gatherings, or

whenever. My mind, as it were, reopened itself to the ideas of the self and

the world, and I seemed to be drawn closer once again to Bhavan. The did nor

mean - nor does it now - that I was able to internalize Bhavan's teachings to

any significant degree. That remains a lifelong goal. What it

does mean is that there was a reaffirmation of the faith and a revisiting of

the trust that

I had reposed in Bhagavan years before.Here was another person - a close and

valued friend - who also came to the same conclusions about the sage as I, and

for the same reasons.We kept up the discussions via mail, to the extent

possible, even after I returned to the U.S. for the third time.He helped me

inmany other tangible ways, but I am most grateful to him for the incompareble

benefit of this spiritual fellowship. What drew both of us to Bhagavan was his

utter simplicity, true renunciation, disregard for personal recognition or fame

and, most of all, his total lack of any kind of showmanship. He did not even

want any 'discipled' or followers. I am particularly pleased with this last

characteristic, having seen swamis of every ilk and their modi operandi over

the decades. He knew instantly that the president of India, a former maharajah,

a wealthy industrialist, and a world-renowned English writer were all

manifestations of the same Being, without an iota of difference.Who then

was the master and who the student? How does this all translate into a

blueprint for life for me? Whathas my veneration for the sage and his life in

the self done for me so far?What impact will it have in the future? In

all honesty, these are tough questions.It wouldn't be quite true if I say that I

have totally dedicated myself to the self and self alone.Being human, I have on

occasion unashamedly asked Bhagavan for help, knowing that such mundane

requests only trivialize his grandeur and his mercy. I have read about others

miraculous experiences resluting from his grace, although he himself did not

claim any credit for them. I might even dig up some instances of minor wish

fulfillment in my own life. which I have tended to attribute to his kindness,

though I am fully aware that such an attribution is tantamount to degrading the

plenitude of his

compassion. Miracles, trivial or memorable, are the hallmark of vedanta of

lesser Bhagavans. I probably always had a streak of vedanta in me.

Even though I had many wordly advantages that others didn't and never suffered

from want, yet from time to time I distinctly felt that something was missing

from the picture. I kept taking stock of my situation and assessing my

existence or, rather, existence as a whole. Certain questions would naturally

project themselves on my consciousness. What difference did it make if I had or

had not this or that item? All my basic needs were met. When I was happy. I

would ask "How long is this going to last? What next?" When I was troubled, I

would echo the wise men's saying, "This, too, shall pass." On yet other

occasions, I would just drift into voids in which nothing seemed to matter.

Ironically, these voids provided me with an eerie sense of them until I

'snapped' out of

them and into the "reality" of quotidian life. I am sure there is nothing unique

about these wanderings into the realm of the unknown. It's only now that some of

them seem to make sense. Dissatisfaction with mundane existence is a natural

thing, because it is not an end in itself. Phisical existence is but the tip of

a vast spiritual iceberg. Given this background, I believe the major

consequence of my feeble attempts to follow the path laid down by Bhagvan is

that they have, over the decades, brought about a change in my outlook, a sort

of insouciance to events good and ill, a desire to view one and all as

variations on the same divine theme and reduce all to the principle of the

self, Which defines the ultimate egalitarianism. The aim is to kno and

experience once and for all the clear distinction between the seer and the

seen, drk and drsya. This is indeed a sea change in my case which, once again,

I unhesitatingly attribute to

Bhagavan's grace, for it could have been my fate that I had never heard of him.

In practice, I derive some compelling benefits from such an outlook. In our

daily interactions, we are exposed to so many infuences and emotions, and our

own responses run the gamut from the instictive to the acquired. We like some

people, any may at best be indifferent to others. Gender distinctions further

complicate matters. Greeds stifles generosity. Selfishness outweighs

humanitarianism. Desire blinds the senses. And the senses cloud the spirit.

Unfortunately, most of us believe that these base motivations are necessary for

survival. Survival of what? It's the ego we are trying to perpetuate, the

non-self we are aiming to nurture, the mind we are striving to please, the body

we are hoping to put on a pedestal. At the end of six decades of my life, I

believe that I am finally beginning to appreciate the teachings of Bhagavan,

and realize that even the

healthiest body is in essence a disease; that mind exists only at the will and

as a servant of the I; that the senses are there only because they recieve

illumination from the I; and that happiness in the world is inextricably

iterwoven with sorrow. Unmixed happiness, which is our birthright, it resides

in the I, devoid of mind,body,senses, and the related psycho-trash.

Appropriate, too, perhaps is my feeling of indifference to the death of the

body, whenever it may occur. It should be a totally irrelevant and immaterial

event, because it is just the collapse of the physical system that is designed

to wear out, the living principle that animates it being indestuctible. Dust

returns to dust, but the self continues to shine ubiquitously and eternally.

There is nowhere that It can go, because It is already everywhere. Besides. the

self knows no fear and, since I am the Self, I shouldn't be afraid, either, even

when staring at death.

After all, I am doing the staring, therefore I have the last laugh. I

doubt that I would have believed in any of this but for Bhagavan's personal

example. In the manner of the ancient sages, he proved the validity and

absoluteness of the self in our midst, in our time. So did I come to

Bhagavan, or did he come to me? I believe it's the latter, and it's miracle

enough for me.

ARUNACHALA SIVA

alamelu meiyapphan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Om Namo Bhagavathe Sri Ramanaaya

 

Thank you Alamelu...

 

I found your story thoroughly absorbing; it is always rivetting to

see the manifold ways in which our Ramana Bhagavan works his magic.

Your story is from the Heart, as is the reply.

 

anbudan

 

John

 

Siva—Siva

 

 

 

RamanaMaharshi, alamelu meiyappan

<gururamanan> wrote:

> BHAGAVAN IN MY LIFE - I.S.Madugula

> This ia a brief sketch oh how i came under the influence of

Bhagavan and what it means to me. Or rather, it is an account oh how

Bhagavan's grace has enabled me to come into his fold,even though i

never actually saw him during his lifetime.For,without his grace, I

believe I would not have had the privilege of being exposed to his

life and teachings.

> I believe it as around June of 1950 when, as a newly

enrolled student in the English Honours program at Andhra

UUniversity, I was wandering outside the faculty offices before

class and heard the senior professor of history, Professor O.

Ramachandriah tALKING ABOUT THE Paasinf of Bhavan a few months

before. I overheard how the sage passed on utterly peacefully,

totally in charge, totally himself. At the time I had no idea "

the death of a GOD " made headlines in Western media and that

pictures of the sage's last moments appeared in the pages of Life

and The Saturday Evening Post. I am not sure any more if I had

heard of the sage prior to that time. I had read about the life

and times of Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda, the latter of

whom I had to study in my junior college for additional reading

material. I was generally familiar with the Hindu way of life and

the moral order setforth in the Vedas, based on my family background

and upbringing. But I was not aware

> that someone had so recently lived the Truth as revealed in the

scripture, re-discovering it all by himself afresh.

> I was sold instantly, though Professor Ramachandriah was not

trying to sell me on it. The essence of existence, the very being,

seemed to have been embodied in Bhavan as narratede by the good

profeswsor. I was happy to learn that I, too, could discover my

real self by just being myself, and somehow find the " meaning of

life ".

> I cannot recall at this distance of time how that initial

impact played out in the immediately fololowing period. Life just

went on, as it is wont to. I graduated, and taught at the

university for a spell. Followibng the example of some colleagues,

I was soon obsessed with the notion of going overseas just to prove

to myself that I could do it. There was also the unmistakable

desire to live in the U.S., accompanied by perceptions of a

certain lifestyle. This was eventually accomplished with two

negative outcomes: I briefly incurred the wrath of my teacher who

wanted nothing but the best for me, though he soon generously

forgave my transgression; and not much later the feeling dawned on

me that I walked into my own trap from which there was no

returning. A corollary outcome is the ambivalence that I have

since experienced about living in my adopted land.

> Several years later, I had the occasion to return to India

to reach when Bhagavan's presence was re-etched on my

consciousness, thanks to my late good friend and colleague, Prof K.

Subramani9an. He used to regale me with stories of Bhavan and his

times from his vast personal knowledge. There was hardly any time

when we weretogether that we did not discuss the topic - between

classes, at lunch, during profesional and social gatherings, or

whenever. My mind, as it were, reopened itself to the ideas of the

self and the world, and I seemed to be drawn closer once again to

Bhavan. The did nor mean - nor does it now - that I was able to

internalize Bhavan's teachings to any significant degree. That

remains a lifelong goal.

> What it does mean is that there was a reaffirmation

of the faith and a revisiting of the trust that I had reposed in

Bhagavan years before.Here was another person - a close and valued

friend - who also came to the same conclusions about the sage as I,

and for the same reasons.We kept up the discussions via mail, to the

extent possible, even after I returned to the U.S. for the third

time.He helped me inmany other tangible ways, but I am most grateful

to him for the incompareble benefit of this spiritual fellowship.

What drew both of us to Bhagavan was his utter simplicity, true

renunciation, disregard for personal recognition or fame and, most

of all, his total lack of any kind of showmanship. He did not even

want any 'discipled' or followers. I am particularly pleased with

this last characteristic, having seen swamis of every ilk and their

modi operandi over the decades. He knew instantly that the president

of India, a former maharajah, a wealthy industrialist, and a

> world-renowned English writer were all manifestations of the same

Being, without an iota of difference.Who then was the master and who

the student?

> How does this all translate into a blueprint for life

for me? What

> has my veneration for the sage and his life in the self done for

me so far?

> What impact will it have in the future?

> In all honesty, these are tough questions.It wouldn't be

quite true if I say that I have totally dedicated myself to the self

and self alone.

> Being human, I have on occasion unashamedly asked Bhagavan for

help, knowing that such mundane requests only trivialize his

grandeur and his mercy. I have read about others miraculous

experiences resluting from his grace, although he himself did not

claim any credit for them. I might even dig up some instances of

minor wish fulfillment in my own life. which I have tended to

attribute to his kindness, though I am fully aware that such an

attribution is tantamount to degrading the plenitude of his

compassion. Miracles, trivial or memorable, are the hallmark of

vedanta of lesser Bhagavans.

> I probably always had a streak of vedanta in me. Even

though I had many wordly advantages that others didn't and never

suffered from want, yet from time to time I distinctly felt that

something was missing from the picture. I kept taking stock of my

situation and assessing my existence or, rather, existence as a

whole. Certain questions would naturally project themselves on my

consciousness. What difference did it make if I had or had not this

or that item? All my basic needs were met. When I was happy. I would

ask "How long is this going to last? What next?" When I was

troubled, I would echo the wise men's saying, "This, too, shall

pass." On yet other occasions, I would just drift into voids in

which nothing seemed to matter. Ironically, these voids provided me

with an eerie sense of them until I 'snapped' out of them and into

the "reality" of quotidian life. I am sure there is nothing unique

about these wanderings into the realm of the unknown. It's only now

that some

> of them seem to make sense. Dissatisfaction with mundane

existence is a natural thing, because it is not an end in itself.

Phisical existence is but the tip of a vast spiritual iceberg.

> Given this background, I believe the major consequence of

my feeble attempts to follow the path laid down by Bhagvan is that

they have, over the decades, brought about a change in my outlook, a

sort of insouciance to events good and ill, a desire to view one and

all as variations on the same divine theme and reduce all to the

principle of the self, Which defines the ultimate egalitarianism.

The aim is to kno and experience once and for all the clear

distinction between the seer and the seen, drk and drsya. This is

indeed a sea change in my case which, once again, I unhesitatingly

attribute to Bhagavan's grace, for it could have been my fate that I

had never heard of him.

> In practice, I derive some compelling benefits from such an

outlook. In our daily interactions, we are exposed to so many

infuences and emotions, and our own responses run the gamut from the

instictive to the acquired. We like some people, any may at best be

indifferent to others. Gender distinctions further complicate

matters. Greeds stifles generosity. Selfishness outweighs

humanitarianism. Desire blinds the senses. And the senses cloud the

spirit. Unfortunately, most of us believe that these base

motivations are necessary for survival. Survival of what? It's the

ego we are trying to perpetuate, the non-self we are aiming to

nurture, the mind we are striving to please, the body we are hoping

to put on a pedestal.

> At the end of six decades of my life, I believe that I am

finally beginning to appreciate the teachings of Bhagavan, and

realize that even the healthiest body is in essence a disease; that

mind exists only at the will and as a servant of the I; that the

senses are there only because they recieve illumination from the I;

and that happiness in the world is inextricably iterwoven with

sorrow. Unmixed happiness, which is our birthright, it resides in

the I, devoid of mind,body,senses, and the related psycho-trash.

> Appropriate, too, perhaps is my feeling of indifference to

the death of the body, whenever it may occur. It should be a totally

irrelevant and immaterial event, because it is just the collapse of

the physical system that is designed to wear out, the living

principle that animates it being indestuctible. Dust returns to

dust, but the self continues to shine ubiquitously and eternally.

There is nowhere that It can go, because It is already everywhere.

Besides. the self knows no fear and, since I am the Self, I

shouldn't be afraid, either, even when staring at death. After all,

I am doing the staring, therefore I have the last laugh.

> I doubt that I would have believed in any of this but for

Bhagavan's personal example. In the manner of the ancient sages, he

proved the validity and absoluteness of the self in our midst, in

our time.

> So did I come to Bhagavan, or did he come to me? I believe it's

the latter, and it's miracle enough for me.

> ARUNACHALA SIVA

> alamelu meiyapphan

>

>

>

>

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