Spiritual Death

Antoine:

Thanx for your kind words and invitation to discuss the "health issue" to

which I referred in my post. I don't want to belabour this point, but maybe a

brief discussion would help fill in the gap created by my absence from the list.

I withdrew from this forum a couple yrs ago because my physical

difficulties from k syndrome had gotten to the point where I couldn't engage in

spiritual discussion here. I couldn't read it or attempt to participate in it

without feeling frustrated.

Fortunately, my condition has improved somewhat over the past year, and I've

gotten some parts of my life back -- at least for now, LOL.

To make a long story short, because of the extreme sensitivity of my system

(from the energy) and all the bad reactions I've had over the years to medicines

and other forms of intervention, it's gotten to the point where I fear the

treatment as much as the disease. I have a severe back condition that probably

requires some form of invasive treatment, and mildly elevated blood pressure

that hasn't responded yet to alternative treatment, but I haven't sought medical

attention yet, primarily because of the fear I have now of doctors. This may

sound indefensible, but at least my back doesn't appear to be getting any worse,

and I'm trying one more thing that I'm hoping will help the BP.

Each instance of k syndrome is unique, of course, but there are common

themes. There's a theory that k tends to strike you where you're weakest;

perhaps as a way of accelerating your karmic development, etc. I don't know if

it's true, but it seems to have happened with me. Before k syndrome, I was

mildly neurotic about my health and mortality. Most of the time during this

process I've felt like I've been blindfolded, had my hands and feet tied

together, and a tight skullcap pulled over my head and then been given the

instruction "OK, deal with your fears."

Whatever's going on medically, etc, it feels like it's about fear. Don't

know how successful I'm being in resolving or transcending it, but I guess being

aware is a start. The most hopeful thing for me is what seems to be continuing

movement in my energy process. I feel increasingly empowered as this progresses.

But I also sense there are still difficult days ahead before the process

completes itself. Anyway, thanx for asking.

L&L,

jerrysan rinpoche