Welcome back Jerry, hello Dharma!

Dear Jerry!

Welcome back! I have been away for several days tending sheep and horses at a
friend's country place, and it was a delight to return from woodsy solitude to
find you back on the list. I am sorry to hear the monks finally had to leave,
and that your energy problems have continued to be a real struggle.

Your news about El having ongoing physical problems, and Dharma, your return of
CFS symptoms, are both sad things to hear. Dharma, I hope this clears for you
soon. I tend toward your own interpretation, that this may be a time of final
clearing. Part of the equation for people like you, El, and I is that the
activity of kundalini is inextricably wound up with CFS in ways that are
difficult to understand and sort out. But it has been my own experience that
the most painful and incapacitating experiences with CFS have been followed by
periods of increased health and clarity, much in the same way that times of
intense k activity brings increased awareness and sensitivity to unpleasant
stored physical, emotional, and psychic contents before clearing them out.
Health and wholeness comes slowly through many of these periods, but it comes
eventually in strength and fullness.

I heard an interview this weekend with the writer of the NY Times bestseller,
Seabiscuit. She has had CFS for 14 years and is pretty much incapacited, with
her health situation continuing to decline. Her book came out in March and she
has yet to see it in a bookstore, remaining pretty totally housebound. I am
grateful that those of us on this and other lists who have this disease have not
been incapacited to this extreme for such a long period of time, but I feel for
her. Her experience of loss of years of functioning, and the sense of unknowing
and helplessnes is part of what all with CFS experience. Not knowing the
etiology of the disease, and not knowing when we will feel fine and when we will
not be able to function at all, is in some ways more difficult than the pain and
incapacity itself.

Jill



>>> GCWein1111@... 11/25/01 04:11PM >>>
Hello Dharma,
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for so generously
sharing your recent experiences. l'm really sorry to learn of your illness
-- sounds as if you've been through alot.

Although l appear to have an unfortunate
hyper-sensitivity to spiritual energy, l don't think l have some of the forms
of acute sensitivity that others have, such as what you describe happening to
you around Sept 11. l felt somewhat ill afterward, as l imagine many did, but
not before then.
You mentioned
Muktananda -- l believe he had diabetes. l'm not sure what other medical
problems he had. The statement you reference to him about kundalini bringing
up illnesses to be worked through for the last time is one l've also heard
before. l can only speak for myself in saying that after all the things l've
experienced in my process and have heard from others, l take all these axioms
with a grain of salt. l figure they're all true for some k people, but not
for all of us.
l can relate to what you say about taking
medicines. Before, l never had a problem taking medicine. Now, l can hardly
take anything, which can be quite worrisome. l was unable to take antibiotics
a couple years ago, and an inability to take those can put you back in the
19th century real quick when it comes to medical treatment. l shy away from
the anthrax stories, figuring that a few spores would likely do me in. l
remember El Collie had a real rough time not long ago because she couldn't
take antibiotics.

l'm sure you're right in saying El has accounted for CFS being triggered by
k. l haven't had any contact with El for over a year now -- last l heard she
was really having severe physical problems herself related to her energy.
When l see someone at her level struggle as much as she has in recent years,
it reminds me of the difficulty in being able to predict or account for
everything that happens in the course of a k experience. As you say, the
factors we would normally look to begin to seem far too simplistic.

Thank you for passing
along that quote. l agree with you that spiritual realization -- the
knowledge that in the ultimate sense we're always truly safe -- is the
critical factor in all this. From a physical and social standpoint the last
10 years have been a huge waste -- an exercise in nothing but frustration.
But if l can KNOW that it's truly about something far greater than what
merely appears on the surface, then it will have all been worthwhile. l can't
honestly say l'm there yet. ln my better moments l see it the way you do:
that this is what it's all been about. Hope you are feeling better.


love,
jerry






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In a message dated 11/26/01 7:09:54 AM Pacific Standard Time,
eggersj@... writes:

<<
Welcome back! I have been away for several days tending sheep and horses at
a friend's country place, and it was a delight to return from woodsy solitude
to find you back on the list. I am sorry to hear the monks finally had to
leave, and that your energy problems have continued to be a real struggle.
>>

Hi Jill and thanx for the welcome. l figured you were off doing something
-- tending sheep and horses in woodsy solitude sounds awfully good to me. l
thought of you when Dharma spoke of problems with CFS and almost mentioned
you in my post, but figured you'd answer for yourself, which you did, in a
far more thorough and thoughtful way than l could.

l trust all has been well with you -- looking
forward to talking more down the road.

love,
jerry