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Wife

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

-Henny Youngman

-------------------------

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we

met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

--------------------------

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's

wrong.

-Milton Berle

---------------------------

 

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,

"There was

water in the carburetor."

I asked her , "Where's the car?"

She replied,"In the lake."

-Henny Youngman

-----------------------------

 

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

-Henny Youngman

--------------------------------

 

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You

know, I

was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

 

didn't notice."

>------

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better

revenge than

to let him keep her.

>-----------------------------

 

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't

like to

interrupt her.

>------------------------

 

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I

got myself two girlfriends.

------------------------

 

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided

not to

report it since the thief was spending much less than

his wife did.

----------------------

----

;Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is

finished.

-------------------------

 

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does

it cost

to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still

paying."

-------------------------

 

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of

Africa a

Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

------------------------

 

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

 

happiness was until I got married; then it was too

late.

-------------------------

 

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

-----------------------

 

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a

millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the

friend.

"A billionaire." she replied,

-------------------------

 

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over

intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over

experience.

-------------------------

 

It's not true that married men live longer than single

men.

It only seems longer.

-------------------------

 

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was

almost

impossible.

---------------------

 

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go

through

life Thinking they had no faults at all.

----------------

--------

A successful man is one who makes more money than his

wife

can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such

a man.

-------------------------

 

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask

for

whatever he wants,

But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give me a

million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

------------------------

 

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for

marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

-------------------------

 

The most effective way to remember your wife's

birthday is

to forget it once.

-------------------------

 

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive!!!

 

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