Guest guest Report post Posted November 11, 2003 Stupid Things said in Court - Humor of the Day. These are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters... _____________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. ____________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ____________ Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself," ____________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year ____________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ___________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ____________ Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it. ____________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Would you repeat that question, please? _____________ Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he? _____________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? _____________ Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? _____________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. _____________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _____________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
