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Om123

marriage in trouble

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I am writting this for my very close friend. Her horoscope is-

 

Place

 

3-guru

4-surya

5-budh,shukra,harshal

6-mangal

7-Naptune

8-ketu

9-chandra

11-shani

 

other places are blank. She is married for 12 years with 2 boys. Her husband's DOB is 12-10-63,Place-Petlad (Gujarat) at 5.30PM (I.S.T).

 

Every 2-3 months her husband beats her and abuses her. She told me that it has been going on all the time. Her husband is highly educated. Conflict happens mainly when it is -full moon. She tells me that she doesn't like to have any physical relation with her husband becuse of his abusive behaviour. I know him also, he is good in society, no one can guess that he is a monster at home ! My friend is scared for her life because when he is angry he doesn't know what he talks or does !

 

Can you please guide her what to do ? Is there any hope in this marriage or she should just leave him and carry on with her life.

Thank you very much.

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His janam kundali is one of the powerful i have seen. only bad position is Mars is in 8th with venus the 8th lord himself. Moon dasa is going to end by 2009 sep. undergoing Moon dasa subdasa venus is that the reason. paitent till that time. even than Mars dasa will start for him that too not favorable being in the 8th. and Rahu at 4th place which is for home and 12th to moon might be causing the problem.

 

she also must be a from great family background. perhaps others should study this chart much more in details. but i don't foresee a break.

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AUM GURYBHYO NAMAH

 

namaste

 

dear om123,

 

your friend's husband's atma karaka is moon.

moon is in gandanta aspected by sat and rahu.

moreover, moon dasa is running. it ends on june 2009.

 

he is also under sade sati.

 

if your friend can wait , she may do so.

 

but why you have not given her details ?

 

 

may mother bless all

 

regards

sasisekaran

chennai.

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Dear om 123,

 

my opinion is that your friend is in very bad situation, and I can not see any improvement. That man is very bad for any women in his life and take money from her and other assets, she is in danger with him in the future fisicaly. This is obvious from his chart on the first look, and when this situation is occur it si not good. She is in great danger in the future from him.

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But, we must have her chart to give correct prediction. That problem with her hausband is because her, and she is responsible for that behavior of hausband. From his chart we can see behaviour, but if we dig deeper we can see couse of that situation.

 

When she change "specific" behaviour and attitude toward him and in own life, her hausband will be good to her. She know what to do, because such behavior her hausband is bad to her. If she continue with such behaviour her hausband will be even worse toward her in the future.

 

Why she dont gave own birth details?

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Namaste everyone and thanks for your answers.

 

Her DOB-8-8-65 7.05Am Ahmedabad.

 

I hope that with this you can check it correctly.

 

And what do you mean by "specific" behaviour ? She tells me that she gets stressed out easily and doesn't have much interest in sex, could it be the reason for his aggressive behaviour ?

 

Thanks.

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Namaste everyone and thanks for your answers.

 

Her DOB-8-8-65 7.05Am Ahmedabad.

 

I hope that with this you can check it correctly.

 

And what do you mean by "specific" behaviour ? She tells me that she gets stressed out easily and doesn't have much interest in sex, could it be the reason for his aggressive behaviour ?

 

Thanks.

 

Yes, indirectly that is one of the reason for hausband attitude toward her.

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thanks ushapati. So is there any hope in this marriage, if she tries to give him that ?

 

And any pooja or any gem she or he needs to improve the situation. She told me that she forgives him all the time because except this bad temperament and beating habit, he is a good person !

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thanks ushapati. So is there any hope in this marriage, if she tries to give him that ?

 

And any pooja or any gem she or he needs to improve the situation. She told me that she forgives him all the time because except this bad temperament and beating habit, he is a good person !

 

Well, beating another human if not in selfdefense it is not darmic, but he is good to her to another way, you right. When I go little deeper I saw that. He give her another thing what man have to give to own wife.

 

If she accept his attempt to have sexual relation with him this is definetly something which will produce good impact to her situation.

 

He have strong sexual drive and if that sexuality is not be expresive with her, that is big problem to him. But this is not only reason to they problems.

 

I will tomorow study her and his chart, so I hope that I will be able to give some constructive advice.

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OAUM GURUBHYO NAMAH

 

namaste

 

dear shri. om123

 

she herself is well aware of the reasons for her problems.

she has to accept 'sex' is part and parcel of married life.

it binds the partners based on the viscosity of the sexual relationship. The more thick it is, the stronger the bondage is. can she say people will still get married if sex is to be

totally avoided between husband and wife ? how many

would enter into such an institution with that condition.

this attitude may casuse further troubles , if they are sexually imbalanced.

 

her yoni is that of dog and his is that of cat. also the sex of these animals in the yoni kutta is male. same sex yoni, especially male is worse.

 

to look into the above more closely, study the third house

of both. Third house, apart from initiative, drive, coborns, etc., shows copulation area also. It is one of the kama trikona. mars is the natural karaka for the third house. mars / venus can show above average sexual drive.

 

In the husband's chart, while mars and venus are together placed along with 'UL' in a venusian sign, in the wife's chart they are placed 2/12. In addition to this her venus is placed in the house of sun, an uncomfortable place. also venus being her third lord , is placed in bhadaka sthana from the third house heavily afflicted by nodes and saturn in kendras to it.

 

her 'UL' and 'AL' are placed 2/12. she rejects ul, whereas his husband thinks it is important and helps for sustenance of marriage from the fact that his 'UL' is placed eleventh to 'AL'. What a contrast ?

 

more can be written about kama trikonas, but let her

change her mind and take medical treatment to improver her stamina to stage a long lasting drama !

 

also she can take medical counselling regarding sexual enjoyment and the problems that are likely to occur in the absence of it.

 

mars dasa will follow moon for her husband. He will need

more of it . If she waits, the neighbour will grab it!

 

may mother bless all,

 

regards,

 

sasisekaran

chennai.

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Well, I have study both charts this morning and on the end I must say that her hausband is jack pot for her, better hausband she never find. She know what she like and what is real problem. Sex is part of that story of course but her "style" of life is the real problem in her life.

 

Tell her that she must be better person toward own hausband and that must not to do some kind of thing in life because it is not good for her not for him. She know what I try say to her. Why her hausband is angry on her time to time?

 

He is best man to own wife, she is real problem in that story. I can tell her in private, but she know what I trying to say.

 

 

Be good wife, be darmic, dont do things what you do any more, and will be everything fine. This is what I see. Hausband is gold for you, if you not respect that gold someone else will. And that someone will be the most happiest women in every way.

 

 

Your hausband is good, be good to him.

 

Hari Om.

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she is undergoing mars dasa which is in 2nd. she is shortemperd, and invites the problem becuase of her whatever she speaks at the heat of the moment. and i find the reason is sex, it clearly shows, his sex drive is very high, while her sexual drive is diminishing day by day. i doubt it she can satisfy his desirs. Saturn sitting in his at kumba being the 7th lord, her husband should be from great background. sun and mars is sixth and eigth to sani but the aspect of saturn on the lagna that is leo will definitly brings down the desires to have sex as age progress. while her husband will have a desires to have sex frequently. i am sorry she won't be able to match him further. , he will require more and she will not require at all as time progress, the problem will be very high for her. take a decision the way ahead.

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Namaste ushapatiji,sasisekaranji and ramachandranji

 

She tried the suggestions you have given her but she tells me that his attitude towards her is still bad and that's the reason she has lost interest in sex, she is just giving it for the sake of saving the marriage !

 

Can you please PM me. And what is that "AL" and "UL" thing, she is ready to do some puja also to keep their mind cool. And please tell clearly if there is no hope in this relationship.

 

Hari Om.

 

Om123

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On June 16 he tried to beat her again so she called the police,now he is staying with the friends. She is going through hard time in life as she lost the father in may and now this thing. Do you see any breakup in this marriage or they will reconcile and he will improve ?

She is not working ,is that the reason he tries to dominate her all the time ?

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Dear om123,

Through analysis, it, seems the husband might be having an affair with maid or subordinate at working place and element of money might have involved. This has caused tremendous pressure on his mental make up.

As this might have taken place at his working place, it might have affected his working status or the stability of his career.

Do ask your friend to do some private investigation to find the truth.

Regards,

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Mr Om123,

 

I don't think it is right to blame your friend.

Physical abuse occurs when the husband has personality disorders, no normal person will go about beating his wife, no matter how bad the situation. This has been occuring for a long time with your friend. Telling her that it is her fault is only going to lower her morale further. She needs support at this point.

 

Unfortunately we tend to 'find fault' with the wife, and excuse any type of behaviour from husband, saying that the wife must have provoked him.

 

Abusers have psychological disorders. Many times they themselves have been physically abused as kids, and become abusers in adulthood. It doesn't matter how good a person they get married to. It is their mental setup to be aggresive and abuse.

 

She has been living in mortal fear of her husband. Can anything justify this behavior from her husband? Can any relationship survive when physical abuse becomes a part of it? I think she also needs a lot of counseling to come out of this trauma. I don;t know about astrology, but research into abusive behaviors has shown that the abuser never changes, in fact his behaviour only gets worse with time. It is the indian mentality to try to salvage every marriage, no matter how bad, for the sake of society and reputation, and ask only the woman to 'adjust'. please don't fall into this trap.

 

please give her the link to this website, or, if she doesn't have access to internet, i hope you would be kind enough to print out the material and give it to her.

 

http://heart-2-heart.ca/women/

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

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I am posting this material here from this website:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

I know that this may not be received positively by most of the people here, but I feel it is my duty to do so. One of my close friends has gone through this, and I know that domestic violence/physical abuse can be a real threat to a woman's safety.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner.

 

Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice

 

Reasons we know an abuser's behaviors are not about anger and rage:

  • He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.
  • If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.
  • The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:

  • Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
  • im_wheel.gif
  • Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
  • Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
  • Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
  • Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
  • Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.

Cycle of violence

 

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

  • im_cycle.gif
  • Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss."
  • Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
  • Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
  • "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
  • Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
  • Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Do you:

  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner:

  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • threaten to take your children away or harm them?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?
  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go or what you do?
  • keep you from seeing your friends or family?
  • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
  • constantly check up on you?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Mr Om123,

 

the reason i posted the above article is that there are many similarities between your narrative and the patterns normally associated with physical abuse. Notice the statements made by your friend:

 

"Every 2-3 months her husband beats her and abuses her." Domestic abuse usualyl occurs in 'cycles'. It is not like the abuser constantly abuses the victim. This is partly to protect himself (if he abuses constantly, the victim is likely to escape and/or take police action). This is also so that the victim continues to believe that her husband loves him..."She told me that she forgives him all the time because except this bad temperament and beating habit, he is a good person !" You see, this is exactly what he wants...he wants her to believe that if she does this and that and that, he would be good to her. But it never happens! It is only a drama. He knows that he will abuse her again. This is just to make her believe that he 'can be' nice to her if she satisfies all the conditions he sets for her.

He does it in cycles, and after every cycle of abuse, your friend's morale goes lower and lower. She will always be in a state of confusion, because she gets these mixed messages from her husband....he beats her, but sometimes is very nice to her. she will never be able to decide whether she should leave him or forgive him.

 

"I know him also, he is good in society, no one can guess that he is a monster at home ! "

This is what abusers are expert at- getting the support of society. They are experts at playing mind games. They can appear very normal in front of other people, so that they believe that it is all the wife's fault.

 

"My friend is scared for her life because when he is angry he doesn't know what he talks or does ! " This is the hallmark of physical abuse, this is the one thing that determines that it is not a normal relationship. in normal relationships, husbands(or wife) get angry and then cool off. no one person is constantly afraid of the other person.

 

"She tells me that she doesn't like to have any physical relation with her husband becuse of his abusive behaviour." Sexual abuse is often part and parcel of such abusive relationships. May be, she was not able to be as frank with you on this. He might be hurting her physically before/during sex.

 

"She tried the suggestions you have given her but she tells me that his attitude towards her is still bad and that's the reason she has lost interest in sex, she is just giving it for the sake of saving the marriage !" And trust me, it never will. Abusers never change. They just get better at hiding their abusive behavior from others, and putting up a mask of normality.

 

Anyways, I have said what I wanted to say. the rest is upto you and your friend. I sincerely wish the best for her, and pray she has some relief.

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Thanks Bhaaskaranji and Rohini_nakstra.

 

She knows that her husband has one good lady friend at work. She trusted him all the time and still she thinks that he is not that typer of guy ! Her only concern is his beating habit, other things she can tolerate or she has grown with !! She thinks that because of her 2 kids,aged 12 and 4 she will give him last chance,if he doesn't improve then she will seperate.

Right now he is out on a bail and he will have to face the trial. Fortunately for him or unfortunately for her-only god knows- that day nothing much happened but because of her past experiences, she collected the courage to call the police. We live in North America,so now she thinks that he must have learned the lesson and will not do it again,if he does then he can lose all his licenses and will be in jail. Everyone is telling her to give him last chance, what do you think astrologacally ? Some one told her that he is undergoing'atamakarak moon dasa" and that is teaching him a lesson, so will he learn from this lesson ?

And when is she going to be working ? Does she need to study to get the better job ? Right now she is not working and is dependent on him financially. She is worried that if she leaves him then her 2 sons will blame her in future for not providing the luxuries they are used to.

She is very confused and cannot take any decision. She has read all those articles and thinks that he is not going to improve but family and friends are telling her to give him last chance. Please suggest some prayers or and gems or anything else for the good luck. btw they moved to the new house on 25 April and all these things happened, she thinks that the house is not lucky for her,is it right ? or any pooja she needs to do for the house ?

 

She says that he has never forced sex,eventhough he uses "ma-bahen ki galiya". So what is his problem ? Does he suffers from some psychological disease ?

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Please Astrologers, give some guidance. My friend is feeling very low and sometimes thinks of killing herself.

 

Her husband's attitude is still the same, he is out of the house for 2 months but no remorse is seen in his behaviour ! She wonders that he is ever going to improve ? She tells me that if she was alone she would have left him long ago,but because of the 2 small children,she can not decide.

 

thanks.

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