Journal of a Struggling Sadhaka

suchandra · June 9, 2007

Some honest and inspiring words by His Holiness Partha Sarathi Goswami.

He says, it became unfortunately hard to find godbrothers these days with whom you can be honest and frank - well, what can be said, welcome at audarya-fellowship, Maharaja! :rolleyes:

<table bgcolor="#d7d6d6" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" height="100%" width="760"><tbody><tr><td class="forCopyright" bgcolor="#dfdfdf" valign="top"><table border="0" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr bgcolor="#dfdfdf" valign="top"><td class="forTexts"> Journal of a Struggling Sadhaka - Volume 7, Part 8

http://www.psdgoswami.com/joss59.htm

By Partha Sarathi Das Goswami

Monday, 16 April 2007 - Hillcrest

Mid-afternoon: Woke up with a headache... it's been happening more

frequently lately. Last night I spoke with H.H. B.B. Govinda Maharaja at the

Sri Sri Radha Radhanatha Temple. I spoke truthfully to Maharaja... or as the

saying goes 'laying my cards on the table.' It's therapeutic for me to be

honest and frank. Unfortunately there aren't many godbrothers I can do this

with. The conversation turned towards bhajan and I spoke about some of my

practices. Usually when I meet devotees the subject is about preaching. I

think that was Srila Prabhupada's main concern as well. How many books? How

many new devotees? What's your idea to expand the preaching? Usually this is

how progress is measured. But equally relevant is "How's your bhajan?" What

are you reading? How many rounds are you chanting?

Earlier during the Sunday afternoon program Govinda Maharaja and H.H.

Indradyumna Maharaja both lead an ecstatic kirtan. It went on for ninety

minutes and many devotees were dancing including my sister Sue and her

ten-year-old daughter Jasmine. Chanting the holy name is our only business,

the lectures are just to convince us of the need to chant. When Sri Caitanya

Mahaprabhu travelled throughout South India His main emphasis was to chant

the holy name. It seems He didn't speak so much to the general public but He

spoke extensively to qualified devotees like Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya and

Ramananda Raya.

I see the importance of having nice kirtans but unfortunately because of my

weak health I can't lead them. My dancing kirtan days are history.

Thursday, 19 April 2007 - Hillcrest

It seems I have writer's block or perhaps I'm just becoming lazy. I'm not

writing so much. I don't feel I have anything important to write about.

Externally I lead a somewhat dull life... my main interest is my bhajan

which can't really be explained. Or rather it wouldn't be appropriate to

write about my bhajan. One thing that has been on my mind for a few days is

the passing away of my senior godbrother Suhotra Swami. He had a heart

attack in Mayapura while engaged in one of his marathons of studying the

Bhagavatam. Apparently he was also depressed. Somehow Krsna took him away

and now he's on a new chapter of his life. Seeing Maharaja's departure from

a mundane perspective fills you with doubt, fear and despondency. Seeing

Maharaja's departure from a spiritual point of view leaves you optimistic

and positive. While oscillating between the two perspectives I thought about

one of my favourite verses from the Srimad Bhagavatam.

na hy asya karhicid rajan

puman veda vidhitsitam

yad vijijnasaya yukta

muhyanti kavayo 'pi hi

TRANSLATION

O King, no one can know the plan of the Lord [sri Krsna]. Even though great

philosophers inquire exhaustively, they are bewildered.

PURPORT

The bewilderment of Maharaja Yudhisthira over his past sinful acts and the

resultant sufferings, etc., is completely negated by the great authority

Bhisma (one of the twelve authorized persons). Bhisma wanted to impress upon

Maharaja Yudhisthira that since time immemorial no one, including such

demigods as Siva and Brahma, could ascertain the real plan of the Lord. So

what can we understand about it? It is useless also to inquire about it.

Even the exhaustive philosophical inquiries of sages cannot ascertain the

plan of the Lord. The best policy is simply to abide by the orders of the

Lord without argument. The sufferings of the Pandavas were never due to

their past deeds. The Lord had to execute the plan of establishing the

kingdom of virtue, and therefore His own devotees suffered temporarily in

order to establish the conquest of virtue. Bhismadeva was certainly

satisfied by seeing the triumph of virtue, and he was glad to see King

Yudhisthira on the throne, although he himself fought against him. Even a

great fighter like Bhisma could not win the Battle of Kuruksetra because the

Lord wanted to show that vice cannot conquer virtue, regardless of who tries

to execute it. Bhismadeva was a great devotee of the Lord, but he chose to

fight against the Pandavas by the will of the Lord because the Lord wanted

to show that a fighter like Bhisma cannot win on the wrong side.

(SB 1.9.16 Purport)

The word "muhyanti" means bewildered and that's the conclusion of trying to

understand death from the material perspective. Krsna, who is the supreme

friend of all living entities has His plan. I may not understand iti you may

not understand iti but Krsna knows what He's doing. Krsna is not a third

rate megalomaniac power freak who whimsically moves living entities from one

body to another. Krsna is our well-wisher, our friend, maintainer and

supreme guardian. His only concern is Suhotra Maharaja's spiritual well

being and happiness. Out of His infinite kindness and compassion He chose to

have Suhotra Maharaja leave his mortal body and take birth again. In his

next birth Maharaja will continue to serve Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu's mission

until he comes to the level of bhava bhakti and then he'll take birth in the

Lord's pastimes somewhere in the material world. Technically that's called

"vastu-siddhi." It's essential that we see the "hand of God" behind

everything otherwise we'll become bewildered.

Evening - I am studying Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto ten, Chapter 82, entitled

"Krishna and Balarama meet the residents of Vrndavana," in detail. It

describes the heart rendering meeting of the residents of Vrndavana with

Krishna and Balarama at Kuruksetra.

The condition of separation that the gopis felt for Krsna at Kuruksetra is

beyond description. Some words can be written but to actually taste it a

devotee will have to do deep bhajan. And even with deep bhajan we will only

realise a millionth particle of what the gopis actually experienced. While

Krsna was meeting with the gopis He spoke this verse which I thought was

extremely appropriate, regarding the passing away of Suhotra Maharaja and so

many other Vaisnavas (in the last two weeks four of my disciples have left

their bodies). Krsna spoke this verse to the gopis.

vayur yatha ghananikam

trnam tulam rajamsi ca

samyojyaksipate bhuyas

tatha bhutani bhuta-krt

TRANSLATION

Just as the wind brings together masses of clouds, blades of grass, wisps of

cotton and particles of dust, only to scatter them all again, so the creator

deals with His created beings in the same way. (SB 10.82.43)

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Guruvani · June 9, 2007

Some honest and inspiring words by His Holiness Partha Sarathi Goswami.

I agree with the "honest" part, but "inspiring"...............I don't know.

He seems depressed.

I am sorry for him if he is.

I don't know for sure what the cure is.

If he is chanting Maha-mantra and not feeling bliss and tasting nectarine freshness in his soul, then that is very sad.

I know it takes time to get to the stage of actually feeling the direct effect of Namakirtan.

I think I must have attained something in previous lifetimes.

Otherwise, I can't explain why I feel so much pleasure in chanting Maha-mantra.

There is no option but to just stick with the process and hopefully someday he will start to relish the nectar of the Holy Name.

Maybe he should get away from ISKCON?

The atmosphere there might be very polluted now.

Maybe he should take off the costume and wear some pants? :eek:

suchandra · June 9, 2007

I agree with the "honest" part, but "inspiring"...............I don't know.

He seems depressed.

I am sorry for him if he is.

I don't know for sure what the cure is.

If he is chanting Maha-mantra and not feeling bliss and tasting nectarine freshness in his soul, then that is very sad.

I know it takes time to get to the stage of actually feeling the direct effect of Namakirtan.

I think I must have attained something in previous lifetimes.

Otherwise, I can't explain why I feel so much pleasure in chanting Maha-mantra.

There is no option but to just stick with the process and hopefully someday he will start to relish the nectar of the Holy Name.

Maybe he should get away from ISKCON?

The atmosphere there might be very polluted now.

Maybe he should take off the costume and wear some pants?

Thanks, yes, you're correct, didnt read the portion where he says, "in the last two weeks four of my disciples have left their bodies", this is of course somewhat depressing:eek:.

And since he says that, "He chose to have Suhotra Maharaja leave his mortal body and take birth again", that even Sohotra Swami has to take birth again - what is the destiny of his disciples?

krsna · June 9, 2007

verses from the Srimad Bhagavatam.