Marriage

[ifnotsonot 0]

:confused:

Hare Krishna,

I have decide to register on this site as I am searching for some insight, on some serious issues in my life. I am a krishna devotee, religion has played an important part in my life. A year a go I am in a long term realtionship with a Christian guy. We both have an understnading of where each of us stands as far a religion is concerned. The both of us have also taken time to learn about each other religions as well as often accompnay each other to temple & church.

The topic of marriage is now getting more serious. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the one i want to marry. We have both taked about being free to practise our religions with the understanding that the children will be taught and given an understanding of God and each parents outlook and perspective.

The only this that he has asked of me is that we both agree not to display religious idols, pictures, ie idols or in his case the crucifix. I know Krishna is in my heart, but if i agree to this will i be going against our religious beliefs.

If someone could please shead some light in this matter.

 

Hare Krishna

[Guruvani 0]

 

:confused:

Hare Krishna,

I have decide to register on this site as I am searching for some insight, on some serious issues in my life. I am a krishna devotee, religion has played an important part in my life. A year a go I am in a long term realtionship with a Christian guy. We both have an understnading of where each of us stands as far a religion is concerned. The both of us have also taken time to learn about each other religions as well as often accompnay each other to temple & church.

The topic of marriage is now getting more serious. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the one i want to marry. We have both taked about being free to practise our religions with the understanding that the children will be taught and given an understanding of God and each parents outlook and perspective.

The only this that he has asked of me is that we both agree not to display religious idols, pictures, ie idols or in his case the crucifix. I know Krishna is in my heart, but if i agree to this will i be going against our religious beliefs.

If someone could please shead some light in this matter.

 

Hare Krishna

 

Maybe you could ask him to simply keep a picture of Jesus instead of the crucifix.

Jesus didn't give his followers any such worship of the crucifix.

The crucifix worship was fabricated by some followers.

It's not mentioned in the ten commandments or any teaching of Jesus.

 

Even Jesus did not advocate worship of himself.

Jesus taught to love God with all the heart and soul and to love thy neighbor as you love yourself.

That is real Christianity.

Jesus was against all icons and idols, but Christians have made him into an idol and the crucifix into an icon.

 

Marrying this person might be a mistake if you do not foresee him as ever coming over to the Krishna consciousness.

 

After a couple of years of marriage the infatuation and romance will be gone and all you will have is mutual interests and religious faith to sustain you.

At that time, there might be a problem trying to find commonality between you two.

 

It sounds like a very risky proposition.

[Guest guest]

 

We have both taked about being free to practise our religions with the understanding that the children will be taught and given an understanding of God and each parents outlook and perspective. The only this that he has asked of me is that we both agree not to display religious idols, pictures, ie idols or in his case the crucifix.

 

I don't feel qualified to offer advice, as this is a delicate matter, especially with future children involved. But your above statement appears to be somewhat contradictory in that you won't really be able to practice your religion if you're not allowed to have pictures or symbols in your home. That means you would never be able to have an altar and offer your food, nor be able to chant Hare Krsna while meditating on pictures or photos of Their Lordships. What about neckbeads and beadbags, saris and chadars, does your fiance consider those to be "symbols" too? Maybe you can allow him to display his crucifix and photos of Jesus, and he can allow you to display your pictures? It seems that would be a necessary starting point. Otherwise, it sounds as if there will be a lot of intolerance on his part as time goes on. How often does he go to the Temple with you? And is he actually appreciative of Krsna Consciousness when he goes, or just tolerating it in order to win you as his wife?

[Sridas 0]

That's not going against vaisnava beliefs at all, there are some acharyas who believe any image including pictures are the same as deities and therefore should be worshiped, meaning they are not such a cheap thing, so if you don't have any then you won't commit any offence, that's one way of looking at it. Maybe you can have some private pictures that arn't displayed openly and possibly a photo album, how does he stand with Vaisnava literature being displayed in your home.

Of course it's a little unreasonable if you can't have pictures of the spiritual master, surely there can't be any objection to that.

Inter faith marriages can put a devotee at a disadvantage because other religions get a little uncomfortable with offering food also, which is really part and parcel of a devotees life. It can also stifle having devotee friends over for prasad etc. So many things have to be compromised. I always sympathize with the female devotee having to cook for a non-veg. husband. I have daughters who have been in this position and it really makes it hard for them, they would never cook or eat meat, but still it takes away from sharing the family meal.

What do you teach your children.

Even tho many of the Christian values are harmonized in Krsna Consciousness unless one is very open minded they will always doubt the validity of Vaisnavism.

Then again if you can exemplify the ideals of Faith and Dedication given in the Krsna conception I think any reasonable man will find it hard to dispute.

You sound like you have a heart connection, so you know what they say about love conqering all.

 

I wish you all the very best and may Krsna be with you.

[gHari 0]

Don't let him call the Deities of God "idols". They are not. The arrogant murdering British gave that word to India because they had no idea who God was. Don't do your friend the disservice of giving him the wrong impression of what a Deity is.

 

As far as a crucifix is concerned, a great guru spoke these words about Christ and Krsna:

 

PrabhupAda: KRSNa, Christ... Of course, this question was several times put to me. Christ says that "I am son of God." And KRSNa says "I am God." So there is no difference. Son of God and God, we respect everyone. If I respect your father, I respect you also. Do you mean to say if I disrespect your father, you'll be pleased upon me? No. That is our philosophy. So Caitanya MahAprabhu says that I am servant of the servant of the servant of the servant of the servant of KRSNa [Cc. Madhya 13.80].

So if anyone loves KRSNa, he must love Lord Jesus Christ also. And if one perfectly loves Jesus Christ he must love KRSNa.

If he says, "Why shall I love KRSNa? I shall love Jesus Christ," then he has no knowledge. And if one says, "Why shall I love Jesus Christ? I shall love...", then he has also no knowledge. If one understands KRSNa, then he will understand Jesus Christ. If one understands Jesus Christ, you'll understand KRSNa.

 

 

 

[Ayodhya 0]

We do not pray to idols. Idols are statues, such as the Disc Thrower, or Doryphorus (Greek scultpure). Each statue is God himself.

 

I say to heck with him.

You cannot practice your religion without Krishna, Ganesha, Lakshmi or the other Devas in your home. Aftwards, whether or not he wants to place pictures of Jesus is up to him.

 

Religious respect does not mean secularizing the relationship. When you have children, teach them the Hindu lifestyle (prayer in the morning, yoga, meditation) without compromising going to Church. However, this depends on how fanatical your husband is.

 

Are you living together already? If you're not, I'm going to guess that years down the road, whatever respect he may have had, will dwindle. You don't have kids now, so there is no threat to his religion. But when you do, his true colors may come out.

 

Obviously, you are the best judge.

[Guest guest]

Here's a free online compatibility site that will give you an instant heads-up

as far as what the built-in strengths and limitations are of the relationship.

 

www astro dot com

 

There's two options on this site that are useful to the layperson: "Partner Chart" and "Interactive Partner Chart". The "Partner Chart" is very useful to understand the dynamics of you and anyone: employer, mum, dad, siblings,

main squeeze, schoolyard crush, grandparents, nieces, nephews, prospective gurus, you name it!

 

You can immediately see where the attraction is coming from and if the relationship has long term potential or not.

 

 

If you are really understand astrology well, then you can use the "midpoint, transits and progressions", "synastry", "Davidson comparison chart" options of the "more options" section. Then you can see exactly the course of the relationship [midpoint transits and progressions] as well as what the theme of the relationship is.

 

 

 

Or you can get both of your Vedic charts done and check and see how the moon stars are compatible [emotional compatibility], how the ten points of agreement are compatible, and how the ascendant stars are compatible [bodily compatibility: you dig how the other person looks externally].

 

You can then check out the Vimsottari dasa periods to see what the course of your life is going to be like and what the general trends of your future spouse's life is going to be like. Sound complicated? It's a major part of Hinduism: determining astrological compatibility.

 

www astrojyoti dot com you can do the moon star compatibility online and for free

 

 

You can also check out your own chart on the astro dot com or learn how to understand your own chart. Then you can understand the kind of karma you

will be experiencing in this life with the opposite sex if you check out your seventh house [marriage, one on one partnerships], the fifth house [romance, kids, love affairs], the fourth house [the home], as well as the planets Mars [sexuality], Venus [aesthetics, affection] especially.

 

 

 

There are all sorts of great astro books for the lay person too where you can look up your Mars with your partner's Venus, then your Venus with your partner's Mars. Some even have easy to look up charts in them that only take a few minutes to use, that tell you if it is a short term or long term relationship and why. "Star Signs for Lovers" by Robert Worth is one; "Passion Planets: The Astrology of Relationships" by Judy Jacobs is another.

 

 

 

Then you after you double check the Western and Vedic astrology, you can do the Chinese. That one only takes a few minutes. You check what year you were born with the year your partner was born; each year corresponds to a certain animal. Then there is a chart which animal/year that you should avoid.

 

 

 

That right there will tell you alot. If all systems are go after that, then I am not sure what your socio-economic status is. Some people hookup with someone to move up economically; if the person has enough money where you can have a shrine room and he never has to set foot in there or bug you about what you do in there, that is one option.

 

However as you age, you might want to really get into your religion and then there might be a little acid test at that time. On the other hand some people have done it: marriages between Jews and Hindus the kids are called JewDus,

between Buddhists and Hindus the kids are called BuDoos or BuddheoKrsnans.

So for a Christian-Hindu marriage you could call it Judeo-Krishnan.

[Ayodhya 0]

 

That right there will tell you alot. If all systems are go after that, then I am not sure what your socio-economic status is. Some people hookup with someone to move up economically; if the person has enough money where you can have a shrine room and he never has to set foot in there or bug you about what you do in there, that is one option.

 

It's all about her and her children.

[Guest guest]

Good point, Ayodhya.

 

Then she can think it through: "Okay I am going to go through the incredible pain of childbirth and serious hardship for the next 26 years after that by changing nappies, etc. all the way up to paying for each kid's needs, approx $250,000 it costs to raise each kid up to college level [in the 1980s, so I guess it costs more than that now].

 

"Plus then I get to pay for college after that. If I want my kid to be a doctor that's 8 years at $50,000 of tuition. And the kid will probably come back and live with me after he gets a better education than me, if he follows the trend of most kids nowadays in today's economic climate.

 

"So I am going to test my patience and capacity for self-sacrifice to the extreme. If my kid is born with some severe handicapping condition then I will be responsible for my kid for the rest of my life. He might be born with a handicapping condition where he will be in diapers for the rest of his life.

 

"So I am going to do all of that for a kid, but the biol father of the kid will not allow the kid to come into my shrine room and see what's in there.

 

"So let's see if this is a nice person that I should even be letting anywhere near me with a ten foot pole, let alone with his unmentionables:

 

ANSWER:

__ yes, sounds like a great chap

__ no, what was I thinking? I guess my hormones are slam-dancing. Or maybe there are really slim pickins where I live. He has two feet instead of two hooves and a tail so that is what attracted me to him in the first place."

[Ayodhya 0]

 

PrabhupAda: KRSNa, Christ... Of course, this question was several times put to me. Christ says that "I am son of God." And KRSNa says "I am God." So there is no difference. Son of God and God, we respect everyone. If I respect your father, I respect you also. Do you mean to say if I disrespect your father, you'll be pleased upon me? No. That is our philosophy. So Caitanya MahAprabhu says that I am servant of the servant of the servant of the servant of the servant of KRSNa [Cc. Madhya 13.80]. So if anyone loves KRSNa, he must love Lord Jesus Christ also. And if one perfectly loves Jesus Christ he must love KRSNa. If he says, "Why shall I love KRSNa? I shall love Jesus Christ," then he has no knowledge. And if one says, "Why shall I love Jesus Christ? I shall love...", then he has also no knowledge. If one understands KRSNa, then he will understand Jesus Christ. If one understands Jesus Christ, you'll understand KRSNa.

 

As far as I know, only the Hindus and Buddhists recognize the divinity in other people's religions. In no other religion in the world will you find sages who exhalt the Devas.

 

I think this is why in Judaism, you are not supposed to marry anybody but a Jew and in Islam, men are expected to convert their wives if they don't convert at marriage, and men are expected to convert if their wife is muslim and they aren't.

[ifnotsonot 0]

Thank you so much everyone for your insight.

 

My boyfriend is opposed to the idea of deity worship as he says according to Christian belief, they are not to worship idols or what we call deitys. He asks, "how can a man create a figure of God? and then pray to it? \

 

as far as my vegetarian life style, doing my japs, and having pictures in an album, The Gita, litreature of anykind as someon suggested are all something he is very open to.

 

This is ignorance on my end, so I ask all of you? To be Krishna conscious, does one have to have a deity? I am really torn...he is a very accepting and accomadating guy, but at some point i think he feels he has to follow his religion, also he too is completly against displayinf pictures of Christ even in his present home.

[Ayodhya 0]

 

Thank you so much everyone for your insight.

 

My boyfriend is opposed to the idea of deity worship as he says according to Christian belief, they are not to worship idols or what we call deitys. He asks, "how can a man create a figure of God? and then pray to it? \

 

as far as my vegetarian life style, doing my japs, and having pictures in an album, The Gita, litreature of anykind as someon suggested are all something he is very open to.

 

This is ignorance on my end, so I ask all of you? To be Krishna conscious, does one have to have a deity? I am really torn...he is a very accepting and accomadating guy, but at some point i think he feels he has to follow his religion, also he too is completly against displayinf pictures of Christ even in his present home.

 

Yes, he is opposed to diety worship, but he won't let you do it?

That sounds like a pretty shady relationship. I would think before marrying this guy. If he won't let you worship your Gods, what else won't he let you do? Does he make you go to Church?

 

You could also explain to him why we do it and the significance behind it? That God is brought into the diety, that God is in everything?

Sai Baba once said, "Idol worship is scientifically atomic worship."

 

Also, even if he is against displaying pictures of Christ in his home, it is not essential to do so for Christians.

For Hindus, it is a vital part of the religion. Dieties have much higher importance than the symbol of a cross or Jesus. His loss would not be as great as yours.

[Guest guest]

What you do depends on how deeply you follow. Srila Prabhupada said that sexual intercourse should only be had to have Krishna Conscious children, and this is the duty of the parent. Otherwise it is simply sense gratification.

 

Husband and wife should be a team to propogate Krishna Consciousness.

[Guest guest]

This religion issue can even been a divisive problem for those within different branches of the same religion, too.

 

Examples: in the past, full-on wars were fought in France as well as in The Netherlands [Holland] between the Protestants and the Catholics.

 

 

 

A HISTORY OF WORLD SOCIETIES

Chapter: POLITICS, RELIGION, AND WAR

 

IN FRANCE:

"Both Calvinists and Catholics believed that the others' books, services, and ministers polluted the community...Protestant pastors encouraged their followers to destroy statues and liturgical objects in Catholic churches. Catholic priests urged their flocks to shed the blood of the Calvinist heretics.

 

"...Religious rioters of the sixteenth century believed that they could assume the power of public magistrates and rid the community of [such religious 'corruption']...

 

 

 

"Between August 24 and October 3, 1572 twelve thousands Huguenots [French Calvinists] were massacred... [by Catholic religious fanatics] " at Meaux, Lyons, Orleans, and Paris in response to a proposed royal wedding [meant to bring harmony] between the King's Catholic sister Margaret of Valois and her Protestant bridegroom Henry of Navarre,

 

incited by a leader of the Catholic aristocracy. "France suffered fifteen more years of religious rioting and domestic anarchy...What saved France was a small group of moderates who believed that no religious creed was worth the incessant disorder and destruction."

 

 

 

THE NETHERLANDS

"..Meanwhile, in The Netherlands corruption in the Catholic Church provoked pressure for reform... By the 1560s, there was a strong, militant minority of Calvinists... In August 1566, on six successive nights, crowds attacked the greatest concentration of artworks in Northern Europe: altars, paintings, books, tombs, vestments, stained glass windows, and sculptures.

 

"Thirty more churches were sacked and irreplaceable libraries were burned.

For ten years between 1568 and 1578, civil war raged between the Catholics and the Protestants in the Netherlands... Spanish generals could not halt the fighting"

 

[reminds me of present day Iraq!].

 

 

 

Basically, in both cases, Protestants went into the Catholics churches and destroyed millions of dollars worth of rare treasures: basically anything with iconography or showing a picture, calling it "Idol Worship". Stained glass windows, statues, all destroyed. Very much like the Islamic vs Hindu, Islamic versus Christian rancor existing in some parts of the world today.

 

If you go to Holland now, it's one of the most laid back and tolerant countries in the world. So although it's hard to imagine, European people within the same religion, Christianity, once had civil wars between the different branches of the same religion to a degree somewhat similar to the present day fighting in Iraq.

 

 

 

So it's kind of amazing and wonderful that a Hindu and a Christian can even consider getting married and have a dialogue about it these days. And it gives us hope for the future: that countries full of internal civil war that no amount of military strength from another country with a strong military using the latest WMD technology of the time [the Spanish Armada] could stop.

 

It's pretty amazing that nowadays Holland is one of the most laid back and mellow places on the planet. Also, knowing these facts about world history makes the bickering between the ritviks, ISKCON, and the different GM groups look like an itty bitty minor squabble between siblings pushing and shoving in the back seat of the car while their parents are driving.

[Guest guest]

Does your boyfriend drink? eat meat? engage in sex? Is this really a suitable enviroment to control you life and senses? What is attractive about your boyfriend? are these material qualities? What is best for your Krishna Consciousness?

[Guest guest]

One book I read said, "Whenever you have to make a big life decision, think of all of the things that could possibly go wrong. If you can handle every possibility, then do it [whatever it is that you want to do]. If you can't handle even one of the possible negative outcomes, then don't do it."

 

 

So let's apply that to your BF. One possibility is as he gets older he might become more tolerant. Something like that could realistically happen. A friend's father was Catholic and his mother a Protestant. His dad was capable of changing how he saw the world, so he converted to Protestantism. So people can change. That would be a best possible scenario: your BF gets more mellow as time goes by and converts to Hinduism.

 

 

But what if your BF becomes more and more of a religious fanatic as he gets older? My friend's parents did not remain together as his biol mother became more and more of a extremely rigid religious fanatic the older she got. As time went by, the the initial attraction of one hottie to another wore off.

 

So that is why it's a good idea to check your astro charts. You pull up these two people's charts and you can see in this case mentioned that the man is very lax about religion and he is all about having fun-and making money; you pull up the lady's chart and it is all about being a rigid religious fanatic incapable of change.

 

 

 

Also think about your future kids and apply the same principle. I've seen time and again that oftentimes people will get a kid that they LEAST expect to have. Bible-thumping Christians get kids that want to grow up to be a Hare Krishna. Confirmed carnivores get kids who grow up to be members of PETA.

 

Rural survivalists who believe in only giving their kids enough education to read rudimentary religious tracts wind up with kids who are smart enough, savvy enough, and ambitious enough to be class president, with their sights on being a brain surgeon who want to live in a big city.

 

 

 

So what is going to happen if God gives you a kid who from birth is practically a pure devotee of Lord Krishna or Lord Shiva from birth? And his one desire in life is to be a Hindu pujari? Or found a reform movement of some branch of Hinduism so that only stresses Deity worship 24 hours a day?

 

Then that is going to create a very big problem for your kid to have a father who might disown him or reject him or constantly try to put him down. It would be very bad for your kid's self esteem and self-concept. So in general probably a more relaxed guy would be easier father and nicer dad to live with long term. Or someone with more with parallel values to yours.

[Guest guest]

 

Good point, Ayodhya.

 

Then she can think it through: "<list of crappy reasons>"

 

Perhaps one day you will get past the material conception of body and money, I wish you luck.

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I don't understand what is the problem? Raising children is a very stressful experience for most people, especially if you live in the only industrialized country in the world with no free childcare for all children, no universal health care for all of its citizens, and the largest number of bankruptcies are not from business failures but from medical expenses.

 

If I am not mistaken Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur said that it is an offense to be inattentive even in ordinary dealings. So this lady will surely then be mindful in her ordinary dealings, perhaps having to work to support her husband and children should he get into a car accident in a taxi on teh way to the holy dhama, or in a swimming accident in one of the holy dhamas like Jagannatha Puri, rendering him a paraplegic.

 

So you think it's a good idea if she then has to work hard to support her whole family, including the man, but he still won't allow her to have darshan of her Deities in her own home? And if her life gets even more stressful for her, she still isn't allowed to bask in the healing vibrations coming from the darshan of any form of the Lord, such as a picture? And if her child is born with a catastrophic medical situation, such that he will never be able to talk, walk, sit up, or hear anything, then she will be forbidden to allow her child to at least have continual darshan of any form of the Lord, such as a picture?

 

So what kind of a good deal is that? The lady is doing everything and the guy won't even let her have darshan or her kids have darshan? She might feel that she can negotiate away that right when everything is all hunky dory in her life, but when the chips are down, perhaps that darshan of the Lord

will be the only thing that keeps her going through all of the hard times. And perhaps she would like to have the right to pass on being able to openly engage in this practice to her own children.

[ifnotsonot 0]

So am I too naive to think, since I am true to my religion & my God. Since I know what I will do as a Krishna devotee, as a mother and as a good wife, I should really just leave the rest to Krishna, and that he will guide me through it all.

 

Krishna is in my heart, and through my love and my love for him I am deciding to gain the strength to do this? Is that so wrong?

 

To answer a guest question, am I attracted to material things about this man, No. I would not have agreed to take this step was it just material things. With time I have seen a chnage in him, don't get me worng he is not against my religion, or crticizing it, he unlike other Christians, and against christian beliefs, admires my religion, and is constantly making efforts to understand it better.

 

Im caught in a very tough situation, when i look deep in my heart and when i completly detach myself from all emotions and try thinking realistically, I dont in any way feel threatened, or feel like im going to be loosing out on my religion, or for that matter that I may have to give it up someday. Something, call it intuition of some kind says, things will be ok, and we will come to a mutual understading....its almost as if, we force oursleves to imagine the worst because thats how we have trained oursleves...and then again I ask, am i being too naive?

[Lewix 0]

Since my childhood i used to watch krsna serials and love krsna.But Krsna has put me in situations that are tearing my heart and soul into pieces. He has put me a situation where i do not know where i am heading .I FEEL LIKE DYING.SOMEONE HAS USED ME FOR OWN BENEFIT

[Lewix 0]

Is Our Destiny Written By God? Is It Predestinated?

 

Or It Is Us Who Wriiten Our Own Destiny?

 

In

[Lewix 0]

Is God There To Help Me

[Lewix 0]

KRSNA DO YOU LISTEN TO MY CRIES,DESPERATION I commit so much sins will u forgive me .MY kundalini says i am extremely devoted to krsna ?wHERE U THERE WHEN I NEEDED UR HELP?

[Sridas 0]

The girl just asked a simple question about getting married, now you guys have just about mapped out her worst nightmare. Give it a break will you.

Marriage is a serious challenge at the best of times, we all know that, but i know innumerable Krsna devotee marriages that have been total disasters and I've come to the conclusion there is no magic formula.

I think if you both love God in your own way and there is respect for each other as a child or servant of God, it will go a long way to a successful union, keeping you both happy with each other, still there are so many other tangibles and hurdles to overcome but that's just par for the coarse. Mind you I'm no marriage councillor nor any of the others giving advice here.

Regarding deity worship... it isn't imperitive to serve deities, many devotees choose not to, it's just a nice way to focus a families attention to a common centre especially kids because it is tangible.

But you can grow with the Lord in your heart and teach your children that God is everywhere in every atom, in others hearts also whether they be Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or atheist which can be a lot healthier than just limiting Him to one deity. This is a more advanced consciousness anyway. If he's open to the other concessions thats a lot to work with.

Maybe with time your love for Krsna and your husband will melt his heart and he'll change when his fears are allayed.

It takes time to understand the Lord in Deity form.

Try not to be confused by so many opinions as well meaning as we all may be.

Just try to sincerely pray to the Lord in your heart if you don't have a guru to guide you. And the answers will come to you, don't stress it.

Hare Krsna

[Guest guest]

"He's not against my religion, or criticizing it; he admires my religion and is constantly making efforts to understand it better."

 

That sounds nice. The main thing is how is the communication? Can you discuss things together pretty well? Any interpersonal relationship is basically all about how well you can communicate your desires and needs to the other person and how good they are at respecting your boundaries. That is the main form and structure of a healthy relationship: how well you communicate.

 

Two people can have Deities and be externally role-playing the perfect stereotype of what they think a spiritual marriage should look like from the external angle of vision. Meanwhile no one really knows what the other person is really thinking and feeling, one person might be inconsiderately using the other person and taking them for granted, and if either of them ever tries to share what they really think or feel, the other person shuts down. That is a recipe for disaster right there, even though they have all of the external trappings of what they think is needed for success.

 

I believe that there are some threads on this site that very eloquently caution against prematurely having Deities, or ever having Deities at all. I know of at least one sangha in the Vaishnava tradition in which it is advised not to have Deities at all unless you can meet a long list of criteria. However they are perfectly free to do other practices. Ditto for at least one Shaivite sangha, plus they do not encourage the practice of mantra japa until one no longer experiences any form of anger at all.

 

So as long as you can communicate well with the other person, and can be continue to do so, that sounds hopeful. "Plan for the worst, hope for the best" -- Western conventional wisdom. "Expect nothing, be ready for everything" -- Zen koan. "Be open to everything! You might think that you only deserve to drive a Toyota, while meanwhile the Universe has been trying to give you a Rolls Royce" -- New Age wisdom.