:o) :o) :o) :o)

[Guest guest]

Income Tax

 

A big businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Patel,

I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."

 

"And what," Mr. Patel asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

 

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the

Income

Tax Department and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."

 

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Daughter's Prayer

 

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned

to

her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the

blessing?"

 

 

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

 

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

 

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear

Lord,

why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

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Women talk more

 

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a

study which indicated that men use (on the average) only 15,000 words a day,

whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

 

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use

twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

 

Looking stunned, he said, ''What?''

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And In A Year I'll Be Five

 

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside

world.

When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool

playground.

 

"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.

 

"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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Banta Singh The Editor

 

Banta was working as editor in a daily newspaper. He got an invitation to

deliver a speech on efficiency of the railway system in the country. Since

the

conference was in Mumbai, he decided to take the journey by train and test

the

system before speaking on it in public. His coach was the last in the train.

 

As a result, it was shaking so heavily that Banta could not prepare for the

conference at all. Annoyed by the event, the next day at the conference, the

first point that he made was: "There should be no last coach in any train."

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Fingers

 

A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all

ten

fingers. He quickly rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him,

“Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.”

 

“But I don't have the fingers!”

 

“What! You don't have the fingers!?” said the doctor, “You should have

brought

them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like

microsurgery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.”

 

“But Doc, how on earth could I pick them up?”

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