Endaro Mahanubhavulu. Andariki Vandanamulu.
After months of contemplation and confusion I am writing to get some advice from Sri Vaishnava bhagavata's. I was born into a telugu speaking Kaapu family (I dont know the tamil equivalent, but we are agricultural land lords). I believe I belong to the Sudra caste. I currently live in the USA. I was attracted to Vishnu bhakti by my paternal grandmother's mother Smt. Andalamma who worshipped no other god but Rama and attained paramapadam on Sri Rama Navami after pooja after she hugged her beloved Rama idol. I have been criticised sometimes for being a Vaishnava by my other family members before.
I lost my father at a very early age and we are smartha's and our marriage and shraddha vidhi follow the smartha traditions. I dont know what went wrong in the lineage but I am a very much a vishnu bhakta at heart anywhere I see the "divyamangala vigraham" of Sriman Narayana tears flow out and lose I consciousness of my surroundings and keep staring. This has led to embarrassing moments many times. My wife warns me not to cry every time we go to the temple. I dont know if this is normal but I would like to know if this is disrespectful to the lord.
I listened to the upanyasams by my manasika acharya (Sri U. Ve. Velukkudi Krishnan Swami) and decided to find an acharya to be initiated into Sri Vaishnavam. I approached the priest at the Perumal Sannidhi in the meenakshi temple in houston and was very dissapointed and devastated when the priest said I was not eligible for Panchasamskaram Samashrayanam and Thirumanthram as I am not a Brahmin. He said the pranavam in the thirumanthram was off limits to Sudras. He instead offered to give me "Vishnu Deeksha" a point on which he did not further elaborate. I asked him about gaining "Ramanuja Sambandham" and ultimately Vaikuntam to which he replied that I can gain Vaikuntam by performing Kainkaryam's and I do not need Ramanuja Sambandham. He also said my mother has to give permission for my initiation and wife should also be initiated.This is not possible even if my mother permits, my wife who is not into religion or god will refuse. All I can do is beg and plead the Lord to show me the way but so far he has not graced me. My questions are
1. Am I eligible for initiation (Panchasamskaram, Samashrayanam, and Thirumanthram) into the parampara
2. If my wife refuses can I still be initiated?
3. Is crying in the presence of the archa form not respectful to the lord? I am attracted to archavataram's more than anything else.
4. Can I attain vaikuntam by performing kainkaryam? I am willing to live with that if thats the only way.
5. I want to know if there are any bhagavatas in the houston galveston area so that I can perform bhagavata kainkaryam
6. If I am eligible for initiation where do I get the required information?
7. Can someone please tell me where I can find the schedule for Velukkudi Krishnan Swami's USA visits as I am dying to touch his feet and perform some sort of seva. Also once swami said that we all ultimately reach the Thiruvadi of the lord in this life or next. I was born on 4th September 1980 2:40 am Hyderabad (Sravana bahula dasami thursday, Thiruvadirai nakshatram) if anyone can tell me if I have any spiritual opportunities in this life at all I will be grateful.
As much as I would like to sign my name as "Adiyen" I am unable to at the moment and hopefully through the guidance and advice of the bhagavata's I can become one.
Thank you
JR
