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Posts posted by raga
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Originally posted by theist:
I would like to add my thanks also Raga.I gave my printer a workout, and now to get it cut and bound.
Who translated it into English?
theist
Shukavak Das. And it was edited by someone who didn't like his translation, KDA, whomever that means.
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Originally posted by ram:
You are right. Your line of thought is definitely better understood by me with the examples. But I am not able to agree with this fully - the concept of niyamas for the soul. This probaly needs to be substantiated with sastric reference.
The atma is perfect by nature and should need no regulations by definition. It is the mind, intelligence and body which need to be put through the niyamas so that they can be purified enough to perceive the self and the self of all - Krishna.
Before going too far with the examples I request you to correct me if you think what I said is not true.
[This message has been edited by ram (edited 05-12-2002).]
Bhakti is essentially a function of the atma, though it manifests through the body, mind and intelligence. It is not only a question of perception; it is a question of manifesting devotion. Do we agree on this?
As I said, a baddha-jiva is embodied, that is, he is encaged within the body, mind and intelligence. Therefore whatever happens in this world is naturally in relation with them.
MuNDaka UpaniSad (3.1.9):
eSo 'Nur AtmA cetasA veditavyo
yasmin prANaH paJcadhA saMviveza
prANaiz cittaM sarvam otaM prajAnAM
yasmin vizuddhe vibhavaty eSa AtmA
"The soul is atomic in size and can be perceived by perfect intelligence. This atomic soul is floating in the five kinds of air (prANa, apAna, vyAna, samAna and udAna), is situated within the heart, and spreads its influence all over the body of the embodied living entities. When the soul is purified from the contamination of the five kinds of material air, its spiritual influence is exhibited."
Hence the awareness of the soul is influenced by matter. And it is the business of the soul to get rid of the false desire to lord it over the material world. No niyama will do no good, if the desire of the soul is not positively influenced through contact with that which is of spirit in nature and positively inclined towards Bhagavat-seva.
KaTha UpaniSad (1.2.20):
aNor aNIyAn mahato mahIyAn
AtmAsya jantor nihito guhAyAm
tam akratuH pazyati vIta-zoko
dhAtuH prasAdAn mahimAnam AtmanaH
"Both the Supersoul [ParamAtmA] and the atomic soul [jIvAtmA] are situated on the same tree of the body within the same heart of the living being, and only one who has become free from all material desires as well as lamentations can, by the grace of the Supreme, understand the glories of the soul."
A classical verse from the MuNDaka UpaniSad (3.1.2) and zvetAzvatara UpaniSad (4.7) confirms that it is the self who is to turn towards Bhagavan:
samAne vRkSe puruSo nimagno
?nIzayA zocati muhyamAnaH
juSTaM yadA pazyaty anyam Izam
asya mahimAnam iti vIta-zokaH
"Although the two birds are in the same tree, the eating bird is fully engrossed with anxiety and moroseness as the enjoyer of the fruits of the tree. But if in some way or other he turns his face to his friend who is the Lord and knows His glories?at once the suffering bird becomes free from all anxieties."
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Originally posted by dasanudasa:
Surely but I will have to do my calendar homework
¿Who are you my friend? I just read your beautiful page at http://raganuga.com/index.htm
My e-mail is dasanudasa@hotmail.com
Sent U mail.
Sorry, I am not tuned into astrology, so I can't help much beyond this here...
Please post the results here when you are done with the horoscope analysis.
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Originally posted by dasanudasa:
Thank you very much for your mind-speed reply.
By the way, does any one knows the Horoscope, I am a vedic astrologer too so it would be very interesting to me
2. "I was born in Sakabda 1760 on the 18th day in the month of Bhadra in my maternal grandfather's home situated in the village of Ula [or Ulagram] also known as Birnagar."
This corresponds to the second Trayodasi of Hrishikesha, Yoga = Dhriti and Naksatra = Dhanista, Kanya Sankranti (Sun enters Virgo) two days prior to his appearance.
Would this help?
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201. Now money was in short supply and thus I kept my family at the house of
Kali Kaka in Calcutta. I stayed in one small residence, which, after several
days, Chandra Babu and I shared. Later I crossed the river Banka and rented a
house in the village of Bhacchala and I brought my mother and wife there. With
great difficulty I managed to survived. Hoag Saheb allowed me to become a
Money Order Agent, so I began to get a little more money. During the time that
I was a Collectorate Office clerk I wrote the poem 'Bijangram' and
subsequently the poem 'Sannyasi'.
During that period I had some thoughts on religion and put them into verse.
Thereafter, I presented them to the Vaishnava society in Bhacchala and that
poem, 'Sannyasi', was printed. At that time I also wrote a small English work
entitled 'Our Wants'. Chandra Babu was in the Brahmo Samaj. My old friend
Keshab Sen also came to see the Samaj. Reverend Lalbihari De used to criticise
Keshab Sen at that time, saying that he stole from the Bible [?]. At this time
I had several philosophy students. They became members of the Brahmo Samaj
because of Chandra Babu.
203. Therefore they said to me, "You resolve the two views." One day, pointing
out the mutual relationship between Brahmo philosophy and Christian
philosophy, I proposed a meeting between the members of both groups, but both
sides became extremely angry with me. Padre Stern made one or two hostile
speeches about me. I made one or two speeches in reply. I established the
Bhratri Samaj. Chandra Babu and other Brahmo men were not pleased about this.
Their group split and some of them began to come to my society.
204. Because of the enemy's increase great apprehension arose [in my party?].
A few men in our office, such as Tilochan Simha, were in my party. At this
time Rakhaldas Haldar, who had [just] returned from England, became Deputy
Collector in Burdwan. Our literary society met at the Burdwan public library
and on that account I had disputes with Rakhal Babu. From time to time I would
go to Calcutta. Sriyukta Healy Saheb, who was the Superintendent of
Stationary, came to Burdwan. When I met with him he said, "I will endeavour to
arrange a good position for you."
205. During one session of our Bhratri Samaj I gave a speech entitled 'The
Soul'. A report of the speech was published in the newspaper, Public
Engagement. When he saw the report Healy Saheb came to hear. He invited me to
come to Calcutta to hear a speech in a meeting at the Dalhousie Institute on
the subject of the Centralisation of Power. When I went to Calcutta I meet Dal
Saheb and proceeded to the meeting in the Dalhousie Institute. After hearing
the lecture I stayed at Baro Dada [Dvijendranatha Tagore's] house for the
night. Early in the morning I returned to Burdwan without seeing him. Baro
Dada wrote a poem in Bengali to me and I gave an answer in poetry. We
exchanged a lot of poems and two of them were published in Sannyasi. Where all
the others went cannot be determined.
206. I did not have a good job and there was a lack of money. Your mother
became pregnant at the first attempt and for her good I sent her to Yakpur. I
sent my mother and Annada to the home of Kali Kaka in Calcutta. For my part, I
discussed Dharma Shastra and a good deal of philosophy, taught many persons,
and wrote a lot. Brother Mahendra Nath Mitra was the Head Clerk of a small
court in Chooadangah.
207. He wanted to take the law examination in order to enter the high court,
so he took six months leave. George Linton Saheb invited me to take his
position. The salary was 140 Rupees [per month]. Half of it had to be given to
Mahendra Babu. At the time I was to go and do the job in Chooadangah, Hoag
Saheb gave the certificate written below to me:
208. "Babu Kedarnath Dutt has served under me as Second Clerk in the English
Collectorate Department for about eighteen months. He is a very intelligent,
hard working officer and has discharged his duties to my satisfaction. He
leaves his appointment at his own request and I am sorry to lose his services.
Burdwan
S.J.Hoag
Collector"
209. Upon proceeding to Chooadanga I lived in a thatched house constructed by
Mahendra Babu. Linton Saheb worked one week in Maherpur and one week in
Chooadanga. The legal suits regarding the Indigo Workers were of many types; I
spent one and a half years in Chooadanga. Mahendra Babu was on vacation but
after a year he resigned the post. I requested Linton Saheb to obtain the
position [for me] and he requested the government. During the time that I
lived in Chooadanga I bought a piece of land in Ranaghat and built a house
thereon. My father-in-law, Madhusudan Mitra Mahasaya, helped me purchase the
land. It was very convenient to travel to Ranaghat from Chooadanga. I came on
Saturday and returned on Monday.
210. On the 26th of Asvin 1271, Sal [1864], your elder sister was born in
Mama's house, in Yakpur. On the 20th of Asvin there was a great storm which
resulted in widespread destruction. On the preceding day I left Chooadanga on
the occasion of the [Durga] Pooja. I left the key to my thatched house in the
custody of a servant and proceeded to Ranaghat. In the morning of the
following day the storm began. Before evening time, due to the force of the
storm, many trees, shrubs, houses, and doorways were destroyed. Mother and
Annada were in Calcutta. I did not receive any news about what happened either
to them or in Yakpur.
The disaster was very extensive. The railway was in trouble at Chanka, so
after three days I went to Calcutta. When I reached Calcutta I saw that mother
and Annada were unscathed. After 5 or 6 days I received a letter to the effect
that I had a beautiful daughter. During the storm there was a lot of damage
done throughout the land. [upon hearing the news of my daughter's birth] I
became free of anxiety to some extent.
211. My house in Ranaghat was completed after the storm. A few months after
the storm I attempted to bring my wife and daughter there. First I brought
mother and Annada to the house and after continual insistence I brought my
wife and daughter. We all lived in one place at last. I came [from my place of
work] on Saturday and returned on Sunday.
212. While living in Chooadanga I endeavoured to improve the Chooadanga school
and other matters. Towers Saheb gave this certificate to me:
"Sir:
I have much pleasure in having an opportunity of expressing my opinion on your
character and conduct during the period I have known you. You resided nine
months at Chooadanga while I had charge of the Sub-division and although not
directly subordinate to myself I had many opportunities of becoming acquainted
with your position as a member of the School Committee, as in other ways. It
gives me great pleasure to be able to bear testimony to the very high respect
in which both the Native and European Community regarded you. Your departure
from this part of the country will be a real loss to the residents, not only
from the active and able part which you took in promoting every scheme for
their advantage, but also by the removal from their midst of one who afforded
his countrymen a high and rare example of honesty and right-mindedness.
I have the honour to be, sir,
Your most obedient servant,
R. Towers.
Asst. Mag. and collector of Chooadanga"
214. While living in Chooadanga I took the law examination in Burdwan. At this
time Linton Saheb gave me this certificate:
215. "This is to certify that Babu Kedar Nath Dutt at present Officiating
Clerk of the Chooadanga Court of the Small Causes has conducted himself to my
entire satisfaction in the discharge of the multifarious duties with which he
has been entrusted. I consider him to be a respectable and well educated
person and a fit and proper person to appear as a candidate at the ensuing
leadership examination and he carries with him my best wishes for his success.
Chooadanga
June 18th 1864
C.D. Linton."
216. When Mahendra Babu left his position Linton Saheb wrote a letter to the
government on my behalf [in order that I might] continue in the post. At this
time a small law court was established in Mursidabad and the clerk of that
place was appointed to Chooadanga. Therefore, I resigned the position and went
to the house in Ranaghat. Linton Saheb wrote a letter to the government on my
behalf and the government responded saying that very soon they would give me a
good posting.
217. I was acquainted with Healy Saheb. He had a Head Clerkship available, but
he considered that the status of clerk was not suitable for me. He made known
my situation to Secretary Sriyukta Eden Saheb. Healy Saheb spoke to me with
much affection, saying, "You will soon get a good position. You stay in
Ranaghat and wait." At this time Linton Saheb also gave a certificate to me.
218. As long as times are bad you can not see anything [but unhappiness]. But
when times are good everything is happy in all directions. On the 9th of
February I received three letters [of employment]. One was a letter from
Linton Saheb. He wrote, saying, "Rasika Babu, the clerk of Maherpur has died,
and if you wish you can go to Maherpur and secure that position." The second
letter was from Healy Saheb. He wrote, "My dear Babu, I am glad to say that
you have been appointed Deputy Registrar at Chapra. If you have not yet got
your letter of appointment you had better come down at once for it. Yours
sincerely, Wilfred L. Healy."
220. The third letter was from the government. That letter was [about] my job
in Chapra. Dated 5th February 1866, [i was given the post of] Special Deputy
Registrar of Assurances with powers of a Deputy Magistrate and Deputy
Collector of the 6th grade of the Sub Executive Service salary.
221. I was very happy to receive these letters. I went to meet my supreme
benefactor, Healy Saheb, but he had gone to Orissa. When I learnt this I
returned. Setting out with Srikanta Mukhopadhyaya and Yogendra Chatopadhyaya
and one Western bearer, and with a dog named Tiger I got in Chooadanga, I
[finally] arrived in Chapra. I took up residence in a second story apartment
near the court house and began my work. The language of the west was Urdu. I
[found] a teacher and I began to learn Urdu and Pharsi. Grey Saheb was the
Collector then. Taking permission from him I went to Ranaghat and fetched my
wife.
222. Everything in Chapra was good, only... I would have to take an
examination. For that purpose I began to study law. When I took charge of the
office of Registrar I went from time to time to see the villages in the
Maphahsval. While going to Simuriya to verify a power of attorney I met Babu
Brahma Dev Narayan. Godna was the place of Gautamashrama, ['Gautama Muni's
Ashram']. It was there that Ahalya had become stone [when cursed by her
husband, Gautama]. Gautamashrama was the place where the Nyaya Sastra
[scripture dealing with logic] was born. 'As this is a sacred place, there
should be a school of logic here' -- with this thought in mind I organised a
meeting and gave a speech on Gautama. As a result of that speech I had a
discussion with respectable gentlemen from all over the area. They considered
me a friend who wished the best for the locality. At that time no effort was
made to collect any money. I heard from the mouth of Bandhubar Raya,
Taraprasad Mukhopadhyaya and Bahadur Ukil Mahasaya that there was a school of
nyaya in Godna which was supported even by Europeans.
223. At the outset my relations with the English people of Chapra were not
good. The Indigo planters, the doctor and the police saheb formed one group
and made trouble for me. Even though each of them had separate affairs,
nevertheless, everybody's intention towards me was bad. The European Indigo
planters were trying to get preferential treatment from the [Registrar's]
office over the native Zamindars. In this matter I was no help because [to
offer any preference] would have been exceedingly wrong. The doctor saheb had
previously been in charge of the Registrar's Office and he used to get a
little money [on the side]. He did not get it any more because of me and he
thus became hostile.
224. Because I was not able to bear any impropriety on the part of the police
the police were unhappy. Be that as it may, Grey Saheb was not able to get a
little money [?] and Holiday Saheb came and took over his post. My enemies
whispered many bad things about me in the ear of this great soul. At first the
feeling between Holiday Saheb and myself was very difficult. But gradually,
after a short time, by the grace of God and with the help of Healy Saheb, I
caused him to see the truth. And after he made some exertions [on my behalf]
all of my enemies became my friends.
225. Everyone in Chapra became my friends. The lawyer, Kesab Babu, always
supported my point of view. The Judge Saheb also was favourable towards me.
The people of Chapra made many kinds of pickle. A certain type of vinegar
pickle was the best. I began to make it. [Their] mustard oil pickle had a
pleasant taste and I began to make that also. At that time I ate a lot of fish
and meat. I had known that killing animals was bad for a long time, but I had
a strong desire to enjoy fish and meat.
226. I ate a lot of fish in Chapra, but it was not very good. Therefore, I ate
more goat meat. After the prolonged eating of food of this kind combined with
red chillies and mustard seed pickle, I developed a bleeding ulcer. The first
[attack] occurred on a full moon day. Gradually I got pains every new moon and
full moon day. It took 5 to 7 days from the day the pain started for it to go
away. So much suffering! When the pain [started] I automatically suffered from
vomiting and diarrhea for 10 to 17 hours. At first I went to the doctor, and a
close friend, Manohar Babu, gave me medical treatment. Thereafter, I tried
Moslem natural medicine. Finally, Mahendra Mama brought some Ayur Vedic herbs
from the jungle and a local Vaidya made a little medicine.
227. But none of these things worked. The first time I went to Bhagalpur to
take the examination I was unsuccessful. I was a little anxious because I was
not sure if I would be able to take the examination. My health became very bad
and I wanted to be transferred to another place. There being no opportunity
for a mutual transfer, I traveled to the west [of India] during the pooja
season. My office superintendent, Narasimha Prasad, and Kasi Babu, the
Collector Head Clerk, a brahmana and one servant [accompanied me] on the trip.
After 13 days we returned to Chapra, having traveled to Vrindavan, Mathura,
Agra, Prayag, Mrijpur and Kasi. Moreover, while on the train I met Bimal
Visvas Mahasaya who promised to send some medicine from Vidyasagara Mahasaya.
228. Even in those days there was no great firmness in Hinduism [Arya Dharma].
My bhakti was mixed with jnana. Therefore, I did not enjoy the happiness
experienced by the pure bhakta while I was in Vrindavan. Instead, when I
reached Kasi I had a cold from drinking Yamuna water. In Prayag I shaved my
head and in Vrindavan I spoke with Raja Radha Kanta.
229. He was pleased to see me. At that time he was reading Garga Samhita. When
I saw the temples of Sridham Vrindavan I became happy. But I did not properly
honour the devotees. In Kanpur I fell into the hands of a false friend, but
before he could show any strength from his hands I was rescued. The pandars in
Prayag were the worst class of men. They tried to give us a difficult time,
but they could do very little.
230. As soon as I returned to Chapra I received a herbal prescription [from
Bimal Visvas?] but there was a delay while Multani Hing was searched for. The
examination was approaching so I studied very hard. Mathuranath Teoyari made
an astrological calculation and said, "This time you will definitely pass the
examination." Because of the condition of my body I did not have so much
confidence. That year [i suffered] the pain of colitis and various kinds of
heart pains. Once more we [traveled and] went to see a fair in Sonapur, where
we stayed in a tent. During this leave of absence the Registrar General,
Beverley Saheb, came to see me at my office, but he had to wait [for my
return]. When I returned I heard of his waiting and went to see him. He was
very happy. He said, "This time you study hard for the examination."
231. When I went this time to take the examination in Patna I stayed at the
house of my friend, Guruprasad Sena. Vamacharan Bandyopadhyaya accompanied me.
I took the examination and then returned. Having taken the exam and returning
to Chapra from Patna I saw that Srimati Kadambani had been born. This daughter
was very beautiful. But once she almost died due to a stomach disease. At that
time Sadu used to move around by crawling and she would play with Tiger.
Babbling she would say, "Gaitha le ai le ai" etc. Kadu was born on the 29th of
Caitra 1788. At this time Annada was making mischief, as he moved around he
would wrestle with the servant, Makhan.
232. In the month of June I received news of being successful in the
examination. Beverley Saheb wrote this note:
"5th June 1867
My dear Baboo,
You will be glad to hear that you have passed your examination. We met to
consider the report this morning.
Yours truly,
H. Beverley"
233. I was very happy, but due to my physical condition I was not hopeful. I
was waiting [for some improvement in my health] but did not see any change in
my condition so I made a firm resolve to transfer.
234. During the time I was in Chapra there was no unhappiness except for my
stomach ailment. Holiday Saheb was a close friend of mine. But there was a lot
of pressure on me. I thus wrote to Beverley Saheb requesting a transfer and he
exerted himself in this regard. While I was in Chapra, on the 8th of June
1867, in accordance with rule 21, I was appointed assessor. On the 16th of
October 1867 Beverley Saheb secured me a position as the Sub Registrar of
Assurances of the Sub Districts of Purneah and Krishnaganj.
235. Holiday Saheb was not happy to hear the news of my transfer and he said,
"You are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. What illness will you
[need to] be cured of [when you get to?] Purneah." But then I had a new
position. I moved my family from Chapra to Ranaghat and then proceeded to
Purneah with a bearers, Kali and Srikanta. I took an Examination in Bhagalpur
and arrived in Purneah in the month of November and stayed in the house of
Amrta Babu. On the way there was a mighty rain storm. There were no solid
houses in the backwaters of Purneah. I constructed a straw house and stayed
there. A few days after having the house built I brought my family there.
236. Everybody came to Purneah in order to attend to me in my illness. I
stayed in Purneah for fifteen days and then I went to Krishnaganj for fifteen
days. Wargan Saheb, the Collector of Purneah, became my friend. When I worked
in the court at Krishnaganj, I stayed in a tent.
During the time I stayed in Purneah I prepared the prescription sent by
Vidyasagar Mahasaya. I could get Multani Hing nowhere except the Bathget
Company. First 'khai' was prepared by measuring 5 tolas of ginger powder, 2
tolas of black salt and 2 tolas of borax.
237. A 16th of an anna of hing [was required]. First one mixes together the
ginger powder in the juice from horse-radish skin; then one pounds in the
black salt. Next, one pounds in the sohaga khai [borax?]. Finally one mixes in
the hing. There is no measure for the amount of horse-radish-skin juice. To
the extent [that one adds the juice] -- [the mixture must be sufficiently]
well pounded. Fifty-four pills were made [in this fashion] and were kept in a
stopped file. I took two pills twice a day with water. For twenty-seven days
my convalescence diet consisted of aged rice, easily digested green vegetables
cooked in aged ghee, and milk. I could not eat luchi, ruti, pitha [a sweet
cake], methai [sweetmeats], kancha taila [fresh oil], taila pakva [aged oil],
tarakari [vegetables cooked in their own juices with ghee and spices], bhuja,
bhuji, amla, shak, dahl, chinra [flat rice], and meat, but fish, if fresh,
could be eaten in aged ghee. This was the rule for what could and could not be
eaten for exactly twenty-seven days. A little excess milk was not injurious.
238. I took the medicine while in Purneah. My bowel movements became free [of
blood]. To the extent that I had the bowel movements there was an increase in
strength. At this time I studied for a law examination, but the results were
poor. As a result of taking these herbs my pain ceased.
I received a letter of praise from the government, dated 21st of August 1868,
for my good work in building up the offices in Purneah and Krishnaganj.
Previously I had received a letter of recommendation for my work in Chapra
dated September 10th 1867. Suddenly this letter arrived:
239.
General Registry
Office
5 Wellesley Place
The 26th Feb. 1868
My dear Sir,
As it is the intention of the Govt. to organize a separate Registration
Service, distinct from the Subordinate Executive Service, I request that you
will let me know whether you would prefer to remain a Sub Registrar as at
present subject to such regulations regarding the constitution of the service
as may be passed hereafter, or to be relieved of all Registration duties at
once and be transferred wholly to the Judicial Department, that is supposing
the Lieutenant Government is pleased to confirm your appointment. If you
remain in Sub-executive Service you will of course be required to pass the
usual department Examinations. I beg the favour of a reply by return of post.
Yours truly
H.Beverley To Babu Kedar Nath Dutt
240. I gave an answer as follows:
Purneah
2/3/68
My dear Sir,
I have this day received your favour of the 26th ultimo. I beg to reply as
follows. As I do not understand the conditions and prospects of the new
contemplated Registration Service I can scarcely submit a satisfactory
preference either to the Judicial Department or to the new service. What I
gather from your kind letter and specially from the concluding part of it, is
that there will be no further examination to which I shall be subjected, were
I prefer to be a Sub Registrar as at present, thrown apart from the
Subordinate Executive. I must humbly submit that I shall gladly remain a Sub
Registrar on condition that I shall have prospects of promotion without
passing any more examinations at all. But in case His Honour the Lieutenant
Governor be pleased to prescribe any further examination for me in the
Registration Service, also my prayer is then to be transferred wholly to the
Judicial Department Subordinate Executive service.
Yours truly,
sd. Kedar Nath Dutt
241. After writing the above letter I waited [for a reply] and during that
time came down with fever. Because of that I had much trouble living in
Krishnaganj, but I recovered. At this time Beverley Saheb came to Krishnaganj
and inspected the office. When I told him about my illness, he said, "What the
decision of the Lieutenant Governor Saheb will be I do not know. I will assign
you to the Registrar Office and put you in the Mungar group in Bhajapur." I
was pleased.
In Purneah Kadambani had her first-grains ceremony. On the 18th or 19th of
March I received a letter from Sriyukta Dampier Saheb.
242.
Bengal Secretariate
The 17th March 1868
My dear Sir,
I have just seen your letter to Mr. Beverley of 2nd Feb. You write, I think
under the misapprehension that the promotion in the Registry Department will
be likely to be as good and to rise as high as it does on the Subordinate
Executive Service. But there is a mistake: if such were to be the case of
course there will be Examinations to pass in that Department also. Besides
which, from the opinion which I was able to form when I had the pleasure of
meeting you at Ranaghat I am sure you need be afraid of no Examinations, and
that you will be much more valuable to the State as an Executive and Judicial
Officer than as a mere Registrar. The Lieutenant Governor has therefore
directed that you be employed in the regular line. You are to relieve Mr.
Tweedle at Dinajpur who takes two months leave.
Yours faithfully
H.L. Dampier
243. After a couple of letters along these lines I became Deputy Magistrate in
Dinajpur. Taking a palanquin, I proceeded to Dinajpur. My intention was to
speak to many people and arrange for a permanent residence and bring my family
there. But before that Ratneswar Babu appeared in Purneah. He stayed in my
house in Purneah and I came to Dinajpur. I wrote to Dampier Saheb. He said,
"Now you will likely spend a considerable time in Dinajpur." I took a
palanquin and brought my whole family to Dinajpur. I stayed very healthy in
Dinajpur. Mama Ratneswar procured the position of Assistant Clerk [in
Purneah].
244. In Dinajpur the Vaishnava religion was fairly strong due to Raya
Kamalochan Saheb. There were many Vairagis and Gosais coming and going there.
A number of rich people supported many brahmana pandit assemblies. Some
respectable gentlemen would regularly come to me and discuss Vaishnava dharma.
I had a desire to know the genuine Vaishnava dharma. I wrote to our agent,
Pratap Chandra Raya, and he sent a translation of Bhagavatam, and Chaitanya
Charitamrita. I also brought a book named Bhaktamala. On my first reading of
Chaitanya Charitamrita I developed a little faith in Sri Chaitanya.
245. On the second reading I understood that no pandit was the equal of
Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. Yet there was a doubt [in my mind to the effect] that
being this sort of pandit, and having revealed the reality of love to such a
degree, how is it that He recommends the worship of the improper character of
Krishna? At first I was amazed and I reflected on this. Afterwards I prayed to
God with great humility, "O God!, please give me the understanding by which I
may know the secret of this matter." The mercy of God is without limit. Seeing
my eagerness and humility He showed mercy to me within a a few days, and I
received the intelligence by which I could understand.
246. Then I could understood that Krsna Tattva is very deep [confidential] and
the highest principle of the science of God. From this time on, I had
knowledge of God in Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I made constant efforts to converse
with many Vairagi Vaishnava pandits, and I understood many aspects of the
Vaishnava religion. The seed of faith in the Vaishnava religion was planted in
my heart in my childhood, and since then it had sprouted. From the first I
experienced anuraga [service to Krishna within the mind according to one's
natural spiritual tendency under the guidance of one of the gopas or gopis of
Vraja] and it was very good. I liked to read about Krishna Tattva day and
night. Previously I had obtained Chaitanya Gita and I was known by the name
Sachchidananda Premalankara in this book [?].
247. At this time there was a lot of fighting between the Hindus and the
Brahmos in Dinajpur. The schoolmasters were Brahmos but almost everyone else
was Hindu. The Hindus were endeavouring to put the Brahmos out of their caste.
At that time the Brahmos invited me to come to their assembly and I wrote to
them saying that I was not a Brahmo, but was a servant of the many followers
of Chaitanya. When the Brahmos heard this they gave up hope of my [becoming a
Brahmo]. The Hindus invited me to form a sabha [for the Hindus] and the first
meeting was held in the house of Khajanji Babu. I gave a lecture on the
Bhagavata which was published as a book. A few Sahebs heard the lecture and
were impressed.
248. Previous to this meeting I had not heard Manoharshahi [a type of kirtan]
singing. I was impressed to hear the Shreni singing, first of Shiromani
Mahasaya and then of Madansimha Mahasaya. He who is able to sing the kirtan of
Mahaprabhu Chaitanya Deva in the style of Manoharshahi -- that person alone
will I hear.
249. At that time I had a son. But after one month and a few days he died. My
wife was very sad. At the same time she also received news of the death of her
father, though I kept it secret for one or two days. Deciding that it was time
I told my wife and two unhappinesses combined and made one unhappiness. The
Chaturthi Kriya [the obsequial rites performed by a married woman on the
fourth day after the death of one of her parents] were completed. After this I
thought of moving from Dinajpur.
250. According to the government order, on March 17th 1868 I became the
assessor at Dinajpur. I met with Srikantaji. I saw the river Atreya. At that
time I made an application for a vacation and on 29th of May 1869 I got three
months privilege leave. In the month of Jyaistha there was a huge storm.
Immediately afterwards I crossed the Hugli River and went to our house in
Ranaghat with my family. At the time of my departure all the people of
Dinajpur were unhappy. [Thereafter,] I traveled as far as Maldah by boat. I
waited for the floodwater to subside and the storm [to cease] at the house of
the Deputy Magistrate Ambika Chaudhuri. Then, I crossed Raj Mahal in an ox
cart.
251. I took the law examination in Dinajpur but I was unable to pass it. Mama
Ratnesvara was detained in Dinajpur. We went and stayed at that house [?].
Mahendra Mama come to Ranaghat from time to time and stayed there. I visited
many places with him and at the end of my break I returned to Dinajpur. I
worked in Dinajpur for two more months then I transferred to Champarn. After
reporting on time, I had hoped to go home [to Ranaghat for child's birth?],
but the government did not permit it. Thereafter, Radhika Prasada took birth
in the house in Ranaghat. I was not able to reach the house before he was
born. Taking Srikanta I went to Champarn. At the year's end [the following]
was written about my work in Dinajpur: "Babu Kedar Nath Dutt Dy. Magistrate is
a good officer and improves with experience."
252. Radhika was born in Pausa Masa [winter time]. At the time I was in
Matihari. Collector Metcalf Saheb liked me very much. He went to Nepal to
settle the boundary and I remained in charge of the gaol. I had a minor
dispute with the European doctor, but Metcalf Saheb was on my side and
intervened. This time I studied law intensively.
253. I made a plan with Metcalf Saheb to the effect that I would take the
examination in Chapra, proceed to the house [in Ranaghat] and return with the
whole family. For that reason he requested Commissioner Jenkins for an
additional fifteen day vacation [for me] and on the expectation of consent
from the government he approved it. I went to the house and took the
examination. At that time I spent a few days at the house and Metcalf Saheb
wrote, saying, "You should come immediately. The Accountant General has stated
that this is not the time for your leave."
254. Upon coming to Calcutta, I came to know that the Secretaries Office had
transferred me to Cuttack. I had had a desire to go to Puri. I was told, "It
is best that you go to Ranaghat; a letter of transfer to Puri is coming." I
went to Ranaghat and after 2 or 3 days I received approval to proceed to Puri.
At that time Radhika was a baby, so I decided to go ahead alone; thus, taking
one Srimad Bhagavatam and Chaitanya Charitamrita I went to Calcutta with the
intention of going to Puri. While staying at the house of Bholanath Babu I
made arrangements for [on behalf of?] the official government residence [in
Puri].
255. Later, when I went to the Secretar[iat?] Office I heard that Metcalf
Saheb was planning to take Metcalf Saheb [?] to Matihari. I did not want to
delay so I made my way to Puri. Going as far as Uluberi by boat, I arrived in
Midnapore by palanquin. Thereafter, I went to the house of my inlaws at Yakpur
and then set out for Puri. After four days I reached Puri, one night being
spent in Bhadrak, one night in Balesvar [balasore] and one night in Cuttack.
Upon arriving in Puri I went to see my old friend Yadu Babu at the official
government residence. I rented a brick house in the neighbourhood of Baro
Danda. Every day I went to see Jagannatha at Sri Mandir. At the time of darsan
I remembered the emotions of Sri Mahaprabhu and I felt very happy. All of the
Mahatis there were Vaishnava and I began to appreciate the happiness derived
from associating with them.
A few days before I arrived Ambika Chaudhuri was also transferred there. He
was an orthodox Sakta. He made a lot of effort in Sri Kshetra [the Dhama in
which Puri is situated] but he was not able to establish himself. After this
he transferred to Jajpur. For a few months I was alone, then, after the pooja
season I brought all of my family there.
257. Srikanta Mukhopadhyaya remained behind, holding my possessions at my
residence in Matihari. Metcalf Saheb detained him there. He made great efforts
to bring me back to Matihari, but when he was not able he released Srikanta.
Srikanta took my household things to Ranaghat and after that he came as far as
Puri.
258. Kshetra Babu had a house and when Ambika Babu [the tenant] vacated it I
took it over. Deputy Annada Ghosh came and stayed in my house at Mandal Kota.
Because of Kshetra Babu my whole family came and stayed at the house. Mother,
Annada, my wife, Radhika, Sadu, Kadu, Sej Didi and Nutan Didi stayed together
this time. Everyone was happy to see Lord Jagannatha.
259. After two or three months Kadu came down with a fever. After several
doctors had tried Dr. Stewart was finally able to cure her. At the time this
was amazing.
In Orissa, one Jagannatha Das had a sect called the Atibaris. The story is
that in the beginning, on the order of Mahaprabhu, Jagannath was a follower of
Haridas Thakur. Later on he gave up pure devotion and took shelter of Mayavada
philosophy; Mahaprabhu rejected him and for this reason he is known as
Atibari.
260. This Atibari group is secretive and extends throughout Bengal as do the
Bauls. This sect has many forged books wherein it is written that Chaitanya
will reappear. In this group there are some wicked people who imitate Sri
Chaitanya, Brahma, Baladeva, or Krishna. One person, known as Bisakisan, a
scoundrel who had obtained a little yogic power, was celebrated as Mahavishnu
Himself. He had started to establish a Temple at Chatira Krosa within the
jungle near Saradaipur with the help of his followers.
261. It was written in the Malika of the Atibaris that there would be a fight
on the 14th of Chaitra and that Mahavishnu would then reveal His four armed
form. When this news spread around, all the wives of the [local] Brahmanas
deviated from the brahminical regulations and went to serve him. When there
was some turmoil among the women of the Chaudhuris of Bringarpur the men of
that place informed Commissioner Robins. He wrote to Commissioner Walton
saying, "Send Kedar Babu to investigate and send the District Superintendent
with him." Walton Saheb sent me and I went at night to the jungle and spoke in
detail with Mahavishnu and he revealed his vow to destroy the English Raj.
262. Sitting behind me in a palanquin, the District Superintendent Saheb heard
the entire conversation. With us were two Kayastha police and a few Sikh
constables who also heard. That day we said nothing to him, but returned to
Saradaipur and stayed there in a tent. The next day we went and got papers
[and directed?] the police to investigate his group. I gave the order to
arrest him. Mahavishnu had many followers, therefore, in order to fetch him
back so they might not release him on the way, the District Superintendent
brought many constables and chaukidhars and brought him to the Puri Gaol. I
went to Bhuvanesvara. Back at my place in Puri Pandit Gopinath Misra and other
pandits came and assembled. In the afternoon I visited Khandagiri. Khandagiri
was the site of a Buddhist monastery. In the midst of Parvat Sreni was Griha
Sreni which was very beautiful.
263. On returning to Puri the trial of Mahavisnu was begun. At the conclusion
of a trial which lasted many days I sentenced him to one and a half years in
jail. When his hair was cut his followers declared him to be a cheater and
abandoned him. During the few days of the trial there were almost one thousand
of his followers in Puri and there were disturbances all over the town. At
that time there was a fire at the Puri School and all the people suspected him
[as being responsible]. Also at this time Kadu came down with fever. Bisakisan
had practised yoga, and by some means had acquired some yogic siddhi. I had
obtained a lot of evidence against him. For 21 days he did not eat even a drop
of water yet he did not exhibit any weakness and gave unfailing medicine to
many many people. For his punishment Bisakisan was sent to the Gaol at
Midnapur and there he died. In Yajpur Brahma took control of the group, and
like Bisakisan he received punishment. In Khorada Baladev was beginning [to
misbehave] and he also received punishment.
264. In Puri I made a lot of [spiritual] progress. I appointed Gopinatha
Pandit to help with my study. With his assistance, I first studied the twelve
cantos of the Bhagavatam with Sridhara Svami's commentary. I began studying
the Bhagavata with Hariharadas Mahapatra and Markandeya Mahapatra, but after 5
or 7 days they lagged behind, so I began to tutor them. Previously they had
been to Kashi and Nadiya to study Vedanta and Nyaya.
265. I did not have much skill in Sanskrit grammar. While in Calcutta I read
books on literature with the help of Vidyasagar Mahasaya and Baro Dada
[satyendranath Tagore]. After that, in Midnapore, I discussed literature and
thereafter in Dinajpur and Matihari. In Puri I studied books thoroughly. After
finishing the Bhagavata I made a copy of the Sat Sandarbha and read it. Then I
copied and read the Vedanta commentary, Govinda Bhasya, written by Baladeva.
Then I read the Bhaktirasamrita Sindhu. Thereafter I made a copy of the
Haribhakti Kalpalatika.
266. Little by little I began to write in Sanskrit myself. In Puri I wrote a
book in Sanskrit entitled Datta Kaustubha. Many of the verses of the Sri Krsna
Samhita were composed at this time. In order to improve the health of
Kadambani I changed our house and moved for a while near the Brahmo leader
Nilamani and rented a house from Kali Chaudhuri near Sraddhavali in front of
the gaol. I performed abundant devotional service. Paramananda, Nityananda and
a few others studied Bhagavat with me. At that time we would hold Bhagavata
discourses in the gardens of Sri Jagannatha Vallabha.
267. Mahanta Narayan Das, Mohan Das, Uttar Parsver Mahanta, Harihara Das, and
other pandits used to attend the meeting. Babaji Kantadhari and Raghunatha
Dasa Mahasaya became angry about my meetings and prevented many people from
coming. Raghunatha Dasa Babaji used to stay at Hati Akhada at that time.
Babaji Mahasaya was a siddha-purusa, and thus he could know all matters. After
a few days he became close friends with me and said, "When I saw that you do
not have tilak or mala [neckbeads], I was disrespectful and have committed an
offense. Please forgive me." I replied, "O Babaji, what wrong have I done?
Tilak and mala are given by the Diksha Guru and thus far the Lord has not
given me a Diksha Guru. I am reciting Harinama japa on beads only. Is it good
to whimsically take tilak and mala?" Babaji understood all of this, praised me
and showed mercy to me, and I became his follower.
268. The Bhajankutir of Sanatana was on the way to the samadhi of Haridasa
Thakura, near the Temple of Tota Gopinatha. There the dispassionate Babajis
would perform bhajan. Svarupa Dasa Babaji also performed bhajana there.
Mahatma Svarupa Dasa Babaji was an incomparable Vaishnava.
269. Throughout the entire day he would perform bhajana within his kutir
[cottage]. In the evening he would go out to his courtyard and make obeisance
to Tulasi and sing and cry while performing Harinama kirtan. At this juncture
all the Vaisnavas would go to see him. At that time some people would give him
a little handful of mahaprasada. In order to satisfy his hunger he would
consent to [accept] this [prasada], but he would not take much. Someone would
then read Chaitanya Bhagavata or some other book and he would listen. By 10
o'clock at night he would retire to his kutir and begin his bhajana again.
270. When it was still dark out he would go to the shore of the ocean, wash
his face and take a complete bath. He was afraid lest some Vaishnava would
perform some service for him without his knowing. His two eyes were blind, so
how he was able to go to the ocean in the night to take bath etc. only
Mahaprabhu knows. There was no doubt that he was a siddha-purusa. He did not
have a single material desire. Sometimes, I would go to take darsan of his
lotus feet after nightfall. He would talk with the people and his speech would
be very sweet. He had gave this instruction to me, "You never forget the name
of Krishna."
271. When I stayed in Puri I made a lot of advancement in devotional service.
I became more detached in my worldly life and there was no longer any
misunderstanding that worldly progress might produce anything of lasting
value. Generally I would go to the temple for darsan, nama kirtan, sravan, and
sadhu sanga everyday in the evening. Any day that I did not eat adahar dahl
[pigeon pea soup] I would not feel satisfied. As soon as I entered the temple
someone would give me dahl.
272. On one side in the temple was the Mukti Mandap and there the brahmanas
would sit and teach. All of them were Mayavadis. When I went near them my mind
felt disturbed, therefore, I would sit near the Goddess Laksmi Mandir or the
Sri Mahaprabhu Pada-padma. When we sat there many pandits from the Mukti
Mandap would come and sit [with us]. I named this place Bhaktiprajnan. Our
learned meetings at this place gradually developed nicely.
273. Just as the Jagannatha Temple is very lofty and beautiful so also was the
seva wonderful. To see that pastime of service charms one's mind. Five- to
seven-hundred people are daily present to behold the routine festivals such as
the evening aratika. What bliss! Many kinds of participants come from all over
India to attend the religious festivals. Seeing this the eyes are soothed. O
Lalu, only when you see all these pastimes with a pure heart can the servants
[of Jagannatha?] be understood.
274. There were many Yatras [celebrated there], such as Dola Yatra, Ratha
Yatra etc. I had the responsibility of watching over these festivals. Taking
many constables and several Karmacharis with me, I made so much effort to
oversee the pilgrims that I cannot write of it. I would make favourable
arrangements for the pilgrims to see the Deity and to take Prasada, and to
hear complaints from the people. The king and suchlike, and the Karmacharis of
the temple used to commit many illegal acts. I would go there to prevent all
such things and thus I made enemies of the king and the king's men. Because I
was helped by Lord Jagannatha no one was able to harm me in any way. I served
Lord Jagannatha at my ease for almost five years.
275. While in Sri Purushottama Kshetra I changed my residence several times.
Finally, by the grace of Ramachandra Atya, I got a house [of my own?]. On the
night of the 16th of Magh 1278 [1872 A.D.] Kamala Prasada was born in the
residence of Kali Chaudhuri by the pond, Sraddhavali. And then, on the 25 of
Magh 1280 [1874 A.D.], Bimala Prasada took birth in the house of Ramachandra
Atya. All of the auspicious ceremonies such as anna-prasanna [first eating of
grains] were performed with Jagannatha prasada. We gave up all Karma-kanda
activities and depended solely on prasada.
276. As soon as I arrived in Puri I got all the registration work and because
of that I received a minor [promotion]. In 1870 I was promoted to the 5th
grade, for which I received a salary of 300 Rupees per month. And in that year
I got the full powers of a Magistrate. I spent the time in Puri in great
happiness, observing the festivals, and acquiring knowledge and devotion. Sri
Purushottama Kshetra is directly Vaikuntha, what doubt is there? I did not
like to leave this place but then Sadu was getting older and I had to return
to Bengal in order to arrange her marriage. Thus, in November of 1874, I took
a three month vacation. Sej Didi and Nutan Didi had already left. Mother,
wife, sons and daughters took a train to Midnapur and I sent them on the road
home.
277. Madhusudan Khutir was my host. He was extremely wealthy and a very good
man. His assistant, Basu Upadhyaya, brought my family to Calcutta. I waited
[in Puri] until I was free from work. In the month of January I was free and
together with Bangli Babu, Haralal Mitra and Narendra Datta we came to
Chandavali by palanquin and then took a boat. My family came to Calcutta and
Bholanath Babu made arrangements for them to stay in a small house in
Harivardhan street. When I arrived they were waiting and I took them to the
house in Ranaghat.
278. Before I came Mahendra Mama was staying at the house in Ranaghat and he
was faring well. Upon arriving in Ranaghat I began to look for a boy for Sadu.
Being in Krishnanagar, I went to see Navadvipa Dhama, Samudragar Kalna, and
Santipur and I returned to Ranaghat. This time I did not get any happiness in
Sri Navadvipa Dhama. One is disinclined to practise religion and suchlike in
the association of an atheist like Parasuram Mama. From this I learned that
when one goes on pilgrimage it is absolutely essential to shun bad
association.
279. Returning to the house on Ranaghat, I went from thence to Calcutta and
met with Healy Saheb. At the time he was the Inspector General of Prisons and
he was ill and very weak. He was very affectionate to me and he asked he many
questions. He gave a letter to Secretary Thomson Saheb in order to get [me] a
transfer to this region [bengal]. I met with Thomson Saheb and he said, "Very
well; take a vacation and let me know what you want and I will give you a
transfer." I could not find a boy for Sadu and my leave came to an end.
280. While I was in Ranaghat Thomson Saheb sent news to me that according to
the written opinion of Commissioner Robins the Governor would send me to Puri
again. I immediately informed Healy Saheb. He was very concerned so he
requested Robins Saheb to give me leave [from Puri]. Ah! the kindness of that
gracious Healy Saheb. Receiving that letter, Robins Saheb gave me release from
Orissa with much grief and he wrote, saying, "The residents of Orissa like
Kedar Babu, whose returning to Orissa was worth praying for, but due to the
request of Healy and the present [need for the] marriage of his daughter he
does not have to return to Orissa."
281. At that time Thomson Saheb gave the Ararisa Sub division to me. The first
time I went there I took my family. That place was excellent. Campbell Saheb
was the magistrate for a few months. In the month of Agrahayan I sent my
family home. Srimati Saudamini married Sriman Charuchandra Majumdar in Nihati.
After taking an 8 day vacation during the month of Agrahayan at the time of
the marriage I returned to the house. Mahendra Mama made all of the
arrangements. Returning to Ararisa I came down with a urinary disease. Doctor
Pickali Saheb said that it was diabetes.
282. With the help of the local [doctor] who had a machine, I discovered that
the ailment was [due to] phosphatic urine. Though I drunk the juice of the
Somanath and the Vasanta Kusumaka, I did not get any relief. Barada Prasada
was born on the 15th of Asat 1283 Saka in Ranaghat. In the month of March 1878
Biraja [a girl] also took birth in Ranaghat. My illness was giving me trouble
so on the 16th of July 1877, according to the order of the government, I
received permission to take two months sick leave. My wife was with me. Mother
and Annada were at the rented house in Calcutta.
283. Annada was studying in Calcutta. I stayed in Ararisa for three years. I
made a beautiful garden there. Sir Richard Temple saw it and was delighted by
it. George Ward Saheb was shown the garden and was pleased too. I would go to
Calcutta and stay with Annada at Sundipara. Doctor Coates Saheb examined my
urine and prescribed [a medicine consisting of] one drop of liquor of
strychnine, one drop of nitric acid, goksuradi [?] and ghee [because
previously taking this had helped] and gradually my health began to improve.
Arrangements were made for Annada's marriage. I took a few days vacation and
went to Ranaghat for the wedding. On the 27th November 1877 according to
orders I transferred to Mahibarekha. There was a lot of work in Mahibarekha.
The misbehaviour of the police was excessive. Because I was near Calcutta I
wanted to stay there.
284. Umaprasad Ghosh made much effort for the marriage of Annada. At the time
I stayed in Mahibarekha I visited places like Amta, Khanakul, Syampur, etc. I
was delighted to see the Shiva Deity of Madan Babu at the Devi Temple in Amta.
My place [?] is Gada Bhavanipur which was near Chitrasenpur.
285. That very place was the Bhursut Pargana dwelling of Bharatchandra Raya.
After two months, in the month of February, I went to Bhadrak. Leaving
Calcutta by the boat, Sargent Lawrence, I went to Chandravali and thence to
Bhadrak. Chandravali is in the vicinity of Bhadrak. I liked old Bhadrak.
Previously, when I was a teacher in Bhadrak, Diyar Saheb was a Deputy
[Magistrate]. He and his wife had a lot of respect for me and they brought me
to the Sub Divisional Residence. While I was staying at that house I had
written a small English book named "Maths of Orissa". Doctor Hunter Saheb
refers to my book in his "History of Orissa".
286. Becoming Deputy Magistrate myself I became the resident of that very
house. I was very happy to see the hedges and trees in the garden. Robins
Saheb wrote a very affectionate letter to me requesting me to return to
Orissa. I stayed alone there for a month and I was not happy, so I brought my
whole family. At this time Bholanath Babu had the post of [?] in the Midnapur
gaol.
287. He helped my family on the way to Bhadrak. In Bhadrak the people who I
had previously known were few. Balaram Basu, the son of Radhamohan Babu, would
generally stay in my house. Sometimes Nimai Babu would come. There was not
very much work for me so whatever I did I did with great attention. On the
11th July 1878 the government gave me Summary Power. At that time Norman Saheb
was the Magistrate. On the 14th of August 1878 the government transferred me
from Bhadrak to Narail.
288. I arrived with my family in Midnapur on the footpath by means of a
palanquin placed on top of a wagon. I stayed in Yakpur for one or two days. At
the time I was married in Yakpur it was beautiful but it had [in time]
deteriorated. When I was in Midnapur I stayed for a day in the house of Doctor
Bhuvan Babu and then proceeded to Yakpur. From Yakpur I took a boat along the
canal and when I came to Ulaber I boarded a steamer. Thereafter I arrived in
Ranaghat.
289. From Ranaghat I went by horse carriage via Chakdar straight to Afra Ghat
and from there by boat to Narail. It was late at night [when we arrived]. I,
my son-in-law, Annada, Radhika and Kamal then walked some distance to the
house.
290. At the time Umacharan Ganguli Babu was the Deputy Magistrate. He gave
food to us with particular attention. The next day I learnt that Umacharan
Babu did not want to leave Narail. He tried to arrange [his staying there]
through Magistrate Page. I wrote a letter to Secretary Cockerel and he wrote
in reply that I should stay in Narail. Umacharan Babu then left.
291. There was a lot of work [to be done] in Narail. The Registrary Office was
at hand and there was some advantage in that. Atul Babu was the Munseph
[administrator of justice] there. It was good to tour about the countryside
while in Narail. One could travel all around by boat. I would go at times to
places like Laksmipasha, Kaliya etc. and hold court [there]. After five or six
months I brought my family to Narail. When I was in Narail I made acquaintance
with Brett Saheb, who came to Narail for the purpose of hunting. In Narail
there were many important people but Chandra Babu was the foremost. His
attention was focused on Hindu Dharma. I stayed in Narail for almost three
years. The local people liked me very much. As I proceeded from village to
village the local residents would serenade me with kirtan.
292. During the time I stayed in Narail I suffered serious fevers on two
occasions. On one occasion I became very weak because of the fever. Because of
my touring the Muphasel [?] had fallen behind schedule I traveled with my
wife. I took medicine from a Kaviraj but I performed my duties with
difficulty. Staying a few days in Naladi I went to Raigram. Doctor Sitanath
Babu carefully examined me and he gave me electrical treatment. One would find
very few as intelligent as he. We had great fun at the Raigram Fair.
The respectable gentlefolk of Narail made great efforts to entertain visiting
gentlefolk. The ladies would make a preparation of crushed coconut, and light
snacks, and bring them to our tents. The gentlefolk brought many common
household foods and it would have been very indiscreet not to accept them, so
I would take a little and give the rest to the others to eat. There were many
dishes [offered to us], such as condensed milk.
293. The green-coconut [dab] milk was very good in Narail. Samil, a servant
[of ours?], could purchase a very big coconut for one Paisa only. I did not
drink any water but drank only green-coconut milk. Because of this my body
became very healthy. Hrishi Babu and Baradadas Babu and others came to see me
all the time.
295. In 1286, while residing in Narail, I published Krishna Samhita. After
that, in 1287, I published the book Kalyana Kalpataru. Regarding the Krishna
Samhita a European scholar, R. Rest Saheb, wrote [as follows]:
296.
India Office
London S.W.
16th April 1880
My dear Sir,
A long and painful illness has prevented me from thanking you earlier for the
kind present of your Sree Krishna Samhita. By representing Krishna's character
and his worship in a more sublime and transcendent light than has hither to
been the custom to regard him in, you have rendered an essential service to
your co-religionists, and no one would have taken more delight in your work
than my departed friend Goldstucker, the sincerest and most zealous advocate
the Hindoos ever had in Europe. I am sending you a number of the Atheneum
containing a notice of his Literary Remains, published last year, as the work
may be welcome to many of his old friends in India. I trust you will pardon me
for having ventured to draw your attention to it. It would be a good thing, if
his views, literary and political were better known and more appreciated in
India. I trust you will let me know if I can be of any service to you.
Believe me to remain yours very truly,
Reinhold Rest
To Babu Kedar nath Dutt Dy. Magistrate
297. Waldo Emerson Saheb could not read Bengali, but he wrote this letter:
10th May 1886
Concord
Massachusetts
Dear Sir,
I have received with pleasure the book you so kindly sent me. I am sorry that
I do not know the language and cannot read it and can only send my thanks.
Emerson.
298. When I published Krishna Samhita the people of this country had many
opinions [about it]. Some said that this book was a new point of view. Others
said it was good. The younger, educated people said the book was good. But no
one could understand the essence of the book. The purpose of this book was to
show that Krishna-tattva was transcendental. Some people thought that the
entire matter [of the book] was psychological, but they were altogether wrong.
There is a subtle difference between aprakrita [transcendental] and adhyatmika
[psychological] which generally no one can grasp. Aprakrita has as its basis
the absence of speculative knowledge. Kalyana Kalpataru was mostly received
with affection and its many verses were sung.
299. While I was living in Narail I took diksha along with my wife. I had been
searching for a suitable guru for a long time but I did not find one. I was
very unhappy [on that account]. I had done much anxious thinking, and in a
dream Prabhu diminished my unhappiness.
300. In the dream I got a hint. That day I became happy. One or two days later
Gurudeva wrote to me saying, "I will come quickly and give you diksha."
Gurudeva came and diksha was given. My mind was satisfied. From that very day
the sinful reaction from meat-eating went from my heart and mercy arose [in
me] towards the jivas.
-
181 Manikatal Street
Bhakti Bhavan
1. You have asked me for the details of my life. Whatever I am able to
remember I have written down on paper for you. Please see that you do not
misuse this story.
2. I was born in Sakabda 1760 on the 18th day in the month of Bhadra in my
maternal grandfather's home situated in the village of Ula [or Ulagram] also
known as Birnagar.
3. [Horoscope was originally appended.]
4. My birth corresponds to the following: Sakabda 1760; Sri Gaurabda 352;
Christian Era, 2nd September 1838; Bangabda 1245.
5. As Birnagar was famous within the Bengal region as a wealthy village so was
my maternal grandfather, Sri Isvara Chandra Mushtophi also famous as a
prosperous landowner. His extraordinary liberality was known in many parts of
the region. People used to come from all over the countryside to see his
famous palace. In the district of Nadia the village of Birnagar [ula] was
known to be especially wealthy and happy.
6. I was born a descendant of Purushottama Datta, a Kanyakubja Kayastha. Among
the five Kayasthas who came to the Gauda region at the invitation of King
Adisura, namely, Makaranda Ghosh, Dasaratha Vasu, Kalidas Mitra, Dasaratha
Guha and Purushottama Datta, Sri Purushottama Datta was the foremost. His
community was settled at Baligram. Later on some individual in his lineage
settled in Andulagram and became known as the chief of all the Kayastha
community.
7. Sri Govinda Saran Datta was the 17th descendant from Purushottama Datta.
Govinda Saran, giving over to his brother Hari Saran all the property of
Andulagram, and having established a village called Govindapur on one bank of
the Ganges through the generosity of the sultan of Delhi, made his residence
there. In time Govindapur fell into the hands of the British and was converted
into a fort [Fort William]. Thereafter, in exchange, the Datta family was
given land at Hatakhola where they built a new settlement. From that time on
the Datta family became known as the Hatakhola Dattas.
8. The 21st descendant from Purushottama Datta was the greatly famous
Madanmohan Datta. He was foremost among the Hatakhola Dattas and known as a
very religious man. All the residents of Bengal were aware of his famous works
at Pretasila Hill in Gaya and at other places. My paternal grandfather,
Rajavallabha Datta, was the grandson of Madanmohan Datta. Somehow or other
Rajavallabha lost all of his wealth. Because of this my father, Anandachandra
Datta, gave up his residence in Calcutta and made his residence in my
grandfather's village, which is situated in Orissa. Therefore he was not
present for my birth in the village of Birnagar. My father Anandachandra Datta
Mahasaya was very religious, straightforward, and detached from sensual
things. Regarding his beauty, many people used to say that in Calcutta there
was no one at that time who was as handsome.
8b. My mother was [called] Srimati Jaganmohini. She was possessed of
intellect, straightforwardness, and devotion to my father; it can be said that
there was no one like her. My grandfather was robbed of all his belongings, so
my father expressed a desire to go to Orissa. My grandfather said to him, "You
come and see first, then after some time you can come to Orissa with your
family."
8c. The village known as Choti Govindapur was situated on the bank of the
river Virupa within the district of Cuttack in the state of Orissa. In that
village my father and grandfather had their residence. His wealth was that
village and other villages close by. When Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh
Mahasaya died there was no heir except for my father. Therefore, all of the
property left by [Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh] became the wealth of my
father. While the vast wealth of my grandfather was undisturbed there was no
desire on the part of my father and grandfather to secure it. Thus, after the
demise of Rai Jagannatha all of the property remained in the hands of his
Khanajat servants, of whom Ramahari Dasa was the chief. That servant took
possession of everything.
8d. At the time my grandfather and grandmother, who were destitute in
Calcutta, went to Chotimangalpur, but Ramahari Dasa, being disobedient, did
not give up control of the property. On account of that, my father had to go
there for almost three years until the end of the lawsuit. When my grandfather
and grandmother moved from Calcutta to Orissa my father and mother moved to
Ulagram taking Abhayakali, their first born, [with them]. During the time of
their residence in Ulagram my elder brother Kaliprasanna was born. After
remaining in Birnagar a few days my father went to Orissa and the request of
my grandfather. The servant Ramahari Dasa would not give up the property
unless my father was present.
9. Speaking [as above mentioned], my grandfather Rajavallabha requested my
father to leave Ulagrama and come to Orissa for some time. I was only a few
months in the womb when my father set out for Orissa. During the time he was
staying in Orissa, my father received news of my birth. After the litigation
was over we took possession of the property, therefore my father was delayed a
long time from returning from Orissa.
10. My mother said that after my birth, she suffered labour pains for two or
three days. When I was [being] born an astrologer sat marking the time with an
hourglass. Also an English account of the time was kept.
My maternal grandfather had incomparable wealth and a grand estate. There were
hundreds of male and female servants.
When I was born I was a good weight. I had an older brother named Abhayakali,
who had previously died. A second brother, Kaliprasanna, was still living. I
was my father's third son. It was said that of all my brothers I was a little
ugly. But my mother said, "Very well, let this boy be the servant of the rest,
just let him live a long time."
11. My mother said that when I was eight months old I got a boil on my thigh
and as a result I became weak and emaciated. I also heard that while I was
being carried in the arms of my nurse, Shibu, down a flight of stairs, I cut
my tongue on my teeth. To this day I have a scar [on my tongue]. This happened
around the time my teeth were coming in.
12. When I was almost two years old my father returned to Orissa. My nurse
said that a few days before my father returned I saw a crow flying [to a
perch] and sang a rhyme:
kak, kal kal, jhingera phool/ baba aseta, nade baso
[O crow, Kal Kal, flower of the Jhinga squash, father comes, sit aside.]
13. As I spoke the crow changed position. Some people nearby saw this and
said, "Oh, your father must certainly be coming soon." It so happened that in
a few days my father arrived at our home in Ula.
14. I cannot remember very much up to three or four years of age, so whatever
I write has been told to me. I have some recollection of going to a school run
by Karttika Sarkara when I was three years old. Even now it comes to mind,
that cane he used to show. The school was situated on a long veranda of my
maternal grandfather's pooja building. Many of the village boys used to attend
the school. Maheshbabu, my maternal cousin, Kailasa Datta the son in law of my
grandfather, Mahendra Vasu, Syamalal Mitra, etc. also used to attend. Karttika
Sarkara had a very forbidding nature and we were all very afraid of him. In
those days my mother's brother Girisha Babu died.
15. When I was growing up I was full with curiosity and tried to see
everything. In my grandfather's house all kinds of festive occasions were
celebrated. Jagaddhatri pooja was celebrated with much pomp. I can well
remember Jagaddhatri pooja being celebrated, during the night especially.
Hundreds of chandeliers would hang on the pooja house. Bachara would be
[observed?] outside the pooja house. There, lanterns would be wrapped around
all the pillars and columns. All the guards at the doors would be dressed in
sepoy uniforms. Numerous stout men dressed in golden embroidered clothes would
come from Ranaghat and Santipura. Many bodyguards and soldiers used to
accompany all these men. In terms of people [the scene] was like a forest of
people and in terms of lights it was like the battle of Kurukshetra. The scene
was filled with fireworks and rowdy pomp. On the first night there was kshemat
and bainat dancing. At that time people would be so overwhelmed with pleasure
they would lose all sight of the religious occasion. Late at night there would
be kabi gana [singing contests]. At dawn I used to listen, but the kavi wallas
used to scream so loudly that it would hurt my ears. The deity would be
dressed in the best outfits. The eating arrangements created the greatest
pleasure.
16. The Durga seva used to be very nice. Everyday in the temple the goddess
Jagattarini, who was very big and made of eight metals, was worshiped. At the
time of Durga pooja the goddess was brought into the pooja house. I can
remember that we used to have 25 or 30 brahmanas from west [bengal] come and
carry the goddess to the place of worship and perform the pooja. For three
days the pooja was celebrated with very great pomp. On the sixth day two types
of drums [tak and tol] would be beaten and the sound would shake the whole
pooja house. On the ninth day many goats and buffalo would be sacrificially
killed. On that very day the ladies of the house would worship the goddess
Durga by carrying incense on their heads in some manner. During the Kali pooja
we young boys would get together and go to the temple. The stone deity known
as Dindayamayi Kali was always present in the temple named Navachooda. On the
actual night of Kali pooja there would always be great fanfare. Everybody used
to enjoy this occasion, except the goats and buffalo. Most of the Brahmanas
and pandits used to come solely for the taste of mutton.
17. During the Dola Yatra festival there used to be singing and various kinds
of sport. So much red dye was thrown about that everything appeared to be red
or blood coloured. At this time even the guards took part in the festival.
They would enter the temple courtyard singing and throwing dye. Because of all
their commotion I would stay a little distance away from them. During the Dola
yatra I used to enjoy watching the festival bonfire known as Merapora.
18. My mother's brother Girisa Babu passed away and immediately after this
many inauspicious things happened to my maternal grandfather. Because of
excessive expenses mounting up and swindlers who came, my grandfather fell
into much debt. Gradually his land was lost and his mind became exceedingly
disturbed. Seeing that all his sons had died, in the hope of having a son
again, he married several times on the advice of some wicked persons. At that
age marriage is fruitless, but he could not appreciate such wisdom due to the
influence of the wicked persons. Because of this and the loss of his wealth he
soon experienced much difficulty.
19. When I was five years old, according to the rule, I was sent to school. By
then my former teacher, Karttika Sarkar, was no longer in charge. Yadu Sakara
and others had successively taken charge of the school. After some days my
younger brother Haridasa was also enrolled at school. We used to attend school
in the mornings and in the late afternoons. The teacher would come very early
every day. Many children used to read and write there along with us.
20. Amongst this group, those who were a little older used to act as agents of
the teacher and would harass the younger of us. If we came late to school
these older boys would apprehend us. The rule in that school was: whoever came
to school first got hit with the stick once, whoever came second got hit
twice, and whoever was third got hit three times and the number kept
increasing in this way.
21. There was one older boy who the teacher used to beat and in return he
would beat the rest of us. If for any reason you were absent from school you
would face a great scolding [be spat upon?] on your return. The routine was of
this sort: The youngest students used to write their ka kha ga's... [abc's] on
talpata with black coal. After a year they would write their numbers on banana
leaves and after that they made a copy on paper. All the older boys were
taught accounting, which was the work of the office of the Zamindar. From time
to time under the scrutiny of the teacher we would learn the deliberation of a
court. The youngest boys would lodge a complaint and their witnesses and
evidence would be deliberated [as] in a court.
22. In the end there would be the determination of punishment. All decisions
of the court had to have the permission of the teacher. There were different
kinds of punishment: twisting of ears, slapping, caning, naru gopala and
paying a fine; these methods were employed by our teacher. We saw our teacher
as the personification of Yama, and the older students used to act on behalf
of the teacher as if agents of Yama. Sometimes these older students would act
on their own and sometimes they would arrange a court on behalf of the
teacher. Some boys used to make false complaints and bring false witnesses to
court and other boys would administer punishment.
23. Therefore, as we could see no means to avoid the situation, we made an
effort to keep these older boys pacified. During a school holiday the older
boys once spoke to me, saying, "O Kedara, our teacher will have no food
tomorrow morning, so bring whatever nice food you can from your house." Thus,
the next day, from within our house I stole a little echonra [a ripened jack
fruit] by hiding it under my school books, and these older boys gave it to our
teacher. My teacher [was very pleased] and said, "This little boy will get
knowledge!" The jackfruit was grown at home, and [when] my nurse [found out
about the theft] she came and scolded [me?] and took the jackfruit back from
the house of our teacher. My mother was extremely angry, and when my teacher
heard about this he became frightened. He spoke to us and said that I should
only take things that would not be noticed. "Don't bring big things!" The
neighbours' children used to steal tobacco and give it to him, but in my
father's parlour the servants kept his tobacco under lock and key. I used to
steal soaked chickpeas and give them to my teacher [instead].
24. My brother Haridasa was very angry with this teacher. He could not
tolerate the boldness of the older boys, so one day he took a machete and
entered our teacher's house after he had eaten and lain down to sleep. At that
time I just happened to be present, so I threw the machete away and Haridasa
fled. Hearing all the talk our teacher woke up, handed in his resignation and
left home that very day. For that reason, after he left another person became
the teacher. In this fashion I studied under two or three teachers and
eventually began writing on paper.
25. Our method of study was as follows: we would begin in the morning by
standing and loudly reciting the multiplication tables, addition tables,
'ganda' tables, cowrie tables and sonakas. The older students would recite in
a loud chorus. First the older students would together say, "Four cowries make
one ganda." Then we in the younger students' group would immediately repeat
after them, "Four cowries make one ganda." The recitation would proceed in
this manner. When it was finished we would sit down and write it all out.
During writing time our teacher would often declare, "Say it, say it, then
write it." We would repeat a word in a loud voice and then write it. In the
[resulting] tumult no one could understand the voice of anyone else. After one
prahar [3 hours] there would be a rice eating break. We would enter [our home]
with rapid steps and have por bhat [a particular type of boiled rice] and then
return to the school within half an hour and again begin reading and writing.
At the end of the second prahar [at noon] the school would close. We would
return to school after half a prahar [1 1/2 hours]. By the time of evening
sandhya we would again recite the tables then the school would close for the
day.
26. Up to the end of my sixth year, whatever instruction I received was in
that school, and all that learning was in Bengali. I used to learn book
keeping. I would write out Sevak Sripath, but my handwriting was poor.
27. At that time an English school opened in my maternal grandfather's home. A
Frenchman named Dijor Baret from Chandananagar [also known as Pharsa Danga,
French Town] became the teacher there. My mother's brother's son, Mahesa Babu,
Kailasa Datta, Mahendra Babu, Rajakumara Ganguli and others used to study
there. At the end of the second prahar when my school was closed I would go to
that English school and study the English alphabet.
28. M. Dijor Baret talked to my father and suggested that I and my elder
brother Kaliprasanna be admitted to the English school. Seeing my slight
attempt to study English he became very fond of me. Even though this teacher
was a Frenchman he liked Bengali habits and would wear a dhoti and enjoy
eating khichari and other such dishes. Sometimes I used to stay with him. My
brothers would be very restless and simply go away. Sometimes I used to go
with my brothers but mostly I used to like to sit with that English teacher.
On the days when our teacher went to Pharsa Danga [his home] I would go with
my brothers after the time of the second prahar [afternoon] and play in the
gardens and at the Khiraki Pushkarani. Entering the water, we would net
Khalisa fish in a cloth. Wandering in the gardens, we would pick ripe mangoes
and eat them. Not far from the mango trees my grandfather had a circular
building.
29. We all would play under that building . My father used to keep a
collection of different kinds of caterpillars. He kept the Korabi, the Akanda,
the Kal Kasanda and many other kinds of caterpillars in a box. He raised them
by feeding them the respective types of leaves. Best of all was the
caterpillar which lived on the leaves of the Ishu Mul tree. When the
caterpillars had grown and become butterflies he would let them go. Sometimes,
in the afternoon, if I saw any of the different types of caterpillars I would
save them and give them to my father.
30. At that time there were many beehives in the garden. We used to break the
hives and eat the honey. Eating so much honey would make our bodies hot and my
mother would be able to understand [what we had done] and would punish us. I
was a little restrained, but my brothers would show no restraint whatsoever.
One day the honey bees stung us. My older brother Kaliprasanna was an innocent
fellow, but the bees stung him so much that he had a fever for several days.
31. Playing in the gardens, the ponds and the grain shed was not enough [for
my brothers, who were inclined to get into trouble]. Seeing this, I left their
association, and at midday I would sit close by the outer gatekeepers.
The gatekeepers were western soldiers. They would all eat rotis made from a
whole measure of atar wheat and a whole bati of urad dahl, after which they
would sit down and eat on cots on the ground by the front gate. Thereafter,
some of them would recite Tulsidas's Ramayana. Although the language was
unfamiliar [to me] it sounded very sweet. One day, being charmed by the
reading of one soldier named Srital Teoyari, I asked him to make the meaning
of what he was reading clear. He told the story of the cheating crow
[bhushanti Kaka]. That story seemed very sweet to me. In the evening I retold
this story to my mother and maidservant. [My mother was very pleased] and
showed her appreciation to Teoyari by giving me chewing tobacco to bring to
him. Out of affection for me, Teoyari would give me merotis, dahl and
khichari. I would eat them and become very happy.
32. From the first day [of my attendance at the English school] I would study
English with the teacher [in the morning] and in the afternoon I would again
stay near him. As evening arrived we would enter the bedrooms. There, Mr.
Ghosh's maid, my maid, who was named Shibu, and other 'wise' ladies would come
together and tell many kinds of stories. While taking rest I would listen, and
over and over again I would hear them relate stories of highway robbery,
romance, tigers etc.
33. Sometimes I used to wake up late at night and sit by the window. At the
fourth watch [3 A.M.] Officer Naph and Officer Sannasi would be carrying
lanterns in the courtyard and pathways around the estate and would shout out
the watch calls. Sometimes I used to call Officer Naph over [to the window]
and would question him about many things. Naph was very old but still used to
carry his lantern, stick, club and sword. Previously he was a prominent
dacoit. His residence was at my maternal grandfather's estate in the district
of Murshidabad. Fearing an attack at some time by dacoits my grandfather kept
many Dvarabans from the west, stick guards, Muslim guards, and sepoys. Even
though [he had all of these guards] my grandfather gave Officer Naph and two
of three other guards the task of protecting the inner grounds. Once, when
Naph was a dacoit, during a raid, he [accidentally] cut off the head of his
own guru, and since that time the sound of 'Haribol' always issued from his
lips. I used to call him over to my upper story window and ask him to tell me
stories from his childhood and youth. I was only 6 or 7 years old and could
not understand half of what he told me, but I used to like to hear these
tales.
34. My mother was the daughter of a very wealthy man and was not able to
tolerate much labour. The burden of our physical care was thus entrusted to
our maidservant, named Shibu, who looked after us as if we were her own
children. In the morning time she used to serve us a light breakfast and then
take us to school. [Later in the day] she would bring us rice to eat. At noon
she would find us wherever we were and supervise us while we took milk. In the
evening she would take us home and put us to rest and lay down herself with
us. She would give up her own happiness for our happiness. Even if her own
daughter wanted to take her home, she would be reluctant to leave us.
35. I used to like to watch the doctors make different medicines. In the outer
area [nat mandir] of the temple of the goddess Dindayamayi the doctors made
various kinds of oil based preparations known as chandana, gurachya,
mahavishnu etc. There were two doctors named Isvara and Umacharan from the
village of Raghunathapur who were paid by my grandfather [to make medicines
and care for our family]. They performed the difficult task of burning gold
and oxidising iron and other metals [to make medicines]. I used to watch them
make preparations out of rabbit oil and 'sivaghrita' [a kind of ghee] etc.
They made loha jvar by breaking precious stones and mixing them with iron.
Their students would also make different kinds of medicines and study many
books as well.
In the hallways of the temple of Dinadaya Mayi there dwelt [a person] named
Vidya Vachaspati who ran a school there. He would recite many different hymns.
He would cook rice and a preparation of chickpeas, offer it to Kali and then
eat it. Vachaspati Mahasaya had many students. They would study grammar,
vocabulary, and Bhatti [bhartrihari?]. I used to hear their discussions on
verses like "raveh kaveh kim" etc. Occasionally in the afternoons I would go
to this temple and observe all these things.
36. During the afternoon we would go about playing in different ways within
and around the house. Before I was born my older maternal uncle Karttichandra
Mushtophi had died. He had had two wives. One was known as Ranga Mami and the
other as Bari Mami. Ranga Mami was crazy. Bari Mami used to like me very much.
When I went to her room she would give me nice things to eat and tell me many
stories. Throughout my childhood I had a lot of [dental] cavities. Sometimes I
used to cry all day on that account. Bari Mami used to tell me that common
people thought cavities were caused by insects, but there was no such thing as
insects in one's teeth. Cavities were the result of a disease within the teeth
caused by eating sweet and sour things. It was untrue that 'vedinar' gypsy
women could drive out these insects.
Occasionally in the late afternoon I would sit in my father's parlour and I
would tell stories with him. At sandhya prayer time it was snack time and he
would give me a piece of sandesa to eat. Most of the time I would stay with my
older brother Kali. My younger brother was known to be naughty and I would
stay away from him. [My younger brother] Gauridas was a very beautiful boy,
but because he was so small he could not stay with us.
37. At the time of the birth festival of the goddess Ulachandi all [the
people] of Ula would enjoy themselves. There were many banyan trees [in Ula].
There was a particular stone covered with red powder and raised up on an
elevated altar that was known as 'Ulachandi' [the 'Doorga of Ula']. On the
full moon night of the month of Vaisakha Ulachandi pooja was celebrated with
great fanfare. On that occasion two public poojas were celebrated in two
neighbourhoods. One pooja was called Mahishamaddina pooja and the other in the
southern neighbourhood was known as Brihat Durga pooja. During the Ulachandi
worship people used to come to Ula from near and far and stay with their
relatives for three days. The roads were filled with moving crowds. In each
neighbourhood two bazars were set up and various entertainments would take
place.
The buffalo-elephant fights were the most entertaining. Numerous elephants
were brought there from many places. The Mukhopadhyayas had a particularly
huge buffalo and the horns of this buffalo would be covered in iron. One
immense elephant would also have his tusks covered with iron. First there
would be an announcement that the buffalo and the elephant would be set free
in the middle of the town. Sometimes this buffalo, being very strong, would
wound the elephants. Sometimes the elephants used to overcome the buffalo. We
would be on the second floor roofs to watch it all. On certain days we would
ride atop our elephant named Shibchandra, who would carry us to various places
for entertainment [during the festivities].
38. In those days there was no suffering at all in Ula. There were fourteen
hundred good brahmana families, and there were many Kayastha and Vaidya
families too. The Mushtophi Mahasaya family was the most wealthy. No one in
that village went without food. One could get on with very little in those
days. Everybody was very happy, people used to sing, make music, and tell nice
stories. You could not count how many jolly [fat] bellied brahmanas there
were. Almost everybody had a good wit, could speak sweetly and was skilled in
making judgements. Everyone was skilled in the fine arts, song and music.
Groups of people could be heard all the time making music and singing, playing
dice and chess. That village was a very happy place. If anybody was in need
they could go to the home of Mushtophi Mahasaya and get whatever they required
without any difficulty. Medicine oil and ghee were aplenty. The village was so
large that at that time it took fifty six men to maintain it. The good people
in Ulagram did not know the need of finding work in order to eat. What a happy
time it was!
39. At that time I never saw any of the villages [beyond Ula.] It is not
possible to compare the excellence of Ula. Not a single day went by without
some festival being observed.
40. I lived in this way until I was about seven years of age. My older brother
Kaliprasanna was nines years of age. My brother Hari was four years old.
Around this time a college opened in Krishnanagar. The king of Krishnanagar,
Srish Chandra, wrote a letter to my grandfather requesting that he send the
children to the college. Whatever deliberations occurred I did not know, but
we heard that my maternal cousin Mahesa Babu, my older brother Kali, myself,
along with Kailas Datta, Mahendra Vasu and Yadunath Chandra, would all go to
that college. From my point of view I felt extreme anxiety, and I was unable
to exist at night without my nursemaid. My mother made the decision that our
nursemaid would also accompany us to Krishnanagar.
41. We lived in a two story house in the midst of the bazar in Krishnanagar.
Our sleeping quarters were upstairs and we cooked on the lower floor. The
bazar and the street were at the front [of the house]. Above the stairs was a
statue of Ganesha. There was a storage room for cooking oil downstairs, more
specifically, to the side of the kitchen rooms. The door was kept closed, but
seeds used to fall through the cracks in the door and we would fry them and
eat them. [Our main diet would be] rice and dahl. The cooking was done by a
brahmana, but his cooking was not good. From time to time our nursemaid would
bring us a light lunch which we would eat. Sitting on the stairs, we could see
into the room of the oilpress man. He was very old and would sit on a low
seat. Because he was going to die soon he would have the Mahabharata read. A
seat was arranged for the reader in his courtyard by means of an auspicious
tent [a canopy]. From his raised platform a speaker would read the Bharata. A
garland would be placed over the head of the speaker, who would from time to
time make his recitation and sing a particular song. I very much liked to hear
the Mahabharata and the stories about Bheema would especially attract my mind.
42. On certain days the speaker would get a lot of things to eat, and on those
days he would be most eloquent. On those days when he received nothing his
heart would be very depressed.
Every Saturday we would return to our house in Ula. Hired bearers would carry
us on a palanquin with great haste. We would be very happy on that day. Mahesa
Babu, Kali Dada, and myself would go together on one palanquin. Soon we would
reach our home and after seeing the feet of my mother we would feel great joy.
On Sundays there would be no end to the stories [we heard]. Very early on
Monday we would go to the residence of Goyara and after eating we would return
to the college.
43. [in Krishnanagar] the college was held in the official residence of the
local magistrate. The college had a playing field and many trees and shrubs,
though these days the place has become something of a jungle. In front of the
college was the main road. Across the road was the local police station and
the heavenly residence of a barrister, the honourable Manmohan Ghosh. At the
present time the chief post office is situated on a portion of that land.
In that residence [where we went to college] we studied [at first] while
sitting on mats. After some time chairs, tables and benches arrived. An
Englishman, Captain Richardson, was the college principal, and Ramatanu Lahiri
was the main native [bengali] teacher. Mahesa Dada and Kailash Babu studied in
the second year class, while Kali Dada and I studied together in a lower
class. The king's son, Bahadur Satish Chandra, studied along with us. A few
days [after our arrival] the son of the king of Kuch Behar arrived. Gadadhara,
Dina Dayal, and others used to teach us. Master Gadadhara had a swollen neck
and a cruel nature. He used to hit us with a broken piece of slate board.
44. Everyone said that I liked to study English. With some effort and practice
I gained prestige in [my] class, and thus my teachers were kind to me. That
year I passed an examination and got a class promotion and an award. Neither
Mahesa Dada, Kali Dada or any other of our group received any award or
promotion. In Ula an announcement was made that I was the best of the boys. By
[the next] Sunday, at our home in Ula, my fame was broadcast all over. My
[maternal] grandfather showed me a lot of affection and made me sit near him
and take prasada. My father also showed me special affection.
45. My mother, Bari Mami, and others discussed the news about me everywhere.
At this time my [former] teacher, Dijor Baret, came [to visit]. He praised me
a good deal, but my father stopped him from praising me in my presence.
Hearing all this praise my pride became much inflated. In my mind [the
importance of] my reading and writing very soon amounted to nothing.
46. [As a consequence] I was no longer good in class. Again the teachers gave
me trouble. Using this as an excuse, Mahesa Dada and others who had been
envious of me gave me a very hard time. When I had been proficient in class
everyone became very envious of me, but now their anger came out into the
open. I could no longer memorize my lessons, and torment came from all sides.
47. I would start out to school on the palanquin but would not go to class.
Instead I would stay in the woods until after school, then return home on the
palanquin. Some days, on the pretext of being ill, I would stay at home. One
[of our] servants, [called] Keshi, could understand my suffering and would
take my side. At that time our nanny was no longer in Krishnanagar, for as
soon as it was seen that we were able to live nicely in Krishnanagar she was
kept back in Ula.
48. One day Deoyan Govinda Adach came to our house and cooked mutton. Late
that night, after eating the mutton, my brother Kali Dada became ill with
cholera. A doctor, Kali Lahiri, said that his affliction was very serious. We
all decided that Kali and I should leave at dawn and return to Ula, so we two
brothers set out on a palanquin. Kali Dada was sinking gradually into the
illness.
49. While crossing the river Anjana I made a lot of effort to pacify his mind.
By eight o'clock in the next morning the palanquin arrived at Ula. An hour
later Kali Dada gave up his life. The women in the house gave up a cry and I
knew that a disaster had occurred. On that day my uncle had arranged to feed
brahmanas at the house. The feast was being hosted by the Kayastha community,
but now the whole affair had to be called off.
50. After two or three days I learned that I would not be returning to
Krishnanagar. My laxity in attending school was pleasant news from my parents'
point of view, so I gave up reading and writing and stayed in Ula. At that
time there was no longer a school in my grandfather's house.
51. At the time I was eight years of age, and this condition [of no schooling]
lasted for about three or four months. During this time I forgot all the
English [i had learnt]. Soon, however, a few respected gentlemen had a meeting
and established an English school in Ula. There was a small parlour room known
as a 'tutabari' which adjoined my uncle's old house, and this is where the
English school was [established]. Babu Hemachandra Bandyopadhyaya, who was a
resident of Halisahar, came and acted as headmaster, and Raghava Bhattacharya,
who was a resident of Ula, was a pandit [there]. I was [duly] admitted to the
school. Bhagavan Vasu was the school's secretary. It was his idea that in the
winter school should begin very early at dawn and that at other times of the
year it could begin later in the day.
52. I made some effort and again began learning my A,B,Cs, and my previous
learning quickly returned. On account of this, everyone considered me a good
boy. I thus gained a good reputation and my honourable teacher showed me a
great deal of affection. The scented tuber rose used to bloom at this
'parlour' school, and I liked its fragrance [very much]. Cricket was often
played at the school. One day the bat struck me on the brow, causing blood to
flow, and since that occurrence I stopped playing cricket. I had many friends
at that school. I excelled in reading and reciting up to the third level.
53. At this time I learned maths and Bengali in the school at the old house.
That old house was under joint authority and the honourable Mushtophi [my
grandfather] had about 20 or 22 living apartments there. Just inside the
[main] door way was a drum room. At the front was the 'bodhana tala' and the
'dola mandap' and a storage room. Entering the front door, just to one's left
was the pooja room. The thatched room for the worship of the goddess Chandi
was very beautiful. In front of that was a courtyard and to the side was a
homa area. Facing the front and left of the Chandi Mandap were twin gabled
bungalows.
54. Within the Deity, Krishna Chandra Raya, was gracefully present. The inner
section of the house comprised a four sided courtyard, [surrounding which]
there were many 'antar batis' [purdah areas]. The outer portion of that
[quadrangle] was a drawing room for the grihapati [the master of the house].
My maternal grandfather's father had his residence in that house. Giving up
the old house he moved into a new dwelling. Even so, my uncles had equal
ownership of the common parts of the house. The teacher used to teach in the
corridor area near the Deity, Krishna Chandra Raya, and I studied mathematics
and other subjects there for a short time.
55. Within a short time the honourable Shyamlal Pran Mushtophi established a
school there. Syamlal Pran Mushtophi lived in the southern part of my
grandfather's house. My grandfather owned one quarter of that house. Therefore
I studied with my teacher in the house of my own maternal uncle. Even though
portions of the house were owned separately by different relatives one might
say that the house was under one ownership. That dwelling was divided into
four shares. My grandfather owned one share. Syamlal Pran had one share.
Harisha Babu had one share. And Mej Thakurani [my second aunt] had one share.
56. At that time, Syamlal Pran was a civil court officer [a 'munaseph'] for
Hatbar. Later on he became a magistrate [amin] at Krishnanagar. Harish Babu
[who had a share of the old house] had no children. [He had?] two nephews,
[called] Dashu Mama and Satakari Mama. They were Rudras from Vamsabad. Their
mother was Gangamani Didi, who was known to be very fond of joking. She would
also check your pulse and prescribe medicine in that way. Syamlal Babu had two
sons, Sayaram Mama and Devendra Mama. Kailas Datta was their private tutor.
57. The teacher at the school of Syamlal Babu was expert at playing chess.
That teacher, [who came] from Burdwan, was very strict about one's doing
better. He was very expert in the mathematics of Subhankari, and he put a lot
of effort into me and gave us [much] instruction.
58. At this age I was very independent, and I used to go everywhere with
friends my own age. Mahesh Dada went to Calcutta to the house of his maternal
uncle [Kasi Prasada?].
In the house in Ula there was gradually less activity, for my grandfather was
becoming encumbered with debt. Somehow he maintained his status despite [his
debts]. But our elephant Sibchandra died, the horse went, the horse carriage
went, and nothing remained but the goat cart.
59. Now the Jagaddhatri pooja and and Durga festival were celebrated by taking
out loans. Even so, 30 to 35 western guards were employed, and many
respectable gentlemen would come and sit in my father's parlour. Girish
Mukhopadhyaya, Ramesh Raya, Nabin Bhaduri and other good friends would come
and sit. They would sing different songs. Mohan Datta, who was a drunkard,
would come during the day and begin to sing a lot. When there was recitation
of the Mahabharata, Ramayana etc. at the old house I would go to hear. I used
to like to hear about Hanuman crossing the ocean to Lanka and about the
demoness Simhika. The honourable reader would speak along with the specific
gestures and in my mind a great love would arise. I would make a regular habit
of going to hear the reading after school. By hearing over and over again the
reading of stories from the scriptures, we learned many things. At this time
my younger brothers Haridas and Gauridas successively died. There was much
grief in the mind of my mother, and my father fell into deep suffering.
61. Thereafter, there was only my sister, Hemlata, and myself. Our nanny would
go around holding Hemlata on her hip and me by the hand. Because of [the death
of my brothers] my mother was afraid none of her children would survive. [in
order to protect us] she put many talismans about our necks.
I would travel about the neighbourhood with my nanny, and going to school at
the old house would see chess and cards being played in the courtyard's alley
crossing. When one went from our house to the old house the Mitras' house was
on the left.
62. There lived our Choti Didi [youngest aunt] and I would frequently go
there. We had amusing talks outside that house. Parasuram Mama and others
would play there and I would observe their play while going to school. [At
school] under the direction of my teacher, I would read and write.
63. In whichever house a festival was being held I would go there and watch.
Many poojas were performed in the house of a certain brahmachari [who resided
in Ula]. There was a nice mandir outside his house and inside there was a
garden and homa area. The worship of the brahmachari was performed according
to the doctrine of tantra. Cups made from skulls were kept hidden away in a
small room [in his house]. Some people said that if you gave Ganges water and
milk to a skull it would smile. I tried to see this by giving water and milk
to a skull but saw nothing. In that same place was the home of a learned man
and I would go there to hear songs.
64. During the Durga festival there would be much eating and celebration at
the homes of brahmanas. Sometimes, in the hope of getting some nice prasada, I
would accept an invitation to eat. In some homes I would get good dahl along
with vegetable curry and rice. In other homes I would get khichari and dahl
cooked with jackfruit and other things. One could get the best curry at the
house of Visvanatha Mukhopadhyaya. At every house you could get goat curry.
All of the non brahmana residents of Ula would go to the homes of the
brahmanas for three days and get prasadam. No one would eat at his own house.
During the Durga festival giving food and eating were the highlight and not so
much music and song. In other festivals specific arrangements for song and
music were observed.
65. To the extent the Mushtophi family declined to that extent the families of
Ramanadas Babu and Sambhanath Mukhopadhyaya increased in prestige. In their
homes, during the Jagaddhatri pooja, [their] affluence was exhibited with
dance and song. They had horses and elephants, and at their gates they kept
increasing numbers of western guards. As a man increases his material
possessions he shows off his increase. At night we would go to their houses to
hear the loud celebration of song. In the houses of Deoyan Mukhopadhyaya and
Krishna Mukhopadhyaya Babu I saw that there was very little fanfare.
66. In that village joy was full and thus everyone had a happy face and was
free of worry. Everyone was expert at buffoonery, therefore many people got a
name for being crazy. Many respectable people were known by names such as Ishe
Pagal [ishe 'Madman'], Ganga Pagal, Pesha Pagal, Sambha Pagal and so on. They
would go around [both] local and distant places and collect money by tricky
means for the public poojas.
67. At nine year of age I went to Jagat Bhattacarya in order to study
astrology. Kailash Datta also was making an effort to practise this art. I
kept notes. Whatever Bhattacarya taught us we wrote down and memorised and
tried to understand.
68. The condition of my grandfather gradually declined. My father reflected
over and over again that his paternal inheritance was lost and that his
inheritance from my maternal grandfather was insignificant. [He thought,]
"What will become of my child?" The [financial] situation of my father in
law's household was also miserable. Therefore, he thought, "I should setup my
own house in some other place." Thinking in this way, he would from time to
time travel to Calcutta.
69. Thereafter, my paternal grandfather's residence was mortgaged. Chatu Babu
from Simla respected my paternal grandfather and considered him an older
brother, thus, after he had made many arrangements my grandfather received
some property from him. Chatu Babu had the task of bringing him [my paternal
grandfather] to Calcutta, so he personally went to see him at Mangalpur, which
is on the road to Purushottama [Puri]. My paternal grandfather, Rajaballabha
Datta, had a very firm resolve. He was not willing to come to Calcutta nor
move any of his possessions to Calcutta. Consequently, not being able to do
anything about it, Chatu Babu returned to Calcutta, sending the news to my
father at our home.
My father then decided not to accept the property [from Chatu Babu] without
the permission of my grandfather [his father]. To build a good house in
Calcutta or to buy one was very costly, therefore, considering that it would
be very difficult to maintain their previous prestige with little money, my
father went in a boat with Dijor Baret [the teacher] to Pharasadanga to see a
house, and then he returned. While returning my father met David Farland, a
Satvadhikari [deputy financial officer?], who was dependent on my maternal
grandfather, at Mollahati Kuti. Farland Saheb agreed to let my father have
managerial responsibility of some property. My father thought that he would
return to my mother in Ula and then acquire some money and buy a house in
Pharsadanga and work with Farland Saheb. But a man's thoughts alone produce no
result, only what God desires can endure.
71. While this was transpiring, my father's grandfather's property, which was
named Ramaparain and was in the district of Murashidabad, had not had its
taxes paid and thus came up for sale. Hearing of this, my father sent
Umacharan Vishvas there [to settle the matter] with 1500 Rupees obtained from
my mother. The man arrived there just as the sale was going on. The money was
therefore not used in that connection. On the death of my father's step
mother, Rani Radharani, my father gained control of six rent free villages.
Umacharan Vishvas learned of this, but while he was returning to Ula my father
died.
72. Two of three days after returning from Mollahati Kuti to Ula my father
came down with a fever. By that time my grandfather's family had broken up and
my father was the only [surviving] son. Umacharan Kaviraj made medicine [for
my father]. My grandfather [also] gave him medicine made of eighteen
ingredients, but gradually the disease worsened. After eight days there was a
change for the worse. Many people came to see [him]. Many kinds of medicines
were administered.
73. Nothing worked. Finally my father was brought from the inner bedroom and
sat on a chair in the Simri room [room with stairs?] of the Pooja Bati. Haru
Mama, Parasuram Mama, Mahendra Mama and many others began to arrive. At that
time it was four dandas. At dusk, at the time of [his] coming downstairs, my
father's mother was brought from the rented house of Girish Mitra. She was
crying and crying and falling down saying, "Where will Babu go?" The entire
house was filled with crying. My father stayed in the outer building. I stayed
with my father all the time. Late at night I fell asleep. My father was
brought to the bank of the Ganges at Santipur [while I slept].
74. I forgot to relate one matter. A year and a half before this event my
father's mother came from Orissa and lived at my uncles' house in Sreepur.
From there she [went to] stay at the house of Nabal for a few months.
Thereafter, she stayed in Ula at a house that Girish Mitra rented [for her]. I
used to go with my mother and see her at Nabal's in Sreepur. When she was with
Girish Mitra I would go and see her daily. Not wanting to be very far from my
father she came from Orissa, where my paternal grandfather lived, and stayed
in her native Bengal. Yoga Pisi [my aunt] came and stayed with her when she
lived in Ula at Girish Mitra's house.
75. When I rose at dawn I could not see father. There was no one around. At
that time Lalu Chakravarti and Paramesvara Mahanti had come from Orissa, and
they had carried my father to the bank of the Ganges. Seeing everybody crying,
I also began to cry. My honourable mother, being in anxiety, was crying, and
many people were trying to console her. By the second prahara everybody
returned. Loud sounds of crying filled the house. My honorable grandfather
closed the door.
76. Even while father was living I began to become a little thoughtful. "What
is this world? Who are we?" These two questions were in my mind when I was ten
years old. On some days I thought I had the answers, on other days I had none.
One day, in the evening, as the moon was rising, while I was wandering about
on the roof of my father's parlour, I noticed that the moon was moving with
me. I thought this must be the same moon that we saw in Krishnanagar, and that
this small circular thing exists everywhere in the same fashion. I previously
thought that in different places there was a different moon. But now, seeing
the moon move, I concluded that it was the same moon everywhere. Some of the
women used to say that the moon and the sun gods were two brothers, and would
accept invitations to dinner. Their mother would say, "Bring some excellent
food." The moon brought sandesa on the tip of his finger, but the sun brought
nothing at all. Therefore, their mother gave an immortal benediction to the
moon and she pronounced the curse on the sun, saying, "You will dry up the
urine and stool of the world."
77. After a short time I came to know that these stories of the women were
complete nonsense. I would read the Ramayana, Mahabharata, Kali Purana, Annada
Mangala etc. from Bengali manuscripts and learned much lore in this way. I
would discuss these edifying subjects with whomever I met who was a little
learned. Haladhara Misra would worship Durga, Kali and Siva etc. I thought
that Haladhara spoke to the gods. One day I asked him about this matter and he
said that sometimes he did talk to them. I believed him and enquired of him,
saying, "Very well, Mr. Misra; Vachaspati Mahasaya stays day and night in the
deity house. Is there talk between him and the Deity?" He said, "There is." I
asked Vachaspati Misra about this conversation. He said that Haladhara Misra
was lying, and that there is no talk between man and the gods in Kali yuga.
78. Vachaspati Mahasaya was fat and learned and I had no faith in Haladhara
Misra. Some days at noon during the second prahara, when no one was around, I
would talk to the moortis at different Siva temples that were open. There
would be an echo only. I thought that perhaps Siva was teasing me. I would
touch Him and then run away. I reasoned that if Siva was real then he would
catch hold of me, give me some pain or harass me [in some way]. Siva did
nothing and I understood that [the moorti of] Siva had no substance within.
79. One day I went to eat gamarul fruit in the garden near my grandfather's
parlour. I heard that a ghost lived in the fruit tree and on that day I ran
away in fear of the ghost. Another day I thought that if some remedy could be
effected then I could go and eat the fruit without fear of the ghost. In the
hot weather the gamarul fruit is very tasty. I made inquiries of many people
about how to deal with ghosts, and no one said there was no such thing as
ghosts. Being very disturbed, I asked Vachaspati Mahasaya, who said that
ghosts were a particular form of living being. Their form is of the wind and
their eyes are like the Kuncha fruit [very small and red]. Hearing the words
of Vachaspati Mahasaya I became even more afraid of ghosts. But where there is
no gamarul, there is no eating. The mother of Chiba was very expert in the
occult. She was an exorcist for some people and she oversaw the storage room
of my grandfather.
80. Upon questioning her she informed me that there is no fear of ghosts while
one chants the name of Rama. She called for Jayakali, and a servant appeared
who said the same thing. By way of experiment I went to the site of the
Gamarul tree calling the name of Rama over and over again, and I saw no
evidence of a ghost in any fashion. Knocking down some fruit, I ate two
quarters. I understood that the name of Rama was protection against the ghost.
At dusk I would always utter Rama Nama. When walking about in the streets and
alleys I always chanted Rama Nama. I obtained great satisfaction in my mind
and for many days after I took this medicine against the ghost. I heard that a
ghost lived in the homa building. Uttering the name of Rama I chased the ghost
away from the pooja building. Now I would [not be afraid] to go outside at
dusk.
81. There was an old carpenter who made backdrops for the goddess Jagaddhatri.
I would go to him and ask him about many things. He would give answers to all
my questions. One time I asked him, "When does the goddess enter the statue?"
He said that on the day when the eyes are made the goddess resides in the
statue. So on that day I eagerly went to see the goddess come but I did not
see her take up residence in the statue. I said [to the carpenter] that Goloka
Pal made the statue first with straw then with clay. Thereafter one uses chalk
and dye. At no time did the goddess actually come. Then the old carpenter said
that the goddess appears in the statue when the brahmanas chant the mantras. I
tried to see [her come] at this time but saw nothing. Returning to the house
of the old wise carpenter I asked him about all this. He said, "I have no
faith in the worship of statues. I think that these brahmanas are cheating.
They are acquiring money by means of social custom."
82. I had special regard for the words of this old sculptor. I asked him to
tell me about Paramesvara and he said, "Let anyone say whatever [he may], I
have confidence in no one but Paramesvara. The gods and goddesses are
imaginary. Everyday I worship the Paramesvara." I had faith in the words of
this old man.
83. I became even more inquisitive. There was a guard, Golama Khan, who would
watch the door of the Koshadhan [the room where the valuables are kept]. I
inquired of him and he said that God's name was Khoda. He was One and there
was none other. Khoda took some stool [mala] from his own body and shaped it
into a 'ruti' and tossed it into the water of the seas. The upper portion [of
that ruti] became the sky, the lower portion became the earth. In this form
the world was created and in the creation of Adam and Eve man was created. We
are all the descendants of Adam. Hearing all these stories, I asked, "Please
tell who Rama was." He said that Rama and Rahim were one, and He is Khoda. I
then received confirmation on the mantra for [repelling] ghosts. Golam Khan
spoke about ghosts and said that all ghosts were sons of Satan. They fear the
name of Rahim. My thoughts on the truth [of the matter of the Holy Name of
Rama] were satisfied.
84. I was meditating a good deal [on the cause of the world etc.]. At one time
I thought that this world was false and that Isvara alone was real. And I
appeared to be Isvara. Like a man dreaming in his sleep I [only] imagined that
I was suffering. When the sleep broke I laughed at this understanding of
Isvara. Then I thought that I alone was the creator. I would frequently forget
my position and then would fall into this suffering condition. Then I thought
that I was Isvara and this was my leela. By the force of this leela all
mistakes and forgetfulness would take form.
85. At the old house lived the father of uncle Parasurama, Akhil Mushtophi. In
the morning he would arise come and take a seat and read Vedanta. Thereafter,
unfastening his kacha [the back part of the dhoti] he would recite the Kalma
[a Muslim prayer]. After that he would kneel down and worship Isvara [as a
Christian]. He did not believe in the clay gods at all. Many people would say
that he was very wise and others would say that he was less than a Christian.
Once I went to him and asked him questions. He said the Isvara alone was
Purusha. The Vedas know him as Brahman, in the Koran he is Allah and in the
Bible he is God. I believed him. He warned me not to go to Parasurama, who was
an atheist.
86. His son, Parasurama Mushtophi, studied law. In the beginning he had a
little faith in Isvara. Later on he refuted the idea of Isvara. While he
believed in Isvara he had two disciples, Raghu Mama and Nasu Mama. After he
gave up his faith in Isvara, Raghu Mama and Nasu Mama accepted Ramamohan Raya
as guru. I was greatly confused. I was innocent and had many questions. Seeing
all this difference of opinion my mind was not happy. Parasurama Mama said to
me, "O baba, everything comes from Nature. And that is Isvara. There is
nothing separate from Nature." Hearing all this talk I went to the schools of
the Bhattacharyas to ask them but what they said just confused me even more.
Because all the conclusions were uncertain, I never gave up the name of Rama
which warded off the fear of ghosts.
87. I was eleven years old when my father passed away. I was independent then.
But what would become of me? I was struck by this thought. I could see [only]
darkness in all directions. I had no blood relations who would look after my
welfare. At school I merely studied whatever [they instructed me]. You
[Lalita] know what the limits of reading and writing are in a village school.
At this time Master Hemacandra Bandyopadhyaya left Ula and Ramachandra Dasa,
the pride of the Kaivartta caste, became the headmaster of the school. I
studied with care, but there was no one to help me study so my learning
progressed very little. Somehow I did reasonably well in literature. I studied
the fifth reader, grammar and geography.
88. Only in maths did I do exceedingly poorly. Kanti Bhattacharya and Lal
Gopal Ghosh were good students compared to me. Even so the teacher showed a
lot of affection to me. But I was helpless and gradually I was sinking lower.
I was not able to say why, but I was becoming very listless and from then on
was not able to go here or there [as I had previously done]. In fear of going
to school, I would secretly take caster oil in order to make my stomach upset.
Again and again my old fever would come back. In brief the only [good] thing I
can say about this time was that I did not fall into any bad association. I
thought about many things and tried to put my thoughts into poetry. At this
time I wrote the Ulachandi Mahatmya. That book can not be found now.
89. After the death of my father, my grandfather, being very aggrieved in
mind, went and lived in Bhavanipur. Having closed and bolted the door to the
outer pooja building he opened a passageway for going between the outer
building and the former building. I stayed in the parlour of Dasu Mama, and my
grandfather cleaned out the chamber [mahalati] room of the family deities.
Hanuman Sinha, Baladeb Sinha, Suba Sinha and Sital Teoyari Daraoyan stayed
there.
90. Mother thought that my further advancement would be difficult. She felt
that her husband and all her sons had gone. No property [wealth] had been
acquired from the home of [her?] father-in-law. Grandfather gave her the house
at Nabala and gave in writing a share on income from Dihi Dukhada that was
lost by the trickery of scheming persons. Except for some property at
Chotimangalpur she had no wealth. The two gentlemen, Yaduchandra and Umacharan
Visvas, made some effort to assist in the matter, but in the end they were not
able to help.
91. Then I was the only son and Hemalata, a seven year old girl, was the only
daughter. My nursemaid was thinking many things but was not able to ascertain
any solution [to our plight]. Everyone in the house [i.e. the servants] was
considering whether this boy [me] would live. They said to her, "One after
another so many of the other children who were like Karttika [strong and
handsome] have died, so what hope can there be for this ugly boy [me] to
continue to live? Therefore, if you say that your wealth is in this boy you
will not survive." Hearing these talks, my mother sold me for 9 cowrie and my
sister Hemalata for 5 cowrie to Dhatri Mata. After a few months my mother
heard that my aunt Mej undertook a marriage for my cousin Mahesh Dada.
92. Then she thought, "A marriage for my son will bring a better future."
Having said this, marriage negotiations began. Some negotiations were
[already?] underway. [Mahesh] Dada spoke to my grandfather [along with?]
Krishnamati, the brahmani daughter of Krishna Mukhopadhyaya who always came to
our house. At this time Jagat Bhattacharya Mahasaya would assist our family in
many ways. He shopped for us. On Ekadasi days the brahmana would prepare a
special vegetarian meal for us.
93. Mother sent Krishnamati to Ranaghat to see the girl [in question]. The
girl's name was Sayamani and she was the five year old daughter of the first
wife of Sriyukta Madhusudana Mitra. She was the granddaughter of Simhadiga of
Khismar. Mitra Mahasaya was very capable. He was the financial officer of the
Palacothur family and he came to see me riding on a elephant and then left.
After seeing the girl, Krishnamati came and spoke to mother saying, "Oh, your
future daughter-in-law is so beautiful. Even though she is a little dark in
colour I do not see a better beauty." It was the opinion of Krishnamati that
there was nothing in this girl that a man would find objectionable. Having
expressed this opinion to mother she would not consider any other girls. Lala
Gopal said that the colour of this girl was [dark] like a hookah. Mother said,
"Her forehead is auspicious, that is her beauty, what does [a dark] colour
matter?"
The marriage was decided. Dasu Mama acted as the head of the family. Nanda
Kumar began to make the jewelry. Stealing a large amount of gold from mother,
he made different kinds of ornaments [for the girl] enough to cover her entire
body. Dasu Mama gave the approval for everything. The expense was great.
94. There was a pleasure boat, a wedding palanquin, decorations, lights,
English music etc. The marriage was between a twelve year old boy and a five
year old girl and was exactly like a child's doll marriage. Drinking Ganges
water and milk I arrived at the house of my father-in-law with a great,
pompous crowd. The reception was very big. Many gentlemen of the Teli [oil]
caste dressed in bright and varied clothes and wearing jari outfits came to
the reception. Even though I was of such a tender age, I was ab
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Svalikhita Jivani [Autobiography]
of Srila Saccidananda Bhaktivinoda Thakura
Note to first Bengali edition by Sriman Lalita Prasad Thakur
I have published this volume of Svalikhita Jivani, which was written by my
father, for the sake of those who are favourable and who are very close to
him. My honourable father ordered me not to misuse whatever was written to me
by him. Such was his instruction to me. That is the reason that I cannot give
this book to ordinary persons. Only one who has complete love and faith in my
father can read this work. If anyone reads this volume and makes his own
commentary that is against my father then he alone is responsible, not I.
181 Manikatal Street
Bhakti Bhavan
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I'll post it here.
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-11-2002).]
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Ram: If you see my previous post - the three questions - it becomes obvious.
I'll go over the three questions in brief to bring a focus on the topic at hand.
1. What is the proof that the Vedas are lost?
Quoting from http://www.gosai.com/dvaita/madhvacarya/srimad-bhagavatam.html :<blockquote><hr>Kurma Purana (52.19-20):
eka-vimsati-bhedena rg-vedam krtavan pura
sakhanam satenaiva yajur-vedam athakarot
sama-vedam sahasrena sakhanam prabibheda sah
atharvanam atho vedam bibedha navakena tu
"Previously the Rg Veda was divided into 21 sections, the Yajur Veda into 100 sections, the Sama Veda into 1,000 sections and the Atharva Veda into 9 divisions."
Each division has 4 minor divisions, namely the Samhitas, Brahmanas, Aranyakas and Upanisads. Thus altogether the 4 Vedas contain 1,130 Samhitas, 1,130 Brahmanas, 1,130 Aranyakas, and 1,130 Upanisads. This makes a total of 4,520 divisions.
At present, most of these texts have disappeared due to the influence of time. We can only find 11 Samhitas, 18 Brahmanas, 7 Aranyakas and 220 Upanisads which constitutes a mere 6% of the entire Vedic canon!<hr></blockquote>
If the Vedas are lost, then how do we make sense out of it as it is only half truth?
We turn to that which supplements the Vedas, and we turn to the one who understands the purpose of the Vedas. Gita 15.15, Sri Krishna: vedaiz ca sarvair aham eva vedyo vedAnta-kRd veda-vid eva cAham -- "Of all the Vedas, I am to be known. I am the compiler of Vedanta and the knower of Veda."
2. Why were the Vedas lost - the metaphysical purpose? Perhaps to allow Srimad Bhagavatham to take the central place - just speculating. But some one can give a more authoritative purpose.
In fact, not only the Vedas -- it is a common belief that a good portion of the Vedic literatures, including the Puranas, are interpolated to some extent.
Sri Caitanya declared the Bhagavata to be "purANam amalam", a spotless Purana, and recommended the study of the Bhagavata in understanding the meaning of the Vedas. The Vedic literature is to be studied under the guidance of a guru, according to his recommendation.
Sri Caitanya quoted from the Mahabharata, Vana-parva (313.117):<blockquote><center>tarko 'pratiSThaH zrutayo vibhinnA
nAsAv RSir yasya mataM na bhinnam
dharmasya tattvaM nihitaM guhAyAM
mahAjano yena gataH sa panthAH</center>
"Arguments are fluctuating, the srutis are separated,
He is not a sage who does not have a different conclusion,
The truth of dharma is hidden in the path which the mahajanas walk."</blockquote>
Thus it is understood that the sruti has various branches, which are not all to be adopted by everyone.
Each mahajana has advocated a certain path of dharma in accordance with the needs of the time, having emphasized a certain section of the Vedas. The approach of Sri Caitanya is befitting for picking the fruit of prema-dharma from the desire tree of Vedic literature.
3. If the Vedas are lost, then what is the scope for a realized soul to express his realization through the authority of the sruti? Especially those realizations which are perhaps in the lost part of the sruti. Example: rasa in devotional relationship with the Lord.
Taittiriya Upanisad 2.7.1: raso vai saH, rasaM hy evAyaM labdhvAnandI bhavati. And there are lots of more statements which can be interpreted as one desires. As it was stated, "tarko 'pratiSThaH". I will have my interpretation and arguments in support of it, and someone else will have his. Arguments and interpretations are endless.
Find a path of mahajanas -- find the one which appeals to you the most, and through which you feel you can best express your eternal dharma in relation with Bhagavan. This path is found through our sincere prayer. If you find it in a teacher of sruti, go for it, and if smrti is more helpful for you, go for it. They were all written for someone to follow, and you get the most out of them with a teacher.
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Some definitions to begin with:
Niyamas for the body and mind on the path of bhakti -- restraints, neglect of which will be harmful for the equilibrium of the body and the mind, thus causing hindrance on the path of sadhana;
Niyamas for the soul -- restraints, neglect of which will have a direct influence on the soul instead of effecting it through their influence on the body and the mind.
Having understood that in the case of an embodied soul, everything will influence body, mind and soul, we should understand the above definitions based on their main object of detrimental influence.
Examples of the latter with a short explanation:
1. Offending a Vaishnava
The primary destruction will be in the bhakti-bhava of the sadhaka, which is essentially a function of the soul; secondary results will naturally appear within the body and the mind.
2. Affectionately associating with materialists
The primary destruction will be in the desire of the sadhaka for serving Krishna, having been influenced by the desires of a mundane person. Desire is essentially a characteristic of the soul, though manifest through the mind in the conditioned state.
3. Adopting items of bhakti unfavorable for one's specific devotion
In the stages of bhakti where one's devotion is gradually directed towards the Lord in a particular form of His, embracing the bhakti-bhava manifest in His other pastimes is harmful for the growth of ekanta-bhakti. For instance, for a devotee aiming at Vraja-bhava, contemplation on the pastimes of Dvaraka and worshiping the queens of Dvaraka headed by Rukmini is harmful.
Having clarified the conceptions related with niyama in this regard, I believe the intention is clear without going to great lenghts in quoting verses which explain the active principles in the abovementioned three verses. Please let me know if you feel otherwise. I feel it was mainly the definitions I used (such as "niyama for the soul") which were not clear.
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My concluding words from the thread to which I linked you above:
"To conclude with, could we please try to keep the discussions focused on a certain topic, and not allow them to branch into a million directions at once? It will be very helpful if the discussion has a logical structure, with a fixed topic (see the top of the screen for the topic), and everyone contributes relevant points on the basis of the earlier texts in the thread. Thank you."
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Thanks but no thanks. As I said, I already discussed much of this at length with Shiva, and it appears we never got anywhere much beyond his insisting that his prosaic expression is the final word in transcendence.Originally posted by Rati:
I invite Raga and the others here to step in at this point to continue this conversation, as I have to leave these forums for a while.
I thought of contributing something from the Caitanya Caritamrta in regards to how the rupa (form) of Krishna appears as the diksa-guru and the svarupa (inner being) of Krishna appears as the siksa-guru, as well as on the interaction and nondifference between the two, but I think I will save it for later, since the thread is getting disfocused to a great extent. But it is a very interesting topic. "Form" and "Inner Being". Take one and reject the other, right? No.<font color=#cccccc size=3>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-10-2002).]
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Originally posted by Rati:
Aspiring for the highest level in our tradition means a goal of achieving kRSNa-prema, not some royal status or the level of an Indra ruling over heaven. So, there is really no blotch on one's character, such as pride (as you have suggested), by harboring such a desire. Yes, our understanding is that attainment of such a goal is an exalted state. It is also our understanding that one is trying to realize genuine humility at the same time. You seem to tend to get overly concerned with certain details, rather than absorbing the essence of the teachings and putting them into practical application. You would do well to take the advice that others here have so kindly offered to you: Finding authority in the recognized sources of sAdhu and zAstra.
I discussed this already at length with Shivaji @ Raganuga Discussions. Now we are chewing it again. You may want to have a look at the thread back there.
http://raganuga.com/cgi-bin/raga/ikonboard.cgi?act=ST&f=1&t=12
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Particularly verse 108. Here is the verse:Originally posted by theist:
I admit experiencing a bit of confusion over the use of the words mantra, initiation, diksa etc. while trying to follow this topic.
Does mantra diksa refer to gaytri/ brahmana initiation?
Is the Holy Name dependent on formal initiation?
Is gayatri initiation necessary for the development of full blown of love of Godhead or is the Name alone sufficent?
When reading the words of Sri Caitanya in Cc Madhya 15.107-111 it all seems so clear.But when reading the quotes from the gosvamis offered in the purports I seem to see contradictions to those very clear simple instructions of Mahaprabhu.
Please show me what I am missing here.
theist
dIkSA-purazcaryA-vidhi apekSA nA kare
jihvA-sparze A-caNDAla sabAre uddhAre
"Not depending on purificatory regulations preceding diksa, by touching the tongue, it [Holy Name] delivers everyone, even the lowest of men."
Indeed, it is related by Haridas Thakur in the Caitanya Caritamrta how even the reflection of the Holy Name (namAbhAsa) delivers a person. The difference between the chanting of namabhasa and suddha-nama is a feeling of special relationship, visesa sambandha, with Bhagavan.
This is where the relevance of receiving diksa and the diksa-mantras comes in. To eventually come to the platform of suddha-nama, the diksa-mantras are given to facilitate the development of a specific relationship with the mantra-devata.
The Holy Name does not depend on anything. Sometimes we do. Many items on the path of devotional service, such as receiving diksa, are very helpful for us, and it is a rare person who can do without diksa. I would not recommend taking a path different from that of the acaryas.
<font color=#CCCCCC>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-09-2002).]
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Originally posted by abhi_the_great:
Reminds me of an ad I saw:
----------------------------
Coca-Cola 4th floor
Pepsi Everywhere
--------------------------
raganuga go to this link or this link or that link
indiadivine right now right here!!
-----------------------------
Now -- just see, IndiaDivine only here, Raganuga all over the place!
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<font size=2 face="Verdana" color=red>Raganuga.org has moved over to a new host. Enough with this downtime and hassling. We have changed the host, and are currently hosted by CIHost.com, one among the top 10 reliable hosting companies in the world.
The new IP address for the site is the following: http://66.221.27.148 . Domain names http://raganuga.com and http://raganuga.org will be active within 24h from now, and we will be back to normal again. It is very likely that raganuga.com will be the address you should use for the days to follow, raganuga.org will follow as we configure everything together.
The board is located at http://66.221.27.148/discussions.
Thank you for your patience.
Special thanks and a big hug for JNdas for giving shelter to this homeless poor soul and allowing me to reside @ IndiaDivine forums while our site was down.
<font color=#fefefe>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-09-2002).]
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Originally posted by abhi_the_great:
Reminds me of an ad I saw:
Coca-Cola 4th floor
Pepsi Everywhere
--------------------------
raganuga go to this link or this link or that link
indiadivine right now right here!!
-----------------------------
<center>Reminds me of an old wisdom I read:</center>
<blockquote><center><font color=blue>kRSNa-bhakti-rasa-bhAvita-matiH kriyatAM yadi kuto'pi labhyate |
tatra laulyam api mUlyam ekalaM janma-koTi-sukRtair na labhyate ||
(PadyAvalI 14)
Oh friend, if you should find it anywhere:
that heart absorbed in Krishna rasa so rare
be quick to buy, how much the soul's in need!
In that bazaar is posted just one price;
millions of pious works will not suffice,
the only cost is paid in coins of greed.</center></blockquote></font><font size=1 color=#cccccc>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-09-2002).]
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I am right now on the phone making a contract with a new host. A brighter future ahead.
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Originally posted by Jagat:
What an astute reading of my post, Shivaji. Here is my latest instruction: "Don't go jumping off any cliffs, now."
See, Jagat is a genuine vartma-pradarsaka-guru. The guru who illuminates the path. "Don't go jumping off any cliffs, now." What an universal depth of instruction.
Shiva, even I am seeing the cosmic principle of guruness in Jagat although I am quite foolish and an outcaste even. I think you should also accept him in your heart as a bona fide comma-pradarsaka-guru.
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Originally posted by theist:
Yeah, those be the one's.
Sadachara? Pure regulative actions(duties)?
Needed.A comprehensive glossary of common sanskrit and Bengali terms as they are used in GV.In one book.I can guaruntee sales of at least one copy.
Sat Achara -- True Behavior.
Proper cleanliness. Proper behavior among different classes of Vaishnavas and people in general.
Understanding that which is to be offered (amaniya), that which is offered (prasadi), and that which is contaminated (cyuti). Relating with everything accordingly.
If you touch something with something that was offered (prasadi), you have to clean the other thing before it can touch anything to be offered to the Lord (amaniya).
A long story with all of its details which may seem overly ritualistic to someone. But that is the behavior of a brahmana. samo damah tapah saucam. In fact, it is meant for all Vaishnavas, whether brahmanas, in other varnas, or outcastes like myself.
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Originally posted by theist:
"..he installs the mantras.."
Thank you raga, that illustration really brought it home for me.
I seem to remember a letter were Srila A.C.Prabhupad was considering stopping giving that diksa mantra out, at least so profusly.I haven't read it recently so I may not have that correct.
Here you go:
<blockquote>"Initiation should be given as a future hope, but we should be careful about the second initiation. As recommended by the president or GBC they should only do so when they are quite confident of a man. Otherwise, he should not be recommended. If you follow this principle it will be successful. Every day I am getting request for second initiation, but I do not know. The responsibility goes to the presidents who pick them. Unless they are thoroughly convinced second initiation should not be given. In the beginning we may be a little lenient. But if someone falls down after being initiated he should not be credited with second initiation."
============ REF. Letter to: Rupanuga -- Tirupati 28 April, 1974
"You were present in Hawaii when I was there and was particularly stressing that the presidents must be very careful on recommending gayatri initiation. After all, we are criticizing false cast brahmanas, if we ourselves are bogus brahmanas then our position is very bad."
============ REF. Letter to: Sudama -- Rome 26 May, 1974</blockquote>
I found the second quote very much to the point from Swami Maharaja in regards to the brahmana issue. If a class of brahmanas is created from among those who are not born brahmanas, then they really have to be more than up to standard; otherwise, as he says, "If we ourselves are bogus brahmanas then our position is very bad." A provoker for all Western brahmanas out there -- be up to standard with sadachar. I know from my experience that there are many "brahmanas" who don't even know the meaning of the word "sadachara" what to say of observing proper rules of cleanliness etc.
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Originally posted by theist:
Is mantra-diksa to be prescribed for everyone, or should it be restricted to those who demonstrate the ability to maintain themselves solidly in the mode of goodness?
Whereas everyone can benefit from the Name no matter what level they start from,I'm not sure if the same can be true for mantra-diksa.Is their any detrimental effects that can come by irregular or improper practice of mantra diksa?Or by taking a vow and then stopping altogether?
It depends on your definition of being "solidly in the mode of goodness". If you mean an ability to meditate on the diksa-mantras on a regular, daily basis, then the answer is yes, it is meant for them, and not for those who do not take it seriously.
As far as the detrimental effects of neglecting the practice of once-given diksa-mantras, I think we can justly equate it with the neglect of worshiping an installed Arca Vigraha (Deity Form).
When the guru gives the initiate the diksa-mantras, he "installs" the mantras (you can't pick them up from books) and gives them for you as a means of worshiping the Mantra Devata (Deity of the Mantra), aiming at the darsana of the Mantra Devata's svarupa and the realization of our specific realization with Him & Her.
Harinama anyone may chant as he likes, but if the guru instructs us to chant a particular fixed daily quantity, it is also harmful to neglect this, since it constitutes the neglect of the guru's advice (guror avajna), which is one of the offences in worshiping the Holy Name.<font color=#fefefe>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-09-2002).]
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Jagat: You can find the Sanskrit text and references there. (I think.)
Not the full sanskrit.
Here are the references:
[For the first passage of Jiva: Bhakti Sandarbha, Anuccheda 284/1-2]
<blockquote>nanu bhagavan-nAmAtmakA eva mantrAH | tatra vizeSeNa namaH-zabdAdy-alaMkRtAH zrIbhagavatA zrImad-RSibhiz cAhita-zakti-vizeSAH zrIbhagavatA samam Atma-sambandha-vizeSa-pratipAdakAz ca | tatra kevalAni zrIbhagavan-nAmAny api nirapekSANy eva parama-puruSArtha-phala-paryanta-dAna-samarthAni | tato mantreSu nAmato 'py adhika-sAmarthye labdhe kathaM dIkSAdy-apekSA | ucyate | yadyapi svarUpato nAsti tathApi prAyaH svabhAvato dehAdi-sambandhena kadartha-zIlAnAM vikSipta-cittAnAM janAnAM tat-tat-saMkocIkaraNAya zrImad-RSi-prabhRtibhir atrArcana-mArge kvacit kvacit kAcit kAcin maryAdA sthApitAsti | tatas tad-ullaGghane zAstraM prAyazcittam udbhAvayati | </blockquote>
[For the second passage of Jiva: Bhakti Sandarbha, Anuccheda 283/17-20]
<blockquote>yadyapi zrI-bhAgavata-mate paJcarAtrAdivad arcana-mArgasyAvazyakatvaM nAsti tad vinApi zaraNApatty-AdInAm ekatareNApi puruSArtha-siddher abhihitatvAt, tathApi zrI-nAradAdi-vartmAnusaradbhiH zrI-bhagavatA saha sambandha-vizeSaM dIkSA-vidhAnena zrI-guru-caraNa-sampAditaM cikIrSadbhiH kRtAyAM dIkSAyAm arcanam avazyaM kriyetaiva |
divyaM jJAnaM yato dadyAt kuryAt pApasya saGkSayam |
tasmAd dIkSeti sA proktA dezikais tattva kovidaiH ||
ato guruM praNamyaivaM sarvasvaM vinivedya ca |
gRhNIyAd vaiSNavaM mantraM dIkSA pUrvaM vidhAnataH || [HBV 2.9-10] ity AgamAt |
divyaM jJAnaM hy atra zrImati mantre bhagavat-svarUpa-jJAnaM, tena bhagavatA sambandha-vizeSa-jJAnaM ca | </blockquote>
[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-09-2002).]
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Shiva: This is why neophytes are not advised to do this.
What if someone said to me "eating meat is a good thing", should I accept his word as Guru?
No,that is not what I would do.
Still the advice about commas was a good one worthy of being adopted. In all lineages.
Downtime for raganuga.org
in Spiritual Discussions
Posted · Report reply
Now what a curse. The website is visible for everyone else but me. My internet service provider has problems with US connections to mid-North America. But it is up for the rest of the world.
I'll probably stay around. Thanks.