"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."*


*George Bernard Shaw

hare krishna

It is true, no other joke makes people laugh so much as saying the truth.
What is a joke? a joke is poetry. What is poetry? Poetry is telling too big lies so as to reveal a hidden truth.

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."

That was said by world-renowned Irish author
George Bernard Shaw.

Yes, a few times I've wondered if a Gaudiya preacher could make it as a stand-up comedian.

"Take my wife, ...... please".

The Vedas say we live forever. Nobody told me that when I took my wedding vows. "Take my wife, ...... please".

If the soul is more powerful than the sun, then why don't I have a tan all year round?

Some holy dude said that if I sing this hymn I'll go to the Kingdom of God. So I asked, "You got MTV there"?

I studied God for thirty years at the ashram. He's more a mystery now than ever.

At the ashram we couldn't have sex or booze. So you can imagine how quickly the place would empty out on Friday nights.

or on the label of sleeping pills, "Caution, may cause drowsiness." Or infant cough syrup, "Do not drive or operate heavy equipment.", Make sure your five year old dont drive the forklift if hes sneezing.

"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life."
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"All great truths begin as blasphemies."
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"An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable."
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"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death."
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"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship."
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"Beauty is all very well at first sight, but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?"
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"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire."
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"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointent by the corrupt few."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Take time to laugh - it is the music of the soul.

-- From an old English prayer.

SIMILES AND METAPHORS

Similes

1. As bold as brass.

2. As hard as nails.

3. As bright as a button.

4. As daft as a brush.

5. As dry as a bone.

6. As proud as a peacock.

7. “The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews.” (W. H. Auden.)

8. “…as happy as the grass was green.” (Dylan Thomas, “Fernhill.”)

9. “…love is like a ghost.” (Coventry Patmore.)

10. “motherhood peels me bare
like a willow wand
some small child scrapes in the road
or throws in the pond.” (Glenda Beagan.)

Metaphors

1. “Property is theft.” (Proudhon.)

2. Computers are the vehicles of tomorrow.

3. “All the world’s a stage.” (Shakespeare.)

3. It’s a dog’s life.

4. “The parks are the lungs of London.” (William Pitt.)

5. “I’m deep in a goldfish bowl.” (Stereophnics, “goldfish bowl.”)

6. Life’s a bitch.

7. God is love.

8. “Man is Nature’s sole mistake.” (W. S. Gilbert.)

9. “Home is the girl’s prison and the woman’s workhouse.” (G. B. Shaw.)

10. “My heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill.” (Fiona McLeod.)

Quote:

Mahatma Gandhi visited London in 1932. He toured the city wearing traditional dhoti and khadi shawl. People who met him were shocked with his “barbaric” attire, and he was the subject of ridicule–notably by Churchill himself. On one occasion Gandhi accepted an invitation to tea from King George V, “Emperor of India.” When asked afterwards if he felt underdressed, Gandhi replied, “His Majesty had enough clothes on for both of us.”

Humour is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.

-- Romain Gary (1914-1980) French Writer

Until it offends any one, any joke is a good joke. It also depends upon the mindset of the listener.