Monty Python witches (Off Topic)

08-27-2000, 09:00 AM

On Sun, 27 Aug 2000 09:26:16 Mark W. Otter wrote:

>(My favorite Monty Python sketch is the witch trial in Monty Python and
>the Holy Grail. Have you seen it? "Throw her into the bog!")

Is that when they have a giant weight and try and weigh her to find out what is
heaviest, the witch or water, and the smart-a** knight comes to the assistance
of the peasants by advicing them what to do with the witch ?

>I do
>that to poor Mary whenever we are near water of any form (puddles,
>streams, rivers, Ocean, glasses of water...

LOL ! Poor witch, err I mean, girl !

>Yes I think you heard me right
>I am the Messiah
>I was gonna wait till next year
>Build up the suspense a little
>Make it a really big surprise
>But I could not resist
>It's like when you got a really big secret
>You're just bursting to tell someone
>It was kinda like that with this
>And now that I've told you
>I feel this great weight lifted
>Dr. Nusbaum was right
>He's my therapist
>He said get it out in the open

LOL !

I didn't know shamen, even newly come out of the closet ones, had such a zany
sense of humor.
How did the class go, btw ?

One of my favorite Monty Python sketches is of course the one with the dead
Norwegian Blue Parrot:
"This parrot is dead !" "No, it's not. It's just restin'." "Look, it's not
resting, it's deceased !"
"It's restin'! It's pinin' for the fjords."

Love,

Amanda. (Dead, resting, Norwegian and pining for the fjords.)

Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com

08-27-2000, 08:12 PM

Hi mumble cat,

This parrot is deceased, dead, no longer alive, passed on, bereft of
life. This parrot is no more. It should be pushing up the daisies..,
oh well, i hardly do it justice. Here it is in their own words:

Title: The Pet Shop
From: And Now For Something Completely Different
Transcribed By: Bret Shefter ( SHEBREB@... )
Edited By: Adam Fogg

A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I

purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with
it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's
wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking
at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the
Norwegian
Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the cage)
'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for
you if
you show...(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock
alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter.
Throws it up
in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues
stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf
an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it
bein'
tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why
did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird,
id'nit,
squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home,

and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its
perch in
the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird
down,
it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak,
and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million
volts
through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has
ceased
to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff!
Bereft
of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch
'e'd be
pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory!
'E's off
the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil,
run
down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're
right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug.

(pause)

C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to
be...
A LUMBERJACK!

No, I wanted to be a shaman. Dunno how it went. I am still trying to
integrate it. It was intense, and difficult. I'm glad I went though.
The main thing I learned was that I need to be HERE. (I have a long
standing desire to flee, but it's becoming clear that that ain't gonna
happen anytime soon.) I learned that there are 7 directions, not 6.
(the 7th is center, and that's where my work seems to be right now.)

LOve, Mark

mumble cat wrote:

>
> On Sun, 27 Aug 2000 09:26:16 Mark W. Otter wrote:
>
> >(My favorite Monty Python sketch is the witch trial in Monty Python
> and
> >the Holy Grail. Have you seen it? "Throw her into the bog!")
>
> Is that when they have a giant weight and try and weigh her to find
> out what is heaviest, the witch or water, and the smart-a** knight
> comes to the assistance of the peasants by advicing them what to do
> with the witch ?

>
> >I do
> >that to poor Mary whenever we are near water of any form (puddles,
> >streams, rivers, Ocean, glasses of water...
>
> LOL ! Poor witch, err I mean, girl !
>
> >Yes I think you heard me right
> >I am the Messiah
> >I was gonna wait till next year
> >Build up the suspense a little
> >Make it a really big surprise
> >But I could not resist
> >It's like when you got a really big secret
> >You're just bursting to tell someone
> >It was kinda like that with this
> >And now that I've told you
> >I feel this great weight lifted
> >Dr. Nusbaum was right
> >He's my therapist
> >He said get it out in the open
>
> LOL !
>
> I didn't know shamen, even newly come out of the closet ones, had such
> a zany sense of humor.
> How did the class go, btw ?
>
> One of my favorite Monty Python sketches is of course the one with the
> dead Norwegian Blue Parrot:
> "This parrot is dead !" "No, it's not. It's just restin'." "Look, it's
> not resting, it's deceased !"
> "It's restin'! It's pinin' for the fjords."

>
>
> Love,
>
> Amanda. (Dead, resting, Norwegian and pining for the fjords.)
>
>